Parents of older kids - chat with me if ya will

[kendallt]

So, my only child just turned 14. In the last few years, we have been through some maaajor life changes - not just with her growing up, but with her dad and I getting a divorce, me changing jobs, my dad passing away, etc.

I've recently just started scrapping again after a 2-year hiatus. While I've loved getting back to it, I also find myself really, really nostalgic when looking back through and trying to scrap old photos. Actually, I think it goes beyond nostalgic to downright sad. I don't want to feel this way about a hobby that I love, but I'm not sure how to shake it off. Has anyone else dealt with this? Is this normal? How can I overcome it? Help me, scrappy peeps!

[ClaudiKnits]

Hi Girl,

my boys are 14 & 17 and we have gone through big changes too (hubby left me, times with no pc and internet, troubles with the big boy and so on). After around 3 or 4 years I'm back now since january.

When scrapping older photos I feel nostalgic but not sad... only if my hubby is on the photos.... but it helps me to scrap about my feelings about those photos and about the situation.... So my scrapping has changed to a therapeutic and full with feeling way.....

Hugs

[Sherri Tierney]

I'm no help. I get really sad looking at old pictures of my kids. My oldest will be 13 in a month. I am having a hard time with her growing up. It physically pains me. I don't know how to relate well to older kids and that is really making this more difficult. I've always been a baby person, not a teenager person! I try not to focus on the photos as much as the layout itself if I am feeling especially nostalgic while I am scrapping. That helps somewhat. Sometimes I have to leave the journaling for another day even.

[mariewilcox]

Well, I don't get particularly nostalgic... my DD is going to be 15 soon and DS is 27; looking at the old photos makes me smile when I remember the event/day/etc. We've been through lots of major changes too (hubby dying and then moving across the country when DS was 15 and DD was 2, DD and I moving across the state last year so she could have more opportunity education wise, her grandmother dying a few months ago, etc. etc.) I think I didn't receive the nostalgia gene and sometimes that makes me feel like I'm not a good mom. Instead of feeling sad about them growing up I feel proud of what they have become or are becoming and look forward to what happens next instead of living in the past I guess.

Maybe you should focus on scrapping current photos - take DD somewhere and do a mini photo shoot so you have some new photos that show you the young woman she is becoming. Scrap about her strengths and the things she has fun doing now. I think divorce is like a death and you need to make some new memories; not to replace the old ones, but to gain perspective on where you are now and go back and scrap older photos bit by bit as you begin to come out of your "funk" about them.... maybe it's just too soon, I know at 2 years out from losing DH that it still seemed very very fresh.

[LeeAndra]

I think it sounds like you need to grieve: not only the loss of your father, but also your old life/marriage. The photos/scrapping are not the problem, but the catalyst that jumpstarts a replay of memories in your head. The past always seems so much better and sweeter when you're not actually living it, y'know?

If there is anything you can do to allow yourself the space to grieve and mourn the loss of your old life and the dreams you had for it/your old self/your daughter, I would focus on that and continue to scrap current photos.

When I went through my divorce, I created a digital art journal that was full of 'processing' pages where I talked abt my marriage, my ex, what he did, what I was going to do/be like in the future, etc. It's not something I shared online; I just needed to get those emotions 'out' before I could go on. If you're a symbolic person, maybe there are some items you are still holding onto from your old life that you could donate/throw away/burn that would give you some emotional closure or a letter you could write (and not send) to get that negativity out of your mind.

Once you get in the right space, I don't think those photos will be painful or saddening for you anymore. *hugs*

[wimpychompers]

I get that way, mostly because I always wanted another child and haven't touched any of my kids baby photos yet. I've been working through them and yes, part of them do make me sad. I'm finally at a point where I can do them and reflect on how happy they make me right now. If they make you too sad then try to focus on the photos you take now and stash those away for another day. That's what I do. ((HUGS))

[Valgal]

Aww! Baby girl! I completely get you. This isn't necessarily encouraging, but I went through a period of a couple of years where I cried everytime I looked at Johnny's younger photos. Not Eden for some reason. Probably because we're still so connected. Johnny did that boy thing where he pulled away from momma as he got older and it nearly broke my heart. That has SLOOOOWLY changed as the years have gone by. For his 16th birthday I make a mural of Johnny photos on our wall and cried and cried, and then for some reason I've been better since. It sounds kinda hokey, but maybe I purged something from my spirit/soul/something that week. Had to get the hurt out? I have no idea, but something shifted that week.

I didn't go through a divorce, but we had a big shake up when we adopted Jake 4 years ago. For me, every memory is either before or after Jake. That event is like a bookmark in my emotions because my family changed that day and has never been the same. Even though I love him desperately, I had to go through a period of grieving because I lost my cozy little family dynamic. Does that sound at all like what your're feeling?

I guess if I can comfort you at all it is to say that as you walk through your days and then months and then years... things change. You can't go back to the 'way things were', but you can try to embrace the new things coming. The mean joke is that life is always going to change, and we don't always get to stay in our safe, comfy 'normal.' But that's good. I think the rest of our lives would kinda be a drag if we didn't have some shake ups (positive & negative) from time to time.

[Valgal]

Also, I think this is great advice from Marie.

"Maybe you should focus on scrapping current photos - take DD somewhere and do a mini photo shoot so you have some new photos that show you the young woman she is becoming. Scrap about her strengths and the things she has fun doing now."

I usually wait till a particular period has passed to scrapbook about it, but I've been scrapping about Johnny's accident as we've walked through this and it's really helped me process things. I was pretty much just using the whole thing because it gave me ideas to fill in my bingo card (lol!) but I'm glad it worked out that way. I scrapped the usual 12x12 pages for pages I wouldn't mind the whole family viewing, and the personal 'I want to drive that kid over with a truck' pages for my personal journal.

Like this one, lol!

[JennNtheBoys]

I get like this when scrapping about people that are no longer with us (for different reasons) often. The thing to remember is that you should never leave any of the past events out, after all they did happen and they are apart of who we all are yada yada yada. What I do to stay out of the funk is I pick at those memories... I scrap current photos to keep the 'fun' and enjoyment about the hobby, and every once in a while I will scrap a couple pages of the older stuff then move back into the stuff that isn't depressing. It may take longer to get those photos scrapped, but at least it's not sucking all the fun out at once and turning off of something that you love.

[kendallt]

Thank you all so much for all the comments and suggestions. I know that overall, I'm in a better place in my "new life" than I was before, but it's still sometimes hard. I appreciate the encouragement.

[crecia27]

Maybe your heart needs you to journal about these feelings? A lot has changed for you and you may need an outlet, so scrap those feelings! There's nothing to say you have to keep the pages or show them to anyone even - the therapy is often in the writing!

I'm having the opposite - my oldest will be 23 this week and my baby is graduating Elem School the same day and I'm thrilled. I feel like I should be sad so then I start feeling like I'm not a good enough mom. We women can't be explained or put in a tidy box!