Need to whine...personal

[Laura_A]

This is a little on the personal side, but I honestly don't really have anyone I can bounce this off of, so y'all get to listen to me complain.

Hubby and I went through a REALLY rough patch in 2009 when he was deployed in Iraq. He was not handling what he was seeing very well and I was home, on my own beginning to resent being, in essence, a single parent in a foreign country with no family or close friends near for support. And because of what he was going through over there, he wasn't a support either. Quite the opposite, actually. It seemed like he was pushing me away. It was so awful! Anyway, I became very depressed, resentful and angry. By the time his year deployment was over, I was convinced that I couldn't live the military life anymore, that love was not enough to keep us together and that I wanted to leave Germany and go home without him. Thankfully, it's not that easy and we were "forced" to stay together until we could work out the logistics of a separation, but while we were working on that, we sought counseling and he refused to believe that things couldn't get better. I will forever be thankful that he didn't give up because he was right. Things are SO much better now...actually, better than they've ever been and we are ridiculously happy.

Here's my "problem". I have days when I get frustrated with every day life in general...days when I feel like a maid/taxi/cook...unappreciated...you get the idea. Some days I just struggle, I'm grumpy...doesn't everyone have days like that? Anyway, I can't really show it when I'm feeling that way because my poor hubby automatically jumps to conclusions and decides I'm back in the same mind frame as I was in 2009/2010 and starts to get worried. For him, there's no middle ground...I'm either good, or I'm a mess. It's frustrating for me because I need to be able to have a bad day now and then, and I need for him to be ok with that and not worry. Our whole marriage, I've worried about him and his feelings, which I think is important, but if I continue to stifle mine, I'm afraid I'll start to get resentful and I DON'T want that.

Deep breath...so, that's me. Thanks for letting me vent and if you might have any advice, I'd love to hear it.