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Old 03-12-2015, 07:38 AM
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Default When do you think my family will realize the mess they've made?

OK, here's the deal. My family leaves their dishes on the end table ALL THE TIME. I am forever picking up after them and complaining about it. I realize I could make them do it, but when I get up in the morning and find their evening snack dishes sitting there, I don't want to wait till they come home from school, kwim? Also, it's a small table and it's where I set my coffee and laptop mouse during the day and if all their crap is there I won't have room. Of course they all claim that they 'never' leave anything there. Even dh! I realize I'm a bit of a neat freak, but how can you get up and leave your dirty dishes just sitting there????

So a couple nights ago I decided I'm going to ignore it for awhile and then dramatically show everyone the evidence. So far there are 2 used napkins, a place mat, a tea mug, a bowl & spoon, a dipping cup and a drinking glass. Aside from the dishes there is a Playstation remote and my dd's gloves.
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Old 03-12-2015, 07:53 AM
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Oh I know the feeling! If Mom doesn't do it; it doesn't get done -or it doesn't get done the right way! I was sick yesterday, and the day before that was my birthday and my husband made dinner. Needless to say, the kitchen is an absolute mess...I guess you know what I'll be doing most of the day...
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Old 03-12-2015, 08:15 AM
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I remember wanting to surprise my mom by cleaning the kitchen while she was gone. Why do my kids never do this?
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Old 03-12-2015, 08:31 AM
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You are NOT alone! This is exactly what happens in my house also. I've done the whole "leave it to prove to them thing" (and sometimes not on purpose, but because it puts me in such a state of depression it really sucks). Right now I am looking around seeing ice cream bowls, an empty chip bag, chocolate bar wrapper, drinking glass, salt and pepper (don't get me started on salt, pepper, ketchup...drives me crazy when those things leave the kitchen)... all sitting on my coffee table. I know I am a work at home person, I have no problems with being the main person to deal with house work, but how can I ever be expected to do any real cleaning (like dusting, or getting rid of old clothes, toys, getting rid of clutter build up) if I am constantly having to use my days picking up the same every day use stuff?? *sigh*

I have no idea how to get them to see, and even when I get upset and they do try it doesn't last.... so if you figure out a way please let me know! I could use the suggestions and tricks too LOL
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Old 03-12-2015, 08:55 AM
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I shall post updates
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Old 03-12-2015, 10:26 AM
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Love your idea! I know if it were me, it would be really tough to ignore it! You'll likely have to find some where else to sit for awhile!!
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Old 03-12-2015, 10:33 AM
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I am SO not a neat freak - my desk is evidence of that. Not dirty dishes, but just clutter. I do my best and really try to keep it clean though. I still can't stand it when people leave out dirty dishes though!! I just leave them out until the person that made the mess cleans it up. Seriously, I have enough to clean without having to treat everyone like they are 2!
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Old 03-12-2015, 10:33 AM
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There are only 2 people in our house (DD and I) but she is a total slob and I'm a bit of an OCD neat freak So yeah, I feel your pain. She's not bad about the living room because she rarely hangs out there but her night stand and desk in her bedroom are a disaster area. I no longer go in and clean up after her - I figure at almost 15 she needs to learn to clean up after herself... I keep telling her she's going to make a horrible roommate in college and even after college when she's on her own.

Laundry is another issue with her... it gets washed by either one of us - whenever the machine is full one of us starts it, but I refuse to fold and put away her clothes anymore so you should see her "clean" basket... I noticed this week she's wearing clothes I haven't seen all year because she's to lazy to put her clothes away and can't find anything It drives me absolutely nuts but I have to walk away and just shut her door.
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Old 03-12-2015, 10:45 AM
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It's just me and my son, too, so I am working on teaching him to clean up after himself. It does really help that we have two levels in our house and his domain is downstairs so if it gets a bit messy, it's easy for me to ignore more. We keep the upstairs clean though where I am around the most.
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Old 03-12-2015, 11:18 AM
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My kids AND my DH do this all the time. It makes me want to snap. I have no advice, but I'm waiting to see how much piles up before anyone does anything LOL.

I did this with the garbage once in the bathroom, granted, it's mostly empty toilet paper rolls, but OMG it was everywhere and finally I changed it after waiting for DH to do it.

