Really hard week... (and... advice?)

[Jengerbread88]

Some of you might have seen it on facebook, but it's been kind of a rough week for me regarding family.

Three days ago, my Aunt passed away of ALS (Lou Gherig's Disease). She had been fighting the illness for over two years.

Last night around 9pm, I got another phone call, saying my other Aunt (both of them my grandmother's sister) had passed away. She was diagnosed with lung cancer only one short month ago, and rapidly got worse.

Both of them are very close to me, and of course, both of their funerals are this week. This week also happens to be midterms. All of my professors have said they will work with me, except for two- one will not return my emails, and the other said that she will allow me to make up the work, but if I miss her class again, she will automatically fail me. It really seems ridiculous to me that she would fail me for missing her class again (I missed once due to health issues- my doctor put me on mandatory rest because I was having contractions, and I explained that situation). So, if I were to miss the class for the funeral, and miss once more for ANY reason (even if I'm in the hospital), I will fail. Her class is ridiculous- a complete and utter joke. On the first day of class, she announced "So this is sensory language and culture. I don't really understand what sensory language is, or what this class is really about, but I'm just going to give it my best guess and teach you some fun stuff. I hope it fits into the subject matter." (This isn't really acceptable for a professor at all- but it REALLY doesn't help that she's been teaching the course for over three terms now). Our assignments include making fairy tale stories out of construction paper, and leading each other around with blindfolds. But I'll FAIL and have to re-take it if I miss another class after this funeral.

I'd ordinarily risk it, because I don't miss many classes anyway. But my fear is, being pregnant, in the past two months I've been hospitalized a few times. I can't miss this funeral, but... I don't know what else to do?

Because of the days and times the funerals are, there's no way for me to get back for that class (it's right DURING one of them). Honestly, I could make it to my Wednesday class, but why drive to Springfield, drive back, drive down again, and drive back, when I really just want to be with my family right now, not in a car shuttling between a funeral and class, 3 hours apart?

What would you do, in regards to the class situation?

[MandaT]

I would probably go be with my family.

I'm pretty sure you can challenge the grade or go above her head & speak to counselor/supervisor, college admissions, the president, something? Can you change your class around so that you're not receiving a grade, or drop it all together so it's not on your transcripts as a fail? Not sure how all that works specifically, I haven't taken classes in several years.

To me, family is above all else, if that meant failing, so be it. (I had a similar situation when I was working & my granny passed away)

[MamaBee]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your aunts.... you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

what a position to be in... I can relate, my grandfather passed away during finals my sophomore year of college. If it were me, and being so close to your aunts, as you mentioned, you will regret someday that you weren't there to say one final goodbye to them... I would go to the funeral and risk the fail... maybe next semester, she won't be teaching... one could hope.

[Jengerbread88]

Originally Posted by apphotos

I'm pretty sure you can challenge the grade or go above her head & speak to counselor/supervisor, college admissions, the president, something? Can you change your class around so that you're not receiving a grade, or drop it all together so it's not on your transcripts as a fail? Not sure how all that works specifically, I haven't taken classes in several years.

I spoke to the dean and he said it was teachers' discretion- as long as it was AT or ABOVE school policy (which is 3 unexcused, but teachers decide what gets "excused" and what doesn't- some excuse mandatory court dates, some don't. Some excuse all funerals, some excuse only immediate family, etc.) I can't drop it due to the terms of my scholarship (I can't drop classes).

I'm just going to risk it and see what happens.

[Jengerbread88]

Originally Posted by MamaBee

If it were me, and being so close to your aunts, as you mentioned, you will regret someday that you weren't there to say one final goodbye to them...

I really regret missing my uncle's funeral (I was seriously ill at the time, and was doctor-ordered to stay within 30 minutes of my local hospital), so you're right. I don't want to miss these funerals. I was closer to them than I was to my uncle (even though he and I were quite close), so I can't imagine how much I'd regret missing theirs.

[adrianka]

Funerals are sad, but yes, I'd go to the funeral and fail the class. Will it in any way endanger you finishing the school?

