Greek life - spill about fraternities please

[Julie Billingsley]

first, let me show you my graduate!


My oldest son Jacob will be heading off to college in the fall and already fraternities are asking if he'd like info about them. Of course visions of Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds and other stupid frat movies come to my mind. Hopefully those movies aren't a reality, but I don't have any experience with fraternities so I don't know. Jacob was all set with a friend to live in the dorm, but today two guys from a fraternity came over to interview Jacob for a scholarship. Jacob had a great time talking to them and now he has gotten a newfound interest in Greek life. I want him to have a good experience at college, but I don't want anything to derail his academic success. He was all excited about this fraternity because they have the highest GPA at OSU and they play a lot of intermural sports and he loves being active in sports. Blah blah blah... I'm pretty sure the interesting part was the idea of parties. In high school he wasn't a party boy because that isn't something we approve of, but with college 100 miles away, I'm thinking he might be secretly excited about trying that scene out. Ugh!!

[emmasmommy]

I know NOTHING about fraternities......
but what I do know is, regardless of whether he's in a fraternity or not, if he wants to rebel he will. I was in a sorority and had a lot of guy friends in fraternities. We couldn't live in the Greek houses until we were Juniors. All the freshman and sophomores had to live in the dorms.

I don't know Jacob and I don't really know you but I'm gonna guess that you've raised him with a great sense of morals. Sure, he'll party, sure, he'll probably get into some trouble, but when all's said and done, I know he'll make you proud.

I was a goody, goody in high school, went away to college, went a little wild, but I still maintained that good girl appearance for my parents lol

IMO, Greek life is a VERY good thing. Most fraternity/sororities have some sort of incentive for good grades, like you said, they are very active in intramural/community activities, and you have some instant friends in what can be a very scary endeavor.


I'm obviously rambly this morning
I'll stop...now...

[LenaGardner]

I think it'll be a good thing, mama...you've raised him well...even if he rebels a little, he'll get back on track...an acquaintance of mine had a really strict upbringing and nearly flunked out of college the first semester but now has an MA and is a successful social worker...even if he does have a setback, it will be an important part of growing up/learning experience for him...whether you want him to experience it or not LOL...what a handsome graduate you hve there!

[pam4gators]

I dont have a clue about frats, but I just wanted to say I love the colors he graduated with, who couldn't love orange and blue

[dana]

awwww - he's so cute in his graduation cap and gown! i can't believe mine will someday be that grown up!

soooo - about frats/greek life ... i was really active in my sorority during college - and the majority of my campus was greek ... however, it was a little different because we didn't have any houses and everyone lived in dorms all four years ... BUT - i will say that i LOVED my greek experience, and although there is partying and whatnot, there are also a lot of other activities (intramural sports, social work, etc) that were really beneficial. from a social/fitting in aspect it was really nice as well - i am still best friends with a lot of my old sorority sisters, and i get involved with local alumni chapters when i move to a new city to have some quick 'friends' ... and i really don't think it was just the frats that had parties - i'm pretty sure our football team and water polo team parties were just as crazy, if not more crazy ... ha ha ... i think it's just a normal part of college life to go to parties and socialize - but it sounds like you've raised him well and i'm sure that he'll be able to have some fun without going completely crazy and forgetting about school work - i was able to keep a really good balance (as were all my friends who were greek) - it probably helped really, b/c we had someone we had to be accountable to w/r/t grades!

[ColleenSwerb]

Unfortunately, there's pretty much nothing you can do to prevent him from "derailing his academic success". He's there, you are at home. He has to learn how to handle the serious aspects of college (studying, tests, a much heavier course load (I assume he's still going for engineering right?), etc etc) but balance them with the fun (sports, parties, girls). The motto for most engineering students is "Work hard, play hard". Engineering is tough, and just like a lot of things you need to have an outlet where you can let go of that steam that gets built up from the seemingly neverending pile of homework and test. Whether that "play" is in the form of sports or drinking, it's going to be there. There's nothing *you* can do to help him with that. You've raised him to be a wonderful young man with good morals, and all you can do is trust in the job that you've done. Will he stumble? Yes. But he'll figure out how to pick himself back up and get back on track. It's all part of growing up.