I wonder if people just don't care, or if they just don't SEE it? LOLOL
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Old 03-12-2015, 11:38 AM
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We have the same kind of end table that catches all of my daughter's empty chip bags, endless amounts of drinking glasses, and all of her other miscellaneous crap...it's also where she puts her packpack, shoes and viola between the couch and the wall. UGH! So annoying. And, she'll leave it there until someone else picks up her mess. She honestly does not care.
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Old 03-12-2015, 11:48 AM
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Good luck! I'm the only that really cares and I just can't function after a certain level of mess has been reached. My family has made some progress but honestly it's apparently a herculean feat to do minor things in this house, like get a dish into the dishwasher.
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Old 03-12-2015, 11:54 AM
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I am a bit of a neat freak and I don't let the kids eat anywhere but the kitchen... so, thankfully, aside from the sink and the counter right beside the sink we don't have a problem with dishes accumulating. As for the husband, he is really good about picking up after his snacks in the family room. His worst habit is leaving his travel coffee mug for ME to wash when he gets home from work (he NEVER washes it) and he leaves his socks wherever he takes them off... the couch, floor, TABLE... that drives me nuts!!!
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Old 03-12-2015, 11:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JennNtheBoys View Post
but how can I ever be expected to do any real cleaning (like dusting, or getting rid of old clothes, toys, getting rid of clutter build up) if I am constantly having to use my days picking up the same every day use stuff?? *sigh*
This is exactly my problem! I spend so much time on kitchen work and laundry that no real cleaning gets done. As for the dirty dishes, I deal with it by telling them food stays in the kitchen. Not looking forward to when they are older and that doesn't work anymore.
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Old 03-12-2015, 12:06 PM
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oh.my.goodness. This drives me NUTS!! I confess that I am probably too slack on the kids and making them do chores, but one of them is to pick up the table after meals and wipe it down. IT NEVER GETS DONE!! IT's been a rule for years!!!! That and closing the entry closet door they never do. I feel like I am going crazy telling them all day every day. I feel your pain on this!!
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Old 03-12-2015, 12:37 PM
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My MIL has legit OCD (not just self diagnosed haha) and can't sit in a room if it's messy. She basically taught DH that he could leave whatever anywhere and it would magically get cleaned up by the mom of the family so when he married me, he expected the same treatment and would leave EVERYTHING everywhere, it was infuriating. I grew up that if you didn't clean up after yourself, your stuff was thrown away by mom haha! I so feel you is what I'm getting at. It took me pretty much our entire marriage to get him to regularly help around the house and he has figured out that if he leaves stuff around, I hide it from him, haha
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Old 03-12-2015, 12:49 PM
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It's our own faults really, if you think about it. We've allowed them to do it all this time.
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Old 03-12-2015, 01:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keely~B View Post
Good luck! I'm the only that really cares and I just can't function after a certain level of mess has been reached. My family has made some progress but honestly it's apparently a herculean feat to do minor things in this house, like get a dish into the dishwasher.
OMG - Cheyanne can mange to get her dishes to the sink but not the dishwasher - it's right next to the sink!!! I keep asking her why it's so hard to get them in there and she said once, "But mom I have to open and close the dishwasher to do that."
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Old 03-12-2015, 01:35 PM
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It's our own faults really, if you think about it. We've allowed them to do it all this time.
This is true to a degree - up until Cheyanne was about 12 she cleaned up after herself and even cleaned her bathroom (as in toilet, sink, tub). Then shortly after turning 12 all of a sudden she could care less and I think some of it is she is so absent minded. I had a pediatrician tell me once that when the hormones start kicking in kids really do get absent minded - something about the hormones affecting their brains -LOL. I sort of believe him because I saw the same pattern with my son. After about 16.5 he turned into a normal nice human being again and I'm hoping for the same with DD
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Old 03-12-2015, 01:37 PM
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I would say Adam & I are equally guilty of this so it doesn't bother me too much. But it drives me nuts when he wont empty the dishwasher but he'll take the time to sort & stack the dirty dishes on the counter. Like really? The time you wasted doing that would have been long enough to empty it and put the dirty dishes in it.
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Old 03-12-2015, 04:09 PM
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I grew up with a mom who's always cleaning and organizing on the weekends (her only days off), and it had the opposite effect on me in that I don't want to do the same. So I'm ok with things lying around a little. But when it comes to cleaning time (like 3-4 times a week) I expect the kids to pick up their own toys. They're too young still to really care, but when they get older you can bet I'm going to donate any toys on the floor to the salvation army. My parents used to do that and it really helped build a habit of cleaning after ourselves.
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Old 03-12-2015, 04:21 PM
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I heard of a story where the mom put post it notes that she taped down all over the house where her kids (7 teenage boys) were leaving their dishes and such. On the post it notes, she wrote, "No Dishes Here." She even put one in her kitchen sink and taped it down with packing tape on the inside so that the kids would remember to put them directly in the dishwasher and not pile them into the sink. As time went by, it worked and the boys learned to not leave their dishes out and began cleaning up after themselves and putting their dishes in the dishwasher. Well when the mom went to take the post it out of the sink, the permanent marker she had used on the post it ended up transferring to her ceramic sink! There was a permanent "No Dishes Here" on the inside of the sink! lol! But it was a great reminder to everyone and they all kept cleaning up after themselves! Might be worth a shot!
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Old 03-13-2015, 08:22 AM
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I heard of a story where the mom put post it notes that she taped down all over the house where her kids (7 teenage boys) were leaving their dishes and such. On the post it notes, she wrote, "No Dishes Here." She even put one in her kitchen sink and taped it down with packing tape on the inside so that the kids would remember to put them directly in the dishwasher and not pile them into the sink. As time went by, it worked and the boys learned to not leave their dishes out and began cleaning up after themselves and putting their dishes in the dishwasher. Well when the mom went to take the post it out of the sink, the permanent marker she had used on the post it ended up transferring to her ceramic sink! There was a permanent "No Dishes Here" on the inside of the sink! lol! But it was a great reminder to everyone and they all kept cleaning up after themselves! Might be worth a shot!
That is HILARIOUS! I've thought about posting a sign above the sink that says 'rinse here' and an arrow to one side of the sink and 'put here' with an arrow pointing to the other side. I have told them to do it that way 2 gazillion times but they still take their dishes to the kitchen and just plunk 'em in the sink, with food left on them and everything.

