no bebes no birth control oh my!

[lauren grier]

haha
so
the added fun of this whole... blood clotting disorder thing- is obv i cant be on bcp.... i've been dealing witht the whole "don't get pregnant again" thing since i was 21- so that wasn't a huge .. shock.. but of course, i'm in the adjusting to new health issues phase and it's bothering me and i'm upset and blah blah blah.

the bf and i had a talk in the hospital- i cant recall exactly what he said.. but it was along the lines of.. it's my decision.. and he supports me no matter what.. and don't let him be a deciding factor in whether or not i get my tubes tied.. rarah.

i can't convince myself to do it. i never have been able to. i had completely made peace with not having more kids.. till really recently.....and i was all rarh i'm healthier now, maybe if i had a good doctor it'd be ok.... to WHAM smacked down again.. you can't get pregnant la.
i read everything. i know all the risks involved if i got pregnant again. for me and the fetus. i'm lucky, to be alive right now.. so why would i even have that lingering .. stupid crap. it's infuriating.

the copper iud i'm pretty sure is out too.. while it doesnt have hormones.. i still have two risk factors for serious complications..... anemia and blood thinners. hello. not sure bleeding to death is the solution here i have3 a dr appt on tuesday, and i will bring it up... but the interwebz tell me she will say no.


sigh.
how do you make these decisions.. go ahead.. cut my fallopian tubes up. it's like.. there's just too much going on right now... haha. i need time.. i need to think forever.

for those who have had it done how was the surgery/recovery from a tubal? id have to come off the blood thinners for that too i think.. so i probably cant even get that done for a few months.

[jessica31876]

I had it done when I was already cut open for a c-section. Honestly it wasnt bad though. The thing for me even though I knew I did not want to have any more kids and like you medically I should not have another-all sorts of complications, chronic kidney problems which turns out I have kidney disease, complications with the baby/pregnancy itself and then the dr said 4 c-sections is not a great idea. Anyhow I went through the whole sad that Id never have another baby...still do sometimes because I miss having a baby around but I know that I do not really want another baby its just that it is a little hard to know that part of my life is over while alot of people my age are just getting started with their families. Anyhow the tubal itself is really easy to recover from IMO (had three c-sections and having the tubal with the last did not make it any worse and the c-section was not hard by itself so that is why I say its easy). Its the emotional stuff that goes along with it that makes it kinda tough to deal with.

[MandaT]

I had my tubes tied when I had my last baby, I had a C-section & since they were in there already...I had them done. Can't say about the recovery from just a straight tubal, but I can say the recovery from the c-section was not bad at all. It was fairly easy.

Sending you lots of good thoughts & prayers, for recovery & peace of mind.

[newfiemountiewife]

La, if you really should not get pregnant again, then you should really do it. I don't know what the recovery is like, I just got a Mirena about 3 weeks ago, and I'm doing well, but since that's not an option, then for your health, you should go ahead and get it done.

I know it's SO hard to decide, to have that final step taken, it's why I haven't gotten it done. I just can't bear to think about that part of my life being over. I am hoping you can come to a decision. ((hugs))

[cardinalskate]

La, I have a friend with Cystic Fibrosis who is going through this same thing right now. It would NOT be good for her to get preggo, but the decision to get her tubes tied is just devastating her. She's finally made the decision that she has one perfect son and she is blessed. I'm sure it still hurts. I'm sure she's still so conflicted and I can only imagine what you ladies are going through making these tough decisions. No very helpful, I know, but ((hugs)) from me!

[nietis]

I really have no advice as I never go through this.... I just want to give you HUGE fat *HUGS*

[MamaBee]

Oh, I feel for you... it's one thing when you do soul searching and come up with the decision not too yourself, but something totally different when told you can't/shouldn't.

I've done a bit of research (I want another child, but it's not in the cards)... from what I've read, the incision is small and recovery time comparable to those who had c-sections.

[Happy Now]

Sending you big hugs...

