What would you do??

[xboxmom]

So as some of you know my husband and I are renewing our wedding vows next month in Hawaii. We have everything booked and we fly out on the 25th of Feb.

Last night my daughters Destination Imagination team emailed me to let me know that their competition would be at 9:00 am til 6:30 pm on Feb 25th!!!! Our flight leaves at 9:20 there is no way she can do this competition unless she and I change our flights.

So we called the airline....$600 to change the tickets!!!!

What would you guys do? Change the tickets or tell her sorry she can't compete?

Money really isn't the issue either I mean it is and it sucks to have to spend another $600 on flights we have already paid for...but I just didnt really invision flying to my wedding without my husband....We never had a wedding as we signed the papers in the court house and went home so this wedding is going to be the wedding I never had...So it just makes me sad to fly without him. But on the other hand I don't want to let my daughter down either.....Huge dilemma here. I need some thoughts... Thanks in advance.

[SweetMelissa]

Oh wow that's tuff. How old is your daughter? If she's old enough I would ask her how she feels. What would happen if she missed one competition?

If money isn't an issue then it really depends on your husband, daughter and you feel/want. I know that doesn't help. I'm sorry.

[LJSDesigns]

Definitely a hard decision. To be honest, if it were me I would go ahead with things the way they are arranged. I would explain to your daughter that the competition was scheduled after the trip, that the trip means a lot to you and the entire family, (Mom and Dad's wedding should come first) and that while you support her activities, in a family everyone must give at some point, and this time it is her turn. I think it is good to teach children that they are going to be disappointed some times and that they need to handle the disappoint as best they can and find the good in what they end up with. I believe most girls will find the good in a trip to Hawaii. JMHO. And congratulations on the wedding. Sounds like a dream!

[jessica31876]

I would be torn too. I would probably go as a family like you had planned but make sure to explain to my daughter my decision so she would not feel like I did not care about her event.

[Leila]

I might well be the meanest mom on Earth. My boys would simply have to miss the competition, it wouldn't even cross my mind to reschedule flights (especially to the tune of $600) for a competition.

[heatherdumas]

Leu, I am with you! Family comes before extracuricular activities. It is not like you had dinner reservations you wouldn't change. It is a family vacation and a special occasion. How many times do you figure you will renew your vows? Probably just once. How many competitions and recitals and games and parent conferences do you bend over backwards to attend? It is fair and right.

Originally Posted by Leila

I might well be the meanest mom on Earth. My boys would simply have to miss the competition, it wouldn't even cross my mind to reschedule flights (especially to the tune of $600) for a competition.

[rach3975]

I don't know anything about Destination Imagination, so it would depend on exactly what it was and how much it means to your DD. So if this is something she's been working toward all year, is very committed to, and there's only 1 competition, I would reschedule the flight. (Or should I say DH and I would fight over me wanting to reschedule and we'd see who won, LOL.) But if this is something a little less important to her or there are multiple opportunities to compete, I'd go ahead with the trip as planned.

[SeattleSheri]

I'd call the airline back and speak to someone else. That is a very atypical change fee. I've never seen a change fee over $150. I'd also look at the airline's website to see if the change is less expensive through that method, since it can vary. Good luck!

[KateD]

It sounds like DI is a lot like Odyssey of the Mind, which my boys participated in. The team prepares all year for one competition, with the possibility of moving on to a higher level competition.
It really stinks that you're in this situation, Kim. I don't think we'd consider changing our flight for our kid(s) to compete, but I'd feel bad that they couldn't. At least there's enough time before the competition that the team can regroup and adjust their plan.

[color of my heart]

Originally Posted by SeattleSheri

I'd call the airline back and speak to someone else. That is a very atypical change fee. I've never seen a change fee over $150. I'd also look at the airline's website to see if the change is less expensive through that method, since it can vary. Good luck!

agreed. i have never seen a change fee at that high, and my family members fly a LOT.

[xboxmom]

Originally Posted by SeattleSheri

I'd call the airline back and speak to someone else. That is a very atypical change fee. I've never seen a change fee over $150. I'd also look at the airline's website to see if the change is less expensive through that method, since it can vary. Good luck!

Sheri, its $150 change the flight fee plus the added cost of how much the tickets are now verses when we purchased them. I couldn't believe it! I would be more than happy to pay the $150 change the flight fee but I thought it was ridiculous that they wanted even more money on top of that.

Kate yes its exactly like what your boys were in. They have been working since school started and if they do win and they win without Emma there she will not be allowed to participate in any of the other competitions.

