Often All is Not as it Seems

[TraceyM]

So often that phrase is true. We went to the Oregon Coast for a couple of nights - condo overlooking the beach with hot tub on the deck. Well the condo was overdosed with febreeze between renters and it smelled horrid as a result and affected both of our allergies. We got in the hot tub the first night. Not sure we lasted 10 minutes. Weak jets, not quite hot enough, and I'm surprised there wasn't a vapor warning for a mile around from the fumes of pool chemicals used. It was unusable as a result of the overdose. Photos looked nice enough but the couch was a rock and there was another chair apparently size for a seven for tall man without any pillows that made it sit-able in any normal fashion. Ridiculous. I now understand why the chair was not fully shown in the photos. The beach was perfectly nice but I swear you needed to be an athlete to walk back up from it. It ll just wasn't what it seemed.

Thirty minutes after getting home, I get a supposed call from Publishers Cleaning House saying I'm a winner and to call them back. (I no longer answer if I don't know the phone number). Funny thing, but I never entered Publishers Clearing House. As with most calls these days, it was not as it seems.

Even all of us put out only what we want about ourselves online so maybe we aren't as we seem.

Anything not as it seems in your lives lately?

[nietis]

Oh dear. SO sorry that the short getaway was a total let down, Tracey. It's so frustrating when that happens.

For me, I may look like a loving mother and all that, but I feel deep inside I am one super weary mother and that I am a porcupine that pricks everyone at home. I am a grumpy grinch, who wish run away for a year on my own. Man... that's rather hard to acknowledge.

[tjscraps]

Oooh that sounds like a terrible experience Tracey! My mom had that happen when they rented an AirBNB in Phoenix for 2 months last year. Looked amazing online but when you actually get there the furniture was rock hard and unusable. Sheets for beds had holes in them, and there were other people’s dirty socks under them. The yard was full of weeds, and the patio furniture all had cracks in them so was not comfortable at all. She was so disappointed!

Hubby fell for one of those online scams this year (insert head shake here!). He saw an ad on FB for a 4 burner camping stove for $50 and thought well that’s a good deal and proceeded to buy it. It was a spoof site, looked like the Costco website and claimed to be clearance stuff from Costco. It was too goo to be true - we did actually receive something in the mail from them - a $2 pair of sunglasses from the dollar store. They tried to use the card information (the real scam) but it was flagged and blocked, so we had to do the rigamaroll of getting the charge for the “grill” back and cancelling the card and getting a new one. Bet he won’t do that again! Lol

[craftytam]

That sounds awful, Tracey! I've never used Air BnB, but hubby and our daughter's family have. Hubby's experience was mixed - one was a room with a family that monitored his coming & going. lol! He won't use Air BnB again Our daughter's family has stayed in Air BnBs when they visit us and they've loved their experiences.

My mom fell for a text phishing scheme a few weeks ago. She told me to watch for a UPS package because it had the wrong address and she had to pay for it to be re-routed. I'm so thankful she said something to me because normally she wouldn't. I told her to contact her bank and cancel the card. There were already chargers on it!

[Scrap-therapy]

Originally Posted by nietis

For me, I may look like a loving mother and all that, but I feel deep inside I am one super weary mother and that I am a porcupine that pricks everyone at home. I am a grumpy grinch, who wish run away for a year on my own. Man... that's rather hard to acknowledge.

Sherly, your message touched me.
I feel your pain and I'm sure you are very hard on yourself. We are our own worst critics, aren't we?
You know, I think all mothers feel this way at one time or another, especially when we're tired.
Your situation was very special and it required a lot of energy, a lot of emotions, you have the right to want to take time for yourself. And you shouldn't feel guilty about not being perfect every day (but does the perfect mother exist? lol).
You're doing your best, I'm sure!
I could have said the same thing as you when the twins were babies but I didn't even realize it. Today nothing is perfect, I also complain a lot and I am sometimes not very nice and pricky to my children but I try to distance myself and apologize to them after. Nothing perfect really, I'm neither worse nor better. But you are not alone and if you need to talk don't hesitate! I have no doubt you are a good mother!!!!

[Scrap-therapy]

Oh Tracey, I'm sorry for you! What an awful experience!

Recently, I asked on a neighborhood site for help to clean the terrace and exteriors for a fee.
The guy told me that I could pay him in two installments without any problem in September and October (he came in June) so that was very nice of him and I was really happy with his kindness. He was very insistent on also working for my parents but my father was suspicious. I guess my dad was right...
Two days ago, he asked me if he could finally take everything now because he was having problems... I was very disappointed and had to accept which doesn't help me at all right now. And after lot of kind messages, not a news since of course...

[AmieN1]

I hate that your trip was tainted by all that- it's such a fun place to escape to! We've had generally pretty good luck with air bnb & vrbos- one of the houses we stayed at last summer in utah we knew was going to be a bit sketchy based off of photos- but it was newly updated on the inside and SUPER cheap- and we only were there for a weekend softball tourney- so not even really there much to begin with. The house was as expected, but the neighborhood was terrible. They had a driveway that sorta went along the side and then to the back of the property, so we made sure to park back there, since I wouldn't have trusted my car parked in front of the house! I'm pretty sure no one in the neighborhood even owned a lawn mower. Ever since then, I always look up the neighborhood on zillow or google maps to check!

