need some parenting advice...adhd/odd

[nun69]

Please bare with my long rant.....
So Peyton got diagnosed with adhd/odd on Oct 18. We tried concerta didn't really work so we moved on to Intuniv 1mg. Well he has been struggling at school still since taking his meds and is basically just disrupting class almost everday. Well I thought he was doing better since I hadn't gotten a note in 5 days. Well I just met with the school counselor and principal to find out he has still been struggling everday even if he didn't come home with a note....for real and why didn't you tell me this 4/5 days ago.....well they have been telling me from the start they recommend we take him out and put him in a structered daycare and have him start kindergarten next year because they think he is still to behavioraly young (his birthday is 7/20)..put him in half day kindergarten and the afternoon daycare or....the other option to go down is that they start looking at a behavior plan which they really don't like to do with kindergartners (understandable). The counselor said she talked to the teacher about a 504 plan but she said that she is doing everything she can for Peyton and there really isn't anything else she would add. So I am so confused as to what to do.....it's like pulling teeth to get Matt involved (with school/discipline/pretty much anything) and I am soooooooo frustrated .....anybody can give me any advice?????

[Leila]

Angie, catch me on Yahoo when you get a chance. I'm up for a while yet.

[lovely1m]

I don't have direct experience, but I have a cousin who is 6 weeks older than me, but because of school cut offs was a whole grade ahead of me. He always struggled in school, he was just so much younger than the other kids. I never struggled and I actually had undiagnosed learning disabilites. I honestly think it had a lot to do with me being older in the grade. I personally would take him out and have him try again next year. Hugs, I hope you figure out whats best for him.

[kscwgirl]

J is on Vyvanse and I am a huge fan of it.. it's done WONDERS for him.

However, I would consider maybe pulling him out and doing the half day and see if that helps him. he may just be too overwhelmed.

hugs hon!!!

[mariewilcox]

Angie - I'm so sorry you're still struggling with this I don't have first hand experience with my kids but my sister went through the almost same exact scenario with her son (now 9 and in 3rd grade).

His birthday is in August and she tried starting him in K when he turned 5 but it was a disaster. He just wasn't ready. She finally pulled him at about 2 months in and put him in a Montessori school and then started him in kindergarten when he was 6. He was more ready but still struggled a bit so she had him evaluated and he was diagnosed ADHD also (but not ODD). When he was in 2nd grade he was finally started on Ritalin (she was against medicating from the start). Now she says if she knew 2 years ago what a miracle it would be she would have started it then.

Every kid is different for sure - this is just one case. I will say that my son was born 4 days after the cutoff for starting school so he was always older than everyone, and it was wonderful for him.

[kelley]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this! We homeschool, but I know for a fact that my 7 year old would have trouble if he was in public school. I think I would pull him out and let him wait. I also know not from personal experience, but through friends that a lot of times the younger ones struggle - they just maybe aren't ready for the structure yet. I of course don't know your whole situation, but it sounds like it would be better to wait - he will probably enjoy it more and would be less frustrating for you.

[isaacsmom]

I also have a "young" school ager that has ADHD. While he is in 2nd grade now, his birthday is Aug 2nd and so he just turned 5 when he went into Kindergarten. If I had a choice, I would have held him out and started when he was 6 -- but because he is deaf, the only way he could get speech therapy was to put him in Kindergarten when he was 5. That being said, the first 6 months was a serious struggle. And then he was diagnosed and put on Concerta. For us, it was a miracle. Seriously, night and day difference the FIRST day he took it. It kind of makes me wonder if perhaps Concerta or Intuniv is not the "right" med or the right dosage for him. Then again, perhaps school is just too much for him and he would benefit from being pulled out and try again next year. I can honestly say that I haven't heard of one parent that has regretted waiting until their child is 6 to start, but I hear lots of people say they wish they had waited. We have had to change med dosages about every 6 months as Isaac has grown and his body has become "used" to the meds. (((hugs))) to you. I know how hard it is to be the parent -- feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions or just need to rant.

