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#1
10-28-2012, 11:35 AM
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RQOTD: What You Do VS Him (or them)
.... Ok, so Kristin & Jenn's recent kit about a Mom's work made me think... wow. I do A LOT around here! In fact... I practically do everything in the home.
 I know before DH worked such long hours he did more than he does now. He used to give the kids baths and put them to bed (we would take turns doing the bedtime routine). He used to cook at least 1x a week. He also would vac the house or run a load of laundry when he felt inclined... which wasn't a regular thing but when it randomly happened it was nice. He also used to do dishes more often. He did the the dishes when it was my turn to do the bedtime routine. We shared a lot of tasks. It was nice. Now, the house is very much my burden.... well, except for bringing in the $$ and working all day.  I love that he is providing for us. He is a very hard worker and I completely understand why he doesn't want to lift a finger when he rolls in at 8:30 or 9 pm. But, hey... it's Sunday. And the sink is full of dishes from lunch and the bird cage needs cleaning... laundry folded.  And it's all on me. I don't have it all that bad... just wishing I had a break from the monotony of household chores & from kids in the evenings like I used to.  Soooo.... how about you & your significant other or roomate? Or kids? Who does the bulk of home duties? Do you feel the balance is right on? Do you wish you could hand something over that you're sick of being responsible for? For me... it's dishes and laundry. It would be nice if he could pitch in on those things a bit more. Paying Bills & Finances: Him Taking out the garbage: 95% Him Cooking: Me Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Me Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 70% Me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: 90% Me Car Maintenance: 80% Him Tending the yard: 50% Him Fixing things around the house: Him
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#2
10-28-2012, 11:44 AM
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Well - according to my mom, I'm totally spoiled by my hubby...
 My dad, outside of providing the $$$, he only cleaned the chimney, change oil in the cars, and cut wood... she did everything else. So for us... Paying Bills & Finances: Him Taking out the garbage: Me - to the garage, Him to the curb Cooking: Me unless I have a migraine, then he will cook and he does most of the grilling. Cleaning: 50/50 Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Him Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Me, morning... Him, nights Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 100% Me Errands: Him Grocery Shopping: Me, unless I need a one off, he picks up after work. Car Maintenance: Him Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him Schooling: Me
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#3
10-28-2012, 11:53 AM
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ME
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#4
10-28-2012, 11:56 AM
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I do all financial stuff...banking, bils, our funeral payments, insurance etc,
Him:he cooks and does laundry but I help usually with laundry. Yard: both of us but we have a riding lawn mower that I dont really consider work fixing stuff around the house: both car stuff: both shopping: me gift giving: me remembering important dates: me decorating: me discipline: me he does a lot but it istill mostly on me especially if I want it done right. He does most of that stuff half baked and I cannot stand the messes he leaves behind. Like if he washes dishes. He will leave the grime in the sink. Gross.
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    Dreaming of creating for Cindy Schneider, Studio Flergs & Kristin Cronin-Barrow
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#5
10-28-2012, 11:57 AM
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My hubby is a HUGE help!!! I couldn't imagine making it through a day without him!!! I am totally spoiled by him!!!
Paying Bills & Finances: Him Taking out the garbage: Kids -although he does put the cans out on garbage day Cooking: He cooks breakfast every morning and all three meals on the weekends. I cook lunch and dinner all week long. Cleaning: The kids clean their own rooms. I clean the bathroom twice a week. We do the bulk of our cleaning on the weekend and we do it as a family. Laundry: He does his own I do everyone elses Clothing Shopping: He does 90% of his. I do all the rest. Dishes: We alternate the mornings during the week. Kids do them every night and all of them on the weekends. Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): I'd say me 70%. Him 30% Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): I do most of the little day to day parenting but that's because I'm home with the kids all day. If it's something big we discuss it and then "parent" the child together. Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me but I enjoy grocery shopping!!! He's home with the kids....I definitely have the better end in that deal!!! Car Maintenance: Him Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him
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Elizabeth  Blogging for Kristin Cronin-Barrow
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#7
10-28-2012, 12:41 PM
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Paying Bills & Finances: me
Taking out the garbage: him Cooking: Me Cleaning: 70% Me Laundry: him washing, me putting away Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: 70% him Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): bathing me, dressing me, bed him Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 95% Me Errands: 60% me Grocery Shopping: 90% Me, I do make a small list and send him from time to time, and sometimes he comes with me and keeps the kids entertained well I shop because I don't drive. Car Maintenance: him Tending the yard: 50/50 Fixing things around the house: 50/50 planning all outings, holidays, gifts: me
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#8
10-28-2012, 12:42 PM
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If I make a list like that I'll only end up mad... and I'm already mad at Photoshop, so best not to dwell on that at the moment. lol
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#9
10-28-2012, 01:07 PM
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#10
10-28-2012, 01:07 PM
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I do everything..well I have for the past year b/c he's been deployed but even when he's home I do it all. Even car maintenance and yard work. If I specifically tell him to do something he usually will but if I want it done quickly, (and let's face it correctly) then I just do it myself.
