Advice

[nun69]

I need some advice:....so financially I really can't leave my job, mentally I really really need to leave.....my hubby doesn't understand and so I am going ot talk to my boss today about cutting my hours to 9-230pm so I will be able to get the kids off to school and be home in time to get Peyton off the bus.....I am pretty sure she isn't going to go for it sicne this is a full time position and it is through the gov't?VA, but I am going to ask anyway......but mentally I keep telling myself it would be better for us for me to stay home and we will all be better for it...my house will stay cleaned, the kids wouldn't have to do nearly as much as we ask of them, I would be available pretty much all the time if the school needs me or the kids need appts, etc.....I would cook and make healthier meals more often, etc.....so I am frustrated and I do LOVE my job, but my kids are going to grow up very fast and I am truly going to miss out....I am not a whole hearted religious person, but I have to think that if I take that jump that God will help me figure it out somehow....any advice? thanks if you made it this far

[clearskies]

What does your heart say?

If it were me...I would quit and ask God to provide some avenue to help with the financial gap....it's amazing to watch him work...

[NatalieKW]

Financially...we struggle. Always have, but I've always been a SAHM. I would never ever change that. To me, it isn't worth the extra money for me to get a job. If there is any way possible to do it, make the leap. Maybe take up couponing? Cut back on cable TV or even smart phones? I would advise to make sure you can do it before you quit though and make sure everyone, especially hubby, is on board.

[marnel]

I'm with Natalie, I've done this on and off as my children have grown up. This last time was b/c Charlie passed and it's not easy for me leaving what I love the most. I'm terrified but I'm looking for work now.

You do struggle but one major thing is cutting out all credit cards, I say all b/c if you keep one then you have the temptation of I must have it vs I really need it. I have my debit card/cash only if I don't need it I won't buy it. I am such a frugal shopper, only buy clearance/sale my kids don't really care about name brand b/c it's not something I teach them.
I made a list: Mortgage, light, water, car insurance, groceries, insurance, etc etc. extras: Cable, Internet, Cell Phones, Gym membership, etc etc...

If your husband is on board then do what your heart tells you and just let everyone know things will change but the the best part is mom will be there.

[MamaBee]

I would draw out a pro/con chart on staying home... I quit a high paying job to stay home with jake... and when I added up all I was spending to just to be at work (clothes, money for team lunches and gifts for everyone and their babies being born - was on a team with 20+ women who were always in some stage of preggo... haha; gas money; fundraising money for co-worker's kids) and then the intangible things... how tired and cranky I was after work and how that was affecting hubby and Jake... and it just didn't pay for me to be at work. Of course I had an outside force... my babysitter (my mom, who we paid to take care of Jake) was done getting her medical coding certif and wanted to look for a job. We really weren't keen on putting Jake in day care... and DH was really supportive of me staying home, full time. So gone went cable and the lan line... vacations where pushed out... my scrapping budget (paper at that time) was cut - well until I found digi and could get double the amount of goods for the same amount of money, etc... haha.

I would ponder on it and the answer will come... Didn't you mention at one time that you wanted to start up a photography business? Think of all the time you will have to research and making a plan for that... starting out small while the youngest are in school... and then going full force when Payton and Abby are in middle school...

Good luck and many hugs to you!!

[lorigaud]

Being a single parent now, I'm looking for ways to slash my budget, so I will follow this for ideas too. IMO, stay home if you can find a way to do it. If you don't, you'll always wonder whether you should have. Good luck to you in trying to figure this out… a tough decision for sure, and even more so if your husband isn't in agreement.

[NatalieKW]

Oh also...I come from a home where my mom never had a single job and my husband from a home where his mom always always had to work. He is actually completely against me working because of it and seeing how hard it is on the family. Even without his opposite experience as mine...my experience gives me the dedication to always stay at home. I seriously loved that my mom was there all the time. Yes, she definitely took care of us...maybe some would say too much. (Such as made us breakfast every morning, did our laundry, etc.) But she also had time to teach us to cook and make baskets (random, I know, but it was her hobby when we were little), sew for us, help us with anything we ever needed. From the kid's perspective...I would never change that!

