Christmas gift disappointment with a capital "D"!

[alansrock]

I want to first say that I love my DH and I am not a greedy gift person, but DH has really been slacking in the gift-giving department:

--Mother's Day: I get a silver heart locket (the locket is huge, he picked the photos for the locket, he put my name instead of "MOM" on it and I hate silver jewelry, everything I own is gold! I haven't wore it even once .)

--My bday: I get a massage certificate (ok it's a nice enough gift but there is NO thought into it and it's DH's scape goat. I mean it's the 5th freakin' massage I've gotten for my bday already.)

--10th anniversary: I got nothing! (we agreed to not get each other gifts, but I was sure I would at least get some flowers or a card and instead I got nada. I made DH a 20-page photo book.)

--Christmas: Foot Bath massage spa kit (DH has wanted one of these for 5 years and I said I didn't want one, so imagine my face when I opened up this gem on Christmas morning). MP3 Player (it doesn't even work.) Thread set (I have 150 spools of thread and he gets me some little mini thread kit as a stocking stuffer, I mean HELLO.) Circle strip cutting tool (I just made a quilt and had enough trouble with strips and he gets me circles...insert me rolling my eyes here.) When Harry Met Sally DVD (I already own this movie , enough said.)

I got DH a cordless power drill, some movies, a stress ball and surprised him with a Hockey Jersey that I told him we couldn't afford, it was customized too, he was like a kid when he opened it and saw it, he's worn it for 2 straight days! Everything he got was something he wanted and asked for. I just feel when it comes to gifts, DH just doesn't know me at all, I gave him a list of things I wanted and he sure didn't stick to the list. Makes me sad that after knowing me for about 12 years he doesn't know what to buy for me.

I have wanted to vent for 2 full days so thanks for letting me get that off my chest, now back to regular programming!

[Kat Stokes]

Sorry you were disappointed Jami! My DH is somewhat a little gift challenged too so in 2009 I am going to get pictures of everything I want and put it in a manila envelope labeled Kat's Wish List and will hand it to him just before my birthday, our anniv. and x-mas. If he doesn't get it then I will resign myself to buying what I want, when I want it.

[Lukasmummy]

Some men just don't get it do they, I have bypassed that problem I just spend his money and buy what I want and then tell him what he bought ((((hugs)))) It's a shame because usually they end up spending way more than they needed to just because they don't listen or grasp what we would really like. Lukas understands me way more than his daddy does and he's 6!

[alansrock]

Originally Posted by Lukasmummy

Some men just don't get it do they...It's a shame because usually they end up spending way more than they needed to just because they don't listen or grasp what we would really like.

Amen to this! He spent like $150 on crap that I didn't want and could've spent like $50 total if he had stuck to the list. And then he gets pissy at me when I say I don't like what he got. What am I suppose to do? Just lie and pretend I like it? Screw that, he got what he wanted and then some so he needs to get it together and take the crap back!

[maryinaz]

So sorry to hear that Jami! Can you get the receipts from him and take them back yourself?

My DH is hit and miss with gifts. Several times I've given him specific lists that he ignores. Other times he sticks to it. Can't really figure it out! Sometimes he spends too much and that just makes me mad so this year I explicitly told him that if he got me something expensive that I didn't ask for, that I was returning it. Off my list this year he got the Wii Fit and some books, but also a couple of weird things like this exacto knife thingy (of course, he thinks it's cool). I tried to make it very easy for him and listed a few things that he could order online, but nope.

But I hear ya because I HATE money wasted on stuff that is not wanted or needed. I hope you can take the stuff back and get something you want!

[kim21673]

This stinks! Sorry to hear your DH sucks in the gift giving! I didn't get much but did get things off my list. My DH is always good about that!!

[SmallMoments]

I'm sorry. I'm right there with you. I got a blanket, which I asked for, but I didn't think that's ALL he was going to get me. I got him a North Face fleece, mp3 player, and one of those george foreman grills with the five interchangable plates. Oh and he let Luke get me a $5 bracelet that has an L on it. I tihnk I like that the best just b/c Luke picked it out, but yeah.

I'm sorry-- I know how you feel! Totally!