It's a difficult decision to make. She came home with a card she made for her Dad and I in school today it says "Thank you, you Rock!" on the front and the inside of the card says, " Mom and Dad, your so awesome for trying to still let me be in the competition. You do so much for me. I love you guys!!!!!! You must be the best parents of all just by being there for me. For this I will do whatever you want, you can even assign me to clean the litter boxes forever, I don't care! If there is anything you need to be done I'll to it! You guys are the best, and it makes me feel so happy for all the things you do for me. THANK YOU, I love you with all my hart! Love, Emma

This of course was after I had told myself in my head that I was going to tell her we weren't going to change the flight....Now....Sigh....I feel like I would be the worst Mom in the world if I told her we weren't going to.

Thanks for listening ladies and giving me more to think about.

[jessica31876]

is there anyone in her group you could talk to and maybe they can make an exception since this was planned so far in advance and you did not realize it would be falling on the same day? So maybe they could give her a waiver for participation in just this one event?

[nonnie]

Is there any way she could say spend the night and go with a team mate?? Is the issue getting her there or you guys attending?? I am a little more harsh - we always put ourselves before our kids ... I think you should give yourself a pass on this one - go to Hawaii

[LeeAndra]

How old is your DD? It sounds from her making you a card/what was written inside that she is still young. Will she be able to compete next year (or multiple years after that?)

Honestly, unless one of my children was a senior in high school and doing some type of state/national competition that would have an impact on her college or future career, I would not think twice abt continuing with my plans to Hawaii and not even attempting to reschedule.

[xboxmom]

She is 11 and in 5th grade. I talked to my husband about her flying out by herself and staying with our neighbor for the night and having them take her to the airport but he said he didnt want to put anyone out and didn't want her to fly alone....I don't know if there is any exceptions for her with being able to compete if they continue on...I will have to email the person in charge of her group and see if they know anything on that or if they can find anything out. Thanks for the idea.

[LJSDesigns]

Wow that card is a killer. I can see why the decision is so much harder now. Is there anyway to change all the tickets, absorb the cost, and still fly out as a family?

[breakingbrie]

As a kid, I didn't much get to do extracarriculars. I've been seriously excited for when my girls are old enough and wanting to join clubs and sports. I would totally be leaning towards finding a way to get other tickets so she could participate... But honestly, that's just me. And maybe even if that situation did come up for me, it wouldn't work, and my kids would have to miss, I don't know. I just think I would be trying hard to find a way for it to all work.

That said, it is totally your choice. You know how much the wedding means(I can understand that, dh and I went to the courthouse, too) and your daughter sounds like she might understand that you want everything to work out, but sometimes it just doesn't. She does at least know you're trying to make it work out. It's a tough decision either way!

[xboxmom]

Lorie it would be soooooo expensive to change all the tickets there are 7 of us. So I have to stay behind with her or my husband would have to stay behind with her and she is a Mama's girl so it pretty much will be me staying with her. I think we are leaning towards switching the tickets, but we are hopping there will be a sale for the times we need to leave so that we wont have to pay much more than the $150 ticket change fee.

[Ginger_79]

Originally Posted by xboxmom

She is 11 and in 5th grade. I talked to my husband about her flying out by herself and staying with our neighbor for the night and having them take her to the airport but he said he didnt want to put anyone out and didn't want her to fly alone....I don't know if there is any exceptions for her with being able to compete if they continue on...I will have to email the person in charge of her group and see if they know anything on that or if they can find anything out. Thanks for the idea.

Can you bribe your husband with the thought of you guys having a night of pree-wedding romance all to yourself? Otherwise I'd totally make him tell her no.

[Sarah8914]

what a hard decision! Honestly, even if we had the money and it wasn't an issue... it WOULD be an issue. $600 is a lot to change something that was already planned. we wouldn't change the tickets. Plus, I'd want to fly with my family. good luck!

[Megan Turnidge]

I wouldn't change the flights. $600 in addition to what I'd already paid for tickets? No way. Even if I wasn't dirt poor.

[scrapperjade]

My thought is don't change your plans. But that card is a KILLER! She sounds like she wants to go so bad! I'm also wondering that if you say no, and take her to Hawaii, is she going to be sullen, ornery, angry about not getting to go to her event, and ruin some of your happiness? It's a hard call for sure!!

I'm not saying to give her what she wants to bribe her to be good at your wedding, BUT you should look at it too. 11 is a hard age, still a kid, but close to a teen, where she might pull something, and some of your wedding joy & happiness could be dampened...