[britaneejean]

we cut our budget big time to have me stay at home. there are days where i would love to switch with my husband and go to work while he stays home but ultimately, i love staying home and being with my girls all day. we cut out a car, started using coupons, cut out text messages (& use Google Voice, over data), cable, etc. it's been tough but we've also seen His hand in blessing us and my husband with job promotions and raises.

that is one tough decision to make. good luck to whichever one you decide on!

[YepBrook]

It will not be easy, Angie. Money is nice to have... no one can argue with that. But the saying is true, it can't buy happiness. I say start cutting the budget now before you leave your job. Show that you can do it. Start shopping at thrift stores for clothes, cut back on unnecessary spending, use coupons, and calculate your workelated expenses to see just how possible it is. In my experience you have to take a risk and a leap of faith sometimes.

[rach3975]

I think the first thing I'd do in your situation was to try and get my DH on board, whether that was with me being a SAHM or finding a part time job. Yes, financially it might be hard, but if your experience with Peyton is anything like ours with Ben, I think it's worth the short term sacrifices because it may make a big difference in his future independence.

I've been a SAHM all along. My oldest and youngest would do fine (once they adjusted) if I went back to work full time in the fall when Lauren starts kindergarten. But Ben wouldn't. It's a struggle for him to make it through the school day; by the time he comes home, he needs a ton of support to get through homework, keep himself under control, practice social skills, etc. We're still trying to decide how we're going to handle it, but when I eventually go back I'm probably going to look for a job as a preschool teacher. Financially it's not ideal, but it will let me be home all the hours and days he's home and still have an hour or 2 a day to be home alone for errands, appointments, and to get through some of the things I never get to when the kids are around. Good luck with everything!

[jaylensmom]

I'm a single mommy so not really an option for me although I have the best support system ever (including my son's father). My uncle and his ex wife had to make live off my uncles salary when my little cousin had ot have heart surgery (they knew when his ex was preggers that she would have to have the surgery)...they were on an extremely tight budget but it worked...she stayed home for about a year or more. Try living off your husband's salary for a few months and see what happens.

[mariewilcox]

It is a hard decision Ang and only you and her DH can make it. Being the only parent now I don't have a choice but I do get to work from home except for on Mondays. I basically on had 1 child to raise at a time (DS being 13 when DD was born) and you have more kids to deal with, so I can understand you wanting to be home.

I grew up with 2 working parents and I'm absolutely none the worse for it; I was very ready for the world when I graduated high school and 100% self sufficient. My parents didn't ignore me or neglect me in any way, shape, or form. Since I work from home Cheyanne isn't as independent as she should be at 13 and I'm paying for it now I'm certainly glad I got to spend every moment I could with her over the years, but she is so immature compared to most of the kids in her class as far as taking care of things herself, etc. Her brother was much, much more ready for the world (and I did work out of the home for most of his childhood). A catch 22 - you want to be there for them but you have to not be there too, even if you're home with them 24/7.

[KristinCB]

you've been struggling SO long angie! I think you need to find a way to have a happier balance between your life and your kids <3 Are you still supporting your oldest daughter or is she out of the house now?

[nun69]

yes rebecca, I really really want to do the photography business thing and it would be the perfect time to do it.....but now that I work full time, I just don't have the time to spend my energy trying to figure all of that out and I know it takes alot to get something like that up and running and I am not sure I would have the resources if I quit working....but I know my mom worked 2 jobs as a single parent and I remember when I was in 8th grade playing softball and I hit a grand slam against one of the hardest teams we played and she wasn't there to see it because she had to work I swore that if I ever had kids I would ALAWYS be involved with their activites and such....and see my husband's family was always involved so I don't thin kit seems to be as big of a deal to him......dont' know hwo to make him see that.....we have alot of credit card debt and I am tempted to just call them and tell them, it may be 6 months before we can make a payment and let it be what it is....as long as we can pay mortgage, car, insurance, water, electricity, sewewr/garbage, then it is all good.....we have to have our cell phones since we already cut out our land line...but we could certainly start making my oldest pay for her own phone and help pay a little rent money each month......also have her buy some of her own groceries wouldn't be bad either.....plus we would also be elgibile for the kids to have reduced lunch at school and during the week (M-Thurs) they have a school dinner program from 4-5 pm free for any kids under 18 .....and I know that I could certainly meal plan and shop alot better if I had the time at home to do it.....I am just sooo stressed.......

