Wedding Etiquette

[LenaGardner]

poll to follow...my future mother-in-law (who is a wonderful lady, I don't have beef with her) and I have differing opinions on what is appropriate here...I need a tie breaker and your thoughts please!!!! Printing invites tomorrow so I need to make a decision.

[MamaBee]

I might be out of it... but I think word of mouth is the "Emily Post" way to do it... usually the notice of places goes in the shower invite... however, if your wedding is small and informal, then I think you, the bride, gets to make the final decision...

[SmallMoments]

My little "where I'm registered" cards went out with shower gifts. My mom said it was bad etiquette to put them in wedding invites. And since she was paying, I didn't argue. LOL

[LenaGardner]

My shower will be after the wedding, thrown by my MIL and apparently going to be a big deal I didn't want to register at ALL but she wanted it so we did. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do with said registries.

My plan was to do word-of-mouth but she'd really like the info included on/in the invite. I understand her reasoning but now I'm not sure what to do.

[jenn7]

If she is throwing the shower, then she will be sending out invites for that shower and she can put so and so is registered here. Then it's all on her.
I think it would be tacky to include on the actual wedding invitation.

[maryinaz]

Is the invitation for the wedding or the shower? I just got 2 wedding/shower invitations for 2 different weddings - one was on the shower one, and one was a card included with the wedding one (I wasn't invited to a shower for this wedding).

[lovely1m]

Its totally wrong etiquette wise, but I like it. lol I know its wrong, but when I get it that way I really appreciate it. I placed in on the back of the map in my invite, so kinda hidden and kinda there.

[kristijoy]

As someone receiving the invite I would like to see where you are registered in the invite! I don't want to have to go on a treasure hunt to get that kind-of info. But then again I'm from Oregon!

[suze]

Im no expect lol but I say for sure put it on an additional card... I think for keepsake its kinda tacky to print it on there.

I like to know, but if you are registered at normal places, I think its super easy to just find out anyway.

lol my 2 cents anyway

[AmberK]

I think people appreciate it when you include a little seperate card in the wedding invite where you are registered. Definitely dont put it on the wedding invite itself though.

[newfiemountiewife]

I have done cards for years, and I say do NOT put it on the card itself. It does look tacky IMO.

Perhaps you could a separate invitation for the shower, and include it with the wedding invitations. It's definitely ok to put registry info on shower invitations.

[jessica31876]

Ive always just asked when invited to a wedding where they were registered but I dont think if it is close family and friends that they would be offended by you including it with the invite. At least I would not be offended by it but Im not sure how it is supposed to be handled exactly as I just got married by a notary...never had a real wedding exactly.

[LenaGardner]

thanks girls. My original decision was to let it be word of mouth. I waivered on that after a conversation with FMIL this morning but I'm back to being confident about my original decision I'll tell her that she can put the registry info on my wedding shower invite...which she has already suggested I design (which is fine). I'm still open to discussion about it but now I have renewed resolve

[ColleenSwerb]

I'm one of those people who hates to see registry info directly on ANY invitation. Shower or otherwise. A small seperate card included with the shower invitation is acceptable, but I really hate to see it included with the wedding invite itself. I don't know why, but seeing it included on an actual invitation just makes me cringe. I guess I'm just old school like that.

[nesser1981]

Wedding shower is cool, wedding invitation is not. LOL!

[shupe]

Originally Posted by lovely1m

Its totally wrong etiquette wise, but I like it. lol I know its wrong, but when I get it that way I really appreciate it.

Exactly

[carriesmom]

I agree with Col, I hate seeing the information on any sort of invitation. A separate card if you must but frankly, if you are not comfortable enough to ask someone where a bride is registered then why are being invited anyways? Just my opinion but I am stickler for tradition about this.

[laurabobaura]

i would *assume* that people would just ask either a friend of mine or me, directly... or if they really knew me, they could probably find it easiy by searching online

[mummytothree]

I wouldn't do this because I practice the etiquette that gifts are bought for the shower and not for the wedding but I voted to print it on an additional card because that's what I've seen done with all the invitations I've gotten lately.

[kbbeale]

Originally Posted by ColleenSwerb

I'm one of those people who hates to see registry info directly on ANY invitation. Shower or otherwise. A small seperate card included with the shower invitation is acceptable, but I really hate to see it included with the wedding invite itself. I don't know why, but seeing it included on an actual invitation just makes me cringe. I guess I'm just old school like that.

This exactly. These days people can find registry information within a matter of seconds via the internet, for instance your registery at Target

Dont include a card or print on invites. Its just tacky.

Kristen

[Sharon Kay]

Originally Posted by MamaBee

I might be out of it... but I think word of mouth is the "Emily Post" way to do it... usually the notice of places goes in the shower invite... however, if your wedding is small and informal, then I think you, the bride, gets to make the final decision...

This would be the best way to do it ... but if you must put it in the invitation ... it should be a separate little card.

BTW my friend's daughter was just married in May ... and she got a registration card from Bed Bath & Beyond to enclose ... after shopping there (which by the way you can use those coupons they send in the mail) ... I was amazed by their service!!! They not only helped me find the items on the bride's list ... but they gift wrapped it for free!!! ...so they not only got my business for the wedding gift ... but offered to my mom to get hers picked up there & wrapped ... and then went back there for the shower gifts. Boy I loved not having to wrap it up! ...plus it helps keep duplicates to a minimum and it is easily exchangeable. I'm recommending them to anyone I know who is getting married.