I'm sorry you have lost people dear to you. *hugs*

[chloe]

What a terrible and painful situation! Sorry you have to go through this, in addition to the rest already! Lots of hugs coming your way.

[nun69]

so sorry....I would go be with family as well, but my only concern would be if you fail this class does that mean you loose your scholarship?

[newfiemountiewife]

Originally Posted by nun69

so sorry....I would go be with family as well, but my only concern would be if you fail this class does that mean you loose your scholarship?

Yes, this is what I was worried about when reading. I know that in a lot of jobs, like my DH's, they only give leave when it's immediate family, so I'm guessing your school is the same. If you do fail, will you lose the scholarship?

I'm sorry you were put in this position!

I am so sorry about your losses.

[xboxmom]

So sorry to hear about your losses this week. And I can't believe a college teacher would be that unsympathetic to you, that really makes me upset. I hope you are able to talk with your instructor again and try and get her to understand. GL and again so sorry for your losses.

[Jengerbread88]

I won't lose the scholarship entirely (it's full tuition, books, and supplies), but I would have to repay the cost of the class, most likely, and pay to take it again (so, pay for the class credits twice). The scholarship would still cover everything else with no problem (but with the baby coming, that's a LOT of money).

I'm just going to risk it, and if I foresee there being a problem later in the quarter that would cause me to miss the class again, then I would have to work it out with her. I did talk to her, and she said I could miss one class after this funeral, but if I missed one class and ADDITIONALLY missed a partial or full class after that, then I would fail. So I still have that one more miss if necessary.

I also looked into it further, and if I'm hospitalized and bring in my paperwork or submit it to her, she CANNOT hold it against me if I complete the assignments still, so if it were something majorly serious with ME, at least, it would be excused.

[isaacsmom]

***hugs***

People can honestly be so inconsiderate at times! I truly understand what you are going through! I had a professor while I was in college that insisted I be at class for a test the day after my father's funeral - which was across the state 300 miles away. The test was worth 15% of my final grade for the class. I chose to spend my time with my family and got a 0 on my test. I still passed the class, but I ended up going to the dean of the college with my complaints. Good luck to you and I'm glad she will at least allow you to have one more miss.

[lovely1m]

I would talk to the head of the department. I am in the guard and after 9/11, I had a teacher who was giving me crap about missing classes (yeah, I was working 14 hour days and still keeping up with my work, just missing classes some). So I went to the head of the dept about it and she actually had to apologize to me and give me more leway. Its not ideal, but better than failing. Good luck!

[Misty Cato]

I'm so sorry about your aunts. Hugs.

I'm with the others, I'd risk the fail to be with my family.

I'd check out my options with the Dean (or whoever her supervisor is) which it sounds like you've done. Then I'd work my tail off in the class. I wouldn't complain one whit to classmates or other people around the school. I'd participate with every opportunity. If there is anything good I'd could find about the class or anything the professor was able to do to help me, I'd thank her. And then I'd hope that should I need to miss the class a third time, my dedication to the course and positive attitude would sway the professor to give me grace. It's a gamble, but sometimes life offers us tough choices and we just have to set our priorities and go with it.

[Jengerbread88]

Originally Posted by Misty Cato

I wouldn't complain one whit to classmates or other people around the school. I'd participate with every opportunity. If there is anything good I'd could find about the class or anything the professor was able to do to help me, I'd thank her. And then I'd hope that should I need to miss the class a third time, my dedication to the course and positive attitude would sway the professor to give me grace.

I try to keep my complaining about the class to home, or places like SSD, where no students or staff are around to hear it The ONLY person at school that I talk to about it in even a slightly negative light, is a very close friend of mine who I've been on-and-off with for years relationship-wise. I trust him; if he hasn't done anything to screw me over even when we're not on good terms, then I don't see complaining to him off-campus hurting me at all on-campus. I trust he'll keep his lips zipped, but even then, he and I don't really talk about our classes all that much... we're always IN class, so who wants to talk about it when we're actually OUT of class?!