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HELP!
I am so angry right now that I could just scream......
My DD went in today to see the OB and he said that he wants to schedule to induce on the 26th. He will break her water for her and give her pitocin. If after 16 hours she has not progressed and on her way to delivering Ben naturally, he will have to do a C section. I agree with this and it sounds like a reasonable plan of action to me. She is supposed to call the hospital by 4 pm today to get her spot secured. HOWEVER, the baby's daddy is telling her not to schedule the induction, that he wants her to deliver naturally and doesn't want all of the drugs from the C section. Well, you know what? You can have to have a c section whether you have gone in for a scheduled induction or not! If it is in the best interest of the baby and her to get the baby out of there, then that is what has to be. I just don't know what to do right now. Her Dad wants to let nature take it's course...... This would be so much easier if she were 18 and then her Dad and I didn't have a say in any of it.
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#2
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I thought once you became a legal parent (and were over a certain age) you could make medical decisions for yourself? Why does he have a say?
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#3
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BTW why is the doctor already planning a c-section? is she high risk? My sister is small (4'11") with small hips and she labored for almost 30 hours and they didn't do a c-section. (FWIW, Dr.s get paid more if they do a C-Section, so just be clear of his motives)
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#4
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the scheduling is for the induction not a c-section right? Is the reason for the induction because of the GD? If he wants her to do things naturally, did he pay for her to have labor classes and did she attend them?
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#5
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See, I don't know what the "rules" are here. She is 17 (just turned 17 on August 10th) so I don't know whose decision it ultimately is. Hers or ours as the parents of a minor child.???
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#6
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oh and I think 16 hours is really a short amount of time before deciding to do a c-section
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#7
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But, because he was being informative and preparing her for the "what if's" it has sent our entire family into an upheavel and they are only focusing on the c section part of it all.
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#8
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I was 17 when I had my oldest and while I had a say over what was done with Zach, my parents still had full say over what was done with me. The doctor sat us down and explained all of that to us. Such as if there was an emergency and one of us needed to be saved, or if a c-section was needed to keep ME from complications my parents got the say, not me.
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#9
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Makes sense Trish. When I had my oldest I was 16 and we never went through these things with my parents. I was such a mature, level headed person already and pretty much made all of the decisions and my parents agreed with them. Plus, my parents were/are still together and my Dad just let my Mom and I handle everything. In this case, my DD's Dad and I have been divorced since she was 16 mos. and he is very involved and we butt heads sometimes.
She cancelled the induction. so, she goes in on Monday for her next appointment. I just want what is best for her and the baby. It is so hard to be a Mom and even harder given the situation we are in with her being a minor, living with her Dad and the fact that neither her Dad nor I get along with her baby's father. I keep thinking once Ben gets here it will be easier but, it won't. Maybe when she turns 18 and is an adult.
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#10
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I agree she needs to to do what's best for the baby...What does your daughter want to do?
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Rachelle |
#11
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Hi Neenee! Sorry about all the drama you're dealing with right now! here are my thoughts...
1. I don't understand the doctor's reasoning behind wanting to induce. Is the baby getting too big? They typically don't induce unless there's a reason (which could be the mom begging/insisting, LOL). Assuming that he DOES have a valid medical reason to induce, I don't think anyone should let their opinions affect what happens at all. The doctor is way more of a professional on this topic than anyone who just happens to have an "opinion". 2. re: c-sections...I've had two of them. the first was an emergency (after a perfect pregnancy) because the baby was in distress once I arrived at the hospital. I know, I know - major surgery and all that - but let me tell you - my recovery wasn't any worse than that of my friends who had severe ripping/tearing from difficult deliveries that involved forceps and the vacuum thingy. Initially I think I was in more pain and had more restrictions, but once I started healing - I healed completely and pretty quickly. and the whole "drug free" delivery...give me a break. If a woman wants that, that's fine - it should be your daughter's choice. But any man who wants to push it on a woman should have his lip wrapped around his forehead and have it stapled there. drug free. I know that most of us here are moms and we all have opinions on this topic, but I say that it's too late to decide to start letting people arbitrarily overrule the recommendations of your doctor. It's too late in the process and things are too emotional to start that. Just my $.02 Hang in there!! I can't believe it's time already!! |
#12
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Who has custodial rights over your daughter? Do you have medical rights drawn up from custody hearings? Ultimately, I would think whoever has medical custody over your daughter would get the final say so if there's an issue if she isn't allowed her own medical decision making.