[SandyPie]

I know you don't have ANY idea who I am and I don't know your whole situation just bits here and there. I don't have answers just a few thoughts about this I'd like to share.

As a mother of two special needs children who remarried a few years ago and thinks about having a third child and wondering if the same condition will be present in the third and wondering if I could bear the weight of a third diagnosis, mentally and financially, etc.... I think I may have had some thoughts kinda along the same lines as you, in the "should, I shouldn't I" vein anyway...

I think if you were thinking I could do this if... and "WHAM" this happened, that may very well be the sign that says NO. It's my understanding that this most recent event could have killed you but didn't. Imagine if your body had been trying to support you and another life, would you body have been able to throw the signs that someone saw that they were able to help you in time?

Is it worth it to risk your life for the child you don't know/might some day have, if the child you have now would lose you and their sibling in the future because you didn't heed the signs?

Maybe a surrogate with your eggs would be a better option for you and banking eggs now might be a better solution for you for when someday comes. A trustworthy surrogate service couldn't cost more than the piles of medical bills if another whatever happens and it hopefully gets caught in time again.

Maybe this is the Universe's way of making sure you're there for a child that desperately needs a home someday in the future has a place? Just because a child is not born from your body doesn't make it your child. And also just because you can't bear children does not mean life is over. There seems to be a disconnect in society that a woman is only worth something if she is still able to bear children, I think it's a ridiculous notion that our generation must teach the world is incorrect.

Basically, you know what you have now and sometimes it's ok to play it safe, and enjoy what you have now, rather than waste it on something you're only thinking you might get. Cause the only guarantee in life is there are no guarantees.

And there's always the possibility that I'm entirely wrong. Good luck with this, I hope you find peace and make a decision you are comfortable with.

[taracotta7]

Oh my. So much to think about and consider. My thought is that is is SUCH a risk to get pregnant again. If the baby survives and you don't......it just seems like TOO BIG of a risk. Sorry to be the doom and gloom. I just would want to be healthy again and not take any risks so I could be here for my kiddo. There are other ways to have children. This doesn't have to be the end of building your family. Just the end of pregnancies. I know that opens a whole other can of worms but I have adopted four children and it is the biggest blessing of my life. I just wanted to throw that out there. ((HUGS))

[Tracie Stroud]

Goodness La, big huge HUGS! I hate that you're having to make all these difficult decisions.

[emmasmommy]

Originally Posted by cardinalskate

La, I have a friend with Cystic Fibrosis who is going through this same thing right now. It would NOT be good for her to get preggo, but the decision to get her tubes tied is just devastating her. She's finally made the decision that she has one perfect son and she is blessed. I'm sure it still hurts. I'm sure she's still so conflicted and I can only imagine what you ladies are going through making these tough decisions. No very helpful, I know, but ((hugs)) from me!

i bet this is the same friend Kate!

but, yes, i agree...as devastating as this would be, i think it's a necessity. your condition isn't something that will go away and if it's putting your life AND your unborn child's life in danger, it's just not worth it and i am TOTALLY with tara...if you'd want other children, adoption is a WONDERFUL thing.

[webseitler]

Oh, La. Big hugs to you! I am struggling with the same thing right now. My last pregnancy had some major complications. I always new that I was a genetic carrier for a rare kidney disorder but this was the first time it ever affected me. Before this, it was just that condition I had to tell doctors about. Now I'm in the midst of seeing specialists and being put on medications to avoid a life filled with dialysis three times a week... I feel like I went from "healthy" to "invaild" over the course of 9 months.

Everytime I look at him, I feel sad thinking "Is he really my last baby?" Yet I know that I can't have any more children if I'm going to be alive to spend time with the rest of the family, you know? Ugh.

Anyway... I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this struggle. The feelings suck the worst. I can come to terms with it all in my head, but it's my heart that's bothering me.

{hugs}

[maryinaz]

You do have a lot going on, so hopefully you'll have some time to make a decision and check out all your options. But if this is a lifelong, chronic thing and there is any chance that carrying a baby would endanger you and/or the baby, then get your tubes tied. CE needs his mom and will for the rest of his life - that's a guarantee.

