could use some advice.

[junebug]

i am looking into finding a divorce lawyer. i'm terrified. but i am so tired of fighting my husband on this. his state of mind is not right anymore. the ptsd has just taken him over. the last few days have been horrible. one minute he's fine talking to me like normal the next he's calling me some horrible name and telling me he's going to take the kids from me. he threatens me. he hardly has anything to do with the kids. never leaves the house. sleeps all the time or just plays on the computer. he says i won't get the kids cause i don't have a job to take care of them. i'm looking. not having any luck. i'm scared he'll try to say i'm unfit or something. i don't know how i'm going to survive with no job. i know i'd get child support and probably food stamps (yay.) and other help. but i don't want to live like that. i was going to go to school through the VA. but if we're divorced i won't be able to go through them. there goes that dream. i've never really been on my own. i don't want to be alone. but i think i deserve to be treated with respect and not called a wh*re and a b*tch on a daily basis. I'm scared.

i really want to leave the house and get away but i think the kids have chicken pox so i'm stuck.