FYI the "fine china" is not available in all the stores ... I found that out.

[Sharon Kay]

Originally Posted by nesser1981

Wedding shower is cool, wedding invitation is not. LOL!

true true true

[jacinda]

We don't do registry things here, so I'm no help. People buy whatever they want for you, and if they're close friends or family they straight up ask you what you want.

[lovely1m]

Originally Posted by mummytothree

I wouldn't do this because I practice the etiquette that gifts are bought for the shower and not for the wedding .

Really? No present for the wedding? I haven't heard of this one.

[Megan Turnidge]

Wow! I never knew it was bad manners to some to tell your guests where you're registered. I included little cards in our invites... and the majority of our gifts came from our registries. I don't think I've received a wedding invite that didn't include registry info. As a guest, I love knowing where they're registered because I certainly wasn't going to try and hunt that info down myself. It helps me know what they really want and need.

[litabells]

Originally Posted by laurabobaura

i would *assume* that people would just ask either a friend of mine or me, directly... or if they really knew me, they could probably find it easiy by searching online

Yep, this

[emmasmommy]

i usually buy a gift for a shower and give money for a wedding gift...so the info in the wedding invite would be kind of odd to me.

[SweetMelissa]

I would include the registery informatin in the shower invities. I wouldn't put them in the actual wedding invities.

[ColleenSwerb]

Originally Posted by lovely1m

Really? No present for the wedding? I haven't heard of this one.

She might mean no physical present for the wedding. I give a present at the shower, and then money at the wedding, so that might be what she meant, but I'm not sure.

It's not hard to ask someone where the couple is registered. All the important people should know (the parents and immediate family), and anyone else should know to ask them if they don't want to ask the couple themselves. It also takes no time at all to go to Bed Bath and Beyond and search for one of their names to see if they registered there (which most couples still do, since they have EVERYTHING).

ETA: And so many couples now-a-days are creating wedding websites that have all of that information all together anyway. That's how we got around specifically saying where we were registered. Our website had a registry page with links to the various stores we registered at. We included a card with the wedding website in the save the dates and the invitation (the mini cards from moo.com).

[oohlala]

Originally Posted by emmasmommy

i usually buy a gift for a shower and give money for a wedding gift...so the info in the wedding invite would be kind of odd to me.

What Laura said!!

Also, from the other side... many moons ago when man-o-my-dreams and I got married, we got some of the best gifts from people that didn't buy from our registry!

[lovely1m]

Originally Posted by ColleenSwerb

She might mean no physical present for the wedding. I give a present at the shower, and then money at the wedding, so that might be what she meant, but I'm not sure.

That makes more sense. I was like most people aren't invited to the shower, why wouldn't you still give a gift. I very, very seldom give money cause I am a bargain hunter and would rather get more bang for my buck. But thats just me.

[ColleenSwerb]

Well that's just me, I'm not sure if that's what she meant or not, lol.

After having just gotten married, I definitely appreciate getting money at the wedding. I love all the presents we got that we registered for, but we put all the money we got from the wedding into a mutual fund and are saving it for our next home (which we hope to build ourselves as our dream home). It's really nice to have that cushion of savings in place and not having to worry so much. I think I appreciate it more than a picture frame or something, you know?

But, to each his own

[lovely1m]

Originally Posted by ColleenSwerb

but we put all the money we got from the wedding into a mutual fund and are saving it for our next home (which we hope to build ourselves as our dream home).

That's a really fabulous idea!

[kim21673]

It depends on where the wedding/reception is here. Back home...people would put where they were registered in the wedding invite...up in Chicago it was NOT done when we got married.

So....we put our information in the shower invites and ONLY in the invites that went to my family when we got married. In this area you can pretty much figure out where people are registered so it wasn't a big guessing game. We looked at the main places on line and found them rather easily.

We got gifts for the shower and people gave mostly money for the wedding so it worked out for us.

[Julie Billingsley]

you all must have more options in wedding registry than we do. All we have is Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Macy's. It wouldn't be hard to figure out where to look.

[kim21673]

Originally Posted by Julie Billingsley

you all must have more options in wedding registry than we do. All we have is Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Macy's. It wouldn't be hard to figure out where to look.

LOL That's about all we have too....you can add Carson's, Kohl's, Walmart but you hit the main ones!! It wasn't too hard to find our friends on-line!!

[davec777]

My friend just got married. She had people rsvp on the a website called "the knot" that had a little website just for their wedding. It had information about their registries there if people wanted to explore their wedding site. I thought it was great. Info for those who want it ....

Stephanie

[Gabbina]

Here in Italy I think everyone put those info into the invitation... It's not rude.. and people like to know.
But it's becoming really common for the couple to have a web site or a blog with info about their wedding and about were they are registered... They can put also pictures, an about us section and so on. It's really common also to open a bank account or an open account somewhere and put those info there, so people can give money directly there for the cause the couple choose (like honeymoon, the house or other stuff).

some wedding sites i've found...
http://www.giulioemarta.it/html/home.html
http://www.jonandsara.com/
this is cool... -> http://www.albertoecristina.it/

[Stacey42]

I've gotten a bunch of wedding invites in the past year, almost all of them included a card saying where they were registered. I think it is a great idea since I have not received a single shower invite & would have no clue what the couple wanted had the registery info only been in the shower invite. Around here the majority of your guests are not invited to the shower, especially the ones coming a long distance, so that info needs to be included in the wedding info

I think this is one of those areas where ettiquette is 'evolving' as it were to accomedate changing situations