[nun69]

Originally Posted by KristinCB

you've been struggling SO long angie! I think you need to find a way to have a happier balance between your life and your kids <3 Are you still supporting your oldest daughter or is she out of the house now?

she is still home

[nun69]

Originally Posted by rach3975

it might be hard, but if your experience with Peyton is anything like ours with Ben, I think it's worth the short term sacrifices because it may make a big difference in his future independence.

yes he does struggle and I think I see it much more than Matt does so to Matt is doesn't seem to be as big of a deal...i.e. I picked him up from daycare last Wed and he asked to go to McDonalds and I told him NO, he lost touch with reality ALL THE WAY home kicking my seat, throwing his shoes, banging on the window and then when we got home, he was still loosing touch for like 30 more minutes.....screaming, cussing, throwing things, just out of control.....he was calmed down by the time Matt got home so Matt didn't see it.....

[maryinaz]

I agree that you might try living on just DH's income for a while and see how that goes, because lack of money brings a whole other type of stress to the equation. Especially when your kids are used to a certain lifestyle.

I quit a very good, very well-paid career where I carried most of our benefits when the twins were born. We've struggled off and on ever since. And now with the boys in college, I still wonder if I made the right decision.

[SeattleSheri]

I don't have any advice, because this is an extremely personal decision. What's right for one family, isn't for another. I work outside of the home and really like it. There are less than 2 hours in the day where I don't see my kids that I would if I was a SAHM (they are both school-aged). I also have flexibility to take time off to do school activities, etc. I hope you're employer is open to part-time. Good luck with your decision {HUGS}

[DawnMarch]

Perhaps now that the economy is improving, you could look elsewhere for a PT position if you can't get one at your current employer? If I already had existing CC debt on 2 incomes, I'd be hesitant to go to one income but I know how difficult it can be when you feel like you need to be "there" to keep your kids on track.

[Lizzy257]

It's such a tough decision to make, I really feel for you. I gave up a good career over 5 years ago when my youngest was born. The first year was tough at home (as he was NOT an easy baby), but once he settled, I've never had a moment where I've regretted it. It's chaos here most days with school runs and after school activities, as well as other family commitments, but I wouldn't change it. That said, I've always wanted to stay at home with my kids, so it was an easier decision for me. I have a friend who tried it, but absolutely hated it and is now back working. It's not even just the financial aspect for her, it was more for her sanity! So really what works for one family won't work for another, and it's such a personal decision. I think both of you really need to be on board with it though for it to work. Best of luck with making your decision.

[YepBrook]

Originally Posted by DawnMarch

Perhaps now that the economy is improving, you could look elsewhere for a PT position if you can't get one at your current employer? If I already had existing CC debt on 2 incomes, I'd be hesitant to go to one income but I know how difficult it can be when you feel like you need to be "there" to keep your kids on track.

I agree with Dawn. If your employer isn't open to PT, looking for another PT job might be your best bet. That way you are still earning some income for the household expenses (and to pay of the debt) and you are available when the kids are home.

((HUGS))

[nun69]

well I didn't get a chance to talk to my boss today, but Matt did come home and say "you should see if you can find someone around here to just come down and stay at the house long enough to get them on the bus and then be here in the afternoon to get Peyton off the bus for alot cheaper than what we are paying now.....Just sucks cause the middle and high school start like an hour to an hour and a half before the elementary school does......so I am considering becoming a Thirty One Consultant and really try to rock that for awhile and see how it goes and if all goes well maybe I can stop working by the time the kids get out of school for the summer cause I KNOW that we will NOT be able to afford paying for Abby & Peyton to be un summer daycare.....the last 2 summers my oldest watched them since she was only going to school at night......