Toddler help

[hollyxann]

Kennedy is in the phase of hitting and I can not for the life of me get her to stop or even realize that it's wrong. Sometimes I think she understand and then others she just keeps doing it. The only thing that seems to help is time out but she just sits there and screams and cries. It breaks my heart but I have no idea what else to do.

I've tried everything....besides murder, starvation, and drugging her. No seriously though...I think I've tried everything that I can think of. Help. I need this to stop!

Yes I understand she is 2 1/2 but something has to give....

[YepBrook]

My advice with a 2 year old is to talk about 'good choices' and be very consistent with a set discipline plan for whenever she makes 'bad choices'.

I usually did something like this:
first offense-- "Grace, throwing toys at your brother is not a good choice. Do not do it again, okay?" (I had them answer me "ok, Mommy")
second offense-- "Grace, you just threw a toy again. Mommy told you it is not a good choice to do that because you may break something or hit someone. If you throw toys again you will get a time out, do you understand?" (I had them answer me "ok, Mommy, I understand")
third offense-- "Grace, Mommy told you if you throw toys again you get a time out." I would then put her in time out in a time out chair or mat. If she cried or fought me about going into time out I would tell her "if you scream and fight you get an extra minute (or 2 minutes, whatever I felt was appropriate). As a rule, I do time out the # of their age + one minute. At 2 they got 3 minutes time out. At 7, Ben gets 8 minutes if he's in time out.

fourth offense was usually another time out (sometimes in their bed), or a toy got into time out for the day (especially if it was a toy causing the bad behavior). fifth time was often a single spank to her bottom... of course, with warning in advance that the next time she would get a spank... etc. Not in anger, though. If I am at all angry I just do another time out. I know not everyone agrees with spanking, so I am treading lightly on this...

If the behavior was happening during a play date, we would usually leave after the third time as a consequence. 2's are tough, but setting up a consistent discipline really helped me and I think has made the 3's and 4's easier. I don't have many struggles with their behavior now, and if I do they know what to expect. Sorry so lengthy... I hope this helps somehow.

[color of my heart]

hit back? gently, of course. not enough to hurt her, but enough to make her realize what she's doing.

it may be a weird approach, but it works for some kids. i'll never forget the time that my brother hit my mother pretty hard and she tapped him on the back of the head- not enough to actually hurt him, but enough for him to notice. he just stood there in shock. he never hit anyone again. same with biting. he was a biter, so one day, she bit him back. again, not to hurt, but to prove a point. he never bit her, or anyone else, again.

[Keely~B]

Okay, I never had hitters but Keiran would bite me, we're talking after weaning. She'd just take a big bit of my shoulder when I'd carry her etc. Out of nowhere. I found the best thing for her was to ignore her. I'd say "No! We don't bite" and put her down and ignore her for a while. I know that sounds awful but for her, any reaction, was an incentive, positive or negative. The more I talked to her, got angry or tried to reason with her the more she did it. For her, it seemed that she liked the attention/reaction she got. ( she's now 15 and ummm.....the issues are so much harder to deal with LOL )

[glumirk]

Just like Keely, because my kids have mostly hit me I just put them down away from me and say "No hitting Mama". The removal thing doesn't seem to work as well when they hit each other, so I say "we don't hit each other because it hurts" and then I give a little flick on the cheek. Another mom told me the trick of flicking and I love it because you can't get too hard, but it's a short sting that catches their attention. Then I make them practice using their words to show them how much easier itnisnwithout hitting/screaming at each other.

The last time my son hit me it was really bad (I had a headache for the rest of the day!) so he didn't get ice cream when we went out that day, and he's been really good about not hitting since. Good luck! It's just a phase and as long as you stick to however you are teaching her it's wrong, she will grow out of it.

[winipeg1]

I have a 3 and a half year old and she was a smacker, to me & DH (never to other children) and we tried everything, from the warnings- if you do that again you will be in time out, to going straight to time out with no warnings and taking toys off her.

The only thing that worked was smacking her back- I only had to do this a handful of times before she got the message. I always explained that when you smack Mommy it hurts so that she needs to feel how it feels to be smacked- of course I never smacked her hard it was more like a gentle tap. I was always I WILL NEVER SMACK MY CHILD!!! but when you have tried everything else I was willing to try a gentle smack back. My husband never tried this and she continued to smack him in a temper long after she stop smacking me.

In a bad tantrum she occasionally still smacks out but she still gets that smack back. I know not everyone agrees with smacking but I can only talk from what worked with me and a gentle smack definitely worked here.

[lovely1m]

I have no advice, just sympathy. I am dealing with my kiddo not behaving at daycare and its so stressful. I hope you find a way to help her.

[~Cindy~]

Cole my now four year old was awful at hitting/head butting walls etc. Then I would tell him No, walk off and ignore him. For some reason when nothing else worked this did. He has always wanted my attention. So to him that was a HUGE deal! Now that he's older he hits and I hit back. He looks at me like I'm crazy but, sometimes I think he just wants to play not necessarily hit to be mean.

[Tronesia]

I have pretty much done the same as Brook and Helen. When she was two, her actually getting the same treatment back seemed to make her stop. Now that she is older, time out is like her worst enemy. She understands it more now. We only had one issue with her pushing another child at daycare when she was about 3 years old. I was actually able to talk to her about that one and from that point on, her and the little girl were playing well together again.

[ChristyHC]

The best advice I've been given for that age is to figure out why the bad behavior takes place and teach a replacement behavior. If they hit when frustrated it might be teaching them to say I'm frustrated instead of hitting. If they hit to interact it might be teaching how to give high fives. Usually kids that age don't have the words to express their feelings so they do it physically.