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Old 09-08-2012, 10:21 AM
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Default My niece was born and died this morning.

She was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 when my SIL was early in her pregnancy and her chances of survival varied from one dr. to the next. I didn't know if we were going to have 3 minutes with her or 3 years. She was born with a faint heartbeat and died in my SIL's arms. I didn't know I was going to be as devastated about it as I am. I can't even explain how devastated I am. I wasn't expecting to be this trashed about it.

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Old 09-08-2012, 10:25 AM
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OMG, I am so very sorry, Valeria. My prayers are with you and your entire family.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:26 AM
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Oh Valerie....even though I've been where you are as an aunt there is really nothing I can say other than I'm so sorry for your loss. It's going to be really tough. I'm not gonna lie. When my nephew passed away (he was born early at 23 weeks) I didn't know how I would feel. But once I saw him and saw how devastated my brother was it just hit me. All you can do is be there for support. His funeral was so difficult. I still can't muster up the courage to visit his grave site. It's just too sad.

Sending you huge hugs and prayers for strength.

Oh, and when your family is ready it might be really helpful for them to find a support group for parents that have lost children. It's often very helpful to be able to talk to people that truly understand what you are going through.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:30 AM
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Thank you. I think part of the reason I'm having such a hard time is that my actual sister lost a baby at 20 weeks. He had medical problems too and we didn't know if he was going to survive. I got to hold him for an hour while my sister was being tended to. That was about 9 years ago and it's probably stirring up a lot of emotion about that.

Knowing her name and having so many ultrasound pics of her in my house had made me so attached to her already. It doesn't feel like we just lost a baby, it truly feels like we lost a family member. I won't get to know her and play with her.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:32 AM
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I am so sorry Valerie. I went through this three times in about three months 20 years ago with my niece dying after having a major seizure and then my sisters house catching on fire and she lost my nephew and niece. It is so devastating I think anytime it is a child who passes away. It just is not how it is supposed to happen and nothing prepares you for that kind of loss. You go through life and at some point you know you will lose people you love but you expect it to be after having many years with them. Again so sorry for your families loss. My prayers for healing and some peace.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:32 AM
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Oh my word, I'm so very very sorry. Prayers for your family! *HUGS*
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:32 AM
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It probably is bringing up all those feelings and I think that's normal. When my nephew passed away, it brought back so many emotions from my miscarriage. I felt awful that instead of grieving for them, I was partially grieving for myself. I felt so selfish. Hang in there. ((HUGS))
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:34 AM
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I am so sorry. Prayers for all of you.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:37 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear of your family's loss. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:40 AM
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I'm am so sorry to hear of your and your family's loss.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:42 AM
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I'm so sorry! Sending prayers for you & your family!
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:47 AM
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She and my bil are still sitting in the bed holding her. It's been about 6 hours and I wonder if the staff is going to go in at some point and encourage them to hand her over. I don't know how that works. My mil has pictures of her but I'm not ready to see them. I might drive up there later this evening to see Danielle.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:48 AM
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Aw I am so sorry. I'll be praying for you all.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:49 AM
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I'm so very sorry for your family's loss. My thoughts are with you all.
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:55 AM
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So sorry! Sending lots of prayers and hugs for your family!
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Old 09-08-2012, 10:57 AM
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Oh, Valerie... my heart is breaking for you and your family! You are all in my thoughts and prayers...
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Valgal View Post
She and my bil are still sitting in the bed holding her. It's been about 6 hours and I wonder if the staff is going to go in at some point and encourage them to hand her over.
I'm so sorry for your sister, you and your family's loss. That happens to my sister when she lost her DD, my niece, at about 5 months along. The baby died and then she had to give birth to her. It was devastating for us. Just kinda numbing. The hospital staff let her and her husband have the baby for as long as they needed. They didn't rush to take her away. We saw her and my sister got to touch her. She was too delicate to carry. She had a chromosome defect so the chances of her surviving were not good. My sister took it hard and had a difficult year. She went through some bad times just to cope. Grief is hard. Just be there for your sister. Support her. Both of you will need that. Encourage her to connect with parents' grief group - it will help her tremendously. I think it would've helped my sister if she did that. She is alot better now (after getting through that dark year) and eventually had two beautiful girls. Much hugs to you!
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:07 AM
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So sorry for your loss - prayers for all of you!
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:17 AM
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How very heartbreaking..I will pray for your sister and family
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:21 AM
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Oh Val-heartbreaking-You and your family are in my thoughts! ((Val))
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:29 AM
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I'm am so sorry to hear of your family's loss. Prayers will always be with you!
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:30 AM
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So very sad Val, I am so sorry for your families loss. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:30 AM
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this is heartbreaking im so sorry sending prayers for your family
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:33 AM
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I am so sorry for you, your sister, and your family. You'll all be in my prayers. It's hard losing a baby or child no matter how young or old they are.
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:50 AM
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Oh Val- I am so sorry to hear this. There is absolutely nothing more devastating than the loss of a child. When my twins were born at 26 weeks and then my oldest, Colin, passed away 3 days later it was just devastating.

