Should I be forced...

[Traci Reed]

to walk at the commencement ceremony for my AA?

Back Story: I'm receiving 2 AAs next week from the local community college and they have a commencement ceremony where you can walk and receive your AA like a high school graduation.

My opinion? I think that for me, walking would be stupid since I don't feel like I'm done with school yet and haven't reached the magical "BA" status.

According to my mother, however, if I don't walk, it means I have no self worth and that the last 3 years I spent earning an AA means nothing to me. Which is ridiculous and couldn't be further from the truth, I just don't feel that walking across a stage in front of a bunch of strangers 9 months pregnant getting my AA at 26 years old is necessary.

But, then she pulls out the tears and now I feel guilty, like I should be doing it for her even though I would feel incredibly stupid.

WWYD? Isn't a commencement ceremony (whether or not I choose to do it) for me? Why is it about her? I'm not telling her we can't celebrate in some other way, just that I don't want to do that, am I wrong?

[Darcy Baldwin]

Did she pay for the education and needs to see some kind of 'goal met'? If not, nope. It's your graduation, do what you want.

I didn't attend mine, either. I didn't feel an AA was worth going through the hassle for and kept slogging on the next year for my BA goal. Do what you want, Traci, especially being that pregnant and uncomfortable sitting for a few hours for a boring commencemnt.

[Traci Reed]

No, she didn't pay for it.

[adrianka]

I suppose all of these things are for others. IMHO even the marriage ceremony is mostly for the parents (but maybe I'm the only one with this opinion)...

If it was just me, I would have preferred to get my Master diploma by mail and skip the stupid show. I did it for my family. But I wouldn't probably do it for an in-between thing. Let alone 9-month pregnant.

I think you're perfectly justified not to be emotionally blackmailed into doing something you don't want to do. Makes sense to me that you don't want to, as well.

[ColleenSwerb]

I agree with Darcy. If she didn't pay for it, then she doesn't get a say in it. It sounds like she's projecting something in herself onto you. Not walking most certainly does not mean that you have no self worth, that just seems like a crazy statement to make IMO.

[Traci Reed]

Oh she is completely projecting her own self worth issues on to me, I'm fully aware of that. Yet she can still make me cry. *sigh*

[CA Dreamer]

First off, Congratulations!

It is obviously important to her, but I think that being totally pregnant allows you to choose whatever you want to do or NOT do!

[Julie Billingsley]

when my husband was going for his degree and got his AA along the way, I really wanted him to go to his commencement. It was a really proud moment and I especially wanted my boys to see how hard work and determination can be recognized and celebrated. And a few years later he walked again for his BA in business admin. That one we invited friends and family to see. My husband was 47 when he got his degree. And when he gets his MBA or second BA I want him to walk again. I just think these personal victories are meant to be celebrated in a special ceremony.

But if you don't want to, especially given that you are pregnant and probably won't want to sit through a ceremony or pay for the cost of the cap/gown, then your mom will just have to deal with it. LOL

[crecia27]

While I do understand where your mother is coming from (my son didn't walk the stage for his HS diploma) she will get over it. You need to do what makes you feel right and you aren't hurting anyone by not walking. In the end what really matters is that you worked hard to earn it rather than how you receive the actual piece of paper.

[Kara]

I didn't walk for my MA. I got my degree at a pretty prestigious university, but I hated being away from home and staying for the ceremony would mean one more day away from my BF (now DH!) I have no regrets about it. I was much more invested in my college graduation ceremony, but didn't have as many connections for my grad degree. I say you do what YOU want!

[fruitysuet]

I can see why your Mom would like to see you at the ceremony (putting myself in her shoes if it was my child, even a grown up one) so I would normally say to go for it.

However, given how far you are in your pregancy I get that it would be a very uncomfortable situation for you to be in with all that sitting and waiting about (I can't remember being able to go for more than 20 minutes without needing the toilet for starters!). So I will give you a break on this one Just tell your Mom that you appreciate her feeling so proud of your achievement but that, given your pregnancy, you really wouldn't be comfortable going through all that on the day. Suggest a meal out or something with close family if she really wants to celebrate the moment with you.

[carriesmom]

There are so many reasons why people choose not to walk at commencement ceremonies. I think you have given two good ones: You will be extremely pregnant and uncomfortable and the AA is just a stepping stone to the BA (which sounds like your real goal). I agree with everyone else, your mom didn't pay, so she has no say and tell her she can see you walk at your BA ceremony.

[Sarah8914]

I walked with my BA in my hubby's department so we could walk together. He didn't walk for his Masters. In fact, we moved out of state 2 months before graduation and had no desire for him to even walk early or anything. For some reason, college commencement is not as big a deal to me. I mean, it's cool, and I'm glad I did, but you don't know anyone, so I don't know.

Now, considering yours is for your AA and you're very pregnant, I would have NO desire to walk at all.

[mom2boys]

Well, I say do what you feel is right.

I didn't walk the stage for my university graduation {didn't even go to the ceremony}. I was only about 3-4months pregnant at the time but I was out of town for the summer school requirement for my professional designation & didn't want to travel back home. I'd also sat through my husband's graduation 2 years before and really had no desire to go through my own.

[heathergw]

(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you're feeling forced to do something that would be really uncomfortable and weird for you.

[Paula]

Well, since it is an AA graduation ceremony in which my mom didn't pay for, I would do what I wanted. As a mom of a HS graduate this year, I would be more disappointed if my son chose not to walk in that than when he was getting his AA. I hope that makes sense. LOL

[lovely1m]

I tried not to go to my graduation ceremony for my BS, but my mom insisted I needed to. I didn't see why I needed to walk across the stage. I did it anyway. lol If you don't want to, don't.