He works long and hard every day, but everything else is my job.
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#11
10-28-2012, 01:14 PM
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#12
10-28-2012, 01:15 PM
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Currently my husband is gone most of the time during the week as he's taking night classes and working the rest of the time...but he still helps a ton.
Paying Bills & Finances: We do this together. Taking out the garbage: 95% Him Cooking: Me. Unless he's home for dinner...then it's about 60/40 in favor of me. Cleaning: About 50/50. Laundry: It's a joint effort to get it all done from beginning to end. Clothing Shopping: We don't really do this. If we do, it's usually for him, so I take him. My mom buys all of our kid's clothes. Dishes: Me. If he's home, both. He puts away, I do them. I hate putting them away. Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Me on the nights he's not home. If he is home, he bathes them and we put them to bed together. Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 70% Me Errands: What errands? We don't really run errands. Grocery Shopping: 100% Him Car Maintenance: If he can't do it, then my dad or a mechanic Tending the yard: 100% Him Fixing things around the house: Him
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#13
10-28-2012, 01:28 PM
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Natalie... by errands I mean: going to the post office, taking/picking up dry cleaning, filling RX @ pharmacy, going to the pet store for supplies, returning things or running out to purchase something needed from a store (other than clothes/groceries). I'd even lump in taking the kids to the doctor or to their weekly activities, the pet to the vet, etc.
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#14
10-28-2012, 01:39 PM
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Well...things are a little wonky right now because my DH is finishing our basement. So every day he has off and every night after he gets home from work (3 days a week -- 12 hour shifts) he heads to the basement. He used to help a lot more. I'm a little worried that once the basement is finished, he'll think he can just continue to disappear down to the basement and not help out. But we'll see.
 Sometimes I find myself really irritated because I work 5 days a week -- leaving at 7:15 and getting home at 5:45 and I'm still responsible for most everything household related. And he works 3 days a week -- 12 hour shifts. So IMO he should do some housework when he is home by himself! lolPaying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage: 75% Me -- We recycle too and he always takes the recycles to the drop off place. Cooking: Me Cleaning: 90% Me Laundry: 90% Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: 90% Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): 90% Me Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 50/50 Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: Him Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him
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   Signature created using Riviera Daydreams by Misty Cato
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#15
10-28-2012, 01:53 PM
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I do the bulk of the housework. He works outside the home, I work inside. The house is mine. He's responsible for yard work, and I do wish he'd occasionally chip in more when he sees that I'm overwhelmed, but it's still my job to catch us up. I have the kids now, and am training them on the larger tasks, so I do get help when I didn't used to when they were smaller. I can ask for something, and he'll do it, and he'll occasionally do his work or workout clothes if he sees I haven't done that part of the laundry, but the house is mine. He'll also cook dinner anytime I ask.
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#16
10-28-2012, 01:54 PM
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Paying Bills & Finances: Mostly him. I used to do it, but then I told him he needed to do SOMETHING around here. lol
Taking out the garbage: Me Cooking: Me Cleaning: 50/50 Laundry: He washes the most, but I am ALWAYS the one who folds. And I ALWAYS put away both mine and Luke's. Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Both Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): 95% Me Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 50% Me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: Him- but I have to nag him incessantly until it happens Tending the yard: Me for everything but the mowing. I do the weeding, landscaping tending, gardening, raking, poison-ivy-getting... Fixing things around the house: Him Plus I work 40+ hours a week. AND except for my during-school 40 minute prep, all of my work is done with Luke right there in my classroom with me. (before & after school) We just had a {not-so} friendly text debate about this on Friday when he told me I wasn't being a good teammate b/c I wouldn't drop what I was doing immediately to get him a towel that he forgot to get before getting in the shower. So it's a sore spot at the moment. LOL
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Kristin
social media girl for ljs designs.
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#17
10-28-2012, 01:58 PM
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ok, so here it is from my side...
