Need some advice...

[**Holly**]

and maybe some hugs...

So for the past two yrs or so I have been having a lot of issues with my son. He was such a great toddler... I mean everyone loved being around him and everything. Well it was like he hit 2 yrs and he turned into a monster. I had a lot of problems with him biting, he even got kicked out of three daycare places. (however that problem has passed) But now in the past few months he has started hitting his friends and even his teachers at his daycare. And it's not just at school... it's at home too. I'm sure many of you know I am a single mom and lately it's been so hard... bad days have been more frequent. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this alone...

I am getting him tested for ADHD, which his teachers recommend. I have read up on it and it seems to fit him a lot... I just don't want him to enter Kindergarten and have all these problems too... *blah*


I just needed to vent and ask some advice... we had another bad day today and I am just exhausted from trying to get him to stop with all this.

[nanienamou]

My son is 5 (going on 6 - May 31) and we are in the process of getting him evaluated for ADD. If your son is only 2 years old, he might be too young to get evaluated. Everything could change, and many recommend to get him tested when he starts 'real' school (kindergarten) if there are issues. However, these are the recommendations that I got here (Quebec). It might be different elsewhere.

DS has been really difficult since he hit 2 years old. He was a little angel, slept well, never cried, etc, but then, everything changed in a couple of weeks when he turned 2. I've been wanting to get him evaluated since then, but he was too young and I hoped that things would change. He had trouble at daycare too. Now, since starting school, it's been real difficult and the psychiatrist we are seeing tells me it really has to be a big problem for them to consider evaluating before first grade. I've had some questionnaires to fill, as well as his teacher, and we are getting the report next Tuesday, with some recommendations. If we have to start medication, hopefully everything will be settled in first grade.

I can totally relate. I have three boys and the older one that is getting evaluated, is harder to manage than my two other boys TOGETHER, ages 3 and 2! It's a bumpy road, with lots of downs.

[**Holly**]

Oh wow yeah sounds about the same as mine. I forgot to mention he will be 5 in August so I have been dealing with all this for a few yrs now... I am hoping to get some answers with his psychiatrist too.

[Paula]

Playing devil's advocate here but, the WORST thing I ever did for my son is get him tested and treated for ADHD. I had him on that Ritalin crap for six years before we found out that he didn't even have ADHD at all. He had a sleep disorder and wasn't getting enough quality sleep.

Now, before anyone says my kid is sleeping fine, I thought mine was too. He slept at night and I thought it was all good. But, when we moved to Reno and he had to be established at the new doctor so that he could keep his Ritalin, the doctor suggested that we do a sleep study on my son. Well, the results were amazing.

It turned out my son was NOT getting good, quality sleep. He had an average of 56 occurrences (snoring/stopping breathing/grinding teeth etc) an hour where he would stop breathing and his oxygen levels fell below 40%. The doctor recommended that he have a T&A (tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy) and that made a WORLD of difference. His oxygen levels rose to 98% and he didn't have any occurrences.

The best part is - we got my son off the junk AND his behavior in school made a complete 180. His grades started to improve AND he was even nominated for Student of the Month. I would strongly suggest that you ask your doctor about the possibility of him having a sleep disorder.

According to our doctor, when kids have a sleep disorder, their behavior is almost exactly like the behavior exhibited by ADHD/ADD kids and that ADHD/ADD is highly over diagnosed. Please don't think I'm saying your kid has/doesn't have either one, I'm just suggesting that you look at all possibilities before you settle on just one. I didn't when my son was five, and he took unnecessary medicines for six years AND went through some teasing because he had to take pills to be a "good boy."

[jaylensmom]

Hugs...Since I haven't gone thru this I can only offer hugs...

[**Holly**]

Oh wow Paula... that is very interesting. I may actually look into that. Thank you for that advice!

[nanienamou]

It turned out my son was NOT getting good, quality sleep. He had an average of 56 occurrences (snoring/stopping breathing/grinding teeth etc) an hour where he would stop breathing and his oxygen levels fell below 40%. The doctor recommended that he have a T&A (tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy) and that made a WORLD of difference. His oxygen levels rose to 98% and he didn't have any occurrences.