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#13
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I ended up pushing my first son out drug free...
I know some women love it and swear by it, but NEVER EVER again. My other two (with epidural) were much more pleasant thank you very much.
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#14
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First, when is her due date? Will she be overdue at the time of the induction? Does she have gestational diabetes? What are the doctor's reasons for wanting to schedule an induction? I think your daughter needs to make an educated decision and if the doctor is not giving her a reasonable explanation as to why he wants to induce then I say let nature take its course. If there is a specific reason why he/she thinks an induction needs to be done, then I would recommend strongly considering it. And doing a c-section only 16 hours after induction seems a little early to me. I was told by my doctor that I could safely go through labor for 24-36 hours with my 2nd son before a c-sec would become necessary so I just scheduled the c-section 3 days before his due date. My first was an emergency c-sec after 31 hours of labor.
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#15
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Why are they wanting to induce her? What is her due date? Is she dialated or effaced at all? What is her Bishop score? I'd be VERY wary of an induction unless it is necessary for health reasons, her body will do what it needs to when the time comes, and if she is induced before her body has started readying itself for labor then she is at a much higher risk for a failed induction and then a c-section possibly. I'd have her walk like crazy, sit on an exercise ball, etc to try and kick her body into gear naturally rather than go with the medical interventions.
If she's being induced for medical reasons, what is the hospitals policy on walking? Will she be allowed to be up and moving on the pitocin? Can she walk after her water is broken or will she be bed bound? I'm a firm beleiver in staying away from interventions unless medically necessary, because baby will come when its good and ready.
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#16
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Her father has primary custody with rights to establish her home, minor and/or routine medical treatment, things like that. I have full rights to all of her religion, education, medical, travel, etc. And of course my visitation, which we don't follow....she just goes where she wants to when she wants to. We always let both of our children spend as much time as they could with the other parent while still being reasonable as far as the children staying in a schedule and routine. We have been very agreeable on this. I think I just have a hard time letting go and don't know where to draw the line between she is still a minor and letting her make her own decisions. That is not to say that I am pushing for the induction necessarily. I just wanted to do what the doctor was advising. I trust his judgment and have faith in his abilities. He delivers more babies than any other doctor in the county with no stillbirths, ever. He delivered 402 babies last year.
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#17
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I think I've missed something, but why induce in the first place? Induction can lead to higher c-section rates, unfortunately, so it's better IMO not to induce unless there's a medical necessity for it.
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#18
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She is due August 29th. He suggested induction on the 26th, so 3 days early. She has gestational diabetes but seems to be managing it well with diet right now. She is 1 cm dilated and about 75% effaced. I didn't go to this appointment and now I wish I would have so I could have heard his exact words and reasoning behind the suggestion.
Wow, you girls scare me. 30 hours of labor! I can't imagine. My longest labor was 8 hours with the other two being under 4 hours See, if his mindset is 16 hours with no progress....then whether she is induced or goes naturally into labor, I would think that is going to be his cut off for proceeding with a C section.
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#19
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If she's otherwise healthy, I don't see the issue with letting her have the baby on her own.
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#20
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I'm curious about why he is scheduling an induction too. What is her due date? Does she have high blood pressure? If there is no medical reason, then I don't understand why they would be scheduling it. I was induced because of high blood pressure, and they put the pill on the cervix and that's all I ended up needing and it put me into full labor (I was 38 weeks 4 days I think...). The original plan was to start pitocin at 7am, but he was born at 5:03am. Thank you, baby!