We both work outside of the house teaching all day. So like Kristen, when we get home our day isn't really over, we both have more teacher stuff to do at home. So when we are home, we both know what needs to get done, but here's how it breaks down... Paying Bills & Finances: Her Taking out the garbage: Me, occasionally Her Cooking: Me, all the time Cleaning: Probably a 50/50 split Laundry: we all share this chore, even our girls Clothing Shopping: All me. For all of us. Dishes: I do the dishes that can't go into the dishwasher Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): 50/50 Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 50/50 Errands: Both of us, we do most of our errands together Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: The Mechanic Tending the yard: The Yard Person Fixing things around the house: Both of us In general, I deal with the cooking, the shopping, and sports practices and stuff. DW deals with the finances, making appointments, and organizing that stuff for the girls. DW checked this over and approves
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     Last edited by SirScrapalot; 10-28-2012 at 02:09 PM.
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#18
10-28-2012, 02:05 PM
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What I really wonder is how do our spouse's actually perceive the amount of work they do? lol I bet my DH would say he does more than I give him credit for... I will say though, my DH knows when I have hit my limit and he volunteers to do more and takes the boys for awhile.
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#19
10-28-2012, 02:19 PM
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Here is the breakdown in our house:
Paying Bills & Finances: Both of us, he is responsible for paying his own debts (car, credit card, etc.) I transfer money for daycare but he physically pays them. I pay the rest online. Taking out the garbage: 98% him. Cooking: Me, he has the tendency to burn things. Cleaning: Me, but everyone pitches in. Laundry: Me, but everyone is responsible for putting away their own clothes. Clothing Shopping: Me, except for DH's clothes, he does his own. Dishes: Me, but everyone is responsible for the dishes making it to the sink. Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Me in the evening and most of the morning, he does help and he takes them to school/daycare and picks them up. Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): about 50/50. We really try to split this and be on the same page. Errands: Me, but I can call him and he'll pick something up. Grocery Shopping:Me, but he will pick up his own stuff. Car Maintenance: 50/50, we each take care of our own car. Tending the yard: All him. We have dirt and rock so it is low maintenance. Fixing things around the house: Whoever gets to it first. I am pretty handy with tools if need be. I sometimes get frustrated with doing so much but I like certain things "just so", then it is easier just to do it myself. But if I ask, he is always willing to help. The biggest roadblock to us for some chores is that I have commute 45 minutes for work so I have to leave before the girls need to be at school/daycare and don't get back until later. We have a good system and if it gets to be too much, I am trying to get better for asking for help.
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#20
10-28-2012, 02:24 PM
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Admittedly, there are days I feel like I do it all on my own. In reality though, we're a pretty good team
Right now DH is working a lot of overtime. He is working 6 - 12 hour days a week and often an extra 8 hour day on Sundays. It's a bit crazy. I work a little over 4 hours a day.Paying Bills & Finances: We have budget meetings and plan our finances together. From there I am the one who pays the bills. If there are any discrepencies in our bills, calls to be made to creditors, utilities, etc. then he does that. Taking out the garbage: Our almost 7 year old son Cooking: I hate cooking but still cook about 80% of the time. The other 20% is either our daughter, DH, or us eating out. We all love when DH cooks because he is amazing at it. He just doesn't have time to cook, truly. Cleaning: I do about 50%, the kids do about 30% and DH does about 20% but he always does stuff that everyone else hates (besides dishes) so his help is much welcome! Laundry: Our 10 year old daughter does about 60% of the washing. DH does another 20% and I do about 20%. He does all of the folding and we all put our clothes away. Clothing Shopping: All me. Granted, I don't see this as a chore. I don't shop for clothes often and just pick up pieces here and there as we need them so it isn't a big deal. Dishes: 100% me. I hate it. This is one thing I'd love to change. A dishwasher would help. We don't have one so I do everything by hand. It's a dying art for a reason! Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): 90% Kids, 10% me yelling at them to see they do it. When they required help with all of that then DH did about 80% of it. When I started working and having to be at the school at the same time as them then I took on more. Really though, my kids are old enough they need to do these things on their own.Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 50/50 and I wouldn't have it any other way. DH isn't home as often as I am but we are in 100% agreement on every parenting and discipline decision. When he his home he is 100% present for the kids and steps in to help with all of that. I'm thankful for this because when I'm at my wit's end then he's ready to step in and help. When he's frustrated, I take over. Errands: 99% me. I often feel like my butt is glued to the driver's seat of the van. DH works midnights and sleeps during the day and right now is working a zillion hours overtime each week (up to 40 hours a week OT!) so he just doesn't have time. Grocery Shopping: 100% me. I don't like grocery shopping either but he doesn't have time (see errands, LOL) Car Maintenance: 100% DH. I'll pick up windshield wiper fluid if we're low or grab a part he says we need but he does the actual installation, checking air, fluids, etc. Tending the yard: 25/25/25/25 The 4 of us work together on the yard work. Right now the yard is a mess because we've been so busy though.  Fixing things around the house: 70% DH, 30% me. I'm handy enough but I don't do electrical work or plumbing or that kind of thing. When it comes to painting and things I do it all but he does the 'big' stuff so I'll give him more credit here. planning all outings, holidays, gifts: (good one to add, Jenn!) This would be me. I wish I could get more input from him but he'd rather I just tell him what we're doing and he'll go with it. Schooling: We don't homeschool but this is another great one to add. We are definitely 50/50 when it comes to schooling as we do work with our kids at home every day. We help with homework when needed, quiz them on their spelling words, test materials, etc. We are VERY involved in their schooling despite them going to public school. Last edited by Sherri Tierney; 10-28-2012 at 02:29 PM.