This rings a bell. DS does not sleep well at all. His nose is always stuffy and he is being seen by a speech therapist because of it. He snores and I'm pretty sure he grinds his teeth. He comes to our bed at least 2-3 times each night. I've already spoken to the psychiatrist about this, but I'll speak to her again next time. I really want to get the problem resolved, since it has already impacted his learning.

[rach3975]

No good advice Holly, but ((hugs)). I hope you're able to figure out the best way to help him.

Originally Posted by Paula

It turned out my son was NOT getting good, quality sleep. He had an average of 56 occurrences (snoring/stopping breathing/grinding teeth etc) an hour where he would stop breathing and his oxygen levels fell below 40%. The doctor recommended that he have a T&A (tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy) and that made a WORLD of difference. His oxygen levels rose to 98% and he didn't have any occurrences.

Thanks for sharing that, Paula! My middle child just turned 4, and I've started to wonder lately if some of his issues are due to sleep deprivation from enlarged adenoids. There's a history of sleep apnea in our family, though not in anyone this young. I know Ben is a bad sleeper and tired a lot, and last month his ENT told me he has enlarged adenoids. I haven't had a chance to look into things further yet.

[heatherbird]

Paula that is fascinating! My older son (2.5) is a right little terror a lot of the time, and he wakes up at least once per night and is up for about 2-3 hours. I know that he acts out more on the days that he didn't sleep well the night before, but I never thought about having his sleep evaluated. Maybe I'll look into that, too! Thank you for sharing your experience!

Holly (((hugs))), I'm sorry that I don't have any advice, but I hope that all of the issues will be resolved soon so that you can relax a bit and he can enjoy life a little more! (((more hugs)))

[BrattyMeg]

My son has ADHD and I agree with a lot of what Paula said only I do choose to medicate mine b/c I've seen what he's like OFF of meds...he too had a tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy and sleep study and it's made a world of difference but his brain just isn't mature enough to process information and realize importance of certain things over others and he needs that little boost that his meds give him. (example..at school off of meds..he might think the bird chirping outside the window is as important to listen to as the teacher talking..etc)

I think SOME of it is age..and boy..lol

I USED to be the type of parent that thought ADD was a made up excuse and that it was a parenting issue...I'm by no means the world's greatest parent and have my good/bad qualities but when I see my child struggling beyond something I can control I think we owe it to them to explore all the options..I'm so glad we lucked into a fab doctor that listened to my concerns and that's very important as a parent that you feel listened to! We know our children better than any professional out there and when we realize something is wrong chances are something is! ((((hugs)))) Good luck!

[Paula]

Meggie, I totally agree with you when you say to explore all the options. Since the meds give your son that extra boost and he is able to pay attention in school - then you are absolutely doing the right thing for him.

With my son, the meds sorta helped him. That's one reason we were getting so frustrated was because we didn't really see a marked improvement from when he was on meds and not. The only reason we continued was because the school insisted that he stay on the meds or he couldn't continue going there.

I'm certainly not suggesting that all kids have sleep disorders instead of ADHD. I'm just saying that we wish that we had been fully informed of all the alternatives so that we could have our son tested and treated appropriately.

[profiler_mar]

Paula that is excellent information! Thank you for sharing that!

Holly HUGE hugs to you, I hope that things improve for you soon!

As a social worker, I do have the opinion that kids are medicated too frequently. That said, it is an unfortunate side effect of our society. We, even adults, are so stimulated all the time by technology, it is easy to see how it causes our children to have dificulties. But I totally agree with Paula to explore all options before medicating him. Have you looked for therapy? I do not know anything about the area you are in, but lots of therapists take insurance and offer excellent behavioral therapy. I see a lot of children with huge behavioral problems that make a lot of progress in play therapy. I would definitely suggest asking your doctor for a therapy recommendation.

