I feel like I am trapped in the middle

[jessica31876]

I do not know what to do with this situation I am in. My husband's cousin is a really nice person from what I have seen. Weve only really talked online but she lives here in FLorida as well and we have been talking about getting together soon for dinner. I have no issues with her...my daughter does though.

Well after the accident my daughter deleted all of his family from her facebook. Then blocked them all. Even though most of them did not agree with the way his immediate family was behaving. Well this cousin has said something about wanting to be able to talk to my daughter but she cant because she deleted her and she could not understand why. I really did not post a lot on facebook or on my blog about how my husband's family behaved so I gave her a little rundown on what happened and she understood why at that point and asked me to tell my daughter she is sorry and hopes someday they may be able to have a relationship. So I told my daughter and she unblocked her. Well my daughter just sent me a kinda nasty message about how it makes her angry that I do not understand why she does not want them in her life and how she is redoing her privacy settings....

So here I am stuck in the middle of this and have no idea what to say. I mean I dont want to hurt his cousin's feelings and I feel like my daughter is kinda acting a bit ridiculous by blocking the whole family and not just the particular ones who were the cause of the problems. I do understand she misses her brother and she is angry and hurting BUT at the same time this cousin has been completely supportive through the whole thing. She does not even really talk to my husband's parents or siblings as far as I know. Ughh I just feel bad all around and I really just do not want to be in the middle of it anymore but dont know what to say to his cousin and honestly my daughter is not really making me that happy with her right at this moment.

[4noisyboys]

I would allow your daughter to block whomever she wants. She's been through a lot too and for her, she just needs to be allowed to deal with everything in her own way.

Just because you get together for dinner with this cousin does not mean you don't respect your daughters feelings. She doesn't have to go to dinner with you, does she?

I'm sure the cousin would understand why your daughter feels this way and won't push her to communicate with her.

[jessica31876]

No we arent talking about her going out with us. When she unblocked this cousin she said it was because I made her feel bad about blocking her. Well I kinda think she should because she did nothing at all to my daughter or to me or my husband. I get why she feels the way she does but they are both kinda putting me in the middle. My husbands cousin asking why my daughter does not want to talk to her and my daughter telling me I do not understand and it makes her angry that I dont. I dont want to hurt my husbands cousin's feelings by telling her what my daughter said which is she does not want to have anything to do with anyone who is related to my husband and at the same time I try to respect my daughter's feelings but she wants me to block them as well from seeing anything related to her. So if I share a picture I took she expects me to block everyone in his family from seeing it. I told her no. I told her if she does not want to talk to her or have anything to do with her then reblock her and I wont mention it again

[Jenn Barrette]

Facebook opens up a whole new world of social situations eh? If the cousin asks again about it I would just tell her the truth that your daughter has changed up her settings to be more private for her own reasons and leave it at that. Being in the middle like that isn't fun, but you have no reason to feel bad. Your daughter has her reasons, and who she blocks doesn't really reflect on you KWIM?

[jessica31876]

And it isnt just pictures. If I post about the baby she gets upset because they can see. If I post about going out with her she gets upset. If I post about her husband and her she gets upset. She is a HUGE part of my life and I want to share with people like she shares with people she chooses to. None of the people who were at the hospital and caused issues are on my facebook account and most of the family who are on my facebook do not have a close relationship with my husbands immediate family. And it kinda irritates me because I think she is being childish by taking her anger out on not just his family but me as well. Maybe I should not have told her about what his cousin said but I told her it was her choice whether she unblocked her or not I just repeated what I was told. My daughter even went so far as telling us we cannot tell anyone in his family she is pregnant. So it is like I cannot even be happy and share the good things that are happening in our family

[4noisyboys]

I think that's best. Have her reblock her and don't mention it to her again.

I honestly think the cousin would understand. Facebook is not a right. We don't have to be friends online with someone if we don't want to. Your daughter has to be able to grieve in her own way and be able to move on the way she sees is best for her.

It really shouldn't be putting you in the middle. Just tell the cousin that your daughter has chosen not to have that side of the family as friends on facebook, and that you really don't want to discuss it again. You are going to support your daughters decision, but that you would still love to get together and have dinner. Your daughter needs your 100% support in this!

Hugs Jessica. Your daughter will appreciate your support...of that I am certain!!

[4noisyboys]

I try to be respectful of what I say online about any of my kids, and if they asked me not to post about them or their family, I would respect that.

You could always just unfriend her so she doesn't see your every post...or block her from seeing everything you write.

[tanyiadeskins]

well... if you want my honest 2 cents (and I am not promising you will like it) I would tell your daughter she can control (and block) her FB acct however she pleases... she is after all an adult so it really should not matter to you... tell the cousin to talk to your daughter about it, you do NOT want to be in the middle.

Then I would tell your daughter that you fully intend to run your FB acct however you choose, it is after all YOUR fb acct.

I have NO problem telling people to leave me out of stuff... deal with each other and stop acting like kids.

[nun69]

I agree with Debra and maybe in time your daughter will eventually let some of your DH's family back in her life, but for now I could see she may just still be hurting. She could also just be scared and being pregnant as a 1st time mom can put your hormones over the top (as you know as well as I do )...sometimes when we are pregnant we are bitchy about everything Jessica

[jessica31876]

I think because she is my daughter and they cannot talk to her or message her they come to me to ask me why. I dont get why they dont ask her dad because he is their actual blood relative I am only related by marriage. My husband explained it to her so that I did not have to be in the middle anymore. So hopefully that will be the end of it. I dont understand why they think at 20 years old almost 21 that I would still be responsible for how she behaves or what she does.

[jessica31876]

And Tanyia I do agree with you...I am just not good at saying things to people if I think it will hurt their feelings.

[Nikki Epperson]

Originally Posted by jessica31876

And Tanyia I do agree with you...I am just not good at saying things to people if I think it will hurt their feelings.

This is me. I tend to internalize every single thing so I don't hurt people's feelings!

[Sherri Tierney]

Facebook definitely makes for some tricky social situations. I've gotten to the point where I post very little because I'm afraid of saying something that someone or other will take wrong for whatever reason. I have all of my family (that has facebook anyway) and all of my in-laws as facebook friends. I have an aunt on facebook that my mom never told me about... I found her last year. Crazy to think that there are 6 other aunts and uncles I've never met. My mom never mentioned them (they are on her dad's side and it was my mom's mom who raised me long after my mom's parents were divorced). I just tread lightly and don't post much these days.

I hope it all works out for you!!