Should I be forced...

[Traci Reed]

to walk at the commencement ceremony for my AA?

Back Story: I'm receiving 2 AAs next week from the local community college and they have a commencement ceremony where you can walk and receive your AA like a high school graduation.

My opinion? I think that for me, walking would be stupid since I don't feel like I'm done with school yet and haven't reached the magical "BA" status.

According to my mother, however, if I don't walk, it means I have no self worth and that the last 3 years I spent earning an AA means nothing to me. Which is ridiculous and couldn't be further from the truth, I just don't feel that walking across a stage in front of a bunch of strangers 9 months pregnant getting my AA at 26 years old is necessary.

But, then she pulls out the tears and now I feel guilty, like I should be doing it for her even though I would feel incredibly stupid.

WWYD? Isn't a commencement ceremony (whether or not I choose to do it) for me? Why is it about her? I'm not telling her we can't celebrate in some other way, just that I don't want to do that, am I wrong?

[Darcy Baldwin]

Did she pay for the education and needs to see some kind of 'goal met'? If not, nope. It's your graduation, do what you want.

I didn't attend mine, either. I didn't feel an AA was worth going through the hassle for and kept slogging on the next year for my BA goal. Do what you want, Traci, especially being that pregnant and uncomfortable sitting for a few hours for a boring commencemnt.

[Traci Reed]

No, she didn't pay for it.

[ColleenSwerb]

I agree with Darcy. If she didn't pay for it, then she doesn't get a say in it. It sounds like she's projecting something in herself onto you. Not walking most certainly does not mean that you have no self worth, that just seems like a crazy statement to make IMO.

[Traci Reed]

Oh she is completely projecting her own self worth issues on to me, I'm fully aware of that. Yet she can still make me cry. *sigh*

[CA Dreamer]

First off, Congratulations!

It is obviously important to her, but I think that being totally pregnant allows you to choose whatever you want to do or NOT do!

[Julie Billingsley]

when my husband was going for his degree and got his AA along the way, I really wanted him to go to his commencement. It was a really proud moment and I especially wanted my boys to see how hard work and determination can be recognized and celebrated. And a few years later he walked again for his BA in business admin. That one we invited friends and family to see. My husband was 47 when he got his degree. And when he gets his MBA or second BA I want him to walk again. I just think these personal victories are meant to be celebrated in a special ceremony.

But if you don't want to, especially given that you are pregnant and probably won't want to sit through a ceremony or pay for the cost of the cap/gown, then your mom will just have to deal with it. LOL

[adrianka]

I suppose all of these things are for others. IMHO even the marriage ceremony is mostly for the parents (but maybe I'm the only one with this opinion)...

If it was just me, I would have preferred to get my Master diploma by mail and skip the stupid show. I did it for my family. But I wouldn't probably do it for an in-between thing. Let alone 9-month pregnant.

I think you're perfectly justified not to be emotionally blackmailed into doing something you don't want to do. Makes sense to me that you don't want to, as well.

[crecia27]

While I do understand where your mother is coming from (my son didn't walk the stage for his HS diploma) she will get over it. You need to do what makes you feel right and you aren't hurting anyone by not walking. In the end what really matters is that you worked hard to earn it rather than how you receive the actual piece of paper.

[Kara]

I didn't walk for my MA. I got my degree at a pretty prestigious university, but I hated being away from home and staying for the ceremony would mean one more day away from my BF (now DH!) I have no regrets about it. I was much more invested in my college graduation ceremony, but didn't have as many connections for my grad degree. I say you do what YOU want!

[fruitysuet]

I can see why your Mom would like to see you at the ceremony (putting myself in her shoes if it was my child, even a grown up one) so I would normally say to go for it.

However, given how far you are in your pregancy I get that it would be a very uncomfortable situation for you to be in with all that sitting and waiting about (I can't remember being able to go for more than 20 minutes without needing the toilet for starters!). So I will give you a break on this one Just tell your Mom that you appreciate her feeling so proud of your achievement but that, given your pregnancy, you really wouldn't be comfortable going through all that on the day. Suggest a meal out or something with close family if she really wants to celebrate the moment with you.

[carriesmom]

There are so many reasons why people choose not to walk at commencement ceremonies. I think you have given two good ones: You will be extremely pregnant and uncomfortable and the AA is just a stepping stone to the BA (which sounds like your real goal). I agree with everyone else, your mom didn't pay, so she has no say and tell her she can see you walk at your BA ceremony.

[Sarah8914]

I walked with my BA in my hubby's department so we could walk together. He didn't walk for his Masters. In fact, we moved out of state 2 months before graduation and had no desire for him to even walk early or anything. For some reason, college commencement is not as big a deal to me. I mean, it's cool, and I'm glad I did, but you don't know anyone, so I don't know.

Now, considering yours is for your AA and you're very pregnant, I would have NO desire to walk at all.

[Randa]

PS....Congrats on your degrees!!
Finishing college work while pregnant is a challenge!

[nonnie]

I walked and my husband walked, and the SOLE reason why is for the kids. We wanted the kids to see and to be proud of what we had done. We felt like by going to school when we were older, we took their time with us away from them. There were late nights studying and times when they had to go to a babysitter when we were studying. I sacrificed so much to go back to school and we really wanted some sort of celebrations so that they could see something come of it, and see what a big deal it was. With that said, we made it a personal family celebration, just us.

[Sharon Kay]

If you don't want to ... DON'T ... I hate it when we as *adults* have parents that STILL try to give us guilt trips!! Tell her you are waiting until you get your final degree and then you will "strut yourself right across that stage"!!! lol