Cue Music: This Is Why I'm Hawt...

[LeeAndra]

[BTW, I hate that song. But it makes for a cute title, doesn't it?]

[BTW, Jeff and I have started using online acronyms like real words in conversation with each other i.e. 'B-T-W, dinner is almost ready.' His favorite is 'W-T-F?' when something goes amiss. Is this normal? Does anyone else do this, too?!]

Oh yeah, so last night driving home from work, I get a carful of guys hollerin' at me, in some old Honda or Toyota sedan, in teeshirts and jeans so obviously not guys who were at work all day or otherwise productive members of society. Hoh boy. Of course, my windows are down and theirs are, too, and then we get caught at a light next to each other, so I have to pretend that I can't hear them and fiddle with my cell phone until the light changes.

Seriously, this never happens, but when it does... why can't it be hot upstanding citizens?! *lol* I wouldn't mind flirting with some guy in a suit 'n' tie at a stoplight, but noooooo... I get a bunch of punks whose best line is 'Heyyyyyyyyyyy!' followed by the bass beat of their sound system.

I recognize that I've got junk in the trunk and some fine lady lumps which sometimes attracts a certain kind of guy, but still... it is annoying. At least put some effort into it! Be creative! Make me smile awkwardly in your direction! Make me squirm under your gaze for a second before I think of an excuse to get you to leave me alone!

Share your awful tried-to-pick-up lines & stories here, please!

[SamaraGugler]

LMAO!!!!

One of my 6th grade students got caught flirting with a "Hawt Chick" standing on the corner while he was on the bus. You ask, how did he get caught? He wrote his number on a piece of paper with a CRAYON, wrapped it around the crayon, then threw it out of the bus. You bet I teased him. I said, in the future when you see HOT CHICK while you are on the bus, don't throw a crayon at her!!!

[meems]

bwahahaha . . . fine lady lumps . . . (i really should pay more attn to song lyrics)

[junebug]

haha! I have a little story for you. But it's more "Ewwwww!" than funny i think. Back when i was 18, and right out of high school i had a job at a video rental store. It was just a local store, not a big chain. They did have an adult section. well, it was almost closing time and this gross looking dude came in and went straight back there, was in there forever and came out with a few 'choices'. He then asked me while i was ringing him up how old I was. I told him. Then he asked me if i'd like to WATCH THE MOVIE WITH HIM!! >>Insert gag here<< I kindly said 'No, thanks' and thank God he left immediately. Yuck. He was so nasty, lol!!

[Becca Bonneville]

LOL! All of these stories are cracking me up! LOL!!

[Kat Stokes]

LMAO!!! You guys are killing me here.... I did have a guy actually ask me out about a year after I got married but he was pretty hot and worked for the Railroad. Of course, I said NO!!!! Nothing more unusual than that....

[mormishmom]

That story is hilarious!

[crecia27]

you are too funny! Love the new avatar!!

I used to work for a small company - one afternoon I was in the copy room down on my knees filling the copy machine with paper - the UPS guy walks in and say "wow, just like I like 'em" yeah - I was SUPER impressed. He tried to make it up to me by brining me a beany baby teddybear later that week.

[lauren grier]

lmao you totally just cracked me up There are some narly guys that are ALWAYS just standing around in their front lawn on the way to my market (I walk). I can't tell you how many times I've gotten a "hey baby" ..ugh puke!

[ditzyscrap]

Umm...I've got one, and it's slightly embarrassing because it was the ONLY guy to hit on me in pretty much my entire life, lol...well, in lots of years anyhow, lol!

I was at the grocery store a couple months ago, after work (so all greasy and gross, smelling like McD's), just getting some food for my son's lunch for school the next day. Anyhow, I'm walking thru the store and this guy (who was youngish but NOT hot, and was in the grocery store with his PARENTS) comes up and says to me "Hi, I'm Steve (not sure if that's really his name), what's yours?" and sticks his hand out to shake mine. So I shook his hand and said my name. So then he says, "Breanne, you're really cute" and I started GIGGLING because it was so awkward and I was trying to get away. He looked at me funny and said "What, I'm not allowed to tell you that you're cute" and I just started laughing when I said "No...I'm married". You should have seen that kid BOLT in the other direction meanwhile mumbling "I'm sorry..."

I really need to stop going to the grocery store, cause the next week, an OLD, greasy guy hit on me. OMG! LOL!