[stayawake]

I pretty quickly realized that my husband was not a gift-giver when we were dating.. he tried hard, but he brought me chocolates ALL the time, and I don't even like chocolates! And he knew that! So for our anniversary we go out for dinner to a nice restauarant - no gifts, no disappointment. For Christmas, we buy each other something small like a cd or two or a book and some candy and they splurge on something for the two of us. This year we bought a Wii and many accessories (My husbands already become a Wii fit pro... he loves it!) which was maybe a little more for him than me, but hey last year he got me a sweet camera. I can't complain.
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you this year. Some people are just not 'gift' people, and some are. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or get you, he just probably panics when it comes to gifts!

[Jenn Barrette]

I just buy my own presents. I secretly wish he would surprise me with one of the many things I have said I like, but I wont hold my breath. My ILs got me a Crock Pot this year that I have no interest in, and they asked DH what I wanted so...go figure.

[ashliwolf]

omg..i got NOTHING and i NEVER do! merry Christmas to mE!

[LenaGardner]

awww, I'm sorry you were disappointed! I remember my mom giving my dad the cold shoulder for weeks when I was in high school because he bought her an electronic dart board for Christmas (she did like darts but come on, right?)

That being said, I must say....

My ex-husband was really into gift giving for each other and for our child. Every year we spent hundreds of dollars on Nathan and atleast a few hundred on each other. And every year I stressed on what to get him, what he'd get me, etc, etc.

David and I don't do gifts for each other. We just don't...and I'm so much happier! Christmas is no less fulfilling. I'm never disappointed because he got the wrong thing. He doesn't have to stress over getting me the wrong thing. This year I got him a small token gift...I spent $14.49 on him...and I ordered myself a necklace I've been wanting, for $19.99, and that's that. I told him thank you for his gift to me and he is pleased he "got" it for me, LOL.

Holidays shouldn't be about disappointment, so we've found a way around it!

[Angie4b1g]

I'm sorry you were disappointed It does sound like he TRIED, though. I mean, the thread and the quilting stuff, at least he tried to get stuff that he knows you are interested in.

Even if my husband went out and bought me something I totally didn't want or need, if it seemed like he put some thought into it, I'd be so touched I wouldn't care about the gift itself, kwim?

[ashliwolf]

yeah..i used to bawl and sqawal over the fact that i get nothing....but what is the use....i did buy him an ice cream scoop... he wanted it....someday i will open up my windows and it will be just like the LEXUS commercial....but for now..i get nothing and lose no sleep over it....and oh for the record..i get nothing for birthdays, mother's day, or st. valentine's day nada....

[Aunti M]

Aww! I'm so sorry! I can feel your pain. Last year, I got nothing. I mentioned to him this year that I'd just get myself a gift. He surprized me and he was so proud of himself. He got me a digital photo frame {I have never expressed interest in having one, but it's cool!} and he got me this huge thing of scrapbook supplies {Probobly from Costco}. It's cool, but I'm a Digi Scrapper!! I guess he doesn't really know the difference.
We've been married 24 1/2 years and only once have I ever gotten anything I've asked for. As a kid we learned never to ask for anything, because our parents never gave us anything we wanted anyway. Still not sure what that was about. Something dysfunctional, I'm sure!! LOL!
Sending you a Big hug! Get the receipts, take the stuff back and get what you want!! Next year, just get for yourself..or take him along, load up a cart and when you get to the checkout tell him to whip out his wallet!! LOL!

[Christy Lyle]

Awww I'm sorry to hear this, Jami! I'd ask him for the receipts and take the stuff back and go buy yourself what you wanted and then a little something special with the "extra" money.

[Kari]

I'm so sorry!!
My DH is hit or miss when it comes to gifts. Usually I just buy myself something & tell him "Oh, BTW, you bought me such & such." 2 Christmases ago, he got me Scrapbook Factory - what I started digi scrapping with. Then last year, I get a 300 GB EHD. This year (I think only cause I went with him) he got me a 1 TB EHD on black Friday. So yeah, I'm right there with you on having a hubby that is lousy when it comes to gifts. My oldest son is a better gift giver, he asked me this year if I wanted a new purse or if I just wanted money to get myself a new purse. (it's a well known fact around here what a purse whore I am). Well, DH just won $755 playing poker last night - I want a camera (been eye a Rebel. OK, drooling over a Rebel) & a laptop for scrapping. lol

[Rae's World]

One year DH got me a plastic bowl for making pancakes in. Um, yeah, thanks honey. I was disappointed for a few years until I finally said something. Now he just lets me buy my own gifts and put his name on it. Works better this way! Occasionally I will be REALLY specific and he might come close.

