Sweet Shoppe Designs

Paula · #51 05-15-2009, 10:40 AM

Oh wow sweetie!! What a piece of information to have to take in! Wow!

Not having read through this entire thing, I would suggest a DNA test. I wouldn't tell your children about this child until you have definitive proof that this kid is in fact your DHs.

If it turns out that she is, then I would accept her. Imagine what your DH must be going through.

I find it very odd that she would contact your DH through Facebook and tell him this. Something like this deserves at least a phone call. My goodness, it makes me wonder if this lady is playing with a full deck.

I would also suggest talking to a therapist. Stephanie is right. A therapist can only help you work through these emotions.

I certainly hope this all works out for you sweet Amy.

Big hugs with lotsa love!
Paula

Susan Bartolini · #52 05-15-2009, 11:44 AM

Well gosh, I don't think I am having the same negative reactions as everyone else here. The truth is, no one in your life did anything "wrong". Your husband wasn't cheating....he had a relationship prior to meeting you and there isn't anything wrong with that. Obviously, they were intimate and a child was concieved without his knowledge or input. So, it isn't his "fault". Yes, it is shocking but it isn't like you just found out he is/was cheating or that he has a terminal illness. There is a child out there that now has a chance of knowing her father, and in my book, that is a good thing. Who knows what the mother's reason were for not telling your husband? Maybe she was scared. Maybe she didn't want to impose on him but couldn't terminate the pregnancy? Now, twelve years later, she may realize that her daughter needs to know who her father is. She may realize she made a mistake keeping this from your husband and now she wants to rectify it. Sure, there may be financial implications and certainly there will be emotional implications to all this but try to approach it one day at a time. Counseling would be a pretty good idea. There are several people that need help processing this (you, your husband and children) and a counselor can help you work through your feelings.

Just my two cents.

Susan

Nonna2Dreja · #53 05-15-2009, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MizAmyLou

quick question though...is it possible to get a DNA test done long-distance? I mean do you think he would have to go there to get it done?

Amy, I know first hand that a DNA test can be done at different facilities, even in different states....I know because my Grandson's "Father" was living in Maryland at the time he went for one and my Grandson & his Mommy live here with us in New York....Petition the Courts for a DNA test and they will set everything up for your husband, the young girl and her Mother....With my Daughter, she and my Grandson's "Father" both received phone calls giving them the results and then a few days later they both received a copy in writing too....

Big HUGS to all of you as you go through all of the various emotions that you are feeling and/or will feel....

Amy Carey · #54 05-17-2009, 09:22 PM

thank you guys so much for all the encouragement and kind words. I thought I would give a litte update ... so yeah I didn't have a reason to be mad @ dh when I posted this on Friday, but I sure do now. Long story short, after telling our pastor and me that he would not make any moves in this situation without me and that we would do it as a family,he decided to take my daughter in a room by herself ..>WITHOUT ME and tell her all about the "new daghter" and he didn't tell me he was going to tell her and then got mad at ME when I got upset about it and said I was trying to make this all about ME. I just could not believe that he did that without talking to me first, without us presenting a united front. So instead of my kids having their mom and dad come to them and explain the situation calmly (and even be excited about inviting Brianna into our lives), now they see the secretiveness their dad did and they see that I was upset about it, so now they are upset as well. My daughter is very upset ... not about Brianna exisiting, but the fact that she thinks she may lose her daddy to this other girl. It's just such a mess. I don't know what's wrong with him. I am willing to love this girl and do whatever we need to do, but I am NOT willing to be excluded from it, as its "HIS' daughter, HIS responsibility, HIS decisions, HIS rights. I have always shared my son with him and never once did I exert any "he's only mine" power over him. That was agreed when we decided to become a family. He considers Joshua OURS, but Brianna is HIS and I just don't know how to feel....but I do know i feel betrayed about him going behind my back to MY daughter, you know? and yeah...I'm rambling and it's probably TMI but I want to thaink you guys so much for your advice and listening ears and unbiased thoughts. It means a lot and has made a lot of things more clear than they were.

I love you guys!

4noisyboys · #55 05-17-2009, 09:25 PM

Once again....{{{{HUGS}}}}

SeattleSheri · #56 05-17-2009, 09:35 PM

{{{HUGS}}} I would be in complete shock, but not mad at my husband (unless of course you were together at the time, which doesn't sound like was the case). Who tells someone something like that on FB? Not classy! I'm sorry you're dealing with this! I wish I had some good advice.