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#21
10-28-2012, 02:27 PM
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I don't have kids, but I feel like I handle everything around our house. Colby works long hours some times, but even during the winter, I still do 100% of the cooking, errands, grocery shopping, etc. We do have a lady who comes in once a week, for about four hours, to clean the bathrooms and stuff, but I do all the daily maintenance. Heck, I'm even responsible for taking out the trash and mowing the yard. Oh and I work 40 hours a week and run a photography business, so I'm plenty busy myself.
If I ever have sons, they will know how to cook and clean and not expect someone else to do it all for them. Grr.
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#22
10-28-2012, 02:40 PM
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My dad & brother are great guys... but man, they can't do anything domestic. Especially grocery shopping, cooking, and laundry. I am grateful that DH's mom trained him well to be independent. He knows how to cook, clean, do laundry... everything. He is capable. Very. The problem is convincing him to do it... ETA: Also, I should add that this comes up for us every year during football season. Darn Fantasy Football!
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#23
10-28-2012, 02:45 PM
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I do mostly everything around the house. I am okay with it, though. My husband is in school right now and when he's done with that we'll move and he'll have more responsibilities and longer hours with his new job. He's also deployed twice, so I think I just got used to doing it all then.
I stay at home and homeschool our children, so I feel like the house is my responsibility. He provides well for our family and I am very thankful for that. He also never complains about our house. I'm not the best at keeping everything 100% clean...not even close...but he's always supportive and does step in to help when I get overwhelmed. I also would rather spend my evenings hanging out with him than working or nagging. That's no fun at all. Paying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage: mostly me, but he will do it when I ask Cooking: Me Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Me Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): We work together on this Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: Honda service Tending the yard: we hire this out Fixing things around the house: Depends on what's broken (I'm a bit handier than he is)
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#24
10-28-2012, 02:49 PM
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This is for our non-deployed, non-schooling, everyday life.
Paying Bills & Finances: me Taking out the garbage: me, but he takes it to the curb when he leaves for work since it can't go out before our bedtime Cooking: Me,e xcept one night a week Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): n/a Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): n/a Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: me Car Maintenance: 50%- we each take care of our own cars Tending the yard: n/a Fixing things around the house: me(well, if he's home, he'll do it, but I don't count on him doing things, I know how to fix a leaky faucet, toilet, etc.)
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#25
10-28-2012, 02:51 PM
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Although it does not feel like it, we share most of the duties. We both work outside the home but I am home everyday by 4:30 at the latest. He takes out the trash and gets Aida ready for daycare every morning. I handle our finances as far as paying the bills and organizing budgets for trips, savings, etc.
As far as household chores (laundry, dishes, mopping, sweeping) we share those duties but sometimes it can be one-sided. I get mad about it but it just me being a big kid. Some days he has to leave home at 3:00 am (he installs switches/fibers for schools & business networks) to get to a job, so he is tired and does not get home until late at night. When that happens, he lays around the next 2 or 3 days. He says he's answering work emails/calls...but I'm like...you still could have dumped the trash or started folding the clothes (lol!). I handle all of the grocery shopping because I am pretty picky about my food and night time routine for Aida is on me since he does it in the morning.
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#26
10-28-2012, 04:02 PM
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My DH is the one that makes the $$ in the family. He travels a fair amount and works extra hours when he's really involved in a project or with clients. He LOVES his job.
He does the more traditional guy things (like fix broken things, deal with the vehicles, or crawl on the roof to clean the gutters). I do most everything else that has to do with running the household. He however is not inept and regularly does dishes after dinner, or will fold a load of laundry if I'm dashing out to ferry the kid somewhere. And if I'm not home he can take care of himself (like make himself food etc...). Here's the main stuff I do: meal planning cooking taking kid to/from school & activities other things with kid laundry general house cleaning shopping scheduling/planning decorating for various holidays, cleaning out closets trash/compost (me & kid)
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#27
10-28-2012, 04:44 PM
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I'm not even going to type mine out right now with him right behind me on the couch, because I know he feels like he does way more, when in reality that is not the case. I'll be back later!