I totally agree with Beckie about the drug-free bit. If your daughter has made that decision and he's supporting her, then so be, but it's her decision to make, not his. Since you have a say, try seeing what she really wants, and support her with it. The babydaddy should also be informed on infant and mother mortality rates, and how many deaths there aren't because of modern medicine. I've known so many women who have gone to the hospital already in labor, even with their water breaking on its own, who have had to go in for emergency c-sections because of baby's position, umbilical cord around the neck, no cervical progression...etc who may have never lived to have their baby, or the baby may have died from the trauma. While I sure hope I never have to have a c-section, I definitely appreciate the lives of the moms and babies who have had to go through them. I seriously marvel at modern medicine, and while I hate all of the do's and don't's during pregnancy, I just have to look at mortality rates and be grateful for all of the research that has been done.. p.s. Most women I have known who have had scheduled inductions have gone into labor on their own before the induction, so this whole hubbub could be about nothing. Unfortunately that doesn't make it any easier to go through today. *hugs*
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#21
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Yea, I keep thinking this myself....saying you know, she will probably go into labor on her own anyway in the next week so all of this stress and drama will have been for nothing. And in the end, my DD is the one who is left feeling torn between me, her Dad and the baby's father. And that is all she needs right now. I have just stepped aside right now, she has enough voices in her head with those two men and their opinions.....
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
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hey neenee just thought i would jump in and say the law saysthat since she is a pregnant minor that she she makes her own medicalchoices. also in texas since she is over 16 she also has that right. the hipaa privacy laws also back her up. here in oregon the law is 14 years old.
wishing her a great delivery! it's just around the corner!!!! |
#23
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I had my daughter when I was younger then your daughter is now. I was almost 16 when I had her but I was married and therefore was legally considered an adult.
I think that while everyone around your daughter should be able to tell her what they think since she will be the one in labor and the one delivering the decisions should be hers to make really. No offense but the men having so much say is kinda wrong since they wont be the one dealing with the pain from the labor and delivery...if it was my daughter though I would find some time to be alone with her and ask her what she wants and how she feels about the different options she has been presented with. She is likely really scared at this point and overwhelmed and needs support more then anything in whatever she thinks will be best for her and for her baby. She will be making lots of decisions for the baby once he is here so starting now before he is born and knowing she has support from everyone at this point will go a long way in making the birth of the baby easier/stress free for her. Good luck with it though!! I can only imagine how excited eveyrone is to meet the little one!! |
#24
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sorry, just wanted to say one more thing...
People with gestational diabetes tend to have higher birth-weight babies. It could be the size of the baby they are worried about with recommending induction. Not to get graphic, and I'm sure some of you have personal experience with this, but my girlfriend had a 9 lb baby and she has never been the same since...significant damage "down below". |
#25
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NeeNee, is your daughter sizing big? |
#26
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I'm not knowledgeable enough to weigh in about the medical issues, but I will say that I had both of my boys naturally. We decided to go the natural route because we didn't want the babies exposed to the drugs... don't know if it really makes a difference or not, but that's what we wanted. My first labor lasted 33 hours and I was totally spent by the end. My water broke with the second about 8am and he was born about 11pm. The second delivery was *much* easier than the first.
Best of luck to mom and baby, whatever she decides. |
#27
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I do agree with that. With my induction they let me go 16 hours the first day, and told me if it took longer than 16 again the next day I'd have to get a C-Section from the baby being under stress so long.
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#28
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Ummm, yeah. I was 29 hours and they never mentioned it. Granted that wass 15 years ago.
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Heidi
CTing for : Studio Basic & Erica Zane |
#29
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My first one was born with induction and was 9.14....with forceps and everything else, it took me 2 years to recover. However, my last baby was 9.12 and I had her naturally. I really think that it depends on the doctor and on lots of external factors (ie, having enough sleep, eating enough before labor, etc).
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#30
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I think your daughter's doctor has a teriffic plan for her and she seems like she's in great hands!
