prayers needed badly

[juliemarie]

So sorry for your loss Jessica. You will be in my prayers

[jessica31876]

My husband has gotten a little bit worse today. I kinda figured that might happen because the doctors/nurses had voiced some concern over small complications arising. He started bleeding from his liver today. Its not bad at this point because they are not trying to drain it or do surgery or anything like that but it is a concern to watch. Hes been spiking fevers but they did not tell me until today he was. They believe he might be developing pneumonia. They told me about 70% of people with these injuries do develop pneumonia especially being on the respirator. So he is on antibiotics now. They have voiced a time period though finally. They said they would like to have him on the respirator no longer then 5-7 days (but thats not set in stone either it could be longer then that). So another 4 or so days maybe if things go well. He is still sedated heavily but the decrease on the IV sedation is still going on and its going through the feeding tube instead. So I am praying really really hard that he continues to improve.

It was another long day with my in-laws there at the hospital. I was so stressed at the end of the day again. This time it was more then just the drama stuff like yesterday. My mother-in-law took it upon herself to ask her pastor to officiate the funeral ceremony. I was so angry when she came and told me "My pastor is going to do the ceremony. I want to have him handle it all" Without so much as a word to me to see if I had anyone I was thinking Id like to have do it. I told her as calmly as I could I had someone already in mind and Id like to use him. She just said oh well he is my pastor and started mumbling and walked away. Rest of the day nobody talked to me much. I really felt angry that she was trying to make the funeral service something she should be planning. It would be one thing if I did not want to do this but its not. Had she asked I would have told her I had already made a decision and might not have been upset about her making a suggestion but to just step in and try to take over really upset me. I talked to the nurse and she told me she can limit the people coming in if I need her to which might help if it continues on this path every single day but its not something I want to do. I just need to think about my husband right now and they are making it really difficult to do so.

My youngest sons birthday is coming up on Thursday. I have not even had a chance to even think about what to do for it. I want to focus on him that day for at least a good part of the day to try to make it special because I know he might start feeling like he is being excluded and nobody is worried about him especially on his birthday if we did nothing or didnt try to make it special. It is hard to even think about what I could do though because it is so hot so we cant exactly go out to a theme park or something and I dont drive so I cant take him to the beach. My daughter suggested going to the mall and seeing Transformers because he loves those movies so much and just having her, me, my son and her finace go to see it. Ill figure it out though. Find something meaningful and special to do on Thursday.

[WalkersMommy]

I am so very sorry, Jessica. I'm praying for you and your family.

[nun69]

Jessica still praying for your hubby~and I think taking your youngest to the movies and let him pick whatever size popcorn, drink and candy he wants to make it all about him would be great...and maybe you could just let him pick where he would like to go to lunch and then let him go shopping for something...whatever that might be...I don't know how old he is, but even my youngest at 4 & 5 LOVE to shop for something that is special to him....

I am at a loss for what to say to your MIL, but I hope it all works out and everyone can get through this~

[jaylensmom]

I'm so sorry Jessica...My prayers are with you and your family...

[jessica31876]

yea Angie that is what I tthought too. Its still hard because Im so torn. I really want to be in both places....with my husband and with Nick.

I want to go to sea world with Matthew and Nickolas or to the beach with them for his bday like my husband and I had planned earlier in the month and realizing yet again there is just one more plan we had made with Matthew being part of it gone...hurts alot.

Oh and Nickolas will be 14 Angie. He is a big 14 though LOL so we constantly get the how old is he question followed by disbelief because he is so tall. I also need to try to remember to do the birthday favorites interview for his 14th birthday layout too although I have not even looked at scrapbooking or any of that.

[nun69]

Jessica you can totally make it about him...maybe if you only go to the beach for an hour or so, he may just love that ! I think right now, the best thing you could do for him is spend time with him and let him know how much you love him That is probably what he needs right now and my 18 y/o loves goofy things like going to the movies or going to the redbox with me or even likes it when I let her pick the place she wants to eat Don't stress too much about it, I bet all he wants is to make sure you don't actually forget his birthday and I already know you won't

ETA: does he have an iPOD...cause you could totally just pick him up an iTUNES GC at Safeway or somewhere

[jessica31876]

No angie he has an MP3 player though. Maybe Ill let him pick out some music from Amazon.

[Darcy Baldwin]

Jessica - I'm sure he's going to understand all the circumstances surrounding his birthday this year. He's just going to want to know that no one has forgotten, and that a little time is devoted to just him amongst all the chaos. It might be good to have a little cupcake celebration at the hospital with all the family to help make him feel special...even if you all have to be there all day.

Continued prayers going up for your family.

[*Celeste*]

I'm so sorry. I am thinking of you and your family today.

[aggiefamily]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[marlathrall]

I can't imagine what your are going through. My thoughts and prayers continue to go out to your family.

