NSRB: Need toddler sleep help!

[mrs_jb]

Now normally I'm a bit of a sleep fanatic when it comes to my kids, but my 2.5 year old has me stumped at the moment...

Things started in the fall when he began THROWING himself out of his crib because he wanted to sleep in my room. At that point, I switched his crib to a toddler bed to keep him safer... but it just did not go well. He gave up napping in his room and he was an EXCELLENT napper. So out of pure desperation I started laying with him in my room just to get him a nap.

Then he started waking at 10 pm each night (in his toddler bed) and screaming until I brought him out. I tried everything to keep him in... and it was just a mess. He whined and yelled one night for 3 hours (I was going in every 20-30 mins). That was just my limit... I couldn't take it anymore, so I brought him in with me.

Then around Christmas he came down with a BAD cold and ended up sleeping with me all night....

And yes, you guess it, he's been there ever since. It's just become a nightmare because I feel like I'm spending all my time in my room (between naps and bedtime), plus the majority of the time my DH ends up on the couch because it's so hard to sleep in bed with a toddler. We are just completely at a loss as for how to put him back...

And I do not want to trade one bad habit for another. My DH suggested me laying in his room (I guess on the floor)... but I just think that would result in me being in and out of there all night long, every time he realizes that I am not there.

He was a wonderful sleeper before all this... so I know that he has it in him. I'm also not really such a pushover about sleep... I just think this time I got sucked in between the sickness and the insane persistence that he has. Normally he was sleeping in his room (with a fan for white noise and a little music player) with the door closed from 7:30 pm to 6/7 am.

I'm considering trying the supernanny trick of just leaving the door open and consistently putting him back... but my concern with that is the middle of the night, because I don't want him wondering around by himself.

UGh... I realize that I'm rambling and I'm so sorry... I just have to do SOMETHING! Any and all advice is totally welcome!!!

[lauren grier]

does he work well with rewards? a schedule (written) that he can go over with you and earn stars/checks/whatever throughout the week and "turn them in" for a reward of some kind? .. That worked with ce (well before-- but we have other shizz going on now). I know what it's like to have that super defiant sleeper ^_^ Something changed for him- either him emotionally or the tiniest thing in his routine..

ps that door open shizz so does not work here.

[mrs_jb]

Hey La... I wish rewards worked, but he's still too little. He's only just over 2, so there is very little reasoning with him.

[nikkiARNGwife]

Hmm..if you hadn't already switched to a toddler bed, I'd highly recommend a crib tent. When DS started climbing out of his crib (and actually broke his arm the very first time) he was about 2...we put a crib tent on his after that and he was perfectly content in his crib til he just turned 3 and then the switch to a toddler bed was much easier since he was a little older. I know lots of people switch to toddler beds once they learn to climb out of a crib but I just know from my experience with DS 22 mos was just too young to switch him to a toddler bed. The crib tent is fantastic.

[Ainwena]

The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is my bible. I recommend reading it for reinstalling toddler sleep habits (especially if he was an excellent sleeper before).

http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-...6427221&sr=8-1

[MamaBee]

Friends of ours had to switch to toddler bed when their daughter was 18 mon because she learned to climb out of the crib... so they put a gate across her door so she wouldn't wonder around at night...

I've been lucky... my not quite 3 year LOVES his crib... he would spend 1/2 the day in there if he could... not sleeping, just goofing around... jumping and talking to his buddies.

[jessica31876]

IDK if I have any advice as I started my kids in toddler beds so young (between 15 and 18 months) and never really let them sleep with us so we never had that issue. I think consistency is defenitely the key though because if you give in once then they know you'll will give in again. good luck with whatever you do. i know it has got to be really tough on both you and your husband and your son

[DawnMarch]

Ugh. We totally went through this when our daughter was that age (and it would happen again every time we got home from a vacation where she was allowed to sleep with us). If they think there is any glimmer of hope that they will eventually get to sleep with you, they will keep trying. We put up a gate across the door and had to keep returning her to her room over and over and over if she got past it. Our DD would scream like we were murdering her. It was awful BUT if we could stick with it for three nights in a row, she would give up and go to sleep just fine in her own room without any crying after that!

[carriesmom]

We had some of the problems with both my 2 1/2 year old and my 1 year old. We had to turn the door knob around so that she would stop opening the door and waking her sister. We lock (sometimes) until she falls asleep and then unlock it. Now we hardly ever have to do that, since she has learned that she shouldn't get out of her room at night. Our baby would cry like that at night and we would just let her go, it is awful to listen to, but we felt it was a better alternative than getting into the habit of sleeping with us (which almost happened)! Good Luck!

[MadiLove918]

We've had Madison in our bed since the day she came home from the hospital, but that's also because I downright refused to get up 50 times a night to trek myself to her room to nurse her. Bottles weren't an option in our house until our breastfeeding relationship was established. Boy, I was tired!

Anyway, we did try to transition her to her own bed in November and it failed miserably so I sought out help from experienced parents in a community I frequent. The general concensus is that the book called The No Cry Sleep Solution is the way to go. Apparently, it's been a miracle for some families.

When it comes time to transition her again, I'll be scooping up a copy for guidance. You might want to check it out if you're interested in books.

Here is a link to save you some time: http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-S...6443276&sr=8-2

GL!

[lovely1m]

Yeah, I am no help, my 3 year was such a bad sleeper that I could used to him just crawling in with me in the middle of the night and didn't care cause I was too dang tired.

