So tell me again when this gets easier...

[wvasweetness]

This is week #4 of DH working out of town (Sunday - Friday), and I had thought (hoped) that it would be getting a little easier by now.

It *has* gotten a bit easier for me... for the first 2 weeks I was exhausted, but am feeling a little better now. And since Wes goes to sleep at 7:30 I still get some time to myself... although, those are the times I find myself missing DH the most.

BUT, Wes doesn't seem to be warming up to Daddy being gone so much. He does act out at certain times, but for the most part he seems to be mad at Daddy for being gone. He refuses to talk to him on the phone or on Skype, and will start to throw a fit if I talk about Daddy to him, like "tonight we will have to tell Daddy on the phone what a good boy you were today" or "why don't you tell Daddy about music class", etc.

I have found that if I don't mention Daddy much at all and don't suggest that he talks to him on the phone/computer, Wes does fine. I've also realized that being at home triggers more acting out then being away from the house - I guess b/c that's where Daddy usually is?

I did make a little chart for Wes (I called it the "Daddy Calendar") that has the days of the week (he's very into what day it is anyway) and we have a little magnet that we move to each day... that way he can visualize how many days are left before Daddy comes home. But he now refuses to look at it and crosses his arms and starts stomping if I suggest that we see what day it is on the Daddy Calendar.

Two nights ago when I tucked him in for bed, right as I was walking out of his room he said in a low voice "I want my Dad." I got so teary eyed and went over and hugged and hugged him in the dark and told him that I missed Daddy too and that he would be home very soon to have fun with us. He then said "Can I have his blankey to sleep with?" It was so sweet, but also broke my heart. So now Wes sleeps with a full size quilt in his bed.

I know that Wes has done really well for a 2.5 year old adjusting to a big change. It's just... hard. Any suggestions for things I should (and shouldn't) be saying/doing? For example, I thought that talking about Daddy a lot was a good idea, but it has turned out to be the opposite!

[lauren grier]

honestly........ i'd just go with the flow. every kid is going to act differently-- you seem to already see what's helping, not pounding it into his head etc .. letting him have the blankie. You're doing all the right things.. you just have to take it day by day :] I know that's easier said than done... lol believe you me.. but it will get better- he's young so it will just be a little slower :]

[Kat Stokes]

{{{HUGS DEANNA!!!}}} Time will make it easier. My DH works 48 hour shifts as a firefighter every week - plus usually an extra OT shift or two a week. My 2yo always asks for him when he's gone but when he's home he's all over me. I have learned to not push DS and you seem to be doing everything right.

[Milmomma]

I don't know that it does get easier. You just learn different coping mechniasisms. My kids don't see their father as often as I like. I don't make them talk to him if they don't want to.

[HeatherKS]

He will probably adjust better as he gets a little older. My dh travels a lot for work - some weeks only 2 nights away, but a lot of weeks it's 3-4 nights away. Our girls are used to it now and grasp the concept of time well enough to understand when I say daddy will be back in two more nights or whatever. Our 2.5 year old on the other hand, doesn't understand time yet so saying to him that he only has two more nights before daddy gets home is like greek to him. The first night is usually pretty rough because he wants daddy, nights 2 and 3 are pretty okay and the 4th night is usually rough too because he's really missing him. He is a good sleeper but I have noticed that he wakes more on the nights that daddy is gone, almost like he senses it and wakes.

On the weeks he's gone for more than a night or two, I try to do something special for the kids to break up our routine. Often it's taking them out to eat before church on Wednesday night or taking them to the park after school. Nothing big but enough to ease that mid-week strain on all of us.

Hang in there. It sounds like you're reading ds's cues and things will get a little easier as time goes on. *hugs*

[Balinda]

all the advice I was gonna give has already been given and it sounds like you are doing a great job already with him. More than anything he is probably confused about why Daddy is gone, eventhough I am sure you and ur hubby have probably tried to make this as easy and understandable as possible. Plus being 2 is a tough age for alot of toddlers.
Hang in there, I am sure it will get better as time goes on.

[heatherbird]

Oh my, the asking for the blanket just breaks my heart! I would have cried too, sweetie! I don't have any advice, but although my husband isn't technically 'out of town' for work, my kids only see him maybe 2-3 nights per week because of his schedule. A lot of days he has turnaround shifts and the kids don't get up until around 9, so they won't see him for a couple of days at a time. I guess maybe they're just used to it? I really should only be talking about my 2.5 year old, because obviously my 12 week old doesn't know a tictac from a bowling ball, but you know what I mean. My 2.5 year old used to ask for daddy all the time and it would just make me so sad, but now he's pretty much stopped asking. Maybe that's even more sad, I don't know. Anyway, just wanted to offer you some (((hugs!)))

[juliemarie]

I think it may take a few more weeks or months before he is more used to it. Even then there will still be times when he really misses daddy. One thing I've done is put several photos of daddy in my daughters room.

The phone thing - I don't understand it either, but that is they way mine is too. She is 4 and has zero interest in talking to daddy on the phone but follows him around the house every waking moment when he is here.

My DH also gives her things of his to take care of until he gets home. She really loves that and thinks she is doing something important for him.

Here its usually the first day/night that is the hardest, the longer he's gone its easier. The longer he's home the harder it is once he does leave again. If he's home for several days I try to plan an outing the day he leaves to distract her.

(((hugs)))

[kristine]

That sounds hard! I'm sorry he is having a hard time adjusting. It will probably be fine when he gets used to it, and when he realises daddy is going to come home every week. My SO has been working away from home mon-fri for about 1 1/2 years now, and I don't mind it at all anymore. He has always worked a lot, and even when he was working nearby he was rarely home until just before the kids bedtime anyway, so I guess the adjustment wasn't so big for them (or me - I did all the hard work anyway). They don't mind at all now, and they are happy when we go pick him up on fridays. Some weeks they want to talk to him a lot (skype/phone), and some weeks not at all. I just let them call him when they feel like it, and don't mention it if they don't.

As for you - try to embrace the time you have to yourself in the evenings. I know it's hard at first, kinda being tied to house because of the children, and not having anyone to talk to. I have learned to love the time to myself now though, I think it will be hard if he changes jobs and start being home all the time!

This is what I do after the kids are in bed:
- Scrapbook
- Have girlfriends around for a good gossip
- Long baths (well, I have long showers, not bathtub in our house)
- Watch "trashy tv" (things he doesn't like, like Desperate housewifes, Greys and reality shows) and girly movies that he doesn't want to watch.

Good luck - it will get better!

I try to make sure I get most of the housework done during the week, that way we have time to go do fun things together as a family at the weekends when SO is home. Sometimes he has a "daddy-day" with my oldest as well, they go out and do stuff just the two of them.

[jannylynn]

Well, it gets easier and then harder and then easier. Depends on the week.

My DH travels every week for at least 4 days. My kids have really adapted well but my youngest has the most difficulty with it. In the case that you said above when he said that he wanted his daddy, that would have been a time that I would have said, "Then let's call him because I bet he misses you too right now." (but I see that he won't talk with him on the phone ).

The biggest thing I noticed is that my kids pick up on my feelings about his travel. So I have to work hard to keep my heart in the right place about it. And it helps to stay busy and make the week fly by.

I wish I had more advice. Since my kids are older they seem to have their own ways of coping. For example, DH says the same goodnight prayer everynight on the phone with my DS4, he plays uno online with my DD10, and listens to DS7 read over the phone.

So, I know what you're feeling. There are nights that I miss DH so much!