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#28
10-28-2012, 05:49 PM
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Ugh. This topic always makes me want to strangle DH.
I work 35 hours a week outside the home (including a 1hr15min commute on the way home since I have to pick up DD first) + do all things related to food + do almost all of the household chores + do all parenting of DD. DH works 22ish hours a week outside the home + goes to school for 3hrs 2x a wk + does all lawn & car maintenance + does all parenting of SS. I leave the house around 7:30 a.m. for work, so DH does watch, feed, and dress (in the clothes I have laid out before I left) DD and takes her to his parents (our daycare ATM) in the mornings since he does not have to be at work until sometime between 10:30 - 11:45 a.m. I am done with work at 4 p.m. and pick her up from the ILs before coming back home. He irregularly does some chores around the house, but I don't count on him to do so. What most irritates me is that I do all grocery shopping, food preparation, cooking, and supervising DD setting the table... and he never clears the table or does the dishes (not even loading them in the dishwasher). I spend extra time 'translating' recipes and reading labels + $$ in this area since DH has a significant food allergy, and I feel like the LEAST he could do is clear the table in appreciation. While disengaging from SS has been helpful for the general atmosphere in the house (and my sanity), it does wear him out having to 100% parent (except for meals) his son every Wednesday and every other weekend, so he is mostly hands off with DD the rest of the time. At least the control freak/perfectionist in me likes being completely in charge of all of DD's routines, activities, etc. without having to have input from anyone else. It is what it is. *shrugs* It will just get 'worse' when DH goes FT at work sometime in the next 6 months. He has not worked FT outside the house since we got married, so might as well get used to the load now.
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#29
10-28-2012, 06:12 PM
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Our situation is different. I work 50-60 hours a week, with an hour and a half commute each way, so I am gone a LOT. He also works 40-50 hours a week, but we work very hard to try to make it so one of is home with the kids, so we don't have to get a sitter. He works shift work, and I alternate between morning and afternoon shifts. So 95% of the time one of us is here, so whoever is here does the work. We split a lot of the stuff 50/50 because we are both gone so much. Also our kids have their chores to do as well.
I do a lot of the shopping, ie Christmas shopping, back to school shopping. He does the grocery shopping most of the time. I take care of our finances and budget, he takes care of mopping the floors. After almost 20 years, he knows what chores I hate and vice versa, so we help each other out that way. I am grateful for his help, because with me being gone close to 70 hours a week, there's no way I could keep this place up by myself. Paying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage: 90/10 split, he does it almost always Cooking: whoever is home to make dinner since we both work shift work Cleaning: 50/50 Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: 50/50 Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Whoever is home (see above) Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 70% Me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Him mostly Car Maintenance: 50/50 Tending the yard: Him, but I will mow the lawn occasionally Fixing things around the house: Him
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#30
10-28-2012, 06:31 PM
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We are pretty even, I think
Paying Bills & Finances: Him Taking out the garbage: Me Cooking: 80% Me Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): 50/50 Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 50/50 Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: Him Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him
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#31
10-28-2012, 06:48 PM
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well we both work 40 hours a week, but he drives 45 mins to/from work everyday, so I am home in 10 mins where he is not.......we also have kids that do dishes, laundry, recycles, clean their rooms, pick up, clean cat boxes and feed animals, sweep, mop....with 7 people in our house (and 4 of us over 18) EVERYONE has to do their fair share!
I basically do everything except car maint., house maint, etc....... I give him credit for folding laundry if it is on the bed and he does do night time routine everynight except for baths ( I give thema bath, he reads stories and tucks them in)......and every now and then when somethign really really gets to him, he will do it (like he can't handle the mess in the bathroom, or like today I asked him to take the trash out and he realized the pantry needing some organizing and sorting and claening and he did it)..... but normally I have to ask him to do it and I have to ask over and over and over.....stresses me out..... I deal with all of their school stuff, shopping (grocery, shoes, clothing, etc), dental appts, medical appts, etc..... but I have to admit, we were working through some issues with Peyton last week and he took him to BOTH of his doctor appts, got his medicine at the pharmacy, went with me to the school to meet with the staff (nurse, counselor, teacher, prinicipal) adn I think it was a true awakening to him to see what it was that I go through with all of them...... ETA: I wanted to add that the thing that bugs me the most is I should NOT havve to ask anybody to do the dishes, take out the trash or do the recycles!!!!! if the sink, trach or recycle bin is full one of the guys needs to take it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#32
10-28-2012, 07:23 PM
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His hours: 6-4:30 M-Th, Off Friday
My hours: 8-6 M-F Paying Bills & Finances: Him Taking out the garbage/recycling: Kids Pet care: Him & Kids Cooking: Him Dinner clean-up: Me Deep Cleaning: Him Daily picking up: Me Vacuuming: Me Laundry: Both Clothing Shopping for all: Me Dishes: Kids Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Both Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): Both Errands: Both Grocery Shopping: Him Car Maintenance: Him Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him School shopping/Schedules/Lunches/Teacher communication: Me Scouts: Him Gift Giving: Me
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#33
10-28-2012, 07:43 PM
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What are you all talking about? Of course, I do EVERYTHING! LOL.