[taracotta7]

I agree with all the suggestions above.....I am sure you son will be happy with just about anything as long as you remember it is his bday and cut out a little time for him. He is old enough that he understands all the craziness going on around him. I am sure he won't be too hard on you. I am sure doing something "normal" like going to a movie or lunch together will be good for the both of you. It will just give you a little space to breath a little and refresh yourself before going back to hospital, decisions, stress, ect.

Praying for you while you are in this planning stage and dealing with MIL. I know it is best to walk away and not say anything but I think if I was in your shoes I would have a REALLY hard time doing the "right" thing. Hang in there! ((HUG))

[AmyG]

Thanks for keeping us updated and I'm still praying for you and your husband.

Wow, MIL is out of line. Way out of line. I wish someone would tell her to back off and let you do what you need to and if you need help you will ask. I'm so sorry she is making what is sure to be the most stressful time ever worse.

[mummytothree]

Big huge hugs Jessica!! First off know that you and your whole family are still in my prayers!!! I think of you guys often and wonder how you all are coping!!! I wanted to suggest you ask him what he wants....he may want to keep it low key....he may want to not celebrate at all. My brother was killed last year the day before my birthday and here was the way I was feeling...now remember I am a lot older and the feelings of a woman turning 37 might be different then the feelings of a boy turning 14....but this was just my experience.

I didn't want anyone making a fuss about my birthday...I didn't want presents...I didn't want cake...I didn't even want people telling me "happy birthday". I was just so mad and so pissed off!! At one point I got hysterical when one of the kid's handed me a homemade birthday card!! I didn't want my family to have to muster up joy and happiness when all we all wanted to do was cry and curse and kick something and cry some more!!! I also didn't want to disappoint my mom and dad (or hurt their feelings) when I just couldn't be happy about a "gift". It also didn't help that that brother's birthday was "suppose" to be happening just 9 days later, I even felt guilty because I got to turn another year older and he never ever would (I totally know now that is stupid/irrational...but when you are in the throws of grief you think a lot of stupid/irrational things!!!) .

Again....it maybe totally different for someone younger or even male vs female...but I think that you should definitely ask him what he wants before planning something!

Oh and this year was better....still sad...still heart wrenching...but better.

[color of my heart]

just coming in to give {{{hugs}}}

still thinking of you and your family <3

[Paula]

Jessica, I continue to pray for your hubby and will keep doing so until he comes home with you!

As for the funeral, you plan what you want to honor Matthew. He is your son and you know him better than anyone. Don't let your MIL railroad you into doing something you don't want to.

As for Nickolas, pamper him like nothing else on his birthday. Do whatever he wants to do. I think the movies is a great idea. He'll always understand the circumstances behind his 14th birthday and if you make it an awesome day despite those circumstances, he will remember a mother that bent over backwards to make his day special even with all the stress that you've been carrying during this time.

I'm praying for you and hoping that amid all this, you can find some peace.

[Lukasmummy]

I'm so very sorry for your loss ((hugs)) hugs Crystal xx

[AmberK]

Im so sorry that your MIL is tryign to take over arrangements for the funeral. I remember when we were making funeral arrangements for my son even though I was pretty much numb the entire time, I wanted to do it for him because he was *MY* son. If anybody had tried to take over that I would have gone postal on them.

Put your foot down with her and don't worry if people get mad at you for it. He is YOUR son and you as his mother have the right to do what is best for him.

Im also sorry your husband had a bad day yesterday. I know when people are in critical condition they always say "1 step forward, 2 steps back". Its so hard to get your hopes up with the small improvements just to have in the back of your mind that they are not out of the woods yet. But I have faith that your husband is strong and will pull through this.

Stay strong Jessica. I know that my experience with losing my son when he was 3 days old is nothing compared to losing a son that you had for 17 years. But I can empathize with you as a grieving mother and Im so sorry that you are having to endure this.

Love and hugs to you.

[Joan]

Jessica, I wanted to stop by and let you know you and your family are in my thoughts. This is beyond heartbreaking and words really seem inadequate. I am so so sorry for your loss.

[Julie Billingsley]

hugs again Jessica. I am praying for your husband's condition to improve.

As for Nick's birthday, spend some time with him and enjoying a movie might be the perfect way to "escape" for a bit too. And if nobody feels like celebrating now, give him a rain check- tell him you are celebrating his birthday in a couple weeks. Just know your love and hugs are exactly what he needs now.

Hugs to you and your family.

[scrap2day]

Continued prayers for your husband's healing. {{{hugs}}}

Have you contacted the person you would like to do Matthew's service? Maybe you could tell this person what is happening and he can contact your MIL's pastor and deal with that for you.

As far as the birthday, maybe see what your son wants to do. Movies, lunch, cupcakes are all good ideas. He may want it low key, he may enjoy the escape to the movies, he may want to do something small now but want to do something more later.