Must Vent

[Lyd]

I'm so dang irritated right now!!

Hubby got passed over for a promotion at work today. It was between him and one other guy. Obviously, they chose the other guy . . . who only has a high school diploma and less than two years of IT management experience. My hubby has an MBA and 11 years of IT management experience.

Basically, what it comes down to is the fact that Brett had some conflicts with a few coworkers three years ago. Admittedly, he didn't handle that situation very well at the time. But, he really learned a lot from it, and he has grown and changed in noticeable ways. When he was originally hired, the team he leads was in complete disarray. He has whipped them into shape, and they are a very high performing team now. He is super smart, really good at what he does, and a great manager.

But, several times during the interview process for this promotion, people brought up the situation from three years ago. It seems that no one is going to let him move on from it.

It just makes me so mad. I want to throat punch his boss so bad right now. Hubby is actually taking it better than I am. I know we'll be okay. He has other opportunities and options. But, I'm the "fairness" police, and I'm being defensive of my awesome hubby. Grrrrr.

Anyone want to recommend a good artsy kit so I can scrap my utter frustration??

Thanks for listening . . . I'll stop now.

[SeattleSheri]

Sorry Lyds, that is such a difficult position to be in. It's so hard to change perceptions once people get something in their minds, even if the behavior has changed or it was a one-time mistake. I've seen this happen so many times. I don't know the details of the situation, but if he wants to stay in his organization, he's going to have to work double time to correct the perception. It's no easy task. Does he have a formal development plan in place with his manager? If not, he should consider it so he can show documented competency in this area, so when the next opportunity comes up he can show how he's moved past the situation. Big hugs!

[YepBrook]

The 'forget' part of forgiveness is all too often missed. It's really a shame people couldn't see past that one incident in the past at the amazing work ethic, talents and abilities in the present. I truly believe that God works all things for good and that even though this seems like a bad thing there may be a better opportunity out there for him that he would miss had he gotten the promotion. We have had this happen to my husband so many times with past jobs, climbing the latter is never pretty and a lot of people get stepped on. It's such a bummer to see our husbands whom we love so much working hard for what seems like no recognition. Funny enough, my hubby climbed down the latter in many ways and he is now happier, has more time with the family (and is actually making more money doing freelance with that extra time) than he was as a 'company man'. (((HUGS))) Lyd, he is lucky to have you as his wife. I'm sure it makes him feel good to see how proud you are of him. <3

[jacinda]

Ugh, how frustrating! My heart goes out to you both Lyd. I can only imagine bigger and better things might be in his future instead.

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by SeattleSheri

Does he have a formal development plan in place with his manager? If not, he should consider it so he can show documented competency in this area, so when the next opportunity comes up he can show how he's moved past the situation. Big hugs!

That's part of what makes me so mad. His boss, who is the Chief Technical Officer and was the decision maker for this promotion, told him during his interviews that he had done a great job of building bridges and changing culture. And, he had others tell him that they've seen him turn a weakness into a strength. So, I know that a lot of people have noticed that he learned and improved after that experience. But, in the end, it was still the thing his boss brought up when he was telling him that he didn't get the job.

He has another possible opportunity within the organization, so we'll see how that pans out. But, he is also reaching out to his network and exploring all his options. I just hope we don't end up having to move across the country.

Originally Posted by YepBrook

I truly believe that God works all things for good and that even though this seems like a bad thing there may be a better opportunity out there for him that he would miss had he gotten the promotion.

I believe this too. It's just hard to wait, ya know?

Originally Posted by YepBrook

Lyd, he is lucky to have you as his wife. I'm sure it makes him feel good to see how proud you are of him. <3

Thanks. He really is a great guy. I love him . . . and you gals too.

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by jacinda

Ugh, how frustrating! My heart goes out to you both Lyd. I can only imagine bigger and better things might be in his future instead.

Thanks, Jacinda. You know him personally, so you know what a great guy he is. I'm just hurting on his behalf.

[rach3975]

That stinks, especially when they also acknowledged how he's changed things since then. I hope bigger and better things are on the horizon for him!

[SeattleSheri]

Originally Posted by Lyd

That's part of what makes me so mad. His boss, who is the Chief Technical Officer and was the decision maker for this promotion, told him during his interviews that he had done a great job of building bridges and changing culture. And, he had others tell him that they've seen him turn a weakness into a strength. So, I know that a lot of people have noticed that he learned and improved after that experience. But, in the end, it was still the thing his boss brought up when he was telling him that he didn't get the job.

He has another possible opportunity within the organization, so we'll see how that pans out. But, he is also reaching out to his network and exploring all his options. I just hope we don't end up having to move across the country.

Good for him for exploring other options. If his current boss/employer doesn't fully appreciate his experience, I'm sure there are plenty of other companies who would be delighted to have him! It sounds like his boss has an unconscious bias against him for whatever reason. My biggest complaint about the corporate world is all of the politics. I know they are inevitable and a part of life, but man, they suck sometimes! Does he have the type of relationship with his boss that he could delve into this with him more? It's not fair of him to give contradictory feedback.

[Nettio]

Ugh, Lyd, that sucks. I went through this a few years ago with Adam and it's so frustrating because as his wife you know how awesome he is but there's nothing you can do to convince everyone else. We ended up moving for a better opportunity and while it wasn't what we'd planned, it ended up being a blessing in disguise. Hopefully things will work out for you guys too!