Paying Bills & Finances: This just shifted from him to me, but really almost all of our bills are on a schedule through our Bill Pay, so it's not that big of a job. Taking out the garbage: Him - but only when it's ready to overflow Cooking: Me Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: 90% Me Dishes: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): He does Sunday baths, and we alternate nights of putting them in bed. Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): I do all the day-to-day stuff. He disciplines when he is home, but mostly he just yells when he's frustrated. Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: 90% Me Car Maintenance: 90% Him Tending the yard: I do the flower beds and rose bushes, he does the grass and trees Fixing things around the house: Him
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#34
10-28-2012, 07:47 PM
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#35
10-28-2012, 07:50 PM
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Both my dh and I work full timejobs - and I will have to say I actually work longer hours than him (sometimes 10 hours or longer) so I am very blessed to have help from both my girls and husband. The work breaks down like this:
Paying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage: Him Cooking: My girls, my mom or my husband - I get home too late to do it myself Cleaning: Him and girls mostly - I do 25% of it Laundry: Me or girls Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: My husband or girls Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): They get ready on their own but I iron their clothes and do their hair in the mornings Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): Me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: Him Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him Schooling: The girls are pretty responsible for doing it on their own now but I do step in and assist.
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Darla
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#36
10-28-2012, 07:58 PM
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This thread is really interesting. It is always fascinating for me to see how others' households work. I think that is part of why I like to watch shows like Wife Swap sometimes. My friends always tell me they do everything but I never really know if they are just frustrated and exaggerating or if they honestly do it all. What really amazes my friends (based on their words and reactions) is that my DH is so hands on with the kids. He never missed a prenatal appointment when I was pregnant with them. He never missed a doctor's appointment when they were little. He still goes pretty much every time unless it is just impossible for him. He never misses an open house or parent conference or awards assembly. I think he's only missed one school party so far (I missed 2 of my daughter's last year that he went to because I was working during that time). He goes to all of their games and all of their practices. He goes to every scout meeting with DS. Any kind of family activity through the school or sports, etc. we both go to. DH is usually one of the few dads at these things. Heck, he has even gone to several PTO meetings with me. He's pretty awesome. His mom raised him right! And... he CAN cook and clean and shop and pay bills and do all of that on his own if he had to. He just prefers to let someone else do it.
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#37
10-28-2012, 08:00 PM
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I have no one to help me. I bring home the money, do all the housework and everything else.
I do get somewhat of breaks though. My mom and step-dad take my son 2-3 weekends a month because I work weekends and there isn't weekend daycare here, but they live 200 miles away, so I have to drive to the half way point to meet them every weekend.
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#38
10-28-2012, 08:10 PM
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Paying Bills & Finances: him
Taking out the garbage: supposed to be him, often me Cooking: 75/25 me; he grills and makes his own breakfast pretty often Cleaning: mostly me...I try to make him do the mopping Laundry: I wash/dry all; I put up mine and Rachel's; DH puts his up after they've sat in the basket for a month LOL Clothing Shopping: I shop for me and Rachel; DH shops for himself Dishes: me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): me Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: me Car Maintenance: him Tending the yard: him Fixing things around the house: him Walking the dog: me Feeding the pets: me, and sometimes Rachel Cleaning the litter boxes: me, unless I tell DH to do it
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#39
10-28-2012, 08:13 PM
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I made darn sure that my son knew how to run a household before he left home too - he does 90% of the cooking in his household now and his wife has told me numerous times how grateful she is that he knows how to do all housework and can cook
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#40
10-28-2012, 08:21 PM
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i'm really lucky that i get to stay home with my girls but my husband works his tail off to support us. he's working full-time right now & also going to school full-time so he doesn't do much at home. i find it hard during school breaks when he doesn't immediately hop up & help but we usually work it out. with that, i do everything. the only thing that he KNOWS he HAS to do is take out the garbage. that's also usually when it's overflowing
when he is home i'd much rather he spend time with our girls instead of helping with cleaning.Paying Bills & Finances: me Taking out the garbage: him Cooking: me Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me with him usually (we have one car so we almost always run errands to gether & shop together) Dishes: Me & i despise it. Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Me Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 80% Me Errands: together Grocery Shopping: together with occasional moments of me going after the kids are in bed on the weekends. Car Maintenance: him, if he's actually fixing something. mostly me if it's getting the oil changed Tending the yard: 0-we live in a condo. since i'm HOA president, i probably tend more than anyone else though lol Fixing things around the house: 50/50 there's so many times when i get frustrated with the monotony of it but i'm really thankful that i can stay home. it's a huge sacrifice on both of us but we wouldn't have it any other way.
