Kids & having friends over

[KristinCB]

Tell me i'm not alone in feeling just way way out of sorts when your kids have friends over?

We actually don't have a lot of friends over here.. hardly ever really but Lily is having 3 friends stay over tonight for a slumber party for her bday.. I don't know why I feel so weird and uncomfortable. Like I can't relax?

I swear sometimes it is things like this where I feel I'm missing a specific mom gene that I should have!

[Jenn Barrette]

I don't particularly like other peoples child. There I said it. lol Honestly though, I have 2 girls here and if you add anymore it is just a lot girly screaming and giggling going on and it drives me bonkers.

I don't think you are defective or anything Kristin. lol I think you are just a homebody like me, and your home is your happy place. Having extra people in your happy place is no bueno.

[Shawna Clingerman]

Having kids over is always a bit stressful, i think probably even for super perfect mom gene woman (she is a myth).

I have been trying to say yes more but it is hard! especially with the younger kids - gareth is 13 and i don't even have to think about him, they feed themselves, behave themselves, and hide out in his room....

But with the other kids, you have to like pay attention and stuff. It is exhausting!

[adi&co.]

i don't think you're defective. I do not enjoy other people's kids unless i have an attachment to them (family or dear friends kids). and even then, some of my nieces and nephews make me want to run away screaming. you're not alone

[MamaBee]

Originally Posted by Jenn Barrette

I don't particularly like other peoples child. There I said it. lol

Phew... you said it... I am the same way! I'm so uncomfortable, I have never held other people's babies... well, some is because of my issues with infertility and that whole area of emotional "why not me?" that comes with it...

Some of it for me is that I have certain expectations (like no rough housing, respect, manners, etc), and Jake knows this... so when other kids don't behave, I feel odd disciplining them... especially when the parent's way of handing discipline is on the opposite end of yours... like non-existent. Or that something will happen on my watch and I will feel terrible, or they will blame me and tell everyone what a horrible person I am... I just can't handle the stress... so far the only playmates that we have had over are during holiday or time with friends and the parents are there.

Maybe some of it is that my mom is the same way... and I rarely had playmates over.

[rach3975]

Originally Posted by Jenn Barrette

I don't think you are defective or anything Kristin. lol I think you are just a homebody like me, and your home is your happy place. Having extra people in your happy place is no bueno.

Exactly. I like kids, I usually like the friends my kids have over, and I have fun going into the kids' classes to volunteer. But I don't like having people over, whether kids or adults. I have to be "on," the house has to be cleaned and ready, I need to referee the kids or accommodate other people's schedules and preferences...it's just a lot more mental effort than being home with my immediate family.

[maryinaz]

Only CERTAIN kids do I like the boys to have over. When my boys got to middle school and made new friends outside of our neighborhood, I had a hard time with it. I was so comfortable with their grade school friends. It's gotten better now, but I still feel better if it's a kid I've known for years.

But hands down, I'd rather only have MY kids in my house. So no, you are not alone!

[Tracyfish]

Wow...this is so me. I say it all the time "kids are not my favorite people". While I love my own, my sister's boys and a few close friends' kids that I'm around alot. I do not enjoy being a hostess to anyone else.

I don't like how loud they are, how much attention they sometimes need, how dependent they are on adults, how disrespectful they are, etc. Gosh I could go on and on. My child is not perfect by any means, but compared to some others, he's just right for me and my personality.

We almost didn't even have kids (and L.J. will always be an only). I love to see friends having babies and I will gladly plan their shower, but I am not super comfortable holding babies and dealing with little ones especially.

I'm happy to know it's not just me. LOL!!!!

[jacinda]

Well I'm probably a bit different to you guys then. I like it when the kids invite friends over. They all pretty much look after themselves, so other than feeding them, there's not much else to do. When they're at my house I can see their interaction, I know where they are and what they're doing/saying, and I get to know what their friends are like. I'm less enthusiastic about them going to friends houses where I have no idea what they're doing. During the school term I encourage them to invite friends over at least once a week/fortnight. The idea is that they get so used to having friends over, that when they're teenagers, they'll just continue that routine. I'd much rather they hang out at home as teens, than be off somewhere getting into trouble.

