Does anyone have any tips...

[jak]

... for getting your kids to help with household chores? My boys (ages 6 and 8) are hopeless!! I've tried various things like sticker charts, rewards (pocket money, bonus xbox time), etc but nothing seems to work for very long. I know I hated doing certain chores when I was a kid too (especially drying the dishes), but I still did them. My boys on the otherhand go into meltdown at the mere suggestion of helping out! I can't remember what tricks my parents used on me...

With the New Year I thought it might be a good time to try another way... or am I being too ambitious expecting them to do much at 6 and 8??

Any ideas would be most welcome!

[JennNtheBoys]

The only thing I do to entice them to do their chores, is when they come home from school they are not allowed to do anything else until their chores (and homework) are done. My boys are 7, 9 and 12 and have been doing chores for years (smaller things for the younger ones and building up as they get older, but always the same number for each). They are major gamers though, so if they want all the gaming time they are allowed to have in a day they don't put up a fuss (then again they never really did as they were taught very young that fussing is not allowed in our home). So maybe rather than adding 'more time' to the things that they like, put a stipulation that they can't do what they like until their work is done... I'm sure they'll still fuss, BUT if they do it without fussing then they can get a 'bonus' treat or extra game time. My kids were quickly heading down the wrong path as their father was raised to think that "Mom does everything" and their grandfather treats her the same way..... that just wasn't going to fly with me and I put an end to their "old school ways" with my boys.

[luckyme]

My DS is 4 and DD is 8. They don't have regular chores per se. They help out when asked (eg. Please set the table for me. Please bring your laundry to the laundry room.) They both love to help me scrub and clean and both love to help in the kitchen with cooking when they can. Tbh though, on weeknights my dd has so much homework, I'd rather her focus on that and leave the chores to her dad and I. We also have house cleaners for the big chores so there's just the little day to day stuff to do anyway. I can see she has a willing spirit to help out so that's already a good first step and we've taught her how to do certain chores so she can help when needed.


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[kristijoy]

I feel for you Kim. I'm working on the same thing. My big thing is getting my kid comfortable & skilled in the kitchen and not think that food just pop's out of thin air. Or more importantly I need to break the idea that "it's 'Moms' job to do that FOR ME, so I can be a slug."

So this year we are doing meal prep together as a family. Even my DH is going to come and help. So it's not an optional thing for my DS it's family time. Then we each also have a responsibility after dinner for cleanup.

I really want this to become a regular habit rather than 'I checked it off my list!'.

I agree with Jenn that other chores (like keeping your room clean, doing homework, etc...) need to be done before any computer/video/screen time takes place. I have a friend that made a rule like that and it made a HUGE difference.

[adi&co.]

My boys have been hard too. What works for them, is a chore chart that has pictures of their chores that they get to cover with another picture of a checkmark when they do it. If they do their chores all week long, they get $5 on Saturday that they can use to buy stuff out of a treasure box. I have filled their treasure box with very awesome items that they really really want (new skylanders characters, awesome pokemon cards, lego sets, and transformers to name a few). Each item has a dollar amount and they have to save up their money to buy them. If they don't want to do their chores, they don't get their money and they don't get to buy the items they want. It really helps to have the toys they want already in the house so they can keep looking at it every day and thinking "I really want that, I better work to get it!" I also limit their video game time to every other day, but if they don't do their chores on a video game day, they don't get to play. All their video game time comes after their chores are done. It really works for them to have their time taken away rather than extra time added on, kwim?

[DawnMarch]

My son (12) is also a challenge. I have found a couple things that work best for him. One is to have him do certain chores consistently, rather than just asking him to pitch in randomly. For example, my kids know they have to clean the kitchen after dinner. They griped at first when they were getting used to it, but now it's routine and they just do it. Also, he used to sit around while everyone else put away groceries. I informed him that we are not his servants (a line I use a lot ) and he has to help. Again, he griped at first, but now as soon as the groceries arrive home, he knows he has to help with it and he just does it.

He does not do nearly as well if I just ask him to spontaneously pitch in with something -- it's always a debate. If I do need him to do some random chores during the week, I usually put together a short list and let him do them (mostly) when he wants to. He is the kind of kid that just seems to need little more time to psychologically prepare himself. :-D And I think he liked the fact that he can control his own schedule that way. It's a little harder for me because I have to come up with the list and then monitor to see if it actually gets done, but it leads to less arguments in the long run.

Not sure if all

[jak]

Thanks for the ideas. I think I'm going to try to get them to do a few things each week without making it too onerous, e.g. make their beds a couple of times a week (probably weekends), dishes a couple of times a week, etc - rather than every day - and no xbox until things are done... and increase the financial reward to $5/week IF they do all they are supposed to do... something like that anyway... got to work on some kind of chart now to help them visualise it all.

Incidentally, after I told my 6 year old of the new plan, he made his bed without prompting this morning, but asked for $5 right then!!

[rach3975]

We struggle with that one, too. The chores get done, but the attitude about it sometimes stinks. We also aren't giving them enough chores, especially the oldest. I need to think about what else he can take on.

The thing that works best for us is saying that there's no screen time until certain things are done. We also try to keep things routine. There are a couple things they know they need to do every day, and then each child has 1 or 2 other things that they do when asked. But each child's chore list is relatively consistent. When there's recycling to take out, it's always DS2 who does it even though the need for it is sporadic.

We also don't reward for chores. Rewards here are for going above and beyond, which might include chores but not just doing the minimum. We talk often about how we earn rewards for the things that we're making an extra effort on, and that those things will vary from one family member to another. (Ie, what requires a lot of effort for DS2 and would earn him a reward might just be a routine expectation for DS1)

I haven't used it yet, but I've seen the Chore Wars website recommended.

[jk703]

My kids are 10 and 6.5. The 10 year old is easier than the 6.5 year old. He understands the importance of helping out to be able to have what he wants. We also don't reward for helping out/chores. We also don't call them chores.

(School is "work" for my kids, their "job," and they get rewarded for that - this works for us, and the grades/feedback from his teachers improved tremendously. Rewards are not on final grades, but random tests/feedback, when I feel they worked hard per se.)

Currently, (10 y.o.) he has to keep his room clean, clean up after himself when eating or playing, empty the dishwasher/put away dishes, put away his clean laundry and recently, take out the trash. Those are the routine daily/weekly tasks. Other things pop up, but are more random - vacuum, dust, wipe tables down, etc. I usually give him something to do and tell him when it needs to be done, so he can manage his own time. Sometimes reminders are needed, a lot, and others not so much.

He is starting to load/soap/turn on washer-laundry, and we are incorporating a night he has to pick out what we are eating and help make it.

I don't ask for much because cleaning is more of an ongoing/daily thing, and add a little/new step at a time. Slowly.

As for the smaller one... he's my groaner. lol! It's a fight with him. ugh. He has to help empty the dishwasher, put away said dishes, put away his clean clothes - drawer ones, clean up after himself after eating/playing (this is a STRUGGLE!), and recently, dusting (with a wand - he loves it, lol!).

As he get's bigger, we will incorporate more things for him to work into a routine.

Before both can have play/video/screen time, they have to make sure they finish homework, clean what needs to be done, and check the dishwasher/trash/laundry. Then they are on their own time.