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#31
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Witch both deliveries I was in so much pain I felt the contractions more in my back than anywhere else and because they are not measured same as the others it made midwifes and doc say, I wouldn't have contractions or just minor. With my first child I went through the whole process with vomitting, diarhea until I finally got my epidural - which was a blessing! I delivered a healthy baby and was really relaxed and happy! The second time I got sent home by the doc - as stated above - according to him - I was not in labor. I doubted myself but then hubby took me in again, cause I was in so much pain. There was no time for any drugs other than gas and it didn't help at all. While the midwife was on the phone to call the doc at home, I felt the urge to push. She rushed back in, second push, head was born with the sack still intact, she then had to brake the water and had to remove the cord around his neck before the third and last push when he was born. I was too exhausted and miserable to hold the baby. I think in my case the drugs helped me and the baby to have a better delivery and start in life then without the drugs. In my opinion it made the difference, the first born has been the easier and relaxter baby to look after - coincidence? Maybe...maybe not.
What I am trying to say with my story - I wish everybody would listen to the mother, she knows best! People need to listen to them, what they want and how they feel. I am not a fan of inducing or c-section before due date just because it is more convenient - unless there is a medical reason. I say as much natural as possible but if drugs are needed, so be it, we are so lucky that we have these options available today. |
#32
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Yes, this. I would be concerned about that. I was induced, starting about 9 p.m. on Friday night. I labored until about 2:30 on Sunday afternoon, when he was finally ready to come. He was born at 2:50. I was exhausted, but completely fine. Luke was healthy. I was recovered within 24 hours.
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Kristin
social media girl for ljs designs. |
#33
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I've always been a firm believer in men getting zero say in how labor & delivery are conducted, unless they are the OB or I get to yank on their lips during each unmedicated contraction.
My first was a scheduled cs due to breech presentation but my second was an unmedicated VBAC (and DH kept his lips) Your DD is having the baby,the work, the pain are hers to deal with whatever the law might say. Find out what she wants to do in her heart and stand behind her. Can you go to her next appt with her? |
#34
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i wholeheartedly agree!
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#35
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FWIW, I had gestational diabetes with my son and was induced at 40w3d and I totally wish I would have waited just a bit longer....as they say, hindsight is 20/20. I controlled my GD with diet alone and my numbers were only off like 2 or 3 times, but my doc scared me and talked about potential placenta issues, baby size issues, etc. And being hugely pregnant, I agreed to the induction and ended up a c-section after laboring for about 18 hours. And he was only 7lb 6.5oz, so GD does not necessarily a large baby make.
Honestly, I'd just go with whatever your daughter feels comforable with. Laboring with pitocin is no fun, but if the doc feels it's medically necessary, then it is ALL about what's best for the baby. I would personally wait longer, knowing now what I didn't know then, but there's really no way to tell what the "best" way is...all of them lead to the same exciting result - a new baby to snuggle and love on!
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siggy by the incredibly amazing Jacinda |
#36
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Nee Nee, I think it'd be good if you and her could go see the OB together, even if you have to make an extra appointment. But before you go, ask her what SHE would like for herself and the baby. I think all of us have our opinions on how it should be done, but in the end, it really does have to be a satisfying experience for her. Even though the father helped make the baby, it's not him that has to do the pushing or deal with the pain. I was very disappointed in my first birth (not the result!), but my subsequent ones made me feel wonderful and strong (they were all natural, by my choice).
I think it should be up to her what she does, and you can be an advocate for her if she needs one! ((hugs))
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#37
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ITA with this. Seriously.
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Sara Creating for absolutely no one because I don't think I know how to scrap anymore.
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#38
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As someone who was induced, adn with my first, it is NOT somethign I would want to do again, or wish on anybody. It caused more probelms than it solved for me. And my biggest issue was that once that IV was in, I was stuck to the bed, they wouldn't let me do a damn thing. I agree with Jen - get her waling, shopping etc. Get the baby on its way naturally. If she's already that dilated and effaced, a good shopping trip should help things along!
