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#1
04-26-2011, 05:13 PM
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OMGosh this makes me mad!
About two months ago my daughter's fiance rode his friends motorcycle when he knew he does not know how to ride one and wrecked it. He broke his knee (well cracked it I guess. It wasnt broken all the way across). My daughter worked two jobs and paid all the bills and just recently got down to one job because she just could not handle two jobs anymore. She was working everyday of the week sometimes both jobs in one day. She figured he would be back to work when the dr gave him the ok. Well he got the brace off over a week ago and has worked with his cousin only a couple days so far because "His knee is not 100%" <--his words. So because of that and some unexpected expenses she had to borrow money from us again (I dont mind helping her because she really is trying hard.) She is making almost enough to cover their expenses but not quite and he is taking all the money he gets to put into fixing his car. Sooo what do I see on facebook today that he has posted? This:
"Wish my knee would be 100%so i could fix my car and go surfing lol" Oh he was offered a full-time job working 40 hours a week (maybe more) doing landscaping at a company he previously worked for and he turned it down!! Grrrrr I am just so tired of him really. I wish my daughter would see that things will not get any better until he grows up and starts making better choices and thinking of not just himself!
__________________
    Dreaming of creating for Cindy Schneider, Studio Flergs & Kristin Cronin-Barrow 
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#2
04-26-2011, 05:31 PM
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What a jerk he is!!! Poor your daughter...
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#3
04-26-2011, 05:36 PM
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oooohh... that isn't cool!! I have no advice... but I could tell you what my mom would do... she would sit them down and tell them that the money faucet is turned off until he gets a real job.
 Not sure how comfortable you would be with that... or if you can just give money to your daughter and not him...
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#4
04-26-2011, 05:45 PM
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I know that is what I should do Rebecca. I do give the money to my daughter. Ive given her money twice to help with rent and once with car insurance. Ive bought her groceries a few times as well. If she was not trying so hard I wouldnt be so willing to help. But because they are both on the lease and I dont want her to be stuck with a broken lease because he is a lazy bum! I talked to her for a little while this time she asked to borrow the money and told her he needs to get a job and also told her to really think about what being married to him will be like if he is this way now. She got her first job when she was 15 and has worked ever since. even when she was miserable at her job she stuck it out. That is what is making me so mad because she is working so hard and he is doing nothing. Even when he was home and she was working two jobs she would have to come home to clean after work!! Because he couldnt clean when he was on crutches!! He claimed he couldnt even walk to the fridge to get a drinnk and bring it back to the couch!
__________________
Dreaming of creating for Cindy Schneider, Studio Flergs & Kristin Cronin-Barrow
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#5
04-26-2011, 11:26 PM
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omg...no advice here but my husband was like that for awhile...we ended up seperated twice because of it and it took him until he was around 35 to actually get it! Of coarse I had to have the 3rd baby and he did NOT want to stay at home and he hasn't missed a day of work sense!!!!
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#6
04-26-2011, 11:43 PM
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I agree as long as you are willing to help her which is in turn helping HIM things won't change. It would be tough to tell her no but that's what it's going to come down to in the long run. Good luck!
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#8
04-27-2011, 12:07 AM
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Quote:
(hugs) Jessica. That's gotta be so tough.
__________________
-It's pronounced Meeeegan... get it RIGHT! 
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#9
04-27-2011, 12:27 AM
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Best of luck with the situation.
Sometimes the best kind of love is the toughest. If she's bailing him out & you're bailing her out, it's a vicious cycle & until the circle is broken it will continue to go round-&ound. It would be very hard to see your own child 'failing' but sometimes we can't learn until we have fallen & picked ourselves back up. (this coming from the girl who once lived with & was madly in love with the guy who took care of fun before 'life' -- always bailing out the late bills the OD bank accts, working FT & going to school FT. It's tough...even on 'that' side of the deal)
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#10
04-27-2011, 12:36 AM
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Quote:
I know you don't want to see her suffering or anything else, but she won't get it as long as you keep bailing her out. She needs to see what a loser he is, but she won't as long as her needs are being met. Once they aren't, and he HAS to work to make ends meet (and then doesn't actually go to work) she'll realize he's a waste of space. ETA that I have never asked my parents for a dime since I moved out when I was 19. I figured if I was on my own, I would make do. I'm sure I struggled, I'm sure there were times that my bills went late or I didn't have food for myself, and I KNOW my parents would have helped me, but I refused to ask. If I was an adult and on my own, I had to lie in the bed I made. That was my opinion. Good luck!
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#11
04-27-2011, 09:48 AM
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I totally understand how you feel. My hubby was the exact same way. He was a ski bum for most of our early marriage. After I had baby #3 and he was still only working 7-9 months a year, I left him. I couldn't stand it anymore. For one thing, his parents were bailing him out all the time and he wasn't learning to support his family.
I left, went home, got a job teaching special education while my mom watched the kids. He then saw that I was capable of taking care of myself and came running back. Sometimes it takes something drastic to get them to see the light.
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