NSBR - Mom of twins, your thoughts please!

[chloe]

Long story short: we are having fertility treatements since about 2 years. I already had 3 IUI, 1 IVF with a "fresh" embryo, one FET (frozen embryo transfer) with one embryo, all unsuccessful, and we have 2 frozen embryo left from this first IVF cycle. Our fertility center asked us, for the first time, if we want to transfer two frozen embryos all at once on the next attempt, or just one as the previous times. It slightly increase our chance of success, but also our chance/risk of having twin.

We don't have a huge budget, we only have one room for kid(s) and we never had babies before, of course, so no "training" at all. Mom of twins, any input? Is the little gain (slightly better chance of pregnancy) worth the "risk" of having twins and freaking out like mad when seeing two heartbeats??? Of course, I will take whatever comes and I will be happier than words can describe. I wouldn't even have thought about having twins if it wasn't for the treatement and if I wouldn't have choice. Problem is... I have the choice!

I want to know how bad financially it is to have two kids at once (knowing that we have friends who had twins, we could get some stuff for free/cheap from them), how hard it is to manage life when you go from couple to family of four all of the sudden, please share! TIA

[NeverendingJen]

Obviously I have no experience, but this is something we've had to discuss as well. I'm curious to see the responses. I hope your next FET gives you a nice big fat positive and a sticky, healthy baby(or two!).

[chloe]

Originally Posted by NeverendingJen

a sticky, healthy baby(or two!).

LOL Jen! Same for you!

[NeverendingJen]

Originally Posted by chloe

LOL Jen! Same for you!

lol, see we want more than one baby, we want to have 4 total...just preferably not all at once, lol.

[marlathrall]

I have no kids yet (fertility issues, also) but I think twins would be WONDEFUL. Yes, the first few years would be harder, but they would have the greatest gift you could ever give them- a sibling- from the very begining.

And I shared a room with at least one of my sisters (sometimes two) my entire life and I turned out just fine! And I didn't mind roommates in college, dorm life, etc because I was already used to it.

[Davita]

I have twin boys who are going to be turning 6 next week. I also have a dd who just turned 10 so I can kind of compare and contrast the singleton vs twin parenting thing. I was petrified when I first saw two little heartbeats. In fact, I went home and cried. The pregnancy was really no more difficult than it was with my dd. We had an ob who was skilled at twin births so there were no issues there. The first few months were rough, especially since we have no family in the area to help. My dd was a great little helper though. The boys seemed very content as toddlers, I think because they had each other. (There were a few nasty fights though and when they cannot talk, they even have a tendency to bite each other out of frustration.) They are each others best friends and they look out for each other. I didn't have the bonding time I had with my dd but that would have probably been true even if there was only one additional child. I would not trade my boys for the world and I know if I had the choice between no children or twins, I would choose twins in a second. There are lots of Mothers of Multiples clubs everywhere these days and the mommies help each other out.

[kim21673]

I wish you the best of luck!!!

I don't have twins but I have two that are very close in age. The first 6 months were CRAZY for us, until the baby could sit up...once he could sit up it made life so much easier...especially at bath/bedtime! We now have four boys and the two in the middle are sooooooo close.

Of course we could do "hand me downs" for the first 2 years which helped a lot but we still found that we bought the younger of the two new stuff. Now they are 4 and 5 and have been wearing the same size for a while now....so we have buy two of everything!!! So it's like we have twins now...and we get asked that EVERYWHERE we go. They share a room...we bought them awesome bunk beds and I am sure they will share for a while, even though we do have the extra room now that we just bought a bigger house. They go everywhere together and the 4 year old is LOST when his brother is at school!!

Once again...I wish you the best of luck!!! I am sending many prayers to you. I pray you get that BFP very soon!!

[heathergw]

when we did IVF we had two fresh embryos transferred... we lost one at 7 weeks... but I will say that I personally would do the two because of the better chances of success... our RE said that even with two or even three that most IVF pregnancies end up as just a singleton.

