This is me, freaking out.

[ColleenSwerb]

I just got off the phone with Jordan's mom.

He gave me his guest list a while ago. Which he said he talked to his mom about. It was pretty much the only thing I asked him to do to help me out. He sent me an address file, and I only looked at it a few weeks ago when I started pulling together all the addresses we would need. There were a LOT of people on the address list he sent me that weren't on the guest list he sent me.

So that's what the phone call to his mom was about tonight.

I have to add approximately 40 people to the guest.
40 people we seriously do not have room for.
40 people I've never met, and Jordan doesn't even know who they are.

40 FREAKING PEOPLE! I AM FREAKING OUT! And when I asked him about it (aka I said did you even BOTHER looking at this freaking list cuz I have to add freaking 40 people?!?!!!!!!! :curs ing: ) he claimed total ignorance on the subject.

I am about to break down into tears.

[Amber1279]

OMG that is crazy!!!! How did he miss 40 people????

[ColleenSwerb]

And now he's mad at me for crying over it.

40 people is A BIG DEAL!!! >:O>:O>:O

[Jennilyn]

40 people is almost my whole wedding guest list! LOL

[scrapperjade]

If you don't know them and Jordan doesn't know them, why do you HAVE to fit them into the guest list???

[Amber1279]

40 is almost HALF my wedding LOL. He is just a silly boy and doesn't understand. Do the math and add it up so he can see how much 40 people cost.

[ZaCola3]

40 people is about a third of what we had...we had a tiny wedding though...I'm sorry Col!

[ColleenSwerb]

Because his mom said I had to Jae. Although that may have to change.
I should've known that boys suck at life and he'd screw it up. I should have checked this out sooner.

[ditzyscrap]

Are you really expecting 100% of your guest list to show up, though? A lot of them won't so that gives you a little leeway...

You should sit down...you, Jordan and Jordan's mom and discuss this. She obviously wants people that he doesn't care if they come...yes, he's a guy and likely doesn't care that much, but he needs to side with you on this instead of being passive about it.

[marnel]

I'm with Bree sometimes they won't even show, I'd say it's like 80% chance they won't if that helps any.

[scrapperjade]

Originally Posted by BrodoNY0123

Because his mom said I had to Jae. Although that may have to change.

Just curious, I'm not being rude here, but are the in-laws paying for the wedding? If yes, personally I would probably oblige by getting a bigger hall or whatever, but if they are not paying, I would say no. A wedding is to celebrate the marraige of loved ones! You are not these people's (the 40 extra) "loved ones", because you don't even KNOW them. It's ridiculous to have to change venues (maybe?), add an extra 40 plates, make more invitations (probably with a whopping last minute order fee) and everything else that goes along with adding unexpected guests! I know that you and your MIL get along, maybe you can just tell her that you had to cut out close friends to keep the guest list under a certain number (we had to, and some wanted us to add a few people that we didn't know), so why should you invite "Great Aunt Bea" whom you've never met and Jordan hasn't seen in 25 years??

Just my opinion!

[newfiemountiewife]

Yeah, we invited a few people that I didn't really know, because they were in Tony's family and they never showed anyway.

I asked Tony to get an Emcee for the wedding. That was all. I did every.single.thing aside from that, no help from anyone at all. I even baked my wedding cakes. And do you know what? He screwed it up. His sister was riding my ass the day before the wedding, and I said to her, that I'd done everything else, and by everything, I mean everything...and hell I asked him to do ONE thing, and he didn't do it.

I was so pissed off, it was incredible. I totally feel your pain. ((hugs))

ETA that I did the guest list by myself too, we paid 100% of our wedding ourselves though.

[Teresa]

Ouch. Time for a reality check (not for you, LOL) on $$/head. I guess if his mom is planning to cover the cost and they're her guests, I'd say bite the bullet. But, if you're paying for all these people, I'd have a serious talk with her about cutting down the list. That's insane!! As you know, it's so not just about sending out an extra invitation...there's a lot of work and thought put into each person!