[LJSDesigns]

Originally Posted by xboxmom

Lorie it would be soooooo expensive to change all the tickets there are 7 of us. So I have to stay behind with her or my husband would have to stay behind with her and she is a Mama's girl so it pretty much will be me staying with her. I think we are leaning towards switching the tickets, but we are hopping there will be a sale for the times we need to leave so that we wont have to pay much more than the $150 ticket change fee.

Wow, I didn't realize there was 7 of you. I can see why that is totally out of the question. With all the thought you are giving to this, I am confident you will make the right decision for you and your family.

[amandabarugh]

Kim, knowing how sensitive Emma is, I have to be the odd one out and say that I think you should let her compete. I know it sucks and is ridiculously expensive, but I think Emma would be beyond devestated otherwise. I just keep thinking of what happened when you took your bartending class, and that was just a couple hours for a few nights, not a competition that she's been working for all year. KWIM?

With that said, can we please stop playing phonetag now? K? Thx! ♥

[dana]

what a bad situation i think that if it were me, and money wasn't a big issue (although i hate that it's so expensive!! boo!) - i'd probably change the tickets. i would have to consider the rest of the team and the fact that she committed to this event when she joined the team - especially if having her miss it might mess up the entire team. also - i'm a big believer in once you start something you have to finish it ... so, although in this case she REALLY wants to do the event and you are making an exception for her, what if it were the opposite and she was on a team and had an event/competition, but a trip opportunity came up that was better? IDK - i can totally see both sides ... so i think whatever you decide to do for your family will be the best.

oh - i love that you are renewing your vows! we got married at city hall and i always thing about doing a 10 year anniversary vowenewal party

[KyRainbow]

My daughter competed in OotM for several years, and if DI is anything similar, not only would she not be able to compete in any future events if they win, the team would not be allowed to replace her, so they would be forced to redo anything she had any part in, because she would become outside assistance, which is not allowed. Having said that, and knowing something about this sort of activity, I would do whatever I could to allow her to compete.
And FWIW....these type of events ARE good for college applications, even as young as she is. They represent problem solving, teamwork, and skills thinking outside of the box.

[xboxmom]

Thanks for all the wonderful advice going on here. It really does help to get a lot of different views on the matter. I just emailed the Team Mom again this morning to let her know we are still looking into changing the tickets. I am hoping that the price will come down so that we won't have to pay much more than the $150 ticket change fee for each ticket. Yesterday my husband did try and bribe her with asking her if she would rather go to the competition or have $300 spending money just for herself while in hawaii. This of course would save the $300 it would cost to change my ticket as well and we would get to all fly together....She is still thinking on it. But I truly believe that she really wants to compete and if she doesn't and they win and can't take her with them the next time that she will be devastated. So we are still looking into all the options.

[KateD]

Originally Posted by KyRainbow

My daughter competed in OotM for several years, and if DI is anything similar, not only would she not be able to compete in any future events if they win, the team would not be allowed to replace her, so they would be forced to redo anything she had any part in, because she would become outside assistance, which is not allowed. Having said that, and knowing something about this sort of activity, I would do whatever I could to allow her to compete.

I'm not sure if this is a regional thing or OoTM-wide, but losing a team member wasn't quite so bad for my son's OoTM team. He had two team members quit his first year just a couple of weeks before the competition. They stayed on the roster and the team just had to adjust their presentation since they weren't there on competition day. They still were officially members of the team, though, so "outside assistance" wasn't an issue. I looked into it last year, too, when I was coaching, because we had a team member almost quit a few days before the competition.

I'm not sure how, or if, this translates to DI - if you're concerned, you may want to check their website or ask your team's coach.

Oh, and if you do decide to change the tickets, you probably don't want to wait too long because the ticket prices could go up again rather than down

[xboxmom]

The Going flights went down a little yesterday but the return flight went up....So weird....I did ask the Team leader about her being able to still be on the team for future performances if they move on to the next round. Still waiting on an answer.

[Kenzi]

So I'm confused... why would it matter if the return flight went up? Aren't you just changing the going portion of your ticket? They should't charge for both right? Maybe I am missing something...
This is a tough situation you've got going on here. Not that you need another opinion or anything, but I think it wouldn't be wrong for you to change your flight and let your daughter compete if you can afford it. I know you want to fly with your hubby and the rest of your family, but is one little flight really more important than this competition for your daughter? It sounds like she's been working a long time for this. And really what would you be missing on that flight? The competition isn't changing the actual renewal of the vows is it? I mean that's the important part you will remember, not the flight getting there. Your daughter will likely remember you not letting her compete and/or you sacrificing and letting her compete (especially if they win). KWIM

[xboxmom]

Originally Posted by Kenzi

So I'm confused... why would it matter if the return flight went up? Aren't you just changing the going portion of your ticket? They should't charge for both right? Maybe I am missing something...

