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Old 02-03-2021, 01:59 AM
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Default I would like to direct your attention to...

these layouts I made five days apart.
This one is about how happy I am living here and don't want to leave.


And this one is about how I'm going crazy and don't want to stay.


So, basically I cannot be trusted to know up from down or what is best for me or my kids or my life because I can only FEEL whatever I'm feeling in the moment.

Can anyone else relate??

PS For context, we live in the Philippines, where the president has declared kids won't go back to school until there is a vaccine...but how long will it take before the hundred million people of the Philippines are vaccinated??? I am so despairing of hope.
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Old 02-03-2021, 04:11 AM
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I can totally relate...I am just so grateful for the good days that I have. The situation over here in The Netherlands is not getting better and eventhough I am trying to stay in my bubble, try to stay positive-ish...after almost a year, it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For me, it's still pitch dark with no end in sight and it's hard. Same with the vaccins here. Someone calculated that for 80% of the Dutch people to get vaccinated this year...they need to do 85.000 vaccins a day!!! Well, we're nowhere near that so yeah...I feel 2021 is a write off already and I am trying to just do what I can for my little family. My son will be home from school (with online lessons) till at least March 1st. And I am fine with that since he is in an age group where if they have covid, they hardly have any symptoms and believe me, I do not want to get covid with my health but for him it would be best if he could go back to daily classes since he has his exams next schoolyear. But yeah, I can totally relate and I think a lot of other people can relate to your second layout.
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Old 02-03-2021, 07:23 AM
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Oh Kellie... I'm so sorry. Your journaling in the second layout is so honest and heartbreaking... I can feel your pain and frustration just reading it. It is so hard to be "on" all the time, trying to stay positive, etc. There are just some days like the one you scrapped, when despair takes over and you wonder if Covid is ever going away. (((HUGS))) to you. I think we all have had days like that, even if we put on a happy face most of the time.

Biancka... I'm with you about 2021.... I think the expectation that Covid 19 is going away anytime soon is a wish that will not be granted, unfortunately. Everyone so looked forward to the end of 2020, but in reality, things haven't changed much. The promise of the vaccine is certainly giving people hope, but the process of actually vaccinating everyone is not a quick and easy one.

Here in Maine, teachers are going to be vaccinated within probably the next month, as we're in group 2 (health care workers, elderly and those who work with them, and other front line workers are group 1). We're still in school in person here, 4 days per week. We have had a few cases in our school district, but so far we've only had to quarantine once after Thanksgiving. I am so thankful that we can be in school - virtual school last spring was awful. As nervous as I was to go back face to face, I'm grateful that it's working for us.
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Old 02-03-2021, 09:48 AM
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I hear you! I'm about sick of the emotional roller coaster myself. I'm getting mean--like a solitary caged animal. My kids are back in school two days a week which is good and bad. In person learning is good; however, it's like every other day I'm getting the "positive covid test in our district" email that they are required to send. It doesn't tell you which school. . .is it elementary. . .the high school. . .where? It just leaves you wondering. I think that I'd rather not know.


So a teacher reached out to senior parents about helping with after prom committee. There is no way they are having prom, or graduation, or anything like that. Last year they gave the kids nice goodie bags with donations from local businesses and other stuff because they got jipped. Maybe I should finally email him back and offer to help. Do something positive during such a negative situation. It's just sad that I don't feel like helping because it's so hard to keep on smiling.


I admire you scrapping it all, Kellie. I haven't scrapped too much of 2020.
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Old 02-03-2021, 09:50 AM
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I’m fortunate because our schools opened back up in August, with the option to do online if you prefer. But, I want to say I understand the wide range of emotions you are feeling! Totally different circumstance, but I got a puppy 3 1/2 weeks ago. She literally pees 20+ times a day. My entire life revolves around going outside fifty thousand times a day and some days I’m ok with it. Other days I want to cry! I expected it to be hard but not this hard...
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Old 02-03-2021, 10:39 AM
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I understand the back and forth, living on emotions especially during this pandemic. I love your layouts, you are an amazing scrapper and I've missed commenting on your layouts!