{{HUGS}}

[ColleenSwerb]

The problem is that 95% of the people on the guest list (before the additional 40 discovered tonight) will show up. People that we weren't expecting to on my mom's side, have already said they are coming. Of the 40 we discovered tonight, even if only 30 show up, we're over our maximum and that means that some of our friends are going to have to get cut, which is really upsetting to me.

My parents are paying for the wedding. Since my parents and his parents are so far apart geographically, they haven't met or anything to discuss what, if anything, his parents are willing to pay for (aside from the rehearsal dinner). Everyone is coming to our house for Easter, so my parents were going to talk to them then (my mom has budgeted herself it will be fine even if they offer to pay for nothing).

Jordan just looked at the list and said that he doesn't even know who any of the extra people his mom wants to invite are. So I will probably ask him to have another discussion with her about the situation. I was really freaked out, but tried to play it off while I was on the phone with her. I mean, yes there are people on my parents list that Jordan has never met before, but at least *I* know who all of them are!

[Jennilyn]

Ask him which he'd rather be there....your friends who you are really close to and have known for years, or these people neither of you know! It's not fair for his mom to expect your parents to pay for 40 more people just because they are family that SHE knows. We tried to keep our expenses down for our wedding and both my parents and ILs were allowed to invite 2 couples each that were their friends.

[KristinCB]

My biggest regret from my wedding is inviting all of these people that I felt I *had* to. If I were to do it over again I would have only invited our families and those really close friends to both of us. Its YOUR day. Not theirs.. a year from your wedding they aren't going to care if they got invited or not but you will remember it being a day full of people you didn't even know

Honestly you have to do what is right for YOU. This is the one day in your life where it is and should be all about you.

[scrapperjade]

Originally Posted by KristinCB

My biggest regret from my wedding is inviting all of these people that I felt I *had* to. If I were to do it over again I would have only invited our families and those really close friends to both of us. Its YOUR day. Not theirs.. a year from your wedding they aren't going to care if they got invited or not but you will remember it being a day full of people you didn't even know

Honestly you have to do what is right for YOU. This is the one day in your life where it is and should be all about you.

I completely agree with Kristin here. If you are already feeling upset and sick about having to cut out friends for strangers, its the WRONG choice. You don't want to start off your marraige to Jordan feeling upset. If you do this, you will look back in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 25 years, and you will probably feel the SAME way you do right now.

Its not worth it! You DON'T want to look back at your wedding and have ANY regrets. If you cut out close friends to invite people who will probably not even acknowledge you on your big day, you will be disappointed.

[rochelle789]

If she said you HAVE to invite them, is she willing to pay for them to eat or whatever? I know weddings are a family affair, but 40 people? That's a lot!

Well, since you don't even know who they are, maybe she just wants them invited out of some sort of obligation and many of them won't actually show.

[scarletsierra]

Echoes of Jae and KCB...I hope that Jordan can speak with his mom about this again and sort this out. The singular most important thing about your wedding day is that it shold reflect what makes you happy. ((hugs)) and just keep swimming sweetie.

[joelsgirl]

So I *kinda* disagree with KCB & Jaedyn.

Your wedding day is a special day for them (parents & inlaws), too, and I totally get them wanting to share it with people who are close to them, even if they're not close to Jordan. I mean, there are lots of people who feel a bond with me through their relationships with my Mom, and I have lots of friends who feel a connection with my kids through me (some of whom have never even met my kids).

I mean, someday if my future dil says to Jack, "who the heck is shannon?" and he's like, "Some scrapping friend of my momm's. I don't even know her." it will still be important to me that shannon is there. kwim?

I think the best way to approach it is to explain to her what happened and the situation that you're in now and work together to come up with a solution. After all, this woman did give birth to and raise the man you love, so if you approach her with love, she'll probably be willing to work with you.

That said, the situation you're in totally stinks. I totally get why you're freaking out. 40 people is a LOT!