They charge you for the cost of the Total flight we paid $380 a ticket already but the combined prices are around $500 now so they charge you the $150 ticket change fee plus whatever extra the tickets cost now. So I was just saying that the prices of the one way went down yesterday by a little bit than they were the other day but the combined price is still over $500 which is more than we paid originally so there for they would charge us the extra on top of the $150 fee. Does that make sense?

And you are correct by missing that flight it does not interfere with the day of the renewal just the flying there together as a family.

We are leaning towards changing the flight and trying to find the cheapest way to do that.

[BrattyMeg]

I learned from watching Anderson Cooper that the cheapest plane tickets can be purchased at 1am Wednesday AM..something about the prices are set Tuesday night at midnight then the airlines reboot their systems and rock bottom prices are at 1am Wed morning..might be worth staying up to check out the prices.

I will say I have flown by myself as a child and I was well taken care of..this was also before all the precautions on hand now. I flew four times over the holidays this year and there were unaccompanied minors flying on every one of my flights so it's a pretty common practice

[Kenzi]

Originally Posted by xboxmom

They charge you for the cost of the Total flight we paid $380 a ticket already but the combined prices are around $500 now so they charge you the $150 ticket change fee plus whatever extra the tickets cost now. So I was just saying that the prices of the one way went down yesterday by a little bit than they were the other day but the combined price is still over $500 which is more than we paid originally so there for they would charge us the extra on top of the $150 fee. Does that make sense?

Excuse my French, but that's dumb. I hate airlines that charge for every teensy little thing! We recently had to do this over Christmas for DH's return flight home from AZ. We lucked out and only had to pay the $150, but IMO we should have paid nothing since the flight he changed to was $150 less than the one we originally booked. So in a way, it seems to me like we paid $300 extra for that little change, grrrr! Can you tell I'm still bitter about it lol

Anyways, good luck with it all! Only you know what's best for you guys in this situation. I'll cross my fingers that flights get cheaper

[xboxmom]

Originally Posted by Kenzi

Excuse my French, but that's dumb. I hate airlines that charge for every teensy little thing!

heheh I agree. I already paid $380 and I am 100% willing to pay the Change fee for $150 each but it just seems crazy to force people to pay even more on top of that. Just my opinion but I think that is very un-costumer-servicey (not even a word) but you all know what I mean.

[maggie965]

I agree with this. My daughter does Future Problem Solvers. It takes up a lot of her free time and it's a LOT of work for her and her teammates (she is 11 in 6th). There is no way she would miss the competition after putting in all that work. My husband and I would definitely make the sacrifice and one would fly out later and/or we would reschedule. Luckily we got our dates in advance so we can schedule around them.

Margaret

Originally Posted by KyRainbow

My daughter competed in OotM for several years, and if DI is anything similar, not only would she not be able to compete in any future events if they win, the team would not be allowed to replace her, so they would be forced to redo anything she had any part in, because she would become outside assistance, which is not allowed. Having said that, and knowing something about this sort of activity, I would do whatever I could to allow her to compete.
And FWIW....these type of events ARE good for college applications, even as young as she is. They represent problem solving, teamwork, and skills thinking outside of the box.

[maggie965]

Originally Posted by xboxmom

heheh I agree. I already paid $380 and I am 100% willing to pay the Change fee for $150 each but it just seems crazy to force people to pay even more on top of that. Just my opinion but I think that is very un-costumer-servicey (not even a word) but you all know what I mean.

Do you have trip insurance? Would this count as a reason for having to cancel, then maybe you can rebook with someone cheaper.

[xboxmom]

No we have never bought trip insurance and in all our years of traveling we haven't needed it. The emails from her Team Mom seem like it's not a very big deal at all if she misses. She says they have 2 five minute performances in the day. So from 9:00 am to 6:30 pm they preform 10 mins. She also said that our kids school has never in all the years they have participated in DI that they have never moved on to the next rounds. :/ So honestly now I am highly considering just going on with our trip as planned. She has 1 more year left in Elementary she is in 5th grade right now. (she missed the dead line for when school started by 1 month.)

[LJSDesigns]

If it doesn't keep her from competing if the team does move on, then I would stick to my original plans.

[kim21673]

My initial thought was keep the tickets the way they are...your daughter misses her competition.

So....I asked my husband. Without hesitation he said change the tickets. While it may not seem a big deal to us, it is a big deal to an 11 year old girl!!! This comment just made me love my husband even more!!!

Good luck with your decision!!