Birthdays traditionally mean lots of friends over, and our biggest sleepover had 9 girls under 9 yrs old. Gotta say I was happy when they all went home though. Haha.

I'm from a family with lots of kids though. Between my brothers and sisters and I, we have 14 kids under 11 years old, and we often get together so the kids can play.

[Tracyfish]

I think my feelings come from my mom being the same way. We didn't really have sleepovers until we were in middle school at my house and most of the time it was at a friend's house instead of mine.

I do think you have a point Jacinda. When L.J. gets older I would rather him hang out at our house with friends than be out where I don't know what's going on. Maybe I need to rethink this and start some more frequent playdates.

[jacinda]

I'm actually less comfortable with adults. I'm a terrible host, and rarely have adult friends over. Kids I can handle (or at least leave them to their own devices and supervise from a distance. LOL).

[maryinaz]

Oh, don't get me wrong...I would much rather my boys have friends to OUR house than go to their friends' houses. It's actually a big reason we put in a pool several years ago after the boys got older. I didn't want them always going to someone else's house to swim...ESPECIALLY to swim when I could not watch them.

But if I had my way, I just want my boys home alone. That doesn't mean that happens, because it doesn't.

[Keely~B]

OMG I'm not really a kid person either ( or adults LOL )

Big shocker, I much prefer to have the teens around than the younger set. When my 10 yr old DD has friends over, most of whom I like a lot, it kind of makes things feel off and even if they're not doing anything it's hard to relax. For some reason when the teens are over it feels way more chill and doesn't feel as inconvenient? or discomforting? ( I'm having a hard time conveying my feelings ). I definitely make sure that despite my feelings kids are welcome because I want to know who my kids are associating with etc.

[jacinda]

Interesting article here on this subject: http://www.thrivingfamily.com/Family...nvenience.aspx

[anneofalamo]

I hate it! But I want them here and not there...so this is the home where they are welcome...but...they know the rules right out...and I have called parents to come get them, and have walked them right home when they don't follow the rules..ugh
boys are easy, video games and food and they are happy
girls ...so much drama! lol
but we do it...cause I want them here...and there are only a few homes they are allowed to go to, that I know the parents, and we have same views and values.

[MissKim]

I am a kid person... but I teach special ed five days a week, 7 hours a day. Back in the day, I was never thrilled to watch other people's children when I was off. Now that my kids are teens, we don't live close to their high school and most of the school is upper class, so they strongly prefer to go to their friend's houses... which are closer to school and better than our house anyway. Works for me.

Except now I have the stress of waiting for my 17 year old to get home at midnight when she's driving and it's dark and freezing outside.... it never gets easier.

[mariewilcox]

I'm fine with it but I don't think you're "defective." Everyone is different. Having lived in the military for so many years I got used to moving around a lot and my son meeting new kids every 2 to 3 years. I was always more comfortable having a houseful of kids rather than him going to homes where I didn't have a clue who the parents were etc.

Since it's been just Cheyanne and I for so long I always encouraged her to have friends over since she was just a young kid. It always gave her something to do since she doesn't have siblings near her age. I love having them over now even as teens - I actually have fun with them and all her friends actually think I'm pretty fun too

[lauren grier]

I........do not enjoy the company of other people's children. SO I struggle big time when connor's friends are over. There's only one kiddo I can handle and that's mostly because his mom parents very similarly to me. Everyone else....... eeeeeeeeeeek.

[maryinaz]

Originally Posted by MissKim

Except now I have the stress of waiting for my 17 year old to get home at midnight when she's driving and it's dark and freezing outside.... it never gets easier.

