Lets talk about the US Military...

[tkelley]

So we've been discussing what is the best "next step" for our family and we're beginning to consider the Military. We have, a 3 year old, 1.5 year old and baby #3 arriving in October. Currently we serve as "houseparents" at a Christian's home. My husband has 30,000+ in student loans plus we have a fair amount of debt. Long term, dh wants to go to seminary but we know we NEED to get out of debt.

I've always been pro-military, but then I've never really considered it for my family. I think my husband is going to talk to someone about it this week to answer some of our questions...but I want to know what all you women think about it (that know what it's like to be a SAHM/military wife.

He is not intrested in combat, I really can't even picture him in that role. Likely computers or something in that nature. Maybe Navy or Army. And not looking to make it a carrer.

What's it like?
Do you have any say in where you go?
Are your husband's gone a lot?
Is it stressful?
Do they really "take care" of the family?

Advice Please!!

[lovely1m]

Your dh could be a chaplain assistant, they do deploy, but they do not fight. That sounds pretty perfect for him.

It would be a huge step, but yes, your life is so much more stable. You always have that income, you always have that house, but your dh can leave and be gone a long time and will not always be safe while gone. I think talking to a recruiter and some military wives is a great first step. I am on the wrong end to help you since I am actually in, but good luck with that big decision!

[Julie Billingsley]

I was a Navy wife for 10 years and my dad was in the Navy so my first 30ish years were all Navy. It is a good plan for some families but not for others, so ask lots of questions! I don't know how old your husband is, but first make sure he is even eligible to join and decide if he is in good health. They definately will do a physical and tons of questions on that. Has he already taken the ASVAB?

One of the nicest things about the military is a stable income and fairly regular pay raises/promotions. (Since my husband's company has had to now do 3 years of pay CUTS, that is a big issue for me. LOL) I actually liked the military life, but you have to be prepared for being a 'single mom' at times. And not everyone enjoys that. Many hugs to you as you make this decision!

[nikkiARNGwife]

What's it like?

It's hard. You have to realize that you're not just married to him anymore..you're married to the army and usually the army comes first. That was hard for me the first few years, but you learn to accept it.

Do you have any say in where you go?

DH is active duty national guard so we have a little more say in where we go..he can usually accept/refuse a spot..but they can always go over him and say "nope this is where you're going" With NG though you don't move as much..we've only moved 3 times in the past 8 years.

Are your husband's gone a lot?

Yes. You can pretty much bet on deployments..they're sadly a fact of military lives right now. DH has been deployed 2 times in the past 3 years..both over a year at a time. And even when he's not deployed he has training etc. that can last weeks or months at a time. Let's just say we live apart more than we live together these days.

Is it stressful?

During deployements..yes definitely stressful. Between deployments..yes b/c you're worried about him getting put on alert again.

Do they really "take care" of the family?

Yes. Right now especially, the military is probably the best job you can have. We never pay a dime in healthcare, we have a stable income and the chances of him losing his job are slim to none lol. Tricare is a pain in the butt with all the hoops you have to jump through sometimes, but still, we never pay a dime in healthcare costs.

[Julie Billingsley]

LOL... I forgot your questions too!

What's it like? Probably depends on your personality, your enjoyment of moving and change, and where you live and how well you connect to your location.

Do you have any say in where you go? You influence the decision... but they send you where they need the person. If they only have 1 opening for your husband's job... then he goes there, like it or not. I will say that both my ex-husband and my dad were really fortunite to get the duty stations that they wanted... however sometimes they had to switch jobs slightly.

Are your husband's gone a lot?
My dad was gone for a year or so at a time because he was on a ship that went on West Pac all the time. (West Pac is a tour of the western Pacific--- Japan, Korea, Philippines.) but my ex-h was on a submarine and he was gone about 80 days, back around 90 days, and repeat that endlessly. In my ex-husband's time, he had 3 years of sea-duty (leaving constantly), then had 2 years of shore-duty (not leaving), then 3 years of sea-duty, and 2 years of shore-duty.

Is it stressful?
Knowing we had a stable steady income and healthcare wasn't stressful... but the transition to him leaving and then being gone was stressful everytime. I actually do pretty okay as a "single mom" but it still isn't easy.

Do they really "take care" of the family?
eh... I don't know that I'd say that. There are wives clubs to help each other if you need... but as with any group, it all depends on the individuals in it.

[Nettio]

Since your DH already has a college degree (or I'm assuming based on the student loans), you might have him look into becoming an Officer. The pay is about double what you'd come in as an enlisted soldier, your housing pay is quite a bit more and you tend to get more say and respect as well. You can see all the options for it here - not sure what category your DH would fall under.