[Emmy]

As little as just turned 2 is, I'd sit down and explain that sleeping in mom's bed is no longer allowed and that he must sleep in his own bed from now on. I'd explain the routine - first we will do jammies, then teeth, then I will read a story, then you will get in bed with your fan and your music on (or whatever you do). Then I'd do the routine and remind him each step of the way what's happening and what you are heading for (bedtime). Then I'd leave him and continue putting him back in bed every time he gets up. If you are worried about him wandering around the house at night (unlikely - he'd probably head straight to your room) then I'd get a baby monitor and put it in his room so you can hear when he gets up. I think you can get him back to sleeping in his own bed at night using that routine if you consistently put him back to bed.

Naps might be a different story though - the introduction of the toddler bed has always been the end of naps for my kiddos. I continue trying of course but not one of them consistently napped well after moving to a toddler bed, it's just too easy for them to slip out of bed and play toys when it's light out and the toys are right there.

[nanienamou]

You can put a chair and a lamp in a corner of his room and stay with him until he falls asleep. You just stay quiet and read a book. Progressively, you start to move the chair a little each night in direction of the door. Eventually, after a week or two, you will be sitting outside his door and he should be able to fall asleep even if he doesn't see you. I've never tried this technique, but many moms to which I speak have had success with it. And it's a great technique if you don't want to let him cry.

[jovi_girl]

i cant offer any advice, just sympathy! My 7 month old was a perfect sleeper from birth thru to 6 months. I dont know what happened in the last month though. Now he always wakes up during the night, and i regularly end up bringing him into our bed cos im too tired to listen to him cry any longer. Its rough.

[Kat Stokes]

Oh boy... I'm in the same boat. I have started making the 2 yo sleep with the 8 yo just so I can get a decent night's sleep. DS2 refuses to have anything to do with his crib. Even for naps. As soon as we can afford it, we will be buying bunks and putting them both in 1 room for the next few years.

[mrs_jb]

Thanks for all the help ladies!!!

I pulled out "Healthy Sleep Habit, Happy Baby" which was a lifesaver with my 2nd (don't know why I didn't think of it before) and it has some interesting advice. One of the things that it enforces is a SILENT UNRESPONSIVE return to bed... which I know that DH and I have never tried. We comfort, we talk, we try to reason... etc. It all adds up to negative attention and I know that he feeds on that. What they recommend is absolutely no talking, no eye-contact, no emotion... and then TONS of praise and loving in the morning. While I don't think this will be easy, I definitely see the point of doing it this way.

All I need to find now is a string of 3-5 days where I am absolutely certain we can be 100% consistent. I will let you all know how we do!

[4noisyboys]

Best of luck to you sweetie. I know it's so hard. Been there...done that. Consistency is the key though. I'm hoping the next report is a success story!

[carriesmom]

I hope everything works out! I know that feeling of finding the time, we need to do that with potty training!

[newfiemountiewife]

Just keep putting him back in bed. It's what we had to do with Benjamin. It was hard and took a few nights, but you have to be absolutely 100% consistent, no matter what tricks they pull. If he even thinks you'll buckle, he'll keep trying. It will be tiring for a couple of days for you, but totally worth it!

[wvasweetness]

I don't think that 2 is too young to explain to him that he needs to sleep in his own bed. He might not understand every word of what you're saying, but he will get the gist. I also think some type of positive reward is also appropriate for a 2 year old (my Wes is 2.5 and we have been using positive reinforcement "rewards" for well over a year with great results). The key is making it something simple that they can understand - "if you do X, you will get X as a reward" and NOT "if you do X for 3 days in a row, you will get a reward." For example, a sticker in the AM if he sleeps in his bed all night, or will get to watch one episode of his fave TV show, or gets to go to the pet store to see the animals, or whatever.

When we switched Wes from his crib to his bed at 17 months old (when he started climbing out), DH and I were taking turns laying with him in his bed at night and it was getting ridiculous. We eventually just had to tell him that his bed was for HIM - and starting that night we would go in, read a book (sitting in the chair in his room, not laying in his bed), let him turn off the light and then hop into bed and we walked out of the room. We would tell him that we were going to go to bed too (even tho he goes to bed at 7:30, and we don't go to bed for a couple hours after that). He did cry the first couple of nights, but very quickly learned to go to sleep on his own.

I think that one thing that really helped was preempting everything with "after we do X we are going to do X"... so "after we take a bath, we will get on a PJS"... "after we read a book, it's time to turn off the light and get into bed" etc. Even though our actual routine didn't change, it helped reinforce the routine and get him comfortable with doing those things on his own.

While hearing them cry is heart-breaking, I feel that teaching them to go to sleep on their own is one of the MOST important things that they can learn early-on. With that said, I would never have let Wes cry for very long periods of time or cry until he was sick, or anything extreme. The bottom line for our family was that DH and I do not want to share our bed with our kids (yes, we let Wes come in our bed and snuggle, watch TV sometimes, etc - but not sleep in there), and IMO it's just as important for THEM to learn to sleep on their own as it is for me to get to keep my bed as MY bed and not the community bed. Haha.

In my (humble) opinion, the most important thing is to tell him what the rules are and then stick with them... don't give in, not even once. They are young, but SMART. Just put him in his bed and tell him to stay in bed. If he gets out of bed, do not punish him or scold him, simply carry him back to his bed do not say anything. You will most likely do this MANY times the first few nights, but he will get the message that you mean business.

I agree with the PP about the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I have referred to 100's of times since we started sleep training Wes at only a few months old. It's a great book!

Good luck!

[iteach3rdgrade]

Good luck!

That habit started here when ds climbed out and we didn't have the part to convert his bed. We waited and waited for it, but by the time it arrived the habit was formed. Then it was vacation time and then I was going to start back to school and a year later we still have him with us.

He has been a poor sleeper from day one. Once I started getting regular sleep every night, I couldn't let myself go back to getting broken up sleep each night.

Hindsight, we should have skipped the converter and just turned the bed into a full bed. Then we could go in with him until he fell asleep and sneak out.

I need to work on potty training right now instead.