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Old 02-24-2014, 04:19 PM
dgreenshield dgreenshield is offline
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Default Feeling Helpless...looking for ideas.

Well, I had wanted to make the care bag for my friend expecting her to undergo a long haul of chemo and radiation. However, the news was much more tragic than we were expecting. On Friday, her family shared with just a few of us that she has a rare and aggressive form of cancer that is un-treatable. She has begun hospice care and has just a few months with us. I am heart-broken for her, her parents and the two boys that will now be without either one of their parents.

At this time, they don't want meals or visitors...they are not ready to share this news with many people and I completely understand the need they have to process this information.

I and those of us who do know, want to do something for her. Any ideas? I know that we can send flowers or plants...but just don't want to do that.

Thanks for reading to this point.
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Old 02-24-2014, 04:27 PM
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I am so very sorry.

I'm a photographer, so if I was in your situation, I would wait a few days and offer to take a family picture of all of them. If they take you up on the offer, I can imagine a family picture (even in hospice) will be an absolute treasure to them later.

I will pray for your friend.
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Old 02-24-2014, 04:27 PM
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I don't have any ideas...I'm no good with this kind of stuff...but I wanted to say I was sorry
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Old 02-24-2014, 04:29 PM
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I'm like Traci in that this kind of thing isn't my forte (I'm one who will chip in on anything but have zero ideas of my own).

I think the family photo sounds like a lovely gesture.

I'm terribly sorry!
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Old 02-24-2014, 04:45 PM
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so sorry for your friend i was thinking about things i would want in this situation ... and one thing i though of was something that i could pass on to my children - like maybe have someone collect letters about me and pics of me from all my friends (from childhood to today) so that some stories, memories, etc could be shared with the kids in the future (i'm imagining a big scrapbook type thing). in the near term, i think that taking the kids to do something fun for an afternoon would be nice, to give the kids a little time to get away and just have fun. coming to grab laundry from the house and bringing it back washed and folded. maybe some baskets with ingredients for a movie night at home, sundae party, etc - something they can do at home as a family.
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Old 02-24-2014, 04:56 PM
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I agree with Dana. Offer to either video or audiotape memoirs. If she's got young kids, maybe tape her reading a bedtime story. Write down advice, recipes, stories, etc that she wants to pass along to the kids. Does she want to write letters for the boys to open on future birthdays, wedding days, etc? If she does but can't physically do that, offer to be her secretary...record them for her and then type them up. That sort of thing.

Let her know what you will be there for her kids...I know that would be my biggest concern.
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Old 02-24-2014, 05:25 PM
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Great ideas from Marla, Dana and Stacy.

I think if you can get some photos from the husband and make a 5x7, etc scrapbook to share with her now. Some of their great times. For the kids a 5x7 sb of their mom with them in the photos too. Nothing fancy, just something that they can hold onto during this terrible time.

Big hugs to everyone!!! You are a great friend.
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:10 PM
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I am so sorry about your friend. Some very good ideas here.

I would also say to check back with them if they need meals, help, etc. After the initial shock they might really need some help with the day to day stuff so they can concentrate on other things. If it were me I might even say something like, I would like to drop off some meals and/or do your laundry so that you can spend that time together as a family.

You are a great friend to be there for them.
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:17 PM
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I'm so sorry! What a heartbreaking situation for your friend and her children. I definitely agree with the photo idea and others here, but if she's feeling up to it, maybe you could bring something to help them make good memories together now. Is there something she and her kids like to do together that isn't too taxing that you could bring them supplies for? If not, maybe a basket with a movie and some treats to take their minds off everything.
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:19 PM
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That's so sad, just heartbreaking. No great input from me but I couldn't just read and run.
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:40 PM
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Oh Dottie, I'm so sorry to hear this. How heartbreaking!
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:57 PM
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I love the ideas shared. I would also do a gift basket of games, cards, puzzle books, ect to have at the house. She will be in bed for hours at a time so anything to help entertain would be nice not only for her but for the family sitting with her.
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Old 02-24-2014, 10:52 PM
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There are some really great ideas in this thread - you are such a kind & caring friend, and I am sorry to hear that the prognosis is so poor. I'll be thinking of your friend (and you!) during this time.
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:15 PM
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So sorry to hear! I don't have any other ideas, but I think the suggestions given are lovely. God be with you and your dear friend. XOXO.
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:26 PM
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Thanks for the ideas ladies. Another friend and I have thought about photos with the kids, 14 and 17, once they are over the initial shock and ready to let people know. Her ex husband has not been in the picture for 12 years and her parents are taking care of her and the boys.

I appreciate the prayers for her and the family. This has been so sudden and just heartbreaking for everyone.
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:41 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. I'd offer to do a scrapbook of messages from her to her children and family. See if she'd feel OK writing notes/letters to her loved ones that you will scrap for her, or put in a 5x7 flipbook with accompanying photos they can remember her by.
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Old 02-25-2014, 12:00 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear about your friend I don't have any ideas, sorry, and I think that there's a lot of great ideas already here from these awesome ladies. You're a great friend! Will keep your friend & family in my prayers.
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Old 02-25-2014, 02:52 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear this as well. It' so hard when things like this happen. I don't really have any further ideas, but I think that in time the family would LOVE a scrapbook of her and their memories with her.
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Old 02-28-2014, 02:18 PM
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I was thinking about what I would want, and one of the things would definitely be letters from me. I would also want to be able to record the bed time songs I sing to them each night (they each have their own special one). I would want them to be able to have something to hold on to when they are missing me, and I think those things would be some. Family pictures are also a great idea.

I'm so sorry about your friend.
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Old 03-03-2014, 01:02 AM
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Thanks for all the ideas ladies. Unfortunately, my friend had declined so rapidly and passed away this afternoon. I spoke to her parents and have offered to make a scrapbook for the boys about their mother. Her friends and I are working on getting letters for the boys about their mom to present to them with the scrapbook.

This has taught me to tell those you love how much they mean to you...life is just too precious.
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Old 03-03-2014, 01:13 AM
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Oh Dottie....I'm so very sorry for your loss....my heart breaks for those little boys. ((HUGS))
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Old 03-03-2014, 01:16 AM
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Oh Dottie, I'm SO sad to hear this. I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your sweet friend.
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Old 03-03-2014, 01:50 AM
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Oh wow, that happened so fast! How heartbreaking for all who knew and loved her.
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Old 03-03-2014, 10:39 AM
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I am so sorry.
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Old 03-03-2014, 11:46 AM
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I am new on here so don't know you yet, but I am feeling so sad now reading your last post. I think your idea of a memory scrapbook is lovely.

I recently went through some hard medical stuff myself, and the things that helped enormously were people providing meals and one friend did a big grocery shop for me and had it delivered. I have two young kids so that was pretty huge in terms of helping. Just ideas for the family as they move forward at this time. xxx
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Old 03-03-2014, 11:46 AM
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i am so sorry
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