[Kara]

As far as space goes, I would not question having two children share a room. In fact, our kids will all share a room as long as we live in this house because we have 3 kids (soon to be 4) in a 3 bedroom house. They actually enjoy it, and I think it helps them learn how to work through conflict better.

And as far as "stuff" goes - babies don't really NEED all that much ... and I've found that friends have been so helpful in handing down clothes, etc. For our daughter in particular, we've hardly had to buy her a stitch of clothing because we've gotten so many wonderful hand-me-downs that are in great shape!

[chloe]

Thank you so much for your inputs and wisdom, girls. It's so complicated, but I'm so grateful to have this kind of issues to solve! Yay for modern medicine! LOL

[breakingbrie]

I don't have any other kids to compare twin babies to singleton babies. But the beginning was hard. With my girls they were very small but healty. I knew nothing about babies AT ALL. When we brought them home they were only eating 10-17 ml at a time. I was told to feed them every few hours, and it took them about an hour to get that much down. So my schedule was a wreck, I was terrified I would do something wrong, I actually had notes of advice from the nurses and drs and when I went home I recorded everything (who ate how much at what time, also diaper changes, who did what and when) because I couldn't remember anything and was scared one wouldn't get fed. Our schedule, and I, was a total wreck at first of course lol.

As far as budget, we weren't planning for any kids when we got pregnant, so there wasn't any idea even of how we would manage. It didn't seem bad though... just got used to buying 2 of everything. (lol, our first Christmas with the girls, I got cases and cases of diapers - a HUGE help ) Space hasn't been an issue yet, since they share a room. DH wants a bigger place though, so they can have their own room whenever their ready for it, but they still end up in the same bed most nights(they're 6), so I don't think that time is coming up anytime soon.

I do think if I'd had only 1 baby, it would have probably been extremely spoiled and a total lap baby attached to my hip. Having twins, I felt like I never had enough one on one time with either of them, and still do sometimes. But they are a total joy and I wouldn't trade them for anything

Not sure if any of this actually helps you or not

[shupe]

My twin boys are now ten and were born when my DD was just 21 months old. The first 6months to a year were crazy busy, but wonderful, too. It' funny becaue when people found out we were expecting twin they would always say "Oh, I always wanted twins." and I had always wanted them one at a time! Twins seemed like too much work. I have to say I love it and wouldn't change it for the world!! They share a room and most day are best friends. Check this out: https://www.sweetshoppecommunity.com...96&ppuser=8730

[chloe]

It does help, Brie.

Amy, that LO of yours is the sweetest thing EVER!

Once again, thank you all for your thoughts and words of wisdom. I know we'll have to "digest" everything, let it rest a little bit and then we'll find the answer that will be perfect for us. Well, not perfect, but pretty darn good! LOL Please keep sharing your thoughts, I love hearing what everyone has to say!

[AmberK]

I AM a twin mom although my twins do not get to grow up together. Colin passed away at 3 days old (they were born at 26 weeks due to incompetent cervix) due to a severe brain bleed. But, we did IUI in order to get pregnant with them and I remember the doctor telling me that I had 3 follicles that were the correct size and that we needed to think about what we would do IF each follicle split and implanted and we wound up pregnant with 6 babies. They were looking to see if I would even consider selective reduction and I told them I would only because I did not want them to cancel the cycle. We would have never selectively reduced and as it turned out I got pg with twins.

My point being, I knew there was a risk of having multiple babies but I just wanted a baby so bad that I didnt care the number. 6 would have been ridiculous but I know that had Colin survived we would have been perfectly fine coming home with 2 babies.

When I did IUI the 2nd time around with my youngest son there was a chance that it would be twins again because I had 2 follicles that were the right size. I was so torn at what I wanted but just left it up to God. We went ahead with the cycle and would have been thrilled had I been given the chance to raise twins but I actually was relieved it was a singleton because of what happened with my prior pregnancy.