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#39
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I had GD and was on insulin. Even then it took high blood pressure for them to start inducing me the day after my due date. I was induced for 5 out of 7 days (they sent me home for the weekend so I wouldn't be under an on call Drs care) before ending up with an emergency c-section because the cord was wrapped around her.
My oldest was natural, and I know I'm in the minority but I honestly thought the recovery from the c-section was easier. But I'm definitely not in favor of induction...
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#40
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...and I'm one that has been induced three times and have had great experiences and no complications whatsoever. First DS was born within 5 hours of being induced, seond DS within 3 hours....and my youngest DS, he's the stubborn one - took about 8 hours.
Everyone is different. Listen to what your daughter wants, what her wishes are and talk to her OB. I think the three of you should have an appointment together, as the poster above suggested - NO MEN involved. I have to ppffffttt at some BOY saying that he doesnt want your daughter to be comfortable during labor (and thats putting it nicely). Good luck, Kristen |
#41
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I have type 1 diabetes, have had it for 18 years...with my first I was to be induced 3 days before my due date, suspected a big baby...the induction WAS HORRIBLE....absolutely horrible...I was in labour for 12 hours with not one inch of movement....they took the cervadil out after 3 hours because It was causing severe stress on th ebaby....and after the next 9 hours they decided that she was in so much stress I had to have an emergency c....not what I EVER wanted but thankful that she was ok....with my second, I was a planned c section 2 full weeks before Keegan was due, and he weighed 8 12...big boy for being early but thats what diabetes will do. The recovery was rough but I wouldn't have changed a thing.
Good luck with everything Neenee, typically a first time momma will go over her due date, keep us posted and tell your daughter not to stress too much! Hugs to you all!
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Shannon Proud to be creating for: |
#42
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I've never been induced or had c-sec. I went early with both and the second was natural but not cause I wanted it! Just not enough time. I think the decision should be up to her. She is the one that will live it!
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Brittney
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#43
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I have to agree with everyone who said that barring a true medical necessity, I would not encourage induction, and 16 hours is REALLY short for a trial of labor! On average most 1st time mothers labor for around 24+ hours. That is normal for a first time momma. So, keeping in mind what can happen with induction, regardless of the doctor's live birth rate, it sounds to me like he's setting her up for a "failure to progress." It's also normal for first time mommas to go past their due date. Before she agrees to an induction, assuming that her GD stays in control, she should know her Bishop score. While this isn't the end all, it can help predict if a woman is ready for induction. Also, I would encourage her to ask her doctor to wait to break her water, or let it break on it's own. The water helps cushion and protect the baby during labor. It can also help keep labor easier on mom. I've been down the induction road, down the natural in hospital road, and down the homebirth road. Without a medical emergency, I would never be induced again. That was pure hell, and I absolutely NEEDED drugs during and after because of that pain. Ultimately though, you need to sit down with your daughter and make sure she understands this stuff. When I had my oldest, I wasn't much older than she was, and I was a fool that thought you just went to the hospital and had a baby. I didn't put any thought into it what-so-ever. I got lucky my induction went as smoothly as it did, with no complications, and that my OB was as laid back as he was. She needs to be aware of that inductions can and do fail and will increase her risk of major surgery (c-section) and all the risks that go with that. I know that's scary stuff for a teenager, but she needs to know that. She needs to be the one running the show though, in the end, as it's her body going through this process. Doing the above is how I mentally prepared for our homebirth. I made myself aware of the risks, the grave responsibility of my baby's life, etc. At those last several appointments, we (my husband and I) were going over and analyzing everything possibility with my midwife. Doing this put me in charge of my body. It made me responsible for my baby's well-being, knowing that I needed to speak up if I felt something was wrong, knowing how to handle any little kink in our plan (ie get our butts to the hospital, if needed). I WISH I had prepared that much for my induction. I think I could have saved myself alot of pain (both mental and physical) and a rough recovery. I say mental pain because I was not prepared for the process, at all. Yes, it was a joyous occassion, but it was tramatizing being made to stay in bed in that much pain. It was tramatizing to not be able to do things for myself, needing help to get up to pee, to shower, etc. for a good 24 hours while my epidural wore off. I wish your daughter good luck and an easy labor experience! She's very lucky to have you so involved! I hope that things get worked out.