[snappy2003]

I'm sorry to hear this!

I used to be disappointed every holiday & birthday...DH didn't understand why gift-giving was a big deal, said it was just another day. He used to say you should just get things you want whenever or buy things for people you love anytime because you never know when might be yours or their last day. So I just started getting what I wanted when I could, LOL.

That led to him griping later that he couldn't buy me gifts because I always got what I wanted. Well, duh?! So, now when I want something, which is almost all the time, LOL, I take him to 'look at it' and he'll usually end up buying it for me. Like my new D-SLR for Christmas, I got it early, but at least I got it and it was what I wanted. You just gotta learn how to "handle" your man.....I don't like to use the word manipulate .

[ZaCola3]

My husband and I don't buy for each other...thank god...he sucks.
Two Valentines Days ago he got these god awful red velvet roses, a big glass mug and some river rocks and arranged the roses inside the mug...with the river rocks all around...OMG it was HILARIOUS. He is still proud of that, and let me tell you, I never said one word just smiled and said ty, I knew it came from his heart.

[mormishmom]

Originally Posted by Kat Stokes

Sorry you were disappointed Jami! My DH is somewhat a little gift challenged too so in 2009 I am going to get pictures of everything I want and put it in a manila envelope labeled Kat's Wish List and will hand it to him just before my birthday, our anniv. and x-mas. If he doesn't get it then I will resign myself to buying what I want, when I want it.

My friend does this and even puts where to buy it on the back of each picture It's worked really well for them.

[CA Dreamer]

(((((((((((((((((Jami))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )

[Sharon Kay]

You poor thing! Mine was a great gift giver when we were dating but got clueless when we got married. After several years of unusable gifts (except maybe for himself), I have given him ads with the product circled and he goes out and buys it. No surprise I guess...but at least I am getting what I want now. I thought I would let him surprise me last birthday...and he got me a digital photo frame...almost a year later I have FINALLY used it...it was used in the Robotics BOOTH for our team. I have all my pictures on my computer and in printed scrapbooks...what do I need a digital frame for (which he paid well over $100 for it...but couldn't hurt my boys' feelings and take it back).

So...this year I went back to either an ad circled or handing him a game I want while in the store...he pretends to buy it on the sly (rolling my eyes here)...

This year...just for fun I said let's fill each other's stockings...well I got him some cool ratcheting wrenches that my 20yo ds said OH WOW dad will love these...$50 worth...and I got 2 bags of DOVE milk chocolates...yes that is my favorite...however I have lost 70 pounds and do not want to put it right back on! How about checking out the weight watcher ones I buy myself occasionally...ask your 20yo ds...he knows which ones they are. I am trying to raise my boys to be more perceptive....I hope I succeed. I'm going to take them to the store and exchange (I hope they will let me w/o receipt) for weight watcher chocolates.

...so after 24 years of marriage experience...I recommend...do NOT let him surprise you again...do not tell him what you want...hand him the ad, circled, and send him out the door! Such a shame we have clueless guys...but yes...it's a waste of money for things you would never use.

[jocelinsmommy]

Awweee I'm sorry honey...Could I make u feel better by saying my DH got me just a bag of M&Ms for my bday...yea a bag of m&ms when someone is trying to loose weight...and he got games for his ps3 etc for his birthday just a few months earlier along with a HUGE party with his friends...my brother who was living with us at that time got me more. I can relate with the disappointment..**HUGS**

[jessica31876]

I can relate...my suggestion is to try not to dwell on what he DOESNT do but to try to remember all the things he DOES do. My hubby is totally clueless when it comes to gifts too so I can relate. he once bought me shampoo and conditioner for valentines day. It was sweet and he meant well because where we live we only have well water and the well water wrecks havoc on my hair and it did cost over 10 dollars per bottle but I mean it isnt something you want to get on valentines day KWIM? When I started thinking about all the stuff my husband does do it helped me because there a million little things throughout the year that are kinda small and you might overlook them but when you add them all up they wouldnt compare to even the most thoughtful/expensive/romantic gift he could buy.

