How old is too old...

[newfiemountiewife]

to sleep with mom?

My son is now 10 years old. For the first year of his life, I tried to get him to sleep in his crib. He was a horrible sleeper and at about 1 year old, he ended up co-sleeping with us because we were completely exhausted. Finally, he was sleeping! Around age 4, he started sleeping in his own room, but again, he's a HORRID sleeper, and slept with us (or just me) occasionally here and there since then.

I can't even remember the last time he slept with me, but he sleeps better when he sleeps with either me or Tony. He just sleeps so poorly, he's exhausted. I'm thinking about getting him evaluated for sleep apnea because he wakes up so often in the night, and also is so tired all the time. He also has a lot of nightmares, again, always has had this problem, and again, sleeps better with one of us because he isn't scared. I wouldn't want to be alone with the nightmares he has either, so I can't blame him.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is, I am wondering what YOU think is too old for a boy to sleep with his mama. I have been sending Tony out to sleep with him now, whenever he asks lately, but Benjamin really doesn't understand why, and I don't know what to tell him.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

[Valgal]

I don't think the issue is how old he should sleep with you, but how to fix those night problems!!! Def test for sleep apnea and if that doesn't lead anywhere think about a child counselor. Poor kid We've dealt with persistent night fears also, and if sleeping with you makes him happier and healthier, then I would do it until you find something else that helps. Heck, my son is 12 and if I had room for him in my bed he could sleep with us whenever he wanted.

[LenaGardner]

When he feels awkward about it. I wondered when was "too old" for certain things...such as me going and gathering laundry in the bathroom while Nathan was in the tub, etc. Nathan was 8 1/2 and I did something like that and he acted embarassed, so I never did it again. Sleeping with a parent occasionally is something entirely different, of course. My BFF stopped sleeping with her grandma at age 11, for the same reason...it just didn't feel right any more. Until it feels awkward for him, I wouldn't stress over it. You have to do what you have to do to help your child, and IMHO age 10 isn't some bizarre age to need a parent every now and then. I hope you get to the bottom of things and he rests well!

[newfiemountiewife]

He just has always been a terrible sleeper. And to be honest, I am, my mom is, my grandma is, we are all light sleepers. I have been assuming he inherited that awful trait from me. I'm exhausted all the time too, but I just deal with it.

He doesn't feel awkward, he wants to sleep with us (us, meaning me, because he's too big for all of us to fit LOL). Poor kid. I think he just wants to get some sleep.

[MissKim]

Have you tried a body pillow? I think that's what helps my son (who is now 16, but had the same issues). Or a pet... having the cat on his bed helps my son sleep.

As far as sleeping with mom, my son flat out refused to sleep with me or his sister (at a hotel, etc.) by the time he was 8. That worked for me.

[Angie4b1g]

God I was hoping you were going to say "to have another baby?"

[Lauramarie]

I think every parent and child have to do what is best for them. If he feels safer sleeping with you and he gets a good night rest, than go for it. My son is a horrible sleeper unless he sleeps with me. Been that way since birth too so I stopped fighting it and now we both sleep through the night. I am happier, he is happier (he is only 2). If your son has no issues with it than neither should you. I would do like the others say, try to help with the nightmares and figure out how to stop those.

[scrap2day]

Do you have room to stick a small mattress in your bedroom? Maybe even a good air mattress if he would sleep well on it.

I'm in the camp that believes the theory that children actually sleep better with siblings because when they wake up in the night they can see their sibling and they feel safe and go back to sleep. But since he doesn't have a brother to bunk with I can understand him wanting/needing to sleep in your room.

Good luck. Poor little guy. I hope he is relieved of his scary thoughts soon.

[lovely1m]

I really like Lena's answer. That makes a lot of sense to me. I had been wondering at what point to stop things, too. Like me changing or going to the bathroom in front of my 4 year old. He doesn't ask or say anything yet, but I was starting to wonder at what point do you stop.

[Misty Cato]

I agree with the others; as long as you and he are comfortable, I wouldn't worry about it. My dad was in the military and when he was deployed my brother and I would trade nights sleeping in mom's bed. I don't remember how old we were when we stopped, but definitely older than 10.

[newfiemountiewife]

Thank you ladies. We don't change or anything in front of him anymore (haven't for years), but not because we felt uncomfortable, but more because I wanted to teach the kids about privacy and personal space.

It's hard to know what to do, but there's no way he'll sleep with his sisters LMAO. So I guess if he wants to bunk with mom now and then, it'll be ok for a bit longer.

Thank you all so much! I wish he could sleep better, he just sleeps so poorly, I don't sleep either, so I feel his pain and exhaustion, literally.