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#41
10-28-2012, 09:05 PM
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My hubby is a wonderful provider and works very hard to give us such a great life and me the ability to stay home with our girls. Unfortunately, he's not home as often as we both would like.
Paying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage: 95% Him (unless he's gone) Cooking: Me Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me (he is always willing to help with the dinner dishes) Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Ours are older so they do this themselves Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 95% Me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: Him (unless he's gone) Tending the yard: Him (unless he's gone) Fixing things around the house: Him (unless he's gone) Packing lunches & taking kids to school: Me My husband is on mission more than half the year, every year so when he's gone, everything falls on me.
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#42
10-28-2012, 09:13 PM
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I do mostly everything around here, but he works extremely hard (average of 50 hours a week, every week and has been going away M-F for the last 5 weeks and is now gone away for 3 weeks straight). I just stay at home all day anyway, so what else would I do? Although sometimes it'd be nice to have some "me" time, besides the days the girls are at school and I'm by myself.
Paying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage: Me Cooking: Me Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me Making kids lunches: Me School meetings & activities: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Me Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 90% Me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: Me Tending the yard: 50% Him Fixing things around the house: Him Doing the smelly stuff like cleaning the cat litter and dealing with the compost: Me
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 Last edited by Jennilyn; 10-28-2012 at 09:16 PM.
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#43
10-28-2012, 10:21 PM
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When the kids were littler and all 3 were home with me almost all the time, DH was better about pitching in. Now that 2 are in school full days he does a lot less. During the week I'm fine with that because he's gone from 7 am until 6 or 7 pm, but on the weekends it bothers me.
Like today--I was literally busy with the kids, housework, DA's birthday party, and storm preparation from the time I got out of bed (30 min before DH) until I finished the younger kids' bedtime. DH helped out more than usual today because of the party, but throughout the day he spent about 2-3 hours laying on the couch watching football. I would have liked some time to sit and relax too! Paying Bills & Finances: Him Taking out the garbage: 90% Him Cooking: Me Cleaning: Me Laundry: I do me and the 3 kids. He does his own. Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): 90% Me (DH and I do bedtime togther, since that's the only time he sees the kids during the week) Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 80% Me (Weekdays 90% me, weekends 70% me. DH would disagree, though.) Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me Car Maintenance: 90% Me (assuming we mean taking the car to the mechanic, renewing registration, etc. Neither of us does any car work ourselves) Tending the yard: The mowing company Fixing things around the house: 40% him (changing light bulbs, putting together things that need assembly), 10% me, 50% me hiring someone Keeping on top of DS's therapies, researching (medical decisions, new purchases, etc), making appointments, etc: 95% me
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 Last edited by rach3975; 10-29-2012 at 09:00 PM. Reason: DS's party, not Dh's. If it was DH's bday he would get to relax all day
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#44
10-29-2012, 08:10 AM
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I prefer not to even think about this because at least once a week I have dreams about running away from this crazy place so I don't have to deal with everything that has to be done. My husband works two jobs so he comes home from Job #1, eats dinner (that I prepared) and then goes straight to teaching online and then sometimes does overtime for Job #1. I've had to learn over the past year that if I ask him to help he will stop and help me, but he will never just do a job because it needs to be done. That means I quarterback the house and our family, plus I work full time which can be 40-50 hours a week. I make sure it gets all done. I've learned to delegate things out to the kids and my husband as appropriate keeping in mind who is capable of doing what (no one in this house can mop but me - I think they conspire and do a poor job so that I'm stuck doing it btw.) I think household responsibiliites are something you have to constantly adjust and it never hurts to ask for help from your spouse and your kids. If you teach your kids how to do jobs for themself then when they go off to college they will be well adjusted adults that can do things for themselves vs calling home for help with every little thing (at least that's my theory and I'm sticking with it!). I'll often go through my to do list verbally with my husband so he knows what I'm doing (out of site out of mind). I found that this helps him understand when I'm passed out on the couch at 9:45 versus waiting for him to go to bed at 11 - midnight.