[SirScrapalot]

Really, whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"? I think everyone has had some misses in the gift buying arena, but really is that what it's about?

This year we didn't have many issues, because we didn't really buy each other much. We spent the money on our girls, and buying gifts for the many low income children we teach. It made us feel good, and we felt like we were making a difference.

I am sure he tried.

[juliemarie]

My DH just has me make a long list, and then he picks out several things on it, and tells me to go get them. No surprise for me on Christmas, but its still a surprise as to what he will pick on the list. Works out great for us.

[lovely1m]

I know its the thought that counts and its just nice that he tries and all that, but yes, its very normal to be disappointed with bad gifts. My dh listened this year and got me what I wanted, well, sort of, he bought be a GC to go buy what I wanted, but it was for the store for the thing I wanted. Said he just wasn't able to get away from me when we were at that store, so he got the GC online. Really the only time I have been disappointed with his gifts is when he doesn't buy any, which wouldn't disappoint me if we had set that up in advance, but he has done it a couple of times when I did buy him something.

[pbumbaca]

I'm sorry Jami! I think you should have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. It doesn't take much to 'think' about stuff before you buy it and it's not like you didn't give him ideas.

[Sari]

Originally Posted by ZaCola3

My husband and I don't buy for each other...thank god...he sucks.
Two Valentines Days ago he got these god awful red velvet roses, a big glass mug and some river rocks and arranged the roses inside the mug...with the river rocks all around...OMG it was HILARIOUS. He is still proud of that, and let me tell you, I never said one word just smiled and said ty, I knew it came from his heart.

Too funny. My Dh gets the same way about gifts. He gets SO excited about stuff and it's usually something I don't have much use for or something that's more for HIM to enjoy or for DD. But, I don't say much because I know he tried and was so proud of himself.

Sorry you were so disappointed, Jami. I've found that unless I give DH a very small, detailed list of what I would like, he doesn't get it right. So, while I was very happy with my gift this year, I asked for 2 things and he just gave me the OK to order one. LOL Most of the great gifts that I get, I pick out myself.

[HeatherKS]

I can relate this year completely. I got my dh the Garmin GPS that he'd been drooling over (and he KNEW it was coming because I asked him for specifics so I'd get the right one) and I got NOTHING. Not even something little that he stuck in my stocking. Just nothing. And it wasn't because he didn't have ideas, we'd talked about countless things in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

And you're right Aaron, it is the thought that counts, but when there's no thought at all, it really can be heartbreaking. I think it's doubly hard when you've shopped for everyone else and put so much thought into getting them things that they will love and then you get no thought at all.

[EveRecinella]

Sorry you were disappointed....

[newfiemountiewife]

I'm sorry you were bummed. My DH is really good about getting me things I like, I really lucked out in the gift department there. Not that I'm a complicated person to buy for, I don't think LOL.

[crecia27]

Thats the worst! It sucks when you feel like someone who should know you the best doesn't know you at all! My mom has really missed the mark the last 2 years in her effort to get me the same things as my SIL & step-sister. This year she just gave cash (and got me a Bind it all "from my oldest" )

My DH and I couldn't afford to exchange gifts this year. But he told me what he would have gotten me if he'd received a bonus and he would have been rewarded well for his efforts and actually listening to me this year

[Emmy]

My dh used to frustrate me on gifts because of lack of thought - I mean he tried but his definition of thought and mine did not match up. DH would wait until 2 days before Christmas and then call me on the way home from work to say he had to shop before he came home - I would be because I was typically waiting for him to come home and help with the kids while I worked on christmas baking/wrapping etc and he didn't understand at all why I was annoyed. Then of course I had issue with the fact that my gifts were basically dictated by what was still available on Dec. 23rd at 7:30 at night. He didn't understand why I was unhappy and I didn't understand why he coudln't plan ahead so he could find the things I wanted in stock, order online, etc. He didn't understand that to ME this was not thoughtful gift giving - at best it was fire fighting and hard for me to accept.

That being said I do think it's important to not get wrapped up in the - well if he was going to spend $150 on me I would have rather have XYZ than this crap (ha!). Honestly I think the best solution is to either buy for yourself and have him just add in one surprise gift, or limit what you spend on each other to a really small amount (like $25-$50) and then buy for yourself at another time (like when the tax refund comes if that works for you).

