In need of some motherly wisdom...

[ariesfl326]

Yesterday was my daughter's Back To School night so it was the first I time I have spoken with her teacher. She was telling me that Hannah is a good kid and a great student. The only problem she has is remembering things, such as finishing her work on time, bringing work home to be signed, returning work back to school, etc. The problem isn't that she is talkative or lazy about her school work; she just simply forgets. Her teacher also said that when she does "remember" to get her work done she usually receives 100% or an A, so she needs very little help with the actual work. Her teacher and I discussed a rewards system for her however I was wondering if anyone has had similar issues with their child/children? I figured it was just the age (she's 9) however I would hate to see her grades suffer because she can't remember to bring a paper home. Any creative suggestions for dealing with this? Personally, I'm exhausted from asking her 4 or 5 times a night to get me her homework book so I can sign it! At this point I'm pretty much open to anything!

I appreciate any advice. Thanks for reading!

[rach3975]

I'm going to guess that it isn't just the age. Unless they're very new, teachers generally have a good handle on what an age-appropriate amount of responsibility and forgetfulness is. If the teacher is suggesting a reward system, I'd think that there's a reason she thinks your daughter is a good candidate for it. I'll be looking at this thread for suggestions! One of my kids is like this, too. He's very smart and has no problem with the academics, but organization and distractability are going to be major challenges as he gets a little older.

The only suggestion I have is a chart of her homework routine hung in a prominent place, and as she finishes each step she checks it off.

For example:
1. Give mom notices from school
2. Do homework
3. Get homework signed
4. Pack homework in backpack

[VillageJen]

I hate to be the big meanie (because I like positive reinforcement) but what about negative consequences?

I think 9 years old is old enough to gain some understanding that there are consequences for not following through on responsibilities. Maybe she needs to see her grades go down a little bit in order for her to take ownership of her duties.

I know I'm sometimes motivated by wanting to avoid a negative consequence. I can promise myself a reward (like a new lipgloss) if I stick to my food plan but that's not always motivating enough. I'd rather have that donut!

But knowing that the scale will show me a number that I do not want to see can be a much stronger motivation!

Of course, you can always do both. You can have the homework chart with stickers and rewards and take away privileges for forgetfulness. This is a character issue and I think it's good that you are addressing it now. Good luck!

[Nevada Jen]

Does she have a planner? My DD has an awesome one that she got through school. Its the prompts to remember things and develop good habits. Let me see if I can find who makes it. Its definately the best one I have ever seen.

[julifish]

I have a 9 yo named Hannah too and we have the same problem. I agree with Village Jen and I think that there have to be negative consequences with the positive rewards. I know that checklist reminders work well for us. So maybe since the teacher is on board you could make a little checklist for her desk. It would be a reminder of what she needs to bring home each day. Then have a designated place for her to put all her papers and things that need to be signed when she gets home. Set a time frame for her to put her things in the correct spot, she gets one reminder and then if she doesn't do it there is a punishment. If she remembers to bring everything home from school and gets it all back to school every day in the week then there is a small reward. Have you asked your daughter what she thinks will work? Having her buy-in is the key to this bringing you the results you need!!

Give her a visual way to track her progress on both the positive and negative incentives so that you can talk and praise good performance. I also try to relate this to a real life experience with my kids. So I point out that if I have to turn in a paper/project to my boss at work but then don't bring it to work then it's like I've never done it. If I do that enough times I'm going to get fired.

My 12 yo does this as well and last year she actually got B's in reading because she kept failing to get her reading log signed by us. She did the reading, the log was here at home, she was just too lazy to have us sign it or we'd sign it and then she'd leave it here. Well we gave her a really hard time about getting that B because not turning in an easy A is just plain stupid. She's finally getting it and she lost her all A incentive of getting a mani/pedi before her summer trip. (I know I'm mean!).

Just keep working at it and you'll find something that works. Good luck!

[nun69]

I had this problem with Ben last year.....but they did hve aplanner that they were required to write their homework in everyday and we had to sign it EVERY DAY! maybe keep in constant contact with her teacher...I had to keep in touch with ben's teacher at least once a week...this year is alot better and he is 10....

[mariewilcox]

You've gotten some good tips and advice Just wanted to say that my DD was like this too (more like when she was 8) and we did the same things - positive reinforcement and consequences for when she didn't remember. It basically boils down to making it a habit - some kids take longer than others to develop good habits Cheyanne started to do much better after she picked out a really "cool" fancy trapper keeper-type binder that had the expandable files in it so she could label each subject and file her papers in each file (she loves organizational supplies for some reason - Staples is her favorite store!) She also kept separate folders for work that was corrected for me to see and one for notifications/newsletters/permission slips, etc. from the school/teacher.

[DawnMarch]

My son is 9 and has struggled with this some too. We have checklists to help him out and no one is allowed to watch TV or play video games after school until work is done.

[ariesfl326]

Thank you all for your suggestions and stories. It's nice to know I'm not alone! LOL

First, she does have a planner which the teacher made and gave to each child. This is the the main homework she keeps forgetting. I'm supposed to sign it each night to show I've seen what she has done academically for the day and then for homework. I have been told by the extended day staff that Hannah is very good about going straight in and doing her homework after school. It's just once she gets home that she loses her mind!

Second, she does struggle with consequences so as of now she will not be able to have TV time or computer/video game time until I see an improvement. I'm all for the reduction in her grades so she will see another example of consequences should that happen. I have basically told the teacher to do what she needs to do and I will support it.

Third, I'm working on a couple things at home to help her and will definitely take her input as well. She will have a Daily Expectations List along with her chore chart and then we will have two baskets-Mom's To Sign and Hannah's To Return. If she can follow the routine then she will earn her games on the weekends plus whatever her teacher comes up with.

I am optimistic that this will help her. I will keep you updated. Thanks again!!!

[Leah]

Gee maybe it's all 9 year olds? lol

Mine is the same way! I am on her constantly (drives me nuts).

I'm a sign-maker. Some days you'll come home and I have signs posted all over the place. (I remind myself of my Mom) But some people just need the visual reminder and it seems to work. If anything, it reminds me to remind them.

When all else fails, I have used unfortunate consequences as well - loss of privileges usually.

[d2vasquez]

I went through that too and am glad to see you have designated baskets for notes and things you sign. This works well in our home and I actually love that this year, my dd's teacher gives "contracts" for misbehavior (we used to pull cards but guess contracts sound more 5th grade like!) When a child misbehaves or forgets to do something, the child fills out a sheet that tells what he/she did wrong and then they choose what their punishment is. Punishments have ranged in missing school break to going home and helping around the home and it is funny how much my dd has really done a lot to avoid getting a "contract" this year. I might have to start these in my home if this is the good behavior that I will get here too lol!