Whether he joins a fraternity or not, he's going to get invited to (and probably go to) parties. It sounds like this is a really solid fraternity for him to be interested in (what with the high GPA's and the interest in sports). There are far worse. Just like anything in life, there are really good examples or Greek life, and really bad examples of Greek life, with TONS of variety inbetween.

[ayaandjudah]

That is a wonderful picture.

I think this is something that will come down to upbrining. I am sure you raised him well and he will use that guidance to make good choices. But I can't imagine how hard it is to let him go. HUGS.

Maybe spend some time over the summer reinforcing the fact that he doesn't need acceptance from a group and that he should remain true to himself. And a little lesson on alcohol poisoning.

[Stacey42]

My personal frat experience is 20 years out of date & took place at what was then one of the biggest party schools in the nation, when the drinking age was 19. Yeah, there were a lot of parties, especially if you were Greek. We had frat row & sorority row and the Grant Street morning walk of shame in between. It was a lot of fun, some of my best memories and closest friends are from my time in a sorority.

It was an instant social group & made adjusting to a new life away from family easier for me. Second semster freshamn year my GPA dropped to a 1.3 because it took me a bit to learn to balance everything on offer. I graduated with a 3.5 and full academic scholarship to grad school though so it wasn't that big of a deal. Life in the sorority house with 20 other women was an experience I won't forget, or repeat.

Now a days they stress academics more than they did in my time. You need decent grades to be active in Greek life & they do study groups & things to help their members with their grades. The partying has gone way down, though it is still there, it is much more regulated than it was in my day. Colleges themselves have heavily cracked down in the past 10 years.

It could be a very good way for him to start his college experience, with a ready made support system in place.

[kscwgirl]

Originally Posted by ColleenSwerb

Unfortunately, there's pretty much nothing you can do to prevent him from "derailing his academic success". He's there, you are at home. He has to learn how to handle the serious aspects of college (studying, tests, a much heavier course load (I assume he's still going for engineering right?), etc etc) but balance them with the fun (sports, parties, girls). The motto for most engineering students is "Work hard, play hard". Engineering is tough, and just like a lot of things you need to have an outlet where you can let go of that steam that gets built up from the seemingly neverending pile of homework and test. Whether that "play" is in the form of sports or drinking, it's going to be there. There's nothing *you* can do to help him with that. You've raised him to be a wonderful young man with good morals, and all you can do is trust in the job that you've done. Will he stumble? Yes. But he'll figure out how to pick himself back up and get back on track. It's all part of growing up.

Whether he joins a fraternity or not, he's going to get invited to (and probably go to) parties. It sounds like this is a really solid fraternity for him to be interested in (what with the high GPA's and the interest in sports). There are far worse. Just like anything in life, there are really good examples or Greek life, and really bad examples of Greek life, with TONS of variety inbetween.

110% this. You've done a good job Julie, he'll be okay.

[DawnMarch]

My experience is very similar to Stacey -- I think fraternaties/sororities are a great way to have a strong social network and a place where you "fit in" at school. There was a lot of partying when I was at school, but I know they've cut waaaaaaaaaaay back on that.

[mommy2boyz]

I can't tell you much about Greek life, I wasn't in a sorority and I've never stepped foot in a frat house. Actually, I wanted to join a sorority, but my mom said absolutely not! So, I decided that if she wouldn't give me her blessing I'd find other ways to have fun and I'd still do what I wanted to do.

I really struggled in college, in fact, it's the only part of my life that I'd like to have back to re-do! I got involved in an abusive relationship, went from a 4.0 GPA to flunking every class, developed an eating disorder, fell into depression and was just a lousy person in general. Luckily, my parents had raised me with a sense of morals and values and eventually, I turned my life around, graduated only 1 semester late, managed to keep my academic scholarships, and emerged a better, stronger woman.

I do however, sometimes wonder that if I had been a part of a sorority if any of that would have happened at all. It would have provided accountability. Someone to look out for me and possibly intervene before my life took a nose dive. Know what I mean? I just felt really alone. Like I had no where to turn. You know how it is...at that age, mom is the last person you want to call and say, "I'm struggling. I need a little help.".

Proverbs 22:6 tell us, "Train up a child in the way that he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Based on your concern for Jacob, it sounds to me like you've done that.