[SeattleSheri]

When you talk to Peyton about it, does he express any preference on whether he stays where he's at or restarts kindergarten? While I think age can potentially play into these scenarios, I've seen lots of young-for-their-grade children prosper, so I think that is only one component. Thomas is born in mid August and started kindergarten right after his 5th birthday. I won't lie, last year when he started kindergarten it was a struggle, but he's doing awesome this year and I mainly contribute that to a change in teachers. My husband and I have had a lot of discussions about whether to hold him back (even this year). We also talked to him about it. He was (is) really motivated to stay with his 1st grade class (even though he changed schools and just met his classmates this year). I started kindergarten as a 4 year old and never had a problem. If you have the flexibility to put him in kindergarten next year, it may be a good option. Good luck with everything!

[Shawna Clingerman]

Reece was also a late birthday (8/12) and a really young kindergardener - but we kept him at the same level and sort of waited for it to even out a little, because at every conference teachers mentioned that he was a "young" k/1/2 grader, but they expected it he would "catch up" eventually. He also has adhd, but we really waited it out to see if it was an age thing - anyway, we had great results with concerta + intuniv together, do you find the intuniv is helpful at all by itself?

Anyway, no advice, but you just have to stick with what you think is best - i really wanted to avoid reece being like 19 when he graduated hs so we stuck with his early start, but the first few years were an extra struggle i think because of it.... I don't know if i would do it differently if I had it to do over, but in the end i think sticking with it was right for us - however we didn't have the school asking us to...

also, when he was in k, it was on a strange every other day schedule, maybe that helped us a bit?? I don't know maybe half day would be like that?? Sucks to have to take him out of school just to put him in daycare though!

[jessica31876]

Not sure if your dr has suggested diet changes or not and have you gotten any information on behavior modification for ADHD? My sister had to cut out a lot of stuff from my nephews diet which helped some with the ADHD. Nickolas my youngest son had some degree of ODD when he started school. He also has a learning disability. Once we got a strutured behavior plan so he knew what was expected of him it worked out great. At first we did just day by day conduct but he did so poorly on that so when he got into trouble and knew he would get a sad face or straight face which were not great he would get discouraged and his behavior got worse. So what we ended up doing was breaking the conduct report down to time periods for each segment of the day and we also had him moved to a new class with a teacher he felt better with. Then I made it very clear what was expected of him at school. I always told my kids I dont care if you dont get straight A's in school one grade you can always gets an A is conduct. Which is what I told him and I told him you will get a reward for good behavior and punsishment for bad behavior. So with the day being broken into shorter segments where if he had a bad period of say 30 minutes but was well behaved the rest of the day he would still get the happy face which made us both happy. It took that year and then first grade for it to get 100% better but it did happen. It was a rough year for him and me both because I always felt like the teachers/staff were judging me. Another thing that helped my son was there was a behavioral specialist at his school who loved Nicolas. Whenever he was having a rough day he would go to her office and she would do some one on one work with behavior type stuff to get it turned around. He loved her so much so he worked really hard to gain her approval. So there is hope but it takes time and I know for us it took getting an IEP in place that worked.with a teacho whom he connected with better then his original teacher. Not sure if any of that will help you but the IEP meeting they will have suggestions for the IEP and you can offer your own suggestions as well for them as to what you think may help. Ultimately though it will come down to your choice as to what is done. They can write up a plan and if you dont agree with it then you tell them and then you work on a plan you feel is the best plan to go with. That is how my experiences with them have went for the most part anyhow. Also I used rewards at home for Nick. If he got a weeks worth of happy faces (I think he could get 25 total? Maybe 30) once he collected a certain amount of points he could have game time on my computer or on the video games. If he lost a certain amount of smilies he got to sit in his room until dinner thinking about where his day went wrong and then we would discuss the day and how he could change it.

[rach3975]

I know it's a tough call, Angie, but if it were me I'd pull him. There are younger kids who struggle at first and then adjust, but the ADHD/ODD means your little guy is going to have to work harder than most kids to make good choices no matter when he starts. Add in that he's younger and less mature, and he's got a lot working against his success this year. Plus, the extra year would give you time to find the right medication and behavioral strategies for him.

My oldest missed the cutoff by 11 days, so he had to wait the extra year to start K. He changed so much over that year and had a much easier time in K because of it. My middle child is 6 1/2 and in first grade; he's been diagnosed with ADHD, high functioning autism, and some other things. He was a March birthday and reading by 4 1/2, so we didn't seriously consider having him wait until 6 1/2. But I wish he'd been a few months younger so that we could have felt justified waiting the extra year. He has continued to struggle behavior-wise even with an IEP and lots of help from the teachers and school. We're just starting meds and are hopeful (based on the 4 whole days he's been on them so far), but being older would have helped too. Good luck making your decision!