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#44
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Sending positive thoughts for a happy delivery, momma and baby! I can't believe that it is already time.
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#45
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I was induced with my last baby (twice). And I agree with Kristen, it was a lot easier in my healing. Of course it also helped knowing a set day that the Belly Pie was coming. Both my brother (who was coming to help with the boys) and my hubby had plenty of notice and we're able to get off work that way I could actually take a few days to just lie in bed and recover. My healing time is a little different though sine one baby broke my tail bone and the other two re-cracked it.
The first 16 hours I was induced I had no pain meds, (since my epidural wore off too soon with my first I wait till the last possible moment to get it) and I didn't notice the contractions being any worse than they were with either of the boys. They removed the pictocin drip at like 8 that night and by 10 I was contracting on my own. However my body was making still no progress after so many hours of contracting I was still only 1 cm. They used a gel on me and the restarted the drip in the morning since my body still was making no progress. I wasn't until they restarted the drip, inserted the gel, and did another version that the pain became unbearable. Of course I had to have an induction. And even though it wasn't bad I don't think I'd chose to have one again, and I really wouldn't recommend it unless her doctor says there's a medical reason for it. I agree go in with her to her next one and see why the doctor wants her to have it, and why he's only wait such a short time from the start of the induction to do a c-section. I was induced twice and in labor for 30 hours and I still had a few more hours before my doctor wanted me to have a c-section and even then he said the only reason they wouldn't give me longer was since both my boys came out with the cords around their necks after only 10-11 hours labor.
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#46
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#47
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I didn't carry any of my children to the full 40 weeks, they were all at about 38 weeks and were around 7 lbs. I myself however, was a 9 lb 5 oz baby. My Mom did fine with having me but I was also the 4th (and last ) baby. Breanna is about 5'6" but is tiny in frame. She weighed 102 when she got pregnant and is still only 125 right now.
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
#48
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and the whole "drug free" delivery...give me a break. If a woman wants that, that's fine - it should be your daughter's choice. But any man who wants to push it on a woman should have his lip wrapped around his forehead and have it stapled there. drug free. DITTO to what Beckie said~
and just my personal note....I had 2 children WITH drugs and 2 children WITHOUT{and if I ever had the choice again I would have them ALL with drugs simply because my delivery was sooo much calmer and better} .....and it should totally be your daughter's choice how she would like to deliver...as long as she has been educated on the options then she should be bale to make an informed decision~ my best advice would be to not worry about the c-section at this point and make that decision when the time comes...the doctor is going to look out for her and the baby's best interest when she does go in to labor~good lluck and hope everythign goes smoothly~ |
#49
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Here is my delivery rundown: DD #1 - developed pre-eclampsia at 38 weeks (was not in any type of labor whatsoever) was only given pitocin at 4:45 pm baby arrived at 8:01 pm = 3 hours 16 minutes. DD #2 - went into natural labor at 38 weeks 2 days around 8 am, went to hospital things were 100% natural - baby born at 6:13 pm = 10 hours 13 minutes DD #3 - went in for scheduled induction at 38 weeks 4 days - water broken and pitocin given around 4 pm baby arrived at 8:13 pm = 4 hours 13 minutes No pain meds with any of them and pushed like 3 or 4 times and out comes baby girl, each time. I really am lucky that all of my deliveries were what I consider easy. But, if I had another one...I would be doing pitocin 100% all the way. I am a hit it hard, hit it fast and get it over with kind of girl I guess. I have no idea how DD will be of course so that is what makes this so hard. Everyone is so different. She did put her foot down yesterday completely on her own accord and told her Dad and her BF that she was keeping the induction date. I had stepped aside and told her that she had enough voices in her head and the decision should be hers to make. I was very proud of her.
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
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Creating for: Krystal Hartley |
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