My DH was on scholarship for ROTC so he's currently active duty Army. We just passed the 4 year mark last year, with another 4 years to go in our commitment. Not sure if we'll continue after that but I've already told him that if we make it to 10 years, we're going to 20. He's Medical Service - Medical Logistics so he's not involved in any sort of combat - more just support of combat. His jobs have ranged from organizing supplies, to planning medical training to working at the military hospital. There's actually a lot of support type jobs if you're not looking for combat positions.

What's it like?

I think in a lot of ways, it is what you make it. You really have to go in with a positive attitude and accept that a lot of things will be out of your control. I never thought in a million years I'd end up an Army wife but I've actually been pleasantly surprised by how much I actually like it. You have to just be ready for a bit of adventure and not stress over having so much of your life controlled by someone else - which can definitely be tough!

Do you have any say in where you go?

Yes and no. They do try to station you in a place that you request but it doesn't always work out that way. In our case, our first location wasn't even on our top 10 list but our second location was our number one choice. It does help to be proactive and stay in contact with those that assign you to where you want to go. They also post openings for jobs ahead of time so you can try to request a certain position at a certain post as well.

Are your husband's gone a lot?

Not to discourage you but yes, it's unfortunately part of the lifestyle. They are working to make the time between deployments longer but right now you can expect them to deploy about every other year. This last time we had 18 months between deployments and I thought that was pretty good. Plus you have to add in classes (anywhere from 2.5-6 mths) and regular training exercises. We figure my DH was gone about two months (3 week-long exercises and another month long one) just for training for the deployment itself.

Is it stressful?

You know, I don't really find it that stressful. My DH is deployed to Afghanistan right now and I just do my best not to worry about it. The reality is there is nothing I can do to change the circumstances he is in. You have to just trust in their training and remind yourself that this is what they're prepared to do. It also helps if you're pretty independent and willing to just go with the flow. There are definitely times when it's downright frustrating but the longer we're in the more I learn and the easier it gets.

Do they really "take care" of the family?

They definitely try to. Each company usually has a Family Readiness Group which helps to prepare families for deployments and provide support while the soldiers are deployed. They also try to provide job assistance (I haven't had much luck with that though haha), childcare options, extra pay, etc. There's definitely worse jobs you could have.

I know you mentioned paying off debt and I just want to say that thanks to Dave Ramsey and the military we've payed off a bunch of our student loan debt a lot faster than I know we would have otherwise. It's definitely been a benefit for us in that regard.

Anyway, hope that helps some! If you have any other questions, just let me know. We were all new to the military at one time and I definitely how crazy and frustrating it can be.

[nun69]

I just wanted to add I am currently on active duty Navy and I would personally recommend looking into the Air Force as an option{don't get me wrong girls I am not knocking in of the other services because I just spent 7 months with the Army and they were AWESOME}....BUT the 18 1/2 years I have been in, the Air Force treats their people ALOT better than the other services when it comes to just about everything...{i may be wrong on some of these things, but this is what I have gathered over the years}...their housing is 10X better than any other military housing I've seen in the other branches, you can be in a certain area for longer than the Navy {this I know}, and they seem to make rank { means they move up the ladder in income and responsibility} faster than the Navy and overall I get the feel that people in the Air Force never have any regerts where some people in other services do...

but DEFINETELY get all your questions answered and don't just take the 1st answer you get, investigate it! and especially if your husband has a degree, he needs to look into coming in the military as an officer and don't just take the 1st thing they throw at you

and one thing for sure, deployments are happening all across the services, but the Army fills the majority of Afghanistan and Iraq...that may change, but that may also be something you want to consider~

I think if you are an outgoing person and willing to get out their in the military community to make friends and such, then it is a GREAT place to be...if you are not very outgoing, you can get to the point were you feel very isolated and have no one to depend on...BUT there are HUGE commnities of military spouses out there and they are AWESOME!

NOTE: I HAVE NO REGRETS AND WOULD DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT!

[lovely1m]

Forgot your ?s

Do you have any say in where you go? The AF I know has a dream list, they take your feelings into account, but its not for sure
Are your husband's gone a lot? Depends on the job, some deploy or train in the field a lot, some jobs are not deployable
Is it stressful? Yes, very, but there is also many stresses you do not have to worry about
Do they really "take care" of the family? Yes, there are a ton of programs for military familes and they are very much a part of the military family

[mmpalus]

I echo the comments from the others who posted about coming in as an officer. The benefits are so much better and the pay difference is significant. As a SAHM, with just your husband's income, your family will need that extra money. If your husband does sign up, he needs to make sure all the details and agreements are spelled out in writing.

My DH is in the Navy Reserves and started as a Petty Officer but was commissioned as an officer last year. He deployed to Afghanistan in 2007, which was the first time he actually went but not the first time he was on the list to go.