[Paula]

Let me put this another way Traci, I got my Master's this spring and I didn't walk. It doesn't matter whether you walk or not - getting the degree is the most important thing!!

[Traci Reed]

Thanks Ladies...FWIW in my opinion, not walking for your High School graduation is completely different than not walking for an AA...

[Paula]

That's what I meant Traci. It's a much bigger deal for a HS student than when you're getting your AA. The AA is just the stepping stone to the BA. To be honest, when I got my AA, my parents weren't even in town. LOL But, they were there for my BA.

[Randa]

I didn't walk for my AA graduation in Nursing. I did for my later degrees, but was just not interested in the commencement at the community college.

Your degree....your choice. And, no one should mess with the pregnant lady!!!

I read this book recently, Boundries by Cloud and Townsend.....I too often let others' feelings make my decisions for me. The book was an enormous help to me. Just wish I'd read it 10 years ago!!!

[Randa]

PS....Congrats on your degrees!!
Finishing college work while pregnant is a challenge!

[nonnie]

I walked and my husband walked, and the SOLE reason why is for the kids. We wanted the kids to see and to be proud of what we had done. We felt like by going to school when we were older, we took their time with us away from them. There were late nights studying and times when they had to go to a babysitter when we were studying. I sacrificed so much to go back to school and we really wanted some sort of celebrations so that they could see something come of it, and see what a big deal it was. With that said, we made it a personal family celebration, just us.

[crecia27]

Originally Posted by Traci Reed

Thanks Ladies...FWIW in my opinion, not walking for your High School graduation is completely different than not walking for an AA...

I hope you didn't think I was trying to compare the two or belittle your hard work. I was more trying to say as a parent sometimes 'we' get caught up in what we'd like to see for our kids and lose sight of what they really want, which should really be the focus. And by 'we' I mean me.

[Paula]

I totally agree here! I do hope that you know Traci that I wasn't belittling your hard work at all. It is hard work to juggle family life, pregnancy, work, and school, and you've done it beautifully!!

Originally Posted by crecia27

I hope you didn't think I was trying to compare the two or belittle your hard work. I was more trying to say as a parent sometimes 'we' get caught up in what we'd like to see for our kids and lose sight of what they really want, which should really be the focus. And by 'we' I mean me.

[Joana1n]

Originally Posted by Randa

I read this book recently, Boundries by Cloud and Townsend.....I too often let others' feelings make my decisions for me. The book was an enormous help to me. Just wish I'd read it 10 years ago!!!

This - this is an awesome book and should be required reading for everyone, IMO. We're responsible TO people, not FOR them (or their emotions).

If you don't want to walk (for two very good reasons), you shouldn't walk, regardless of how thick a guilt trip your mom lays on you.

[Traci Reed]

Oh I don't feel belittled...I think a HS graduation is a much bigger deal lol

[dmook]

Hi Traci -

I'm only echoing what others have said here, in that you have to do what is right for you. I will walk on December 18th for my AS at the age of 43. I'm walking because I don't think I will ever get my BA and I am afraid that if I don't walk this time, I will regret it later on. However, you are so much younger in your educational career and it sounds like this is just a mere stepping stone to the next big thing. Celebrate your achievements thus far by doing something special just for you, and don't worry about the show for others. Congratulations by the way ;-)

[Buggie185]

You should let your mom throw you a dinner party instead. She can hang a congrats banner if she wants. When I was pregnant I would NOT have said no to a dinner LOL! Congrats on this milestone.

[christineirion]

I didn't walk for my B.A. or M.A. It just wasn't my thing.

I agree with what others are saying. Don't walk for someone else; it takes away the accomplishment from being yours. As a compromise, maybe there is another way that you would enjoy celebrating with family and mom.

[aggiefamily]

I didn't walk when I got my BS. Neither did my husband. Our graduations were on separate days and the week before Christmas. Plus we would have to sit through thousands of other people getting their diplomas. Graduation is at least 3 hours long. It just didn't work out for us.

My mom didn't walk when she got her degree either. I was about 14 years old when she graduated. My dad surprised her with a weekend away to celebrate. She deserved the weekend away after juggling 4 kids (ages 7 to 14) and all their activities and commuting 1.5 hours to school for two years.

[Sharon Kay]

If you don't want to ... DON'T ... I hate it when we as *adults* have parents that STILL try to give us guilt trips!! Tell her you are waiting until you get your final degree and then you will "strut yourself right across that stage"!!! lol

[ariesfl326]

I feel the same way. I've been working on my Associates degree for some time and have already said I will not be "walking" for graduation when the time comes. I don't feel I will have completed my education; only achieved a small goal along the way. I don't think it takes away any of the hard work or demeans any self-worth; in fact I think it shows your self worth because you are making a conscious decision to say my journey isn't over yet.

Congrats on all the exciting things going on in your life...it's fulfilling to achieve at any level.

[color of my heart]

Originally Posted by Buggie185

You should let your mom throw you a dinner party instead. She can hang a congrats banner if she wants. When I was pregnant I would NOT have said no to a dinner LOL! Congrats on this milestone.

this right here, seems like a perfect idea.
you're 9 months pregnant. i can't even imagine how uncomfortable it would be (physically and mentally) to have to sit and walk across stage. i mean, i'm sure you look lovely as always, with a pregnancy glow and everything. but i wouldn't want all eyes on me.


either that, or tell her she can walk for you. if it's so important to her.

congrats on your AA!!