If you can politely ask for receipts and switch out gifts I'd do that but I wouldn't complain or give him a hard time - if you make him feel bad, he'll probably just stop trying all together.

Sorry it was a disappointing Christmas for you!

[sugarlips]

I can totally understand about the gift thing!

One year, for our anniversary, my oh-so-sweet DH gave me a tin box of Altoids! You know, the breath mints!!! I was furious!!! Now, at the time we really didn't have much money, which I understood, and that was his excuse. But man, breath mints???? Next time sweetie, get a card!!!

[Paula]

Oh man Jami!! I'm sorry your DH isn't more astute when it comes to giving gifts.

[ashliwolf]

Originally Posted by HeatherKS

I can relate this year completely. I got my dh the Garmin GPS that he'd been drooling over (and he KNEW it was coming because I asked him for specifics so I'd get the right one) and I got NOTHING. Not even something little that he stuck in my stocking. Just nothing. And it wasn't because he didn't have ideas, we'd talked about countless things in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

And you're right Aaron, it is the thought that counts, but when there's no thought at all, it really can be heartbreaking. I think it's doubly hard when you've shopped for everyone else and put so much thought into getting them things that they will love and then you get no thought at all.

yeah..i am TOTALLY with ya heather....when there is NO THOUGHT...that sucks i mean NOTHING?! seriously! write me a little note....get me a starbucks card for $5...SOMETHING!!!! When we bust our A&& buying for everyone and getting the perfect gift for each and everyone of his family members with our own money... {oh...sorry...he gave me $168...yep...you saw that right...} that would cover the kids, my parents, brothers, his parents, gift exchange gifts and my grandmothers....NICE! I am over it...but it sucks....and guess what Jan. 14 is coming...another dissappointment is on the horizon....oh well...that's the way the ball bounces.... i am off to clean MORE messes..........will this Christmas chaos EVER cease?!

[Kari]

Originally Posted by Emmy

My dh used to frustrate me on gifts because of lack of thought - I mean he tried but his definition of thought and mine did not match up. DH would wait until 2 days before Christmas and then call me on the way home from work to say he had to shop before he came home - I would be because I was typically waiting for him to come home and help with the kids while I worked on christmas baking/wrapping etc and he didn't understand at all why I was annoyed. Then of course I had issue with the fact that my gifts were basically dictated by what was still available on Dec. 23rd at 7:30 at night. He didn't understand why I was unhappy and I didn't understand why he coudln't plan ahead so he could find the things I wanted in stock, order online, etc. He didn't understand that to ME this was not thoughtful gift giving - at best it was fire fighting and hard for me to accept.

That being said I do think it's important to not get wrapped up in the - well if he was going to spend $150 on me I would have rather have XYZ than this crap (ha!). Honestly I think the best solution is to either buy for yourself and have him just add in one surprise gift, or limit what you spend on each other to a really small amount (like $25-$50) and then buy for yourself at another time (like when the tax refund comes if that works for you).

If you can politely ask for receipts and switch out gifts I'd do that but I wouldn't complain or give him a hard time - if you make him feel bad, he'll probably just stop trying all together.

Sorry it was a disappointing Christmas for you!

My DH does that. He waits until the last possible moment. But he's never been a great gift giver. Our first Christmas, he told me he was going to the store, I asked him to pick up some shampoo while he was out..well, he didn't bring any home. Christmas morning, I unwrap a bottle of shampoo.

[ashliwolf]

ok ok ok...maybe i have been a little ugly about my dh....he did get me a rosebush for Valentine's day and said..now you can never say that i don't get you flowers.... i still heart him...even though he totally sucks at gift giving

[mrshobbes]

Can totally relate and DH is a crappy gift giver, but I know he thinks about it. This year we both didn't exchange presents, because it's been hard financially and we'd rather splurge on something for our anniversary which is in early January. But I already consider the scrapping budget he gave me for DSD and all the Xmas Scrap sales as part of his Christmas gift to me!

[Angie4b1g]

Maybe your expectations are too high.

[lovely1m]

Originally Posted by Kari

My DH does that. He waits until the last possible moment. But he's never been a great gift giver. Our first Christmas, he told me he was going to the store, I asked him to pick up some shampoo while he was out..well, he didn't bring any home. Christmas morning, I unwrap a bottle of shampoo.

OMG, that's hilarious! Men.