[Kimberly27]

That stinks Tracey. We have had that with a couple of VRBOs/Air BB. We had one this summer that was horrible. It was a cute little apartment in West VA. It had games and a decent kitchen/bath. As we "moved" in for our 3 day stay we started to notice issues...dirty/dusty...Dust bunnies in the closet, stained towels, weak/no WIFI (which we needed for my son who is taking college classes online). The kicker was when we went to bed and our bed was BROKEN! The homeowner was going to clean it but after the broken bed we told him we had to find a different place to stay. They refunded us minus the 1 night we stayed in exchange for not leaving a bad review.

[tjscraps]

Originally Posted by nietis

For me, I may look like a loving mother and all that, but I feel deep inside I am one super weary mother and that I am a porcupine that pricks everyone at home. I am a grumpy grinch, who wish run away for a year on my own. Man... that's rather hard to acknowledge.

I feel this often, you're not alone!

[JillW]

Originally Posted by AmieN1

I hate that your trip was tainted by all that- it's such a fun place to escape to! We've had generally pretty good luck with air bnb & vrbos- one of the houses we stayed at last summer in utah we knew was going to be a bit sketchy based off of photos- but it was newly updated on the inside and SUPER cheap- and we only were there for a weekend softball tourney- so not even really there much to begin with. The house was as expected, but the neighborhood was terrible. They had a driveway that sorta went along the side and then to the back of the property, so we made sure to park back there, since I wouldn't have trusted my car parked in front of the house! I'm pretty sure no one in the neighborhood even owned a lawn mower. Ever since then, I always look up the neighborhood on zillow or google maps to check!

Something similar happened to us ... but luckily, we caught it early. I'd booked a cheap VRBO in downtown Nashville. The pics looked fine, it was dirt cheap, but it was also a newer listing, so the reasoning listed online was "new rental", get a big discount. I booked it and THEN looked at the location (because you can't get the exact locale until after it's booked) - it was in a crime ridden section in a seedy part of the city. I immediately called VRBO and they worked with me to get a refund (I explained the situation and gave them the address to check out for themselves). We didn't get 100% of the $ back, and to be honest, even if we would have had pay for it and lost all of the money, we wouldn't have stayed there.

[JillW]

Originally Posted by nietis

Oh dear. SO sorry that the short getaway was a total let down, Tracey. It's so frustrating when that happens.

For me, I may look like a loving mother and all that, but I feel deep inside I am one super weary mother and that I am a porcupine that pricks everyone at home. I am a grumpy grinch, who wish run away for a year on my own. Man... that's rather hard to acknowledge.

Please be kind to YOUrself Sherly. Motherhood can be over whelming, but YOU are amazing!

[JillW]

Originally Posted by TraceyM

So often that phrase is true. We went to the Oregon Coast for a couple of nights - condo overlooking the beach with hot tub on the deck. Well the condo was overdosed with febreeze between renters and it smelled horrid as a result and affected both of our allergies. We got in the hot tub the first night. Not sure we lasted 10 minutes. Weak jets, not quite hot enough, and I'm surprised there wasn't a vapor warning for a mile around from the fumes of pool chemicals used. It was unusable as a result of the overdose. Photos looked nice enough but the couch was a rock and there was another chair apparently size for a seven for tall man without any pillows that made it sit-able in any normal fashion. Ridiculous. I now understand why the chair was not fully shown in the photos. The beach was perfectly nice but I swear you needed to be an athlete to walk back up from it. It ll just wasn't what it seemed.

Thirty minutes after getting home, I get a supposed call from Publishers Cleaning House saying I'm a winner and to call them back. (I no longer answer if I don't know the phone number). Funny thing, but I never entered Publishers Clearing House. As with most calls these days, it was not as it seems.

Even all of us put out only what we want about ourselves online so maybe we aren't as we seem.

Anything not as it seems in your lives lately?

So sorry about your outing, that's so frustrating!! I'm also sorry you weren't the big winner of the Publishing Clearinghouse ... but not surprised, because I was supposed to be the big winner according to the phone call I got! LOLOL!

[nietis]

Originally Posted by Scrap-therapy

Sherly, your message touched me.
I feel your pain and I'm sure you are very hard on yourself. We are our own worst critics, aren't we?
You know, I think all mothers feel this way at one time or another, especially when we're tired.
Your situation was very special and it required a lot of energy, a lot of emotions, you have the right to want to take time for yourself. And you shouldn't feel guilty about not being perfect every day (but does the perfect mother exist? lol).
You're doing your best, I'm sure!
I could have said the same thing as you when the twins were babies but I didn't even realize it. Today nothing is perfect, I also complain a lot and I am sometimes not very nice and pricky to my children but I try to distance myself and apologize to them after. Nothing perfect really, I'm neither worse nor better. But you are not alone and if you need to talk don't hesitate! I have no doubt you are a good mother!!!!