I dont know if that helps you any at all but I just wanted to give you my experience with the fertility side of things. I know the thoughts going through your mind and I can say that if I were in your shoes I would transfer 2 embryos to give yourself the BEST chance at getting pregnant. Chances are only 1 will take but if you do wind up with twins you will absolutely be ok!

[chloe]

Oh, Amber, how terrible to have lost baby Colin! The increased risks for the babies (and me) is another thing that freaks me out in a twin pregnancy. I'm not in tip top shape and I would be afraid something would happen to the babies. Of course, it can happen as well with only one, but the risks are bigger... Tough to decide. And the chances to get pregnant aren't that much better with 2 embryos rather than one, maybe 30% vs 25%, so that makes things even more complicated.

[adrianka]

Chloe, however you decide, I'm wishing you luck!

[NatalieKW]

My twin girls just turned 10 months and I have a two-and-a-half year old girl too. They are 21 very short months apart. I often say that the hardest part about having twins is my two-year-old. At least you would have them first and therefore you wouldn't know any different! There are so many things I could tell you that would make you question having twins... In the end though, if I could only choose having both of them together or none at all, I would never choose the latter. I really do think that having twins is exponentially harder than having one, not just double as hard. Everyone told me that the first three months are the hardest, or that it gets better after the first three months. I beg to differ. I felt better physically after three months of recovery, but the babies got harder since they weren't sleeping all the time. I think that every milestone that comes presents a new set of challenges and I guess I either get used to the changes so that they aren't as hard or don't bother me or they grow out of it. My sister has to do IVF to have kids and she chooses to put two embryos in. Her first round, she only had one baby. Since then I've had my twins and she doesn't really know how she would put two in next time, knowing what I go through on a daily basis. However, how do you not? It is so time and money intensive that how do you take the risk of not even having one? I do know that carrying 13.5 pounds of baby in me, having them and raising them has been the hardest thing I have ever done. However, (and as hard as it is for me to say this cause I'm really a pessimist when it comes to this subject) I would never ever trade my situation for anyone else's.

[rach3975]

I'm not a twin mom, but I had a very good group of mom friends where 2 women had twins and 4 of us had 2-3 kids each who weren't twins. From watching each other's experiences over the first few years, we decided that for the first 2 years, having twins seems to be much harder than having 2 kids born at different times. After that, twins can be a lot easier than siblings a few years apart. When the rest of the moms in our group were having second children and having to contend with opposite napping schedules, planning outings that were safe and fun for kids at different stages, keeping an older siblings toys away from the baby, and so on, the twin moms found their kids entertained each other and were more likely to be at the same stage at the same time. I'll admit that I'm glad I had mine 1 at a time, but if I had to choose twins or none I wouldn't hesitate to choose twins. Good luck with your decision, Chloe, and hang in there, Natalie!

[kristijoy]

I have friends who had twins with their fertility treatments. They had tried for years and years, so they were more than happy with 2!

[CA Dreamer]

I would go for it! When I did IVF, they put in 4, 4 and 6(!!) respectively, for each attempt. It finally worked the 3rd time around and I now have an 8 year old(his b-day is today!).

[maryinaz]

My twins are 13 and I have 2 older boys - 16 and 19. Twins run in my family (all my siblings are twins, I am not), so I conceived them naturally. I have absolutely LOVED having twins. It was seriously busy in my household when they were born - and I had no help from relatives or friends, but DH was great. Mine are all boys so they are best friends and always have each other to hang out with. Even at 13, they are rarely in different rooms in the house.

Diapers are expensive, but the expense does get worse as they get older. There are some things that we just couldn't do because it would have been double - like club sports. And I'm already scared to death about having 2 go through college together all 4 years. But I try not to think about that.

Anyway, I wish you luck with your decision, but twins are amazing and if it were my decision, I'd go for the twins.