[Susan Toon]

Oh I hate being put in those situations. And it's always, like you said, the butt ugly dudes with no personality. ewwww

[iJenny]

Bwaaahhahahahahaha! Oh, my! That had me rolling. Whew! Ok. Deep breath.

Here's a story for you...
When I was 16, I got my first job at a nursing home for the elderly. I worked in the cafeteria basically taking their orders and running their food to them and clearing their tables, etc. They were all VERY old and mostly a bit senile and weird, but they were a lot of fun to work with. Well, just a few days after I started working, I noticed that there was a new guy at a table. I asked about him (apparenly he'd been too sick to eat in the caf) and they said, "Oh, thats Norman. Keep an eye on that one." I was like, "What does that mean?" and they said, "Oh, you'll see." Keep in mind that I am barely 16 years old.
So, I go to take Norman's order and he's acting all flustered and frustrated trying to get something out of his pocket. Then he looks up at me with this creepy old-guy look and says with a smirk... "Sweetheart, I seem to be having trouble getting something out of my pocket. Care to help me out?".
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Apparently it was a trick he tried to pull every day in the caf. If he wasn't so old and crazy, I would have slapped him because I was at LEAST 70 years younger than him and WAAAAY underage. But, like I said, he was old and crazy and mostly harmless.
But, I will never EVER forget Norman.
________
FIND HEADSHOP

[LeeAndra]

I love hearing your stories!!

Bree's store made me think of something that happened to my former boss as she was shopping one day. This former boss, also the mom of my childhood best friend, is a true health freak: only organic everything, no meat, works out twice a day, goes to the doctor every 3 mos, vitamins out the wazoo, only salad for lunch, etc. Hardcore. She's 50something, but a blonde size 2 that could easily pass for upper 30s. Basically, she was a complete babe, which is what makes this story so much funnier to me.

She's shopping for that digestive yogurt (of course) when an 'older man' (her words) comes up to her and asks her for a recommendation on which yogurt he should buy. She immediately FREAKS OUT and walks away without even answering or otherwise acknowledging him! *lol*

She tell us this at work the next day, absolutely horrified, and tells us how she was watching her back as she left and drove home, thinking he was going to come after her or something, etc. We are cracking up and say, 'Uh, C? He was HITTING on you.' She stops, thinks, and then says, 'But he was old! Like... 60!' We are laughing even harder now and say, 'Yeah, and you're 56, right?'

Her reply was something along the lines of, 'Yeah, well, he LOOKED old.' We mercilessly teased her abt it for months. Anytime any man came by the office or left her a message, 'Utoh. Better watch out! He might want a bite of your yogurt!' *lol* She was so annoyed.

[Traci Reed]

LOLOL I've got lots of stories because I'm a perv and kid magnet I don't think a couple weeks go by that I'm not harassed at a stoplight but I normally don't say anything, I just roll down the window and let the kids do the talking....ROFL

I'm training them to ask "Are you my new daddy?" on a signal.... LMAO

[twentytinytoes]

HAHA we live in a small town where pretty much everyone knows I am married. But I still have got a couple people trying to give me there numbers ask for mine, go out for a drink LOL Of course I never would I love my husband but sometimes its nice to hear that he is not the only one that could be into you!

[pbumbaca]

BAW-HAHAHAHAHA! Traci you are too funny!

And I was still laughing at the ladies comment from LeeAndra's first post.

I am dying here!

Oh and yeah add me to the geeks and creeps list! I seem to attract them!

I have to tell you a great story about DH tho. Just happened on Monday. They are at this job site, eating lunch. He is in construction so they are at a gas station replacing the pumps. Their work shirts are bright orange and DH is wearing one. This girl pulls up in a beat up car and yells to them all 'whatcha eatin?'. One of the guys in DH's crew says 'a bologna sandwich' to which she replies 'so you are full of bologna?" now at this point I think she's quick. Until DH tells me the next stuff she says...

She says to DH I love guys in orange, the bologna guy says what about guys in black (he is in black), she says nope orange. DH turns around, and mind you he is very salt and pepper. So she says "Oh I LOVE older men too! I'd love to take you home with me!" And then DH said the rest of the stuff she said to him he wouldn't even repeat to me. He ignored her and eventually she drove off I guess. Nice huh?

