Is it weird....

[rachaelsscraps]

to not want to go to your grandmother's wake? My grandmother passed away a couple of days ago, and I'm not sure I want to go to the wake... Of course I'll be going to the funeral. I do have a reason though...

I'm about ready to pop (3 1/2 weeks left!) and I don't want everyone coming up to me to talk about the baby since it'll be my grandmother's wake, kwim? Does that sound weird? But the time (5-7) interferes with my almost 4-yo's evening routine anyway...

And, while I'm not sobbing sad (she's had Alzheimer's for the past 8 years, and I went thru the mourning in the past 8 years and see her death as a relief so she isn't suffering anymore- I hope that doesn't sound bad!) but I don't want the wake to upset me (and then have the funeral on top of that) because I don't want that added stress in these last few weeks of pregnancy.
I'm already at risk for (repeat) pre-eclampsia so stress is the last thing I need right now!

What do you think? What would you do if it were you?

Thanks for the input

[LenaGardner]

I think all of your reasons sound perfectly logical to me! It sounds like you know what to do...I'm sorry about your grandmother. ((hugs)) I don't think it's weird at all!

[jessica31876]

I dont think it is weird. I think that you have your reasons and whatever they are you shouldnt have to explain them to anyone. Im really sorry to hear about your grandma too...my great-grandma also had alzheimers and it was a painful thing to see her declining for so many years

[pbumbaca]

I agree with Lena and I am sorry for your loss.

[Sharon Kay]

Don't go...your health comes first. I didn't go to my grandparents because I don't like "viewings"...but I went to the funeral. I don't see wakes as "required attendance". My mother always told me "funerals are for the living" (the ones left behind)...you don't have to go if you don't want to. That's my 2 cents.

[tuneskids]

I didn't go to my grandparents' wakes. One, because they were living far away from where I lived before they passed away (my grandfather in 2001, my grandmother in 2008). I didn't know about my grandfathers until it was already passed, because my grandmother didn't want any of us to worry about it. And when my grandmother passed away, she had suffered from Alzheimer's for almost 10 years. Neither one had a formal funeral either.

I do wish that I had gotten to visit with them a little more before they passed away (although I know it would have been hard to see my grandmother, with her not knowing anyone), but I didn't feel bad that I missed their wakes. I will always have my memories of them while I was growing up, and that will be enough for me, as well as the items passed on to us over the years (my uncle cleared out all their stuff when my grandmother passed away, without asking any of us if we wanted anything - that hurt more than not going to their wakes).

[Amber1279]

Sorry for your loss, I didn't attend my Grandmother's wake for very similar reasons.

[DawnMarch]

I think it's ok not to go, if you have good reasons. Honestly, I'm tempted not to go to any more open casket wakes anyway. I know some people need that kinda closure to see the body and say goodbye or whatever, but I would rather remember my grandparents as they were when they were alive than the images of them I now have of them from their wakes.

[Kimmy]

I've had the repeat pre ecclampsia. Husband's grandmother was dying and put in the hospital 4 days before I had my 2nd baby this past February. I was okay with everything at the time-the situation or whatever, sounds kind of how you are, but did get so stressed out from dealing with being around family while pregnant that on the drive home I was seeing red b/c my blood pressure was so high.

[Paula]

I totally agree with everyone else. I have always seen the wake as an "optional" thing. I hope that doesn't sound rude, but to me, the funeral is the most important part of the death process.

[justanotherjen]

not weird to me. I skipped my gramma's wake, too. For one I HATE funerals. Mostly it was because me and my husband had to travel 8 hours to get to Chicago and got in really late the night before (we left after he got off of work at like 6pm...it was a looooong night).
I was also pregnant (about 3 months along) and just exhausted.
I did go to the funeral the next day, though, I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. I never got along great with my gramma. She ignored me and my brother most of our childhood, then lived with us from the time I was 16 until she died 7 years later (I moved out when I Was 18 because I couldn't take it). She also had alzheimers so being around her was difficult. She didn't even know who I was the last 2 years. She died Christmas day 1999 which was hard on everyone (my parents had finally put her in a nursing home and she died a month later, she was 86). Plus I learned at the funeral that she had been an awesome gramma to my older cousins.

I also skipped my father-in-law's wake. It was open casket and was just 2 1/2 years after my own mother had died (they both died of a stroke). It was just too much for me. I got into a huge fight with my oldest sil because she insisted I HAD to go or it was disrespectful. I knew my fil and he wouldn't want me there if it was that painful. He was a good man and I miss him so much (he died 6 years ago, my mom died almost 9 years ago).