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#45
10-29-2012, 09:36 AM
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Paying Bills & Finances: He makes the money but I handle the bills
Taking out the garbage: Him Cooking: Me mostly but he does sometimes Cleaning: Neither...LOL No really....We both do it but I do most of it (I wish he would take over the bathrooms) Laundry: Mostly him but he doesn't put anything away...he washes and I fold and put away. He normally does this late at night when everyone else is sleeping so I have a huge pile of clothes in the AM to fold and put away. Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me (but he usually does it on weekends but I don't LOL) Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Both of us...one of us takes Little D and the other takes the two boys. Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): Mostly Me...he does take them to soccer practice Errands: Mostly me...just depends what the errand is. Grocery Shopping: Mostly him...he wants to get out of the house! And he does better than me with sticking to the list. Car Maintenance: I handle all the maintence of the vehicles....he will wash them though Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him (depends what it is though...I will do some stuff) We share a lot of responsibility. I do all the day to day stuff with the kids schedules though...he doesn't have a clue when doctor's appointments or other things are. DH had to ask me how much our mortgage was b/c he didn't have a clue.....I wish I could forget about the bills!!!
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 Last edited by kim21673; 10-29-2012 at 09:41 AM.
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#46
10-29-2012, 09:58 AM
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We are some hard working suckers, ladies...
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#47
10-29-2012, 10:16 AM
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First let me say, I have worked from home (for outside companies) the entire time I have had kids (except for about 11 months after the twins were born), with no additional childcare help. DH started pitching in a lot more when the twins were born and he does still, but it's been hard with 4 kids.
Paying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage and recycling: My sons Cooking and dishes: Me (unless grilling, then him) Cleaning: Me Laundry: Me, except about 6 months ago DH decided to start doing his own Clothing Shopping: Me Dishes: Me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed) : N/A as they are older. Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): Me Kids - all school and sports related stuff: Me except when DH is the coach Kids - appointments, activities, etc. - Me Volunteering (alone and with the kids): Me Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Me, but he will go when I ask him and he sometimes comes home with supplies of snack/lunch stuff Car Maintenance: I deal with the taking to the shop, but if it's a battery or something small, he does it. Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him And I have to add, DOG: ME!! I get up with the puppy every morning and even when the rest of the family is home, I make sure he is taken care of. Stupid, stupid me for getting a puppy right when my life was finally starting to be my own again as my boys get older. 
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#48
10-29-2012, 08:55 PM
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Paying Bills & Finances: me. I'm the only one who works and I write out all the bills/manage finances (I have to tell him NO a lot, he wants to spend spend spend!)
Taking out the garbage: I empty the bins, he brings them out Cooking: 50/50 BF and lunch, dinner usually me Cleaning: me Laundry: him 70%, me 30% Shopping: Me Dishes: 70% him, 30% me Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): 50/50 Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 50/50 Grocery Shopping: me Car Maintenance: me and auto mechanic Tending the yard: mostly me (he picks up the dog poop once in a great while, lol) but I garden Fixing things around the house: regular maintenance is me, if we have a DIY project it's 50/50 planning birthdays, holidays, gifts: me I run TWO businesses and do so much around the house. I keep telling him he NEEDS to go back to work so I don't have to work so dang hard. It's not that he can't work or can't find work, he just doesn't want to work.... Will he ever go back? ... hmm..
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 Creating for Melissa Bennett & Lliella Designs!!   Last edited by rachaelsscraps; 10-29-2012 at 09:03 PM.
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#49
10-29-2012, 08:56 PM
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Interesting thread!
I have it pretty good too - I work at home and my hubby works out of the house but has a longer commute since we've moved so I'm finding I'm doing more stuff in general... But for the most part he's a great help and I don't know how I'd do it without him Paying Bills & Finances: Me Taking out the garbage: 50/50 Cooking: Me Cleaning: Me (mostly - he does help when he can) Laundry: Me Clothing Shopping: Me (I don't mind that though LOL) Dishes: Me (most of the time, but again he does help) Kids (bathing, dressing, putting to bed): Him most of the time Kids (parenting, discipline, counsel, etc.): 50/50 mostly Errands: Me Grocery Shopping: Probably 50/50 Split (we have our grocery store up the road so we go up each day to buy the makings for dinner etc) Car Maintenance: him Tending the yard: Him Fixing things around the house: Him mostly planning all outings, holidays, gifts: Me Dogs: Him
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#50
10-30-2012, 08:48 AM
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Though I have raised my kids to help a lot. They clean a lot, do their own laundry, and help with the trash/recycling. But the biggest thing is they pick up after themselves. They help me a lot and that makes a lot of difference in how I feel about doing it all.
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Brittney
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