[Traci Reed]

Oh and thank you, I WILL have this song stuck in my head for weeks...I do like the chorus

[lizzyfizzy]

when weirdos do that too me...i totally play with them. pucker up and say ya baby and then drive off into the sunset in the minivan. hey it's happened and it was brillantly awkward. try it...fo sho. i've done it outside of the car too...like wherever. how dare they try to make me feel weird. i totally turn it on them and make them feel inferior. LOL!!!!!

[lizzyfizzy]

Originally Posted by twentytinytoes

HAHA we live in a small town where pretty much everyone knows I am married. But I still have got a couple people trying to give me there numbers ask for mine, go out for a drink LOL Of course I never would I love my husband but sometimes its nice to hear that he is not the only one that could be into you!

you have a new avie. yay...i love it. =)

[lizzyfizzy]

Originally Posted by Traci Reed

I'm training them to ask "Are you my new daddy?" on a signal.... LMAO

HOLY CRAP THAT IS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!

[lizzyfizzy]

Originally Posted by Lilcameronsmommy

Bwaaahhahahahahaha! Oh, my! That had me rolling. Whew! Ok. Deep breath.

Here's a story for you...
When I was 16, I got my first job at a nursing home for the elderly. I worked in the cafeteria basically taking their orders and running their food to them and clearing their tables, etc. They were all VERY old and mostly a bit senile and weird, but they were a lot of fun to work with. Well, just a few days after I started working, I noticed that there was a new guy at a table. I asked about him (apparenly he'd been too sick to eat in the caf) and they said, "Oh, thats Norman. Keep an eye on that one." I was like, "What does that mean?" and they said, "Oh, you'll see." Keep in mind that I am barely 16 years old.
So, I go to take Norman's order and he's acting all flustered and frustrated trying to get something out of his pocket. Then he looks up at me with this creepy old-guy look and says with a smirk... "Sweetheart, I seem to be having trouble getting something out of my pocket. Care to help me out?".
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Apparently it was a trick he tried to pull every day in the caf. If he wasn't so old and crazy, I would have slapped him because I was at LEAST 70 years younger than him and WAAAAY underage. But, like I said, he was old and crazy and mostly harmless.
But, I will never EVER forget Norman.

this story makes me laugh everytime. =)

[lizzyfizzy]

ok so creepy story...when i was nursing (when i lived in good ole arizona) we had this creepy old man who lived in sun city and was like the town gigolo, right!?! sun city, az has gigolos!!! ok, so bert (yes, bert) freaked me out! one day he came in for his routine STD check (yes STD check...the man is 72 years old) and he was all down and out, apparently it was his b-day and he didn't have a booty call lined up...mildred, olive, june, margaret and eleanor wouldn't return his call. so he shows up to his dr appt and tries to flirt with me. needless to say he almost held my hand, called me a "foxy lady" (who says that!?? oh, ya...BERT!) and had a hard on when the doc (female) did his check up. i def had some vomitt coming up after all that!

[LeeAndra]

Traci, I bow before your sassiness. *bow*

[Traci Reed]

Bwahahaha

[kamahrt]

This thread is killing me!! LeeAndra you have me laughing so hard! This is not something I need to deal with anymore EVER. I used to all the time and man am I wishing I could rewind so I could go back and be smooth like Traci.

My worst story is from 15 years ago (and I can't tell good stories so I won't even try) on an entirely deserted street on my way to the Metro in Arlington, VA. A flippin cop leaned out his window and said "Hey baby, come over and give me some of that." OMG I freaked but tried to look like I didn't hear him and scuttled off as fast as my stacked heels could carry me. ick

Kristi

[Amber1279]

ok, let me wipe the tears away from laughing so hard before I try to type out mine.


BF & I were at a concert when we first started dating. He had to use the restroom so we walked over to the "port a potty" corral, and I stood outside while he walked in. Standing there minding my own business, drinking my hot cocoa .... when this guy walks up and starts talking to me. Do I like the concert? Am I having a good time? Then asks me ... "why a pretty girl like you is just standing over here all alone." I just told him I was waiting for my boyfriend and as if on cue .... Bill walked over. The guy walked away pretty quickly. LOL

[my3hens]

Now why cant I stumble upon this whe I dont have 10 minutes to get me and the boys down to the bus stop and get my daughter! Im dieing to read them all LOL You girls are a riot. It is pretty embarresing. I even get hit on when Im with my husband and 3 kids and yes i attract the wrong guys too ick!!! Wes thinks its funny. He told one guy we were a package deal (must have not realised my husband was right there LMAO) and if he wanted to pay our bills and take us all out ot dinner he was welcome to me LMAO!