Originally Posted by tjscraps

I feel this often, you're not alone!

Originally Posted by JillW

Please be kind to YOUrself Sherly. Motherhood can be over whelming, but YOU are amazing!

Thank you so much, ladies!
Lately, I keep feeling that breastfeeding ability could be a blessing and a curse. I know I can always wean my daughter off any time I want, and I am trying... but she is refusing to cooperate the way I want it to be. She is going to be 3 in a fortnight and I am pretty sure the end is near, but I am just so exhausted for having disturbed sleep every night

Summer had been so busy, at some point it was a good distraction, but in the end, the exhaustion just piled up with no outlet to unwind it completely.

[TraceyM]

Originally Posted by nietis

Oh dear. SO sorry that the short getaway was a total let down, Tracey. It's so frustrating when that happens.

For me, I may look like a loving mother and all that, but I feel deep inside I am one super weary mother and that I am a porcupine that pricks everyone at home. I am a grumpy grinch, who wish run away for a year on my own. Man... that's rather hard to acknowledge.

When my daughter was a preschooler I literally finally got the doctor to put me on anti-depressants because for a while I was finding myself disproportionately angry. Past one yelling session at more poor girl, I never did anything bad - but I don't think she deserved that crazy mom act. I have been off them for many years now. I think in reality 9/11 is what caused my depression. I had a lot of trouble handling what happened to those poor people in those buildings and the first responders.

None of us is a perfect parent. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just take time out to police your own reactions vs the incident that caused them. Try to find some little times to go do something that brings you personal joy. Do you have babysitters there? Take advantage occasionally - it does help.

[TraceyM]

Not surprised hearing others have issues with their airBnB's or VRBO's. We've had a variety of issues at various places over the years. If I could afford the most expensive ones, I wonder if the guarantee of a good place would turn out better. LOL.

For those looking to stay on the Oregon Coast, I recommend booking at The Inn at Spanish Head in Lincoln City. BUT AS FOR AN UPGRADED ROOM! The units are owned by individuals so you want to make sure you as for the room that has been nicely renovated! It's a nice place with an actual outdoor pool & hot tub and an easy walk onto the beach. It is where we will go back to next time!

[KristinCB]

I'm really sad how VRBO and Airbnb's have changed over the years. 10 years ago we took a vacation to Oregon coast and it was amazing for us and an affordable way to travel. Now though with all the crazy fees and expenses it's no longer the case. We had a few different places over our vacation and they weren't fancy or anything to write home about but at least they were affordable unlike now

I am curious where you were/ the beach you were at? It was so interesting to me how different the areas alongside the oregon coast are. Each beach even felt a little bit different. We only went from seaside down to newport and I tried to stop everywhere haha. I would love to be able to go back and do the southern part.. maybe when Darcy and I are empty nesters

Sent from my SM-G781W using Tapatalk

[nietis]

Originally Posted by TraceyM

When my daughter was a preschooler I literally finally got the doctor to put me on anti-depressants because for a while I was finding myself disproportionately angry. Past one yelling session at more poor girl, I never did anything bad - but I don't think she deserved that crazy mom act. I have been off them for many years now. I think in reality 9/11 is what caused my depression. I had a lot of trouble handling what happened to those poor people in those buildings and the first responders.

None of us is a perfect parent. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just take time out to police your own reactions vs the incident that caused them. Try to find some little times to go do something that brings you personal joy. Do you have babysitters there? Take advantage occasionally - it does help.

There is no babysitter service here and my parents-in-law are in no position to babysit Michelle on their own. They can take care of Michael, because he is much older and able to entertain himself.
Last night, I asked Lan whether he can take care of the kids for 3 days on his own, so that I can take a breather (jokingly of course). His answer was to ask my mum to come back here to help him. LOL. But, I do know that even with my mum being here, Michelle will still need me when it's sleep time. Motherhood is really a job like nothing else.

[TraceyM]

Originally Posted by nietis

There is no babysitter service here and my parents-in-law are in no position to babysit Michelle on their own. They can take care of Michael, because he is much older and able to entertain himself.
Last night, I asked Lan whether he can take care of the kids for 3 days on his own, so that I can take a breather (jokingly of course). His answer was to ask my mum to come back here to help him. LOL. But, I do know that even with my mum being here, Michelle will still need me when it's sleep time. Motherhood is really a job like nothing else.

Truly, motherhood overwhelms. We tried a cry-it-out approach to get our daughter to go to sleep on her own in her room. Within a week, she was. Then she got sick and we could never get her to go to sleep on her own. Every night I would bring my laptop into the room and sit in a chair and look at the web or whatever, or maybe just bring a book in, until she fell asleep. Then one day we played some night-time kid music in her room - this was the answer for our daughter. For many years she listened to that CD and says that even today if she heard it again, she'd fall asleep. It sounds like bedtime is your biggest impediment to taking time for yourself. Try various things to see first if your husband can be with her, and then things like the music or whatever... maybe something will take or maybe you will simply have to wait a little longer. But I can easily assure you, we all GET it.