I hope over time, as people are vaccinated (as long as it's not mandatory), that covid becomes less and less a thing, and that people can go back to the normal way of life - as normal as it will ever be. The children need to be back in school. This generation of students are greatly being neglected due to the online, virtual, homeschooling that is happening world wide.
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Old 02-03-2021, 11:52 AM
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It's such a frustrating time. My son was able to go back to school in person this year thankfully because neither of us did well with me trying to help him do online school. We've been very careful in the pandemic. Caleb goes to school, and my husband and I go to work. We go to the grocery store and that's about it. We haven't even been going to church because I was really worried about my husband getting covid because of some underlying health conditions. Well, about 3 weeks ago he started feeling really bad, and yep, he got covid. A day or so later, my son and I started feeling bad, and we ended up getting it also. We were all pretty sick for about 10 days, but luckily had no respiratory problems. So, we've been stuck in the house and doing online school for about 3 weeks. My son is definitely not built for distance learning. I'm grateful that we all seem to be ok now, but like you Kellie, I'm just tired of the whole mess. I'm tired of not seeing people, and I'm an introvert! The whole thing is just so frustrating!
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Old 02-03-2021, 01:07 PM
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Kellie, Your pages are lovely of course. The complete opposites are common in everyone's life in one way or another. I live in the Atlanta area and my county is the only county in the whole state to not return to in person school. I completely feel your pain regarding hating where I live for this one reason. I have a challenged granddaughter who needs testing for learning disabilities among other things. The whole county works, packs the mall, eats out and goes to church but no one can go to school, but they can play sports... ROTFLOL at that. I handle all of this with my eyes on the Lord and one day at a time.
PS. It's not often I see another Kellie spelled with an "IE"
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Old 02-03-2021, 01:08 PM
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I hear you....we are so frustrated here and we home school. Just because we home educate doesn't mean we stay home. So many activities have been canceled and our kids are going a wee bit crazy. They miss their friends.
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Old 02-03-2021, 01:55 PM
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You said it so well. I always go back and forth between feelings too. Some days I'm ok with my kids playing with the neighborhood kids and others I'm biting my fingernails because I think it's reckless.
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Old 02-03-2021, 03:05 PM
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Kellie, I am so sorry! I can only imagine, how are working parents going to deal with this. HUGS!
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Old 02-03-2021, 05:40 PM
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It's frustrating for sure. I feel like my emotions have somewhat leveled out the last 2-3 months, but I still have days because if you have friends from various states on social media, it looks like you're living in two completely different worlds.

It's hard to understand why our lives have changed so much here in Michigan, but the people in other states seem to be going on as though nothing has changed, kids are in school without masks, going out, celebrating with family and friends. While we're here, restaurants recently reopened to in person dining, kids were masks, a lot of schools are still distanced, I'm still working from home, the 17th will be 11 months. Masks everywhere. Large gatherings are discourage. It's just crazy.

And you want to blame people, but you can't, because you know you'd be going on with your life as normal if you lived in one of those places too.
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Old 02-03-2021, 05:56 PM
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I think you've really tapped into what everyone is feeling around the world. There are days when we can handle it all and be positive and have a plan. Then there are the days when we have to step back and just let everything flow past us because we can't bear to smile or think of the future or muster the energy to do the smallest tasks. Sending ((HUGS))

Off topic: you look so gorgeous in the photo of the first layout. I love your hair. You should make it your new avatar/profile pic!
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Old 02-03-2021, 06:00 PM
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I'm so glad you documented your feelings!

My PL pages from our last days in Turkmenistan in late Feb/early Mar last year are a lot like this (but not so beautifully written!). "We decided to stay." "We decided to go." "We decided to stay." "The Embassy decided we're all going." (And the biggest relief in that moment wasn't that we were going, but that I no longer had to decide!!) It's such a hard, huge decision...I feel for you!
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Old 02-03-2021, 07:21 PM
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Guuuuuuuuurl, my kids have been schooling from home & I'v been working from home since March. I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
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Old 02-03-2021, 07:28 PM
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I love you all SO MUCH! Thank you for taking the time to encourage me and to share your stories with me. I am so thankful to be a part of this community and to know I'm not alone.
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Old 02-03-2021, 08:14 PM
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Oh my... I feel for you!! This whole pandemic just sucks... I have good days and bad days... just taking it one day...some times one minute at a time.

My son (11th grade) is hybrid... two days in school, three at home. One daughter has decided that online college sucks so she is taking this semester off... the other college kid hates it too, but is sticking it out and just trying to do her best.... And the other daughter teaches kindergarten in this.... we all wear masks everywhere when we are out...
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Old 02-03-2021, 09:51 PM
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Right there with you! My kids haven't been in school for 11 months. They handled it so much better than I expected for so long, but since winter break they've all hit their limit.
Schools are supposed to reopen between late Feb and early March, but we'll see. That's right around the time that they think the more contagious variants will become the dominant ones in the US, so I have my doubts that the same mitigation measures will be successful and schools will remain relatively safe.

DH has been working from home since March. I get a lot less hours than I used to because of the pandemic, but what work I do is also from home. I'm so tired of never, ever being alone or having quiet.

On the one hand, I'm glad to live in a state and county that's taking the pandemic seriously. But we haven't gone far enough. I feel like the governor has given up. His entire focus seems to be on vaccination. (There are other mitigation measures in place, but they weren't increased even as cases soared.) People who are taking it seriously have been living like hermits for almost a year while other people do whatever they want with no incentive to help keep the spread down. I think people are feeling the same all over--the burden of keeping numbers lower needs to be borne more equally than will happen if it's all left to individuals to decide for themselves.

And to add to all of that, I feel guilty for feeling how I do since my family has only been inconvenienced, not devastated by deaths or the financial situation. How much right do I really have to complain?