I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I know that one day, I'll be in your shoes and I gotta be honest...it scares me batty! Whatever you and Jacob decide together, I'm sure that it will be the right decision.

I'll pray for guidance for you both and a smooth transition into this new chapter of your lives. Keep us posted!

[aggiefamily]

Most fraternities now require you to keep a certain GPA to be active in the group. I know when I went to college if you didn't keep up your grades you were put on probation by your organization. They also enforced study hours and curfew on and off campus.

[NeverendingJen]

My brother is in a frat, and while he has had his party moments, he still maintains good grades and has a full ride scholarship through college based on his grades. My parents were not thrilled about him joining the frat, but they raised him very similar to how you have raised your son(at least it sounds like) and he has maintained the good academics while still having fun.

[Julie Billingsley]

I know you all are right, I can only do my part in raising him and now it's time to let him fly. Yes, Colleen is right, Jacob is very determined to be a civil engineer. He graduated with about a 3.75 gpa and has some college credits in calculus, chemistry, and engineering already. He honestly is the smartest person I've ever met. The only reason he doesn't have a 4.0 is that when he isn't interested in a subject he won't give it any effort. (not thrilled with that. But he is just like me in that respect. LOL) He just has a rare intelligence and practical nature. Plus he is a nice person and so fun. So I want to protect that. I'm a mama bear, wanting to guard my little cub. Only he isn't a cub anymore :cry: Having him go off to college is hard enough, and the idea of a frat makes me feel like I'm sending him to the wolves. You all are making me feel like it might end up okay if he does get into a frat house. So thank you for that reassurance! Of course, not everyone gets into a frat house, but before I said "no" to the idea, I wanted to ask those that have experience in the Greek life. I'm glad to know that many of you have had a good experience with it and that it can be truly positive. I'm not sure if the frat house that talked to Jacob allows living in the dorm or not, but we've had to put a huge deposit on reserving the dorm room so he has to live there. LOL I'll keep you all posted on what happens in the fall.

[ColleenSwerb]

*hugs* Julie! If it makes you feel any better, I think a frat house and the atmosphere inside is the complete opposite of sending him to the wolves. He'll be surrounded by other guys with similar interests, and have a built in support base. I know frats aren't for everyone (I was not interested in Greek Life at all, but have a lot of friends who were a part of it), but all my friends who were involved made life long friendships, as lots of the ladies here have said themselves.

[Ainwena]

I think joining a fraternity would be a good idea. Most of them have cut WAY back on the parties, and are more focused on grades and participating in the university or community more than ever. There are GPA minimums, so that might be an incentive to keep it up. Plus, fraternities offer scholarships for grad schools...

Also, in this day and age, he will need to have networking skills more than ever.

[SeattleSheri]

I was a sorority girl and if anything, it helped me. There are mandated study times, etc... partying happens no matter where you sleep at night. Having friends and being social is a wonderful way to spend time. THe GPA in most fraternities/sororities is higher than the campus average. At least they were at UW. There are lots of things you learn in college that don't come from academia. Oh and, I totally had no idea that you were old enough to have a college bound son! You look so young!

[nonnie]

Ooo Such a hard time - I am right behind you on that one with my teen. If it helps I was Greek, and while I have not kept in contact with my sisters like I would like, I would not trade the experience for anything. I will be 100% behind Jacob if he decides to go Greek - but be forewarned it is a HUGE money pit - they are ALWAYS asking for money and more money!

[SeattleSheri]

Nonnie, I had the opposite experience. It was actually cheaper for me to go greek than it would have been to be in the dorm! I might be dating myself a bit, but in the early/mid 90's, I only paid about $1,000 a quarter for food and lodging. Not bad for 3 months!

[nonnie]

It was the nickel and dime that did me in, granted I was in a pretty expensive sorority - we had sorority dorms on campus, so you had to live in them. The guys had houses, but we had to stay in the dorm. It was always - hey buy this sweatshirt, thing for your little sister, branded mace keychain - to show your support. And then there were the formals, the fundraising dinners and the dances, and the out of town games.... the list went on and on. While we were never expected to go, we were HIGHLY encouraged. My parents were both military officers and I was by far the charity case of the sorority.