No. It. Does. Not....EVER get easier. I pray. A LOT.

[MommaTrish]

I actually tend to like other peoples kids more than my own. Other peoples kids listen to me. lol I don't mind them sleeping over, Zach has one friend where they take turns on whose house they spend the whole weekend or break at. But growing up I was constantly bombarded with my brothers' friends sleeping over. Heck, my little brother is about to be 21 and he and two of his friends are crashing at my parents until they finish all the entry crap for the Marines. lol

[k23m]

I'm like Jacinda too - I don't mind a kid or two being over. They play among themselves. As long as no one is being rowdy and destroying things, I'm cool. I usually only let kids come over when my hubby is at work - he gets annoyed much more quickly!

We are in a small town, so maybe that makes a difference. I know a lot of the parents, and we sort of know what all the kids are up to.

When we were looking at houses, one of the things I loved about this one is how close we were to the school (K-6). I want to be the place they all stop on the way home to hang out, instead of getting a call from someone else's house. We are a bit farther from the high school but hopefully they will still want to come over. I should have my cookie recipe perfected by then. LOL

[breakingbrie]

I am the exact same way. My girls have only had friends over a handful of times, and I am always so exhausted after they leave!

[rach3975]

I'll add that we do invite the kids' friends over every few weeks, I just don't really like it. The kids have no idea I feel that way. But in addition to all the things I said above about having to be "on" and referee the younger child's friend drama, having my oldest and youngest children's friends over always makes me feel so bad for my middle kiddo. He has a lot of special needs and is on the autism spectrum, and he doesn't really have friends to invite over. We try to have him do something special with DH while the other 2 have a playdate, but it isn't the same.

[DawnMarch]

Now that my kids are a little older and I don't have to watch them & their friends so closely, I enjoy it when they have friends over. Like Jacinda said, they entertain each other and my kids tend to get more exercise when they have friends over to play with. I know their friends so well now that I will "yell" at them if necessary too!

[nun69]

it is really hard for us because Ben (12) is not very social, but he does have 1 friend that comes over and spends the night every so often.....Abby (8) does have alot of her friends over because Peyton (7 with Autism) always wants to play with them and it is always a HUGE struggle and I don't have the energy.....the other thing for me is I work 5 days a week and I struggle hardcaore with keeping my house clean so I don't want other people to "judge" and say I am a bad parent cause my house is not spotless or there are dishes in the sink or clothes ont he stairs that need to go to the laundry, etc etc........recently though I have discovered the Sam's (20) long time friends have never minded the mess and love us just as if we are family so I just have to try to not stress it so much.......I would never judge somebody because their house was not spotless or "comapny ready" but I always feel others will judge me and it is hard

[d2vasquez]

I feel this way too - almost like I am on eggshells and can't be comfortable until they all leave. Now that they are teens it is harder because it is not unusual for friends to come home with my girls unexpectedly or after a date and I feel like we always have to be "on call" and ready for guests. Love it when I know it is just us......lol.

[mariewilcox]

Originally Posted by nun69

it is really hard for us because Ben (12) is not very social, but he does have 1 friend that comes over and spends the night every so often.....Abby (8) does have alot of her friends over because Peyton (7 with Autism) always wants to play with them and it is always a HUGE struggle and I don't have the energy.....the other thing for me is I work 5 days a week and I struggle hardcaore with keeping my house clean so I don't want other people to "judge" and say I am a bad parent cause my house is not spotless or there are dishes in the sink or clothes ont he stairs that need to go to the laundry, etc etc........recently though I have discovered the Sam's (20) long time friends have never minded the mess and love us just as if we are family so I just have to try to not stress it so much.......I would never judge somebody because their house was not spotless or "comapny ready" but I always feel others will judge me and it is hard

I would say most of the friends don't judge Angie - when I was in 6th grade I became friends with a girl who is still one of my closest friends today. I LOVED going to her house and her parents were like my 2nd set of parents. There were 4 kids and I loved the chaos and clutter. It seemed so homey to me (says the child of a perfectionist mother who had to have everything spotless and just so )

[joelsgirl]

Originally Posted by KristinCB

Tell me i'm not alone in feeling just way way out of sorts when your kids have friends over?

