Stressed to the max re:Family photo shoot for Donate Life.

[marnel]

I've been debating a decision in my head and I'm so stressed. It does help my scrapping b/c I've been banging pages out left and right. I'm a stress scrapper, LOL It's just taking it's toll on me now to think about it.

I was asked to pose for a photo for Donate Life: The organization that we donated Charlie's organs through. They want us to hold her photo and say a few words about her and what it means to us to give our Donation.

The problem is only 4 people are allowed in the photo. They said they could do me plus 4 if need be but they would like all the photos to be uniform. My problem I have 5 children plus my dh and I. They will be showing them off Billboard style at the Annual Black/Red Gala. I honestly don't know how to exclude any of my children from this or my dh. DH has already said he's fine with not being in the photo it should be me and the kids. sighhhhh

I need some advice, opinions. Please be honest I am a big girl and I can take it seriously I can.

[jacinda]

Personally, I would tell the Donate Life people what you just said here. Tell them you can't choose, and that your family is a complete package. Either all or none. That's what I would do anyway. Surely they will understand.

[julifish]

If they won't take you all then I'd just choose to do you and DH only with her picture. But I would think they could find a way to accomdate your family so that everyone in the core family can be included. It's not like you are asking for grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.

[jaylensmom]

I agree with Jacinda...I would ask if the entire family could particpate...or maybe just you and your husband could do it and then you wouldn't have to worry about excluding any one of your children...It's a hard decision to make I'm sure...great cause but the restriction sucks...

[YepBrook]

I would say all kids or none... I like Jacinda's suggestion, but if they want your kids in the picture and want you to choose only a couple of them, I would say no. I definitely wouldn't want the photo to exclude my husband, for sure, and if I had to pick between my children how would that make them feel? As if they were less important in her life? It might make them feel that way.

[dailydwellin]

I agree with Jacinda as well. They're asking you to do this for them, they shouldn't expect you to choose between family members.

What a stressful situation!!

[FireWolf]

I have to agree with Jacinda as well. It's all or nothing because it just isn't right for you as parents to have to chooses between your children and your DH should definitely be in there as well. I just don't understand the restriction. I could understand if they wanted immdiate family only, but having to exclude part of them I just don't get.

[jessica31876]

I do not think anyone should be excluded unless they choose to be. Talk to the people handling it and explain you have a large family who were all part of your daughter's life and you would all like to be included in this as well. Giving the gift of life through organ donation is a huge thing and one that a lot of parents would not have been able to do when facing the situation you did. Good luck. I hope you are able to find a resolution which allows everyone to be included in this event.

[carrie1977]

If they won't do all of you could you maybe hold the picture of Charlie and then your DH could hold a picture of her with the rest of your children? Then you could talk about how it's affected you and DH and how it's affected the family as a whole. I personally would want to say "it's all or none" but is also not want to miss the opportunity to talk about donating her organs.

I can't see how they can't just take a whole family shot.

[dana]

i'm sorry you have to deal with this stressful situation mary! but i agree with what everyone has said above - and i really hope they let you include the entire family! but if not - you and your husband alone is how i would do it (and i like the idea of a photo of all the kids too)

[marnel]

The process is like this: Hospital is the one doing the Gala. The hospital contacts DL the org we dealt with for the organ donation and then they contact the Donor families to participate. :|

I did want to opt for all or none but it's such an important choice, so many lives changed b/c of her. My 18yr old dd has declined being photographed not b/c she doesn't want her photo out their but b/c she still struggles deeply w/her loss. I told her no pressure on my part, I want her to be comfortable & content with her decision.

My last resort will be to just have my lovies holding her photo and a photo of my dh and I, he's not her biological dad but he raised her since she was a baby so he's her dad in my eyes and her siblings. I asked him if that's why he doesn't want to be in it but it's so hard for him to put it into words for me so I left it alone.

You all have given such valuable input, Thank you <3

[scrap2day]

Oh my goodness. My heart goes out to you. Sending hugs.

I agree with what Jacinda said.

[Sasha]

What a tough choice to make. You are in your right to not exclude any of your children. Hope it works out.

[sczos911]

hugs mary. that's all i can offer. ♥

[Arual]

If they can't include ALL of you, then I like your idea of having the children photographed holding Charlie's photo and a photo of mom and dad. At least the entire family unit is included.

What a tough decision you have! Good thoughts for you as your family figures this one out.

[marnel]

Thank you all for the Hugs and advice

I knew you all would help me

[lovely1m]

Originally Posted by julifish

If they won't take you all then I'd just choose to do you and DH only with her picture. But I would think they could find a way to accomdate your family so that everyone in the core family can be included. It's not like you are asking for grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.

My exact thoughts.

[Elsie]

I agree with what everyone has said, it's not a great position to put someone in and I think they're being inconsiderate. I hope they change their minds!

[Arual]

I was thinking about this... and I thought I'd toss out there, or maybe someone already did and I missed it.. but what about doing your idea of the photos but a bit different... instead of the children holding Charlie's photo and a photo of you and your husband - what about having you and your husband in the photo holding a photo of all the children (even the daughter who didn't want to be photographed might be okay with this? then she could be included without having to physically go through it) and then also holding a larger photo of Charlie (since it her that this is about).

I really hope they will just include you all!

[*Celeste*]

alternatively you could just pick names out of a hat. at least one of my children would prefer not to be in the photograph too.

[nun69]

{{{HUGS}}} Mary...if you have to choose, I like the idea of your kiddos holding a picture of Charlie and one of you and your DH....

[origami]

Honestly, this makes no sense to me whatsoever. They should include all of Charlie's immediate family survivors. Otherwise, I really think it makes no sense.

[marnel]

Thank you for all your advice and input.

I went ahead and contacted the DLR and I heard from her today and she said she spoke to the photographer and he said no worries he'll make it work. She also said she knows we have a big family and they are all her siblings and she wants me to do what I'm comfortable with.... Huge sigh of relief!!

I am thinking of having my kiddos hold our photo and Charlie's. I'm comfortable w/just my lovie's representing us, they are part of us and I honestly feel they will love this idea. Dh still hasn't changed his mind so that's why I'm opting for the above

[kelley]

OH good! So glad they are going to work with you and include everyone! I also think its a super cute idea to have the kids hold the pic!

[nun69]

what great news Mary....