The hospital staff were so wonderful to us. Colin passed away in my arms but we had about an hour with him before he passed. My family got to come in and hold him and say their goodbyes. My husband and I were the only people in the room when he did pass though. I was able to hold him for several hours after he passed but then the staff came and got him from me to do whatever they needed to do with him on their end. After that I asked to have him back in the room and my mom held him and rocked him for about 3 hours after I had taken a Valium and was knocked out. The next day they brought him to me when I asked, did footprints, handprints, got a lock of hair from him, and we wrapped him up in a special blanket we got from him. He was there with us for several hours until the funeral home came for him. But the man with the funeral home was so respectful of us and didn't rush us saying our final goodbyes.

The one thing that I am so glad I did was get LOTS of pictures of him. We have pictures of everybody holding him and pics with me and my DH with him as well. They may not want to look at them right now but in a few days, months, or even years they will absolutely treasure them. On Colin's angel day I pull out his scrapbook that I did and have a good cry.

Talking about this brings back so many memories and I understand the pain your SIL and BIL are going through. I will keep them, you, and the rest of your family in my prayers.
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:55 AM
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Big hugs!!
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:24 PM
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I am so sorry
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:39 PM
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My sympathy and prayers, Val. I am so sorry for your loss.
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:52 PM
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I cannot even imagine. I am so sorry for your family's loss.
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:53 PM
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SO heartbreaking. So sorry for your family.
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:56 PM
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wow. I'm crying too. I'll keep your family in my prayers. *hugs*
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Old 09-08-2012, 01:00 PM
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I'm so sorry, that's absolutely heartbreaking. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts.
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Old 09-08-2012, 01:04 PM
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I'm so sorry for your family. Big Hugs!
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Old 09-08-2012, 01:38 PM
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Valerie, I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. I can only imagine what you all are going through.
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Old 09-08-2012, 01:49 PM
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I'm so sorry for this terrible loss in your family, Valerie.
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Old 09-08-2012, 01:52 PM
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Oh my. I'm so sorry. Praying for you and your family.
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Old 09-08-2012, 01:54 PM
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Oh I am so so so sorry. This is just heartbreaking!!! Lots of prayers for your family!!
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:21 PM
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Sorry to hear of your loss Valerie! Prayers to you and your family!
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:22 PM
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I'm so sorry for your family's loss... (((hugs))) and prayers
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:24 PM
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My heart just aches for you and your family. Lots of prayers and hugs.
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:38 PM
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I am so sorry. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:48 PM
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That is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your families loss. (((HUGS)))
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:08 PM
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Quote:
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The one thing that I am so glad I did was get LOTS of pictures of him. We have pictures of everybody holding him and pics with me and my DH with him as well. They may not want to look at them right now but in a few days, months, or even years they will absolutely treasure them. On Colin's angel day I pull out his scrapbook that I did and have a good cry.
I believe a professional came in and took pictures for them. I didn't know there was such a thing as that.

Thank you everyone for the hugs.
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:14 PM
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So sorry, Val.
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:17 PM
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I'm so sorry for your family's loss!
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:28 PM
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It was probably No I Lay Me Down To Sleep- a group of photographers over the country who will take pictures for families who baby has passed away. They didn't have this when Colin passed away but its an amazing organization.

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I believe a professional came in and took pictures for them. I didn't know there was such a thing as that.

Thank you everyone for the hugs.
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:35 PM
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I cannot imagine what y'all are going through! My heart is broken for y'all! I will be praying! (((hugs)))
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
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It was probably No I Lay Me Down To Sleep- a group of photographers over the country who will take pictures for families who baby has passed away. They didn't have this when Colin passed away but its an amazing organization.
Yep. I believe that was it. What a sweet project to undertake.
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:57 PM
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I am so very sorry for you and your family.
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Old 09-08-2012, 04:06 PM
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Valerie, big hugs sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers for all of you.
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