We actually don't have a lot of friends over here.. hardly ever really but Lily is having 3 friends stay over tonight for a slumber party for her bday.. I don't know why I feel so weird and uncomfortable. Like I can't relax?

I swear sometimes it is things like this where I feel I'm missing a specific mom gene that I should have!

I'm pretty sure that's how my mom ALWAYS felt when I had friends over, and I feel it too. Maybe it IS the mom gene, that's what I think.

[Sherri Tierney]

I don't mind some of my kids' friends. Others I feel like I have to be 'on' when they are here. Some fit right in. No matter the mess or the chaos I am perfectly comfortable having them here. It really depends on the child. I do prefer it to be just us most of the time though. I'm a homebody and an introvert and I like my quiet time at home.

[nesser1981]

I can tell you one thing, when other kids come to my house, I realize just how much I appreciate mine! LOL!

I'm not a big fan of most people's kids either, LOL!

Keira has just started having some sleepovers, she had one in December and one on Friday. I'm pretty careful which ones of her friends that we invite over. I have a little better insight for Keira's friends because I'm her girl scout leader, we have 19 girls and I think 10 of them go to school with Keira.

It's kind of a double edge sword, I want the kids to have friends over, because that's how I grew up, we could go to anyone's house and play, it was awesome. But, I don't like having to make sure the house is clean before they come over, I do feel like I'm being judge if my house doesn't look perfect for visitors.

We don't have a lot of playdates though, we don't have kids in our neighborhood. But I do feel weird, I have different rules and expect different things from my kids. I've noticed manners aren't as big of a deal as they are for me, and I have to stop myself from correcting the child.

[kscwgirl]

I love it b/c they're here.. I know what they are doing.. and they leave me alone for the most part. I have to feed them but no entertainment necessary.

[fifilur]

I'm not a big fan of having other kids over. My son has a best friend, and having him over is fine, but that's about it. I feel like I have to spend the whole time cleaning my house for when the parents come to pick their kid up. I love to stay home just us two, but my son really wants to play with his friends as often as possible, if not every day. I agree about once, maybe twice, a week tops.

[crecia27]

Originally Posted by kscwgirl

I love it b/c they're here.. I know what they are doing.. and they leave me alone for the most part. I have to feed them but no entertainment necessary.

This! We had a friend over from 4pm Friday until 6pm yesterday (single mom had emergency out of town). Most peaceful weekend we've had in awhile. I think there was only one sibling fight the whole time

[ashersmommy]

I don't like it because I'm a worrier. I worry too much about everything. Parents tend to be really "judgy" too and I always worry my house won't be perfect (we have renovations stalled right now because of money and winter) or I won't be able to give them enough attention or they will think our family is weird (we probably are lol but I'm ok with that!). My kids tend to be pretty loud and have been known to scare a child away even for this reason lol.

[mlewis]

I am right there with ya! I'm not a huge fan of others into our home. I want to be a great hostess, and I want to be one of those moms who always has a crowd, but I must not.

And, realistically, between my husbands 2 jobs (he's a 4th grade teacher as well as children's pastor at our. Burch), there's not a lot of extra time left over for play dates. we tend to guard our family time pretty heavily.

[Giseli Freitas]

My older is 8yo and I NEVER let her invite any friends come to stay for the night. Ever. Yea... I'm awful like that. I don't feel comfortable with 3 hours playdates in broad daylight!
Mostly because I think that when kids see themselves without her parents (most of them) goes all shades of CRAZY. I know exactly how to keep it together with my daughters. But with craziness from other children? Nope. I can't handle this. The truth is most of them have behavior issues. Period. I blame them.