HTH and best of luck to you!

[schock77]

Hugs Holly! I know what you are dealing with both from the mom perspective and the teacher perspective. I agree with what many said about exploring all options- I have had students both on and off meds, going to counseling or not, etc... and because everyone is different, the results are too. My personal opinion is if it is having a significant negative effect on his life, it's worth at least talking to the doctor about... but not your pediatrician necessarily, as it's not their specialty, you know?

My son is 6 and I think he may have ADD (but not ADHD)... but with some help from me, his teacher is using some strategies now in first grade to keep him on track. For example, because he's the highest reader in the class, he gets done quickly and then has to think of things to occupy himself while we waits for everyone else... idle hands... can you say TROUBLE? Addressing these things has helped a lot.
Look into his routines and see if you can make things as clear cut as possible- especially with the teacher at school. I'm a special needs preschool teacher and I do see some kids with severe cases of ADD or ADHD that need medical help, but remember, some of thse "behaviors" may be 5 year old boy behaviors too.

All that to say hang in there and don't worry too much- lots of recent studies show boys in particular not showing signs of ADHD as they grow even if they were previously diagnosed. Some actually do "grow out of it"... which I think means they are overdiagnosing or diagnosing incorrectly.

Anyway, sending hugs and feel free to pm me if you'd like some good resources. We special eduaction teachers are full of good resources! Sorry if I rambled!

[joelsgirl]

Hugs from me, too. I can't imagine doing this alone; it's hard enough when there are two of us juggling crazy kids. I hope you find the answers you need and that your son is able to get on track soon!

[g8rbeckie]

I don't have experience with ADD/ADHD or that other stuff, but I wanted to share my niece's experience too.

My SIL knew for many years that my youngest niece wasn't sleeping well, because she'd frequently wake up in the middle of the night and come into their room, etc. They eventually determined that she had resless leg syndrome (she was only in 4th grade when they learned this). My SIL was wary of having her on medication so she tried OTC stuff like magnesium for about two years. But during all this, my niece had been moody, grumpy, and pretty average in school.

MY SIL finally put her on a prescription medication for RLS finally, and get this - she's now AN HONOR STUDENT. She gets straight A's in school and is in advanced classes in middle school. And her behavior has made a complete turnaround. No more moodiness and whining.

All of this is just to give one more example of how sleep issues manifested as behavior and less than capable school performance.

Good luck Holly, I hope you figure something out! I'd definitely try the sleep study.

[laurabobaura]

holly- email me, girlfriend. fo real

[Darcy Baldwin]

Holly - I feel for ya!

I'd also look into diet. There are a ton of diet issues that can affect our kids, on top of anything else going on, and those dietary changes may be able to curb some of what he's got happening.

Getting him off artificial sweeteners, food colorings and preservatives, to higher protein meals in the mornings, and perhaps looking at how gluten and carbs affect him will also be avenues that you can try. You can look at the Feingold Diet which has benefits for kids with ADHD, even though it wasn't developed for them. My son's best friend is hugely ADHD, and the meds he's on now completely changed his personality (spookily so in the beginning til they got the balance right), but there are side effects from it as in he cannot sleep. They have to medicate him to get to sleep from the drugs he's on to keep him calm. They have also drastically altered his diet, going to a lower carb kind of diet. So there are issues for every side of it. While a diet may not cure your son, and there may be other factors in play, definitely check out how diet can affect ADD/ADHD kids and see if there are things you can do to help him along that front.

[newfiemountiewife]

We are finally beginning the process of having Rae evaluated, she is having difficulty and we're hoping to find some answers to her attention span problems. It's beyond the usual "not paying attention". I've been begging someone to help me, to help HER, because I KNEW something wasn't right, but no one listened until she began kindergarten this year.

I have no advice, only hugs. I hope that they are able to find some answers to help you both.

[**Holly**]

Thank you so much for all the advice... you girls are so awesome! ((hugs))

[Priscilla]

((HUGS)) Holly!!

Paula, that is really interesting!!