[tanyiadeskins]

Concerta did not help Samantha either, and we are finally starting to see a difference now with Vyvnase. But Sam is also 14 yrs old and I am not sure my experience would be remotely the same. We are working with her school now though for them to go through all the steps necessary to see if she is going to need a 504 and/or an IEP which you need to make sure you know the difference between and be prepared to be strongly aggressive in getting your child what you think he needs. ... thats all I can say Im not very helpful because we are trying to figure this out too...at 14 yrs old

[sannajeannine]

My 5 yr old Grandson was diagnosed with severe ADHD and high functioning Asperger's. He was in a Sarah Reed program for preschool and put on Tenex (3 times a day) and was so sleepy after each dose. He is in the autistic support program in Kindergarten now and was doing well until his medication was changed. First the weening him off the tenex was really rough and then starting the intuniv. He completely lost his focus. 1mg for 3 weeks and he had a wicked setback in school. He is now up to 2mg and seems to be able focus a little better. If necessary they can up him to 3mg after his 3 weeks on the 2mg, but he at least is doing a little better so maybe they won't have to. Its not an easy road, you just have to do whats best for your child. Listen to all the advise and explore every avenue but always remember that you know your child better than anyone. Listen to your heart

[nun69]

Originally Posted by sannajeannine

Listen to all the advise and explore every avenue but always remember that you know your child better than anyone. Listen to your heart

this is the hardest part cause I am not sure where my heart takes me right now....I am sooo torn.......I am so afraid that I am going to pull him out of school and he is going to have the same exact issues in a new daycare.....just sooo hard.....now my 11 y/o is struggling as well....It's just sooo hard because NOBODY here (from my husband to the youngest wants to help out on their own) abd when you tell them it is like talking to a wall ALL the time!!!!! Finally last night I had had enough and said "I am not sure what you guys are gonna eat because the dishes are dirty that I need to cook with" and I went upstairs, locked the bedroom door and snuggled with my cat for like 3 hours.....I overheard Ben (11) ask Matt "why is mom in there with th edoor looked?"...Matt's response "Because you guys don't do what mom tells you. What did mom tell you to do" Ben: "nothing (which was true) then Matt responded with this "But what do you do when mom tells you to DO something"....Ben: "nothing".....and that sums it up in a nutshell.....Matt doesn't seem to think why it is gonna be different if he gets involved...well for once, they are going to know that we are both going to tell them the same thing, it is going to be consistent and it is going to have consguences from the 19 y/o all the way down to the 5 y/o.......it just has to get better cause I am not sure I can handle much more

[KristinCB]

Do you have the option of taking your son to a child psychologist ? I think that might be a good bet to see what they think would be best for options. I would REALLY stressed getting your husband to realize he needs to be involved in order for the best for your child. If at all possible see if he can be there for the dr appts and everything else. I think sometimes men need to hear it from someone other than their wife unfortunately.

He needs both parents to be on the same game plan so that he can have the best understanding. so confusing for kids when they don't have their parents following the same path

****hugs*** Angie! You are doing the best you can and you are such a strong mama!!

[maryinaz]

Gosh Angie - you've been struggling with this since the beginning. My advice is to pull him and start again next year. We started my twins a year late and we have not regretted it for a second. They will be 18 when they graduate high school and all that much more mature when they start college.

When we decided to hold them (birthday 8/28), I made a long list of pros and cons and took it all the way through to college. Holding them won hands-down.

It may not be the whole solution for him, but can you imagine years and years of struggle that might be helped if he was a bit older? A friend of mine had started her son early and by 5th grade they finally bit the bullet and had him repeat 5th grade. She said he is so much happier and it was the best thing they could have done. She regrets not doing it sooner but felt like 5th was their last chance without traumatizing him.

Good luck and I hope you find some peace in making a decision one way or another.

[nun69]

he does actually have an appt on the 5th with a child pschologist that comes highly recommnded and I really want the school to be able to deal with him whoever they can until we can find another alternative...I haven't even had a chance to research any of the local centers, cost, hours, openings, etc. So I know it will all fall in to place, but why does it have to be so hard for the little guy