Drives. Me. Batty.
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Old 03-13-2015, 08:24 AM
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This is true to a degree - up until Cheyanne was about 12 she cleaned up after herself and even cleaned her bathroom (as in toilet, sink, tub). Then shortly after turning 12 all of a sudden she could care less and I think some of it is she is so absent minded. I had a pediatrician tell me once that when the hormones start kicking in kids really do get absent minded - something about the hormones affecting their brains -LOL. I sort of believe him because I saw the same pattern with my son. After about 16.5 he turned into a normal nice human being again and I'm hoping for the same with DD
That is good to remember. I heard that about the absent-mindedness before. Funny you said that about 16 1/2. One of my boys was a BEAST from about 13-15'ish. It was really hard to deal with. Then all of a sudden it's like a completely different kid moved in. He is polite (generally, lol!) doesn't argue with me, does chores w/o complaining. It's awesome!
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Old 03-15-2015, 03:03 PM
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I love your experiment, Val. It would actually be fun to take a photo of my coffee table every day to see what accumulates there over several days if I don't clean it. I might just do that . . .
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Old 03-16-2015, 08:46 AM
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I've used notes in spots. Constant reminders worked. Also, stopping whatever they were doing to clean up after them selves worked too. If they were watching TV, I would shut it off, (take their ipods, toys, etc) sit on the couch, and wait for them to figure it out.

I've got them all trained and I'm working on the next step, rinsing and loading in the dishwasher. I've worked hard at this, it was no east feat. LOL! Plus, I believe they have learned that they do not want to meet with the Wrath Of Mom!

We started out small. Reminders. Put all dirty items on the counter. Then we worked on cleaning out said dirty items, and placing in the sink. We now get them in the sink, but cleaning out is being worked. Now, I'm working on (with my oldest) to load his into the dishwasher.

It's taking forever, but I feel better that it isn't always me. lol! They occasionally leave cups out, but mostly in the kitchen. I don't allow much out of the dining room and kitchen, and none in the bedrooms.
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Old 03-16-2015, 09:03 AM
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Oh my gosh, I forgot to follow up on this. SOMEHOW, one by one the dishes started disappearing. DD and I ate lunch and she promptly put her bowl on the table. I was feeling all smug inside, but when she got up she actually TOOK HER DISH WITH HER.



I was actually a little disappointed, lol! Then the next day the tea mug was still there but 2 other glasses were missing. So very odd. Now I'm not sure how to wrap this whole thing up, ha!
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Old 03-16-2015, 09:21 PM
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Since this post, I've been trying to train my son (he's the worst offender) to bring his dishes up from his room. Step by step, I say. Now he does remember about 90% of the time. It's my own fault, I went down and got them before, but I'm over it now!
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Old 03-18-2015, 09:05 AM
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Growing up I was taught there was a place for everything and everything in it's place, is what my mom would say. There was no slacking for us, if we didn't put something away, she'd throw it out. We learned quick to take care of the messes we made.

I've passed that on to my kids. My hubby was bad when we first started dating, because his mom and granny were the "go ahead and leave it, I'll take care of it" type of women.

But I've got him trained pretty good too. Let's just say he's lost some important papers along the way. Lol.
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