[chloe]

Awwwww, your stories are all so cute, girls. Well, not fairy-tale kind of cute, but still, I love how you are realistic and still so happy with your babies! Yes, even when they are 13 years old they're still your babies, right? LOL

The cost of IVF isn't really a part of the equation: here in France, IVFs are 100% paid, up to 4 IVFs per person. And that include the whole cycle of IVF, from the stimulation to all FETs, and including the exams. AND you start back to zero after each pregnancy: 4 new cycles to get baby #2! Sometimes I'm really happy to live in this country! LOL

[usaf_wife10]

I am a new twin mom, so I'm sure I can be a lot of help to you!

I found out I was having twins in January 2011. I was shocked and scared, but that quickly turned into excitement. I found out I was having 2 boys in April, then found out Twin B had spina bifida. That was the hardest week of my whole life! We had to temporarily move 4 hours away to be close to a big hospital. We stayed there for the last 1.5 months of my pregnancy, then stayed for another 3 weeks while my youngest twin was in the NICU recovering from his surgeries.

Anyways, enough about that. I love having twins. I love getting twice the kisses, twice the hugs, twice the smiles. Each of my boys have a different personality that make my days great. On the other hand, I have twice as many diapers to change, twice as loud crying, and twice as much laundry! I don't regret getting pregnant with twins. The good outweighs the bad.

Before you decide, there is a lot you need to think about. Do you have good insurance? My 2nd twin's NICU stay was over $150,000 dollars (he had 2 surgeries, and was in the NICU for 3 weeks though). Most twins will have some stay in the NICU because moms usually don't make it full term. Do you have the patients to have your babies in the hospital for some time? We practically lived in the NICU. How is your relationship with your husband? That was the hardest thing for me. My husband and I fought so much at first. We rarely talked and it was miserable. It just made everything worse. You need to make sure you have a good relationship with him!! What kind of car do you have? We had a ford focus, and 2 car seats and a double stroller did NOT fit. We tried a ford fusion and it would fit, but it was really tight. We ended up getting a 2011 dodge grandcaravan. so add that to your list of expenses! Do you have your own washer and dryer? I do 1-5 loads of laundry a day. If you have boys that can never seem to pee in the diaper, then expect to have a LOT of dirty clothes! These are just the beginning of things you need to think about!

Now, about sharing a room. My twins share a room right now. We have 2 cribs, a changing table, and a rocking chair stuffed into a itty bitty room. It'll work for now, but it wont work when they get older. So you might have to consider moving into a bigger house when they get older.

How much do we spend? Well, not counting the initial expenses of 2 car seats, 2 bouncers, 2 swings, 2 cribs, a rocker, a changing table, newborn clothes etc, this is our monthly baby expenses.

Formula (the least amount of formula we've used is 2oz every 3 hours and the most so far was 6oz every 3 hours for each kid.) So you can figure out the math. It gets super pricey. If you live in the US, you can get on WIC. They will give you 9 cans of formula (which make 90oz each) for each kid per month. That helps out SO much.

Diapers- We use 24 diapers per day

Wipes- We buy our wipes at sam's club and spend 15 dollars a month on wipes

and we have to buy clothes pretty often. The expenses surely do add up! I'm not trying to scare you, I promise! Like I said, the benefit of seeing your babies smile in there sleep is really REALLY worth it. The first month is probably the hardest. You will quickly catch on though. Now I can feed, change, and swaddle both babies in under 30 minutes. Learn to multitask early on. I've always been told it's a good thing I had twins first, because if I have another baby, then the next one will be so easy! Anyways, I'm sorry this is so long! I hope I helped you out. If you have any more questions, just ask! I'll answer as best as I can!

[chloe]

Wow, what a powerful story! I'm glad your boys are now back home and making their mommy happy!

The expenses are the biggest worries for us. As I said, the social security in France is really good and all the medical expenses would be covered, but the rest would still be pretty bad. And the car thing is worrying too. So far we have planned to change car next year, but not for a very big one. Anyway, you added great insights here, thanks for all those informations and for sharing your story, truely stunning!