Since your DH's degree is in child development, maybe he could look into becoming a director of a military child development center. As a civilian member of the military, he gets a lot of the benefits without the risk of deployment. Education reimbursement is available, although not repayment of back student loans. He could also look into joining as a Reservist. Higher education is paid for after x number of years in service.

To answer your questions:
"What's it like?"
It's different for Reservists and their families, in that the usual support system just isn't there full-time. I was lucky, in that I live in a region with a large military presence, so there was access to those services. As the daughter of a career Air Force officer, I know the difference between the 2 situations. From a family-support view, it would have been much easier if my DH had been full-time Navy. But, his civilian employer filled in a lot of those gaps for us; letting us keep his health insurance, holding his job open for 2 years if needed, giving him military pay for the first month of deployment. Many employers can't/won't provide that kind of safety net.

"Do you have any say in where you go?"
Not an issue for Reservists, as the families don't usually follow on deployments. The service member has more options for selecting a unit, although in smaller cities and towns, the choices are limited.

"Are your husband's gone a lot?"
Not a big issue for Navy Reservists, much more significant for Army Reservists, as they are deploying for longer periods and more frequently. Navy reservists serve 2 weeks a year and one weekend a month.

"Is it stressful?"
It was for me, since I had a 2-year-old at home and we lived 10 hours away from our families. But my boss and co-workers were really supportive and I found a wonderful babysitter to help out on weekends.

I'll be honest though, it was very lonely at times and it felt like the burden of carrying the family was on me 24 hours, 7 days a week.

"Do they really "take care" of the family?"
Yes, all branches of the military do so, although some might be better than others. I work with a lot of former military people and military dependents; most say the Air Force provides better housing and more benefits. This is a big difference from when I grew up, as the military didn't do a great job supporting the families in the 50's and 60's (my dad retired when I was 5 so my experiences were different from my older siblings).

Like the others say, it would be up to you to reach out for help or guidance. The family support groups are there for you, but you have to either make the first move or be receptive to offers of help.

[sjford0419]

What's it like?
For me, not bad at all. I grew up in an Air Force family - my Dad retired from the AF, both of my brothers are in the Air Force. I married a Marine! So I am very used to the military "lifestyle". Yes, my husband is gone often. More so now than ever before (we have been together for 13 years)

Do you have any say in where you go?
The Marine Corps does have a wish list of sorts, but as the smallest branch of the armed forces, there are very few Marine Corps bases so our choices are limited. So far, we were only sent to one place that we didn't request and that was Tempe, Arizona for recruiting duty - but it was nice there and I loved it!

Are your husband's gone a lot?
Yes. My husband has deployed to Iraq 4 times and will be deploying again in a few months.(but he has never been gone for more than 6 months at a time)

Is it stressful?
Because I am used to the military lifestyle and I understand that my husband is doing his job (which I am extremely proud of) I have grown accustomed to the separations. When he is here, definitely no stress at all! He works regular hours, great holidays, lots of vacation days...not bad at all!

Do they really "take care" of the family?
I would have to say yes. I have only lived in base housing once, but it was brand new. Many of the bases are now privatizing their homes...meaning that they are using outside companies to build and maintain the homes. What does this mean? They are getting rid of the crappy old military housing and putting up brand new modern houses! I live near Parris Island and they have built so many new homes that I barely recognize it! Just 10 years ago, those houses were awful and no one wanted to live there - now everyone wants to live on base!

Not only that, there are SO many organizations on base so it is easy to make friends, etc.
As far as healthcare, not paying for anything is nice. I don't see a Dr. on a military base because I requested otherwise and I still don't pay a dime! I take my prescriptions on base and even things that most people have to buy (Motrin, Tylenol, etc.) I just ask my Dr. to write a script and I get it for free.

[MamaK]

What's it like? we're Air Force and the family support is excellent!!! I can't imagine NOT being in the military when dh finally retires. lol i don't worry about medical, dental, schools, housing, relocation, filing taxes, everything is covered and there are programs and support for everything you need. We have a school liaison here because there are no on-base schools so the liaison helps us get our kids placed where they need to be.

Do you have any say in where you go? it depends on the job. He may get some say in where you'd like to be stationed but they give you certain options. You usually have a choice of whether the family tags along or stays put. When dh went to Korea, we opted to go too and loved the experience!

Are your husband's gone a lot? TDY or deployed may depend on the job as well. My dh is gone right now, it is the 5th deployment we've been through being married for 12 years, so that isn't too bad.

Is it stressful? of course if dh is TDY and you hold down the fort. sometimes dh isn't thoroughly pleased with his job in certain areas, each time we move to a new place his job involves something slightly different or it could be the people with whom he is working. maybe not so much stress as it is frustration with the system at times.

Do they really "take care" of the family? there are SO many services available! assistance, programs, and then the community of families going through the same things you are! so much support from the military family.