[my3hens]

See I really agree with the crowd on this one. I know wedding planning is anight mare sweety and 40 people is a huge expense. 40 more plates, favors etc etc. And if they arent helping foot much of the bill its not fair to expect either. I hope it works out love. I wish I could hug ya!

[LeeAndra]

I think you should call her bluff.

If they, so far, are not paying ANYTHING for the wedding, then I think you should oh so sweetly tell her you'd be glad to invite her 40 people as long as she's willing to pay for them. Sweetly remind her that your parents have budgeted $xx for dinner and make sure to tell her the pp amount.

She might be pissed, but it also sounds like she's not going to pony up several hundred dollars for her guests' dinner, either.

[Stacey42]

There were only 50 people at my wedding because we told our parents "If we can't identify these people at first glance, wed rather not invite them." so none of my parents from the Elk Club who hadn't seen me since 1972 were invited. I didn't want to be sitting at dinner looking out at the guests and wondering "Who is that guy over there?"

You and Jordan are getting married. It is about you. Everybody else is being allowed to participate in your special day, not to run it. I'd show Jordan the $$ amount this would cost and the people that would have to be removed from the list and hand it over to him. She's his mom, he needs to deal with it & he needs to use 'we' when talking to her about it. "We think this".

[ColleenSwerb]

I totally understand what you guys are saying, and I REALLY don't want to cut out friends. I even went to her explaining that I'll be making up wedding announcements and that we can send those out to people instead of inviting them. I've already made the executive decision (in my head anyway) that the great-aunts kids are not getting an invite. I'm going to find out if I can cut any people off my mom's side (I have 2 couples in my head that I don't think are necessary), and I will figure out people on mine and Jordan's list (co-workers are probably going to get bumped off, most of them were just out of courtesy and won't come anyway). I don't want to make it seem like they can't invite anyone. We already had a few of their friends on our list that they are really close to. I don't have a problem with those. But like you've all said, I really don't want to end up with 100 people that I don't even know at my wedding.

Thanks for letting me vent guys. I'm a real peace keeper and I like to make everyone happy, but I know I gotta draw the line somewhere. I'm sure his mom will be understanding, I just hate confrontation, lol.

[ColleenSwerb]

Originally Posted by Stacey42

She's his mom, he needs to deal with it & he needs to use 'we' when talking to her about it. "We think this".

Yes! Exactly. I want him to be the one to say "look, I don't know these people from a hole in the wall and we would rather invite other people instead." The WE is huge in this.

When I (more calmly) talked to him about it again last night before bed, he said "I don't care". I told him he NEEDS to care. It doesn't bother me if he doesn't care about the writing on the invitations, or the flowers. But he NEEDS to care about the guest list.

[Laura_A]

If you're catering your wedding, and the cost is $15 per person (which is prolly on the low side), that's an additional SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS! Has she even concidered that fact?

[pbumbaca]

I am sorry Col. I have to agree with the majority here and although I know you want to make everyone happy it's YOUR day, not theirs, not their friends, YOURS. You are so right about having the people you want there to celebrate with you and not strangers. I had to do it at my wedding and pissed of a few people but we were paying for it ourselves and at $40 a person it was a lot of money for us to save. I also think you should at least mention to her the fact that these 40 people were not factored into the original budget that your parent's have and that it means you will have to cut out your friends. I think if she's at all considerate she will understand. Good luck girl!

[ColleenSwerb]

I WISH it was $40 a person! LOLOL! If all 40 people are invited and show up, that's $3500 to come up with.

I'm much calmer about it today. It'll all work out just fine. I'm gonna really trim the fat so that some of these people can come, but I'm gonna have to put my foot down somewhere. On BOTH sides of the lists, so no ones feelings get hurt.

[newfiemountiewife]

Oh dear God. $3500?????????

Just. say. no.

For realz.

OR...tell her THEY can pay!

[Amber1279]

um yeah .... $3500 is a LOT of money. I am glad that you have calmed down (it would have taken me longer). I really hope Jordan understands where you are coming from and helps. It does have to be "WE" when talking about everything, especially with his mom/parents.