[nun69]

My initial thought would be to not change your plans, but I agree with Kim that even though it may end up not being a big deal to us and her school has a history of not going to the next round, this could be the year they do and I know my 11 y/o would be devasted if he worked so hard all year and didn't get to compete....but I do think you should maybe weigh in your DD's decision and then if she does decide to go to Hawaii instead of staying and they win, she will know in advance that she made the choice to go {to Hawaii} instead of stay and compete good luck in whatever you decide

[KateD]

Whichever decision you make, my two cents would be to tell your daughter what you decided and NOT have her make the decision to go or not. I'd rather have my child angry with me then have him (possibly) feel guilty and sad with his decision. My boys are 10 and 12 right now, so right around your daughter's age. If they were a few years older, I might feel differently. However, only you and your hubby really know your daughter and can make the best decision for your family.

[xboxmom]

This is why it's such a tough situation. Still weighing all the options and talking with her about it. She has come up with a reasonable 3rd option. She will miss the competition if we let her get a hamster.....Thank god it wasn't a puppy!

[nun69]

I agree that a hamster is a much better option than a puppy LO {consider we are the proud owners, for the last 4 weeks of a black lab puppy} !!!

[LJSDesigns]

My son's first pet was a hamster and we all loved that little guy to death. We even taught him to sit up for treats. My only caution is that they have a pretty short life span, about two years, so if she has a very tender heart it will be hard. Check out the black bear ones as they are cute and very personable.

[marlathrall]

Originally Posted by xboxmom

This is why it's such a tough situation. Still weighing all the options and talking with her about it. She has come up with a reasonable 3rd option. She will miss the competition if we let her get a hamster.....Thank god it wasn't a puppy!

You should try to convince her to get a guinea pig. My sister got two for Christmas and they are so stinky cute and not near as rat like. And sweet too. lol. I think a hamster would be a good compromise though.

P.S. Take me to Hawaii? Please... I'm a pretty good photographer and could set you up with some awesome pictures. lol.

[Tracie Stroud]

Aw HUGS Kim! That's a really tough decision. It sounds like she's come up with a good alternative though.

[KateD]

I'm going to be the odd one out here and say - Don't bargain with her! Make a decision and tell her what you decided. She's the child and you're the parent. If you want to get her a hamster when you get home, then go for it; just don't make it part of a bargain.
Again, just my opinion - one I obviously feel strongly about.

[origami]

Originally Posted by Kenzi

So I'm confused... why would it matter if the return flight went up? Aren't you just changing the going portion of your ticket? They should't charge for both right? Maybe I am missing something...
This is a tough situation you've got going on here. Not that you need another opinion or anything, but I think it wouldn't be wrong for you to change your flight and let your daughter compete if you can afford it. I know you want to fly with your hubby and the rest of your family, but is one little flight really more important than this competition for your daughter? It sounds like she's been working a long time for this. And really what would you be missing on that flight? The competition isn't changing the actual renewal of the vows is it? I mean that's the important part you will remember, not the flight getting there. Your daughter will likely remember you not letting her compete and/or you sacrificing and letting her compete (especially if they win). KWIM

I agree with Kenzi. I am not really sure what one flight matters. I know you're going to Hawaii, but a plane ride is a plane ride and they are never really all that fun. I've taken enough trips to know that. In our parents day, a plane trip was something special and exciting, but these days plane trips are crowded and hectic. I agree that the important part is the renewing of vows and not how or when you get there.

I think it sounds like she's worked very hard with her team and put in time and effort and that should be honored, rather than putting a monetary value (spending money in Hawaii or a new pet) on it. It's not like she's asking you to change your schedule because she wants to go to a concert or something frivolous. This is an academic competition.

[tanyiadeskins]

you certainly have enough opinoins but I love throwing in my 2 cents lol. I would change the flight... I just couldn't take something the kids have worked all year for and take that away from them. Especially if money is not the issue... it is after all not ruining the wedding, just having you take a different flight.

[Nettio]

Wow, lots of opinions on this one! Just thought I'd throw out another from a different perspective, haha.

When I was going into my sophomore year of high school, my family went on a two-week trip to Canada. The end of the trip ended up overlapping with try-outs for a team I really wanted to join (try-outs I'd been planning to do for a year). Since the trip was already planned, I was pretty disappointed, but my parents told me if it was something I really wanted to do, they would figure out a way to get me home. In the end, I made the decision to stay on the trip instead but it always meant a lot to me that they would have been willing to work something out if it was what I wanted. My parents were like that for a lot of things and it's something I always appreciated since there were lots of parents who would have said no in those situations.

Anyway, don't know if that helps you, but sometimes just offering to do it makes all the difference. And hey, at least the hamster would be a cheaper option?