[joelsgirl]

That super sucks. I hate that he was passed over by someone less qualified. I hope he finds something better that makes even you glad he didn't get this job.

[aly321]

Oh crap! So sorry sweet friend! We are having major work issues here too. So not fun when hubby is totally under appreciated and not recognized for what they do EVERY SINGLE DAY! Hugs and love!

[julifish]

I think you got a lot of great advice here so I'm just sending you big hugs. Things like this really are the pits. Hopefully this defeat is here for a purpose and there is something much better waiting for him. As they say, when one door closes another one will open.

[misfitinmn]

Oh gosh, Lyd, what a miserable situation for him! I am so sorry - especially for the fact that he can't seem to escape the situation from 3 years ago. Things like that frustrate me to NO end, especially in a professional setting. There is no business for that kind of stuff to be rehashed over and over again, especially once it was resolved and everyone has moved on and even improved because of it.

[LeeAndra]

Ugh. People are the WORST.

Both DH and I have dealt with job crap like that for years. I can't stand it. It still angers me when I think abt being laid off from my job a couple years ago because the company was losing money. They kept one writer, but let the rest of us go. My boss had met with me personally 2-3 weeks earlier (for a yearly review that I had to ask for) and told me that I was the best writer, etc. I was let go ONLY because the other writer had been there a whole 4 months longer than me. I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time, too. Oh man, was I livid. I'm not sure what reaction my boss expected but my clipped, 'Thanks.' and walk out the door to my car was not it, evidently.



ANYWAYS, I'm sorry to hear that your hubby's company continues to act unprofessionally towards him. I'm always surprised at how unprofessional professional people can be. I hope there's a better opportunity for him elsewhere, and that it pops up soon!

In the meantime, feel free to make voodoo dolls of the higher ups at his company.

[carrie1977]

That stinks....I'm so sorry that he's still having to suffer from events that happened 3 years ago. Hopefully there will be a better option for him coming up!

[Kjersti]

I'm so sorry.

[lovely1m]

I'm glad he's looking for other options. Honestly if an incident from three years ago and that he's turned around on is still holding him back, it's going to continue to hold him back there. Sorry.

[fifilur]

So sorry Lydia! Hopefully there are other employers who will appreciate him.

[JenM]

I'm really sorry. Hopefully it will all work out for the best in the long run!!

BIG {{{HUGS}}}

[Lyd]

Thanks everyone! You guys are the best.

He has a few interviews lined up for next week. We'll see what happens. He said he feels like he's been branded with a scarlet letter. Poor guy. But really, he's taking it better than I am. I'm still super mad.


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[jacinda]

Maybe in future interviews he could address that issue head on himself. Admit it happened but be up front about what he's learnt from it, and how he's worked on his management skills and has grown/changed. Have him confidently promote the great things he's done since then as evidence that he's corrected his mistake, and get the interviewers to agree with his summary. E.g. "As I was learning in this role, I made the mistake of........ I know now that wasn't the way to handle that situation. I've learnt from that. If that situation happened again now, I would deal with it by.......... I'm sure you all agree that in the three years since that, I've worked hard to turn things around. My office is efficient and producing great results. My management skills have grown, and my staff are well trained and happy. I've got a solid work ethic, and work hard for this company. That one incident was a learning opportunity for me, and I've taken it to heart. I'm now a better leader, and feel confident that I have the ability and the skills to fulfill this new role. Now I must ask you. Have you been happy with my work over the last 3 years? (Pause to let them nod). Have I not done everything asked of me? Is my group not the top performer for our region? Have I not proven that I am not the same person I was 3 years ago? I can do this job, and I can do it well. Give me the chance to prove it to you."

Take the bull by the horns so to speak, so there's nothing else anyone can bring up. Self-confidence is a huge draw card. Fake it till you make it, or so they say.

[Lyd]

Originally Posted by jacinda

Maybe in future interviews he could address that issue head on himself. Admit it happened but be up front about what he's learnt from it, and how he's worked on his management skills and has grown/changed. Have him confidently promote the great things he's done since then as evidence that he's corrected his mistake, and get the interviewers to agree with his summary. E.g. "As I was learning in this role, I made the mistake of........ I know now that wasn't the way to handle that situation. I've learnt from that. If that situation happened again now, I would deal with it by.......... I'm sure you all agree that in the three years since that, I've worked hard to turn things around. My office is efficient and producing great results. My management skills have grown, and my staff are well trained and happy. I've got a solid work ethic, and work hard for this company. That one incident was a learning opportunity for me, and I've taken it to heart. I'm now a better leader, and feel confident that I have the ability and the skills to fulfill this new role. Now I must ask you. Have you been happy with my work over the last 3 years? (Pause to let them nod). Have I not done everything asked of me? Is my group not the top performer for our region? Have I not proven that I am not the same person I was 3 years ago? I can do this job, and I can do it well. Give me the chance to prove it to you."

Take the bull by the horns so to speak, so there's nothing else anyone can bring up. Self-confidence is a huge draw card. Fake it till you make it, or so they say.

That's exactly what he did. And pretty much everyone acknowledged his progress. That's why the whole thing is so disappointing. His performance and experience should speak for themselves, but there's a bias there that just won't go away. It's crazy.


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