kids and public bathrooms

[MamaBee]

As many of you know, I've had a heck of a time getting my 4.5 year old son toilet trained... we are getting there, but it has been a slow and long road... still working on number two (if you remember my post from Nov)... he came up with the plan that he wants to stay at a hotel, with an elevator... so he is motivated for that... which means that he is going to have to go in public bathroom, which he is terrified.

It seems that more and more public places have those automatic flushing toilets and they scare my kid to death! He starts crying when he sees one and won't use it - even if I have my hand over the sensor so it can't go off while he is using it... he just won't use it. And now he refuses to go in any public toilets... automatics or not... He will hold it and plea to go back to our house. Granted we are pretty much local, but there will be a time that we aren't or we are on vacation...

Anyone have the same problems? How have you been able to help your little one through it?

thanks much!!

[KristinCB]

Hopefully this is ok to suggest! Do you have any resources for a child occupational therapist in your area? It might be a good approach to try. So often it is hard for us moms to help with things that our kids are anxious over but it can help when others are trying to help. I would look into it just to see because if he has a fear of public washrooms it may be a hard one to overcome. It could take alot of stress off of you as well just a thought

[MamaBee]

Thanks for the suggestion, K... in my area because J is over the 3 so that means for occupational help will have to go through the schools... and we are homeschooling - so I don't want the school district coming into my home...

I asked the doctor and as usual... he will come around... he will out grow it... but I'm not sure how to help him along with it... given we had such a problem getting to this point, I don't want a public bathroom to ruin it.

[mummytothree]

Umm....we just bring the little potty with us and keep it in the van. I would have them use it before going into any place and if they really didn't want to use the inside toilet we'd just head to the van and have a little potty party!!!

It's worked for 4 kids and pretty soon I'll start potty training the last one and we will do the same thing!!

[Tracyfish]

My nephew was scared of the auto toilet in Kindergarten along with another classmate. The other little girl's mom came up with a little cardboard piece that they kept taped to the outside of the door and when either of them went in, they could use it to tape across the sensor and then take it off when they left the bathroom. Maybe keep one in your purse that you could tape on the wall?

Maybe empowering him to tape it on will make it important and he'll want to do it.

[Lauramarie]

Bringing a portable potty sounds like something you should try. We bring ours just in case and to be honest, I would rather him use that than the public RR because they are full of germs.

[Misty Cato]

I have no advice. My little girl (fully potty trained otherwise) will not use automatic toilets even if I cover the sensor. When I ask her if she has to go potty she asks, "Is it not-o-matic?" Fortunately this hasn't translated into fear of all public toilets, so we've been able to manage it with careful planning. My son went through the same thing and did outgrow it.

I like the bring a training potty along with you idea. One small step at a time.

[MamaBee]

hmm... I wonder how the little potty would go over with J... he refused to use it during potty training, wanting to go in the toilet like daddy does... but if the kid is desperate enough....

I'll have to try the cardboard sign and have J put it on himself... and probably have him wear ear muffs... DH told me over lunch that when he noticed J's first scare was because the person next to them flushed and the loud sound scared him.

[eranslow]

Originally Posted by MamaBee

I'll have to try the cardboard sign and have J put it on himself... and probably have him wear ear muffs... DH told me over lunch that when he noticed J's first scare was because the person next to them flushed and the loud sound scared him.

Blake does not like the sound of flushing toilets at all! So nearly everytime we are at a public restroom he goes potty with his hands over his ears! Thankfully he's really good at aiming without hands (don't know how that happened!) but yeah the noise definitely scares him too.

Good luck! Potty training is so hard!

[YepBrook]

My suggestion would be to use your digital scrapbooking supplies to make a special "sensor cover" . Print something out on heavy cardstock and attach to a piece of cardboard so it'll hold up to being carried in your purse. Even better, maybe make several? Make it a game. Ask him, "which sensor cover are we going to use this time? The frog? The knight? The puppy?" Let him choose so he has a sense of control. After he's chosen, you can talk him through it: "Don't worry about the automatic flusher! The puppy is covering it for you. He's a good helper and very brave, too!!!"

Another suggestion would be to NOT prevent it from flushing. I've found that making things SILLY helps. I often end up having to take both kids into the stall with me (the big stalls) and if either of them seems to be resisting using the toilet, I use the potty first. When I was potty training my daughter she was afraid of the flusher, too. So, I made it flush on me purposely before she ever sat on the potty. When it flushed loudly (it sounds LOUD, but it's less scary for them when it's happening to YOU, not them... I think this desensitizes them). Anyways, I made funny faces and laughed like it was no big deal when it happened. I would say things like: "Ok, Mr. Potty, I know you're excited to do your job, but wait till I get off, silly Mr. Potty!!!" and the kids would laugh and laugh. Eventually, when it happened to them, they'd talk to the potty and act relaxed about it like I modeled for them.

[ChristyHC]

My son was scared of the noises too. He would jump and break out in tears. The biggest help from him was for me validate it and make a game out of it. We would listen and then say something like, "Oh, my that one was really really loud" or "Huh, that one wasn't too loud." We would enter the bathroom and wait and listen for one. When we were about to flush I'd build it up and we'd cover our ears together and flush and then rate the sound.

It sounds like your son is more scared though than mine and mine wasn't refusing just crying so I don't know if this would work for you your son.

[*Celeste*]

i was going to suggest using an ipod and ear buds since public restrooms are noisy between the echoing, the toilets and the hand dryers.

i think you take him in the restroom when you are out in public and just wash your hands. each time he goes in it will get a little less scary.

[*Celeste*]

and also you can always use his favorite superhero or character and talk about how they have to use the public bathroom.

when adam (now 10) would refuse to eat dinner we'd tell him that i made exactly what the power rangers were having for dinner that night. so he'd better eat up! he'd eat anything if i told him the power rangers were eating it!

[jessica31876]

My niece was terrified of the auto toilets too. My sister said she refused to use them. I took her to the potty and she started to act a little scared and I told her no you are a big girl and big girls use the potty and pressed the button to show her it was ok. She went ok for me but still wouldn't go for my sister for quite awhile. So for at least for my niece I think it was the approach that me and my sister took when taking her. I guess what I mean is when I went in with her I did not really let her get upset or start freaking out. My sister would take her and before they even got into the bathroom my sister would be like itll be ok it is just a toilet...kinda playing into her fears I guess. So my suggestion would be to act like they are nothing to be afraid of from the moment he says he has to go potty. It could also have been that my niece did not want to show that she was afraid with me so maybe have someone else take him as well if that is possible?

I know the frustration you are feeling though because my son was afraid of escalators and elevators when he was about that age. So if the building did not have stairs it was a fight to get him above the first floor. I think his fear came from seeing a lady fall down an escalator when he was young. Im not sure about where the fear of elevators came from though.

[sprauncey1]

My son (7 almost 8) HATES loud toilets (auto ones or regular) and we used ear plugs when he was little to help. He just really can't handle loud noises like that and totally creeps him out. Now he just covers his ears. Sigh. And he has me flush the ones that aren't auto. Good luck!

[MommaTrish]

Well, both my boys have always liked those, and the family restrooms I take Bella in don't have them.

BUT... unless it totally squees you out... try to carry an empty water bottle around. When Ryan was learning he never had to go when we were out in public ((or really anywhere other than home)) BUT about 1/2 way from one place to another he always started screaming and crying about having to go then. And since I live in the middle of nowhere there aren't many - if any - places to stop usually. So we always had to make sure there was an empty bottle near him so he could go - and he always went a lot so he wasn't exaggerating - and we would just empty and rinse it whenever we got to where we were going.