Obviously I have more kids than you (and am WAAAY older), but when I was pregnant with my twins and was debating about having my tubes tied when they were born, my doctor told me I had a thin spot on my uterus and that if I got pregnant again, it could rupture and kill both me and the baby. She said, you have other kids who need you, it's not worth the risk. And that made my decision for me and I got them tied. Didn't mean I wasn't still sad though.

((HUGS)) and good luck...

[Milmomma]

I agree with others its harder when the decision is taken away from you because of your health or what not. I know personally with my situation it was taken away. My body has too many issues and another kid is not in the works. I told myself for a long time I was done after two. But when someone told me that I was gonna have all my part removed I wondered if I wanted more. I think we always want what we can have but have to learn to be happy with what we do. I think if its a question of your health you should take that into consideration highly. Its never easy, good luck.

[Priscilla]

((hugs))

we should talk soon

[mrshobbes]

**HUG** I cannot relate at all, but I can understand about being wildly conflicted and sad about the options given to you. It looks like you have plenty of really great advice here, though.

[Megan Turnidge]

I have no advice, but I'm sure this must be a very difficult decision. I'm sorry. I just have more (hugs) to offer.

[kristijoy]

Here is my humble opionion...

You've just gone through (and are gonig through) some serious stuff.

I had major abdominal surgery 2 years ago and it took me a several months to come off the narcotics and start feeling like my self again. It was one-step and a time for long awhile. Really about a year before I could even ride a bike.

I would say if you can, give yourself a little more time to make this decision! Sounds like you've got a lot of adjustment to do with your new situation without contemplating more surgery! It will become clear and you will know the right thing to do!

Sending you lots of hugs!

[rach3975]

It sounds like that might be the best long term solution, but you've been through so much recently. I think if it were me I'd wait a few months to do anything. It's not that I think you should get pregnant again, just that first you should give yourself some time to come to terms with how this is all affecting your life and plans for the future. ((Hugs))

[Angie4b1g]

I think you should wait to make the decision. It will probably be the same decision you would have come to now, but if you have time to process everything and think about it more, you'll be able to better come to terms with it than if you rushed into it while you're still in "OMG I ALMOST DIED" mode.

[Jengerbread88]

Oh, babe... I'm praying for you. This is such a tough spot to be at, and I wish I knew the right words to say or the right advice to give...

[EvaK]

I don't have any great words of wisdom for you, but I can tell you that I had my tubes tied (or clamped) after Joy was born and the surgery was a piece of cake. Two tiny little incisions (or maybe one... I don't know... the scars have faded) very close to your belly button. Very little recovery time. My situation is obviously very different than yours -- but I tell ya -- it was the easiest surgery I have ever had (and I have had a few). I don't regret it for a minute -- I am too old to be having babies and starting the early stages of menopause -- I have had my babies and don't want any more (many days I would give you my teenage son).

I will send smart vibes your way -- so you can figure out what you need to do.

Eva

[adrianka]

I can't offer any wise words, but I offer my *hugs*... I risk to sound cheesy, but I hope everything turns out well for you, whatever your decision.

[color of my heart]

i have nothing to add, really. but i think you should do what's best FOR YOU. don't think about anybody but you, and your health (which means thinking about ce, but yeah, you know what i mean). if that means surgery? so be it. however, i know that tubals aren't 100% effective. that's the joy of having a nurse for a mother, and asking about BC options... she tells me EVERYTHING i need to know, and what i didn't need to know. you have to do what's best for you, and your health and your body. <3

oh, and

[webseitler]

Originally Posted by Milmomma

I agree with others its harder when the decision is taken away from you because of your health or what not. I know personally with my situation it was taken away. My body has too many issues and another kid is not in the works. I told myself for a long time I was done after two. But when someone told me that I was gonna have all my part removed I wondered if I wanted more.

Sigh. Yes! This.

Big hugs to everyone who's struggling with this... Hugs all around...