[newfiemountiewife]

Originally Posted by MissKim

Have you tried a body pillow? I think that's what helps my son (who is now 16, but had the same issues). Or a pet... having the cat on his bed helps my son sleep.

As far as sleeping with mom, my son flat out refused to sleep with me or his sister (at a hotel, etc.) by the time he was 8. That worked for me.

Kim, we do have a cat that does sleep with him, but the cat is nocturnal and doesn't generally sleep all night on his bed. But a body pillow sounds like an awesome idea. Thanks!

[Jengerbread88]

My 10 year old brother still sleeps with mom and dad. Mom told him when he turned 11 (next Sept.) he has to move to the couch in the room, instead of in bed with them. She said when he turns 12, he has to go to his bed.

[Valgal]

Have you thought about some melatonin for him?

[*Celeste*]

i agree with lena - take the cues from him.

my boys sleep together most nights. adam (9) has a full bed in his room and most nights sam (7) just sleeps in there. sam has less nightmares and adam says he doesn't mind. otherwise sam (7) will end up in bed with me and dh will sleep in his bed.

[heathergw]

I'm with Lena too, if you're all still comfortable with it then I'd continue it. I'm a light and horrible sleeper too and I think Isaac is too and I have a feeling we might be in the same situation one day. Although, I'm hoping that sharing a room with his brother one day will help.

[MommaTrish]

Ryan always wanted to sleep with someone. When he was a baby he wouldn't sleep in bed with us, and since we always did co-sleeping that kind of threw us for a loop since we didn't have a crib for him. We ended up having to get Zach to a bed and giving Ryan Zach's crib. However by the time he was able to get out of his crib he always either came and wanted in our bed or he would climb in Zach's. Then when we moved and Ryan got his own room he almost never slept in it. He always wanted to sleep with us. We never dicouraged it until I had Belly (who slept with us) because Ryan moves a lot in his sleep so we made him quit sleeping with us. He ended up quitting almost completely when we moved him into Zach's room with bunk beds. I think he just wanted to know someone was there.

[DawnMarch]

I agree that there's really no exact age when they're suddenly "too old". I would think it would be an evolution where it becomes awkward at some point. My friend's 10-11 y.o. son would sleep in the same bed with his mom when his parents were going through a divorce - I think he needed the security. It's really just a question of what works for your family. I do think you should try to help him get to the bottom of why he doesn't sleep well, though, for all of your sanity!

[jaylensmom]

i slept (occasionally) with my parents until i was about 12...i think it totally depends on the parents and the child...some people are shocked when i tell them that but it was no big deal to me...

[meems]

My son (9) would still be sleeping with me if he had his way. But I kicked him out b/c it was interfering with my sleep. My daughter (6) still sleeps with me though.

I can totally understand why a kid wouldn't want to sleep alone.

I like the body pillow idea. Maybe I should get my son one.

[Sharon Kay]

I have two boys with sleep disorders. I really really recommend taking him to the doctor to get it checked out. You need to figure out if there is a medical problem ... or is he now just used to sleeping with someone there??

My boys take melatonin and trazodone (prescription) but that is after a doctor diagnosis. It works for them ... and even though they are almost exact same in height and weight their dosages are really different. We would like to take the middle one in for a sleep study because he still has troubles (16yo) but he doesn't want people to attach wires to him and watch him sleep (which would make his anxiety level increase and they prob wouldn't get accurate results) ...

My recommendation ... you can try the body pillow idea (actually will ask 16yo about that) but if that doesn't do it ... don't try the melatonin without going in and talking to the doctor to make sure it isn't something else!!

[mirranda]

When one of you becomes uncomfortable with it, then its time to stop. Until then, do what works for you. Enjoy the extra sleep!

[newfiemountiewife]

He hasn't slept with us on a regular basis in over 6 years, so I don't think that it's that he's used to sleeping with us.

I really think that he just has poor sleep because he's a light sleeper like I am. I never sleep through the night, and it's probably why I handle newborns better than a lot of people...I'm used to being totally exhausted LOL!

I want him to be happy and well adjusted, and don't want to do anything to mess with that. I also want him to know that I am there for him when he needs me to be.

I appreciate everything that you guys have said, and I will try the body pillow first I think!

[Paula]

Zakk slept with me a lot until he started noticing girls then we both felt that he needed to sleep in his own bed. He's 17 now, and sometimes he'll come in and get in my bed, but it's mainly to snuggle with mama.

[livelys]

I love Lena's answer - its just perfectly put. Your boy needs you, and if thats ok with you, then go with your maternal instinct.

Hope things get sorted for all of you soon - I'd love to hear about the body pillow if you try it.