I'm a preschool teacher, and I read recently that there probably won't be a vaccine for that age group until 2022. Is my school going to stay closed at least another full year? And whenever we do reopen, it's going to be with kids who literally have no memory of life before covid. Some of them won't have been apart from their parents ever. Some won't have played with anyone who isn't a sibling in their entire lives. I can't even imagine how we're going to help entire classes of kids deal with that reintegration--for all that older kids and adults are looking forward to it, I think it's going to be scary and traumatic for the youngest kids who are living a "normal" life for the first time.



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Old 02-03-2021, 11:55 PM
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Since I am an essential worker, I have been going into the office on most days and only working from home if I don't feel well. We have to go through an entire page of health questions and if the answer to any of them is yes, we are asked to stay home and work. Some times I just ask myself if I feel like working in my pjs that day. If the answer is yes, I stay home. LOL

My entire family is made up of essential workers, so I think we are feeling the strain less than a lot of other families, but we are still feeling it. They are my family and my social circle, so not being able to see each other as often has been hard. In the beginning we went months without seeing each other, now we do socialize a bit, and just a tiny bit at that, and we do quarantine from each other when one of us knows we have been exposed. Not seeing my son every week makes my heart hurt. We talk often, but it is not the same as our bi-weekly movie and dinner date.

I've always been an introvert, so again, this has not been as hard on me as it has been on more social people, but even I am getting fed up with not being able to go any where and only leaving the house for work. The other day I went to a store for the first time in almost a year and found it very depressing. Most of the shelves were empty. That scared me so much, I probably won't be going back for a while.
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Old 02-04-2021, 01:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nesser1981 View Post
It's hard to understand why our lives have changed so much here in Michigan, but the people in other states seem to be going on as though nothing has changed, kids are in school without masks, going out, celebrating with family and friends. While we're here, restaurants recently reopened to in person dining, kids were masks, a lot of schools are still distanced, I'm still working from home, the 17th will be 11 months. Masks everywhere. Large gatherings are discourage. It's just crazy.

And you want to blame people, but you can't, because you know you'd be going on with your life as normal if you lived in one of those places too.
Ohio is a lot like you are in Michigan although you don't hear about it unless you look at Ohio media. National media ignores us unless something major happens.

As for schools, the schools in my area have been in full day learning since August but then I live in a county of about 45,000 people so relatively small. Many of the city schools are remote and the governor's goal is to get all students back to in school learning by March 1st which is why he has put schools in the priority for the vaccine if they want it. It will take 5 weeks for all schools to be seen and my school is in week 5. From the looks of the list they are hitting the remote learning schools first. Also, in Ohio we are still under a no large gathering order for the general population although there are some things that have a little looser restrictions. Our bars and restaurants have been under a curfew for 2 months now and it is finally starting to be loosened a little but only if the number of hospitalizations stay at or are under specific numbers for at least 7 days.

Vaccines for the older population are being phased in with the 65+ age group being the last group to become available starting Monday. Appointments opened up today and my county health department had all available appointments booked in less than 4 hours. I didn't even try to call because I knew they would be slammed. The only good thing is that Ohio is staying at what they are calling 1B for awhile and not adding any more. The governor is concentrating on the general older population after the essential health care workers and nursing homes have been taken care of (Group 1A). Only the schools have been brought into that as well. There are about 2.2 million people in the 65+ age groups in Ohio and the state is receiving about 100,000 to 120,000 doses a week. There just aren't enough vaccines available yet.

Now I will say I am retired so I have been able to stay home during all of this but I live alone so do have to do some things myself like grocery shopping (no delivery here and I'm too picky to order online for pickup). But I have had to put off some major dental work because of all of this. I could have started my whole process last March and been done by Christmas (takes approximately 8 months) but with the pandemic I held off. I couldn't wait any longer so checked into it in October and have finally started the process.

I honestly don't see this ending anytime soon. Wouldn't surprise me if the WHO keeps the pandemic status into 2023. After all the Asian Flu was over 2 years so it wouldn't surprise me if this is the same.
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Old 02-04-2021, 05:32 PM
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feel your pain friend! My kids and myself have been home sine March 13th, 2020! Throw in a kid with Autism, a majorly depressed teen *19 that has no idea what he wants to do in life and a 15 year old gurl that is exactly that ...A 15 Y/O GIRL! We just bought a house, moved, and uprooted everything and everyone (even though less than 10 miles) & though it's been tough the whole year, things seem to be finally working themselves out (for us). Abby has been failing her freshman year since the start of the year & Peyton has excelled (even though a daily struggle with online/virtual learning + ADD + Autism). Abby is now in a new high school (which she ok'd with us before we even started house hunting) and in person 5 days a week (1 day is a get extra help day) and Peyton went back on the 25th 2 days a week in person! The extra house space, new school, & general change of environment (has done us ALL good...even the animals LOL!)....
hang in there Kellie we are all struggling & don't beat yourself up if you totally flip flop on your emotions day to day

btw: we are in VA since I know everything varies state by state and country by country.....
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