For moms with boys??

[marnel]

I am coming into a whole new territory when it comes to my 11 year old son.

He asked me the other day if he could have a girl come over, I almost blurted out NO! Instead I told him let me think about it, I did talk to his dad that evening and he said he never had any girls come to his house, ever!! He's ok with it but what about her parents? I was like IDK..

I had the girls have boys come over but they were in high school I hate to seem biased b/c of the boy - girl thing but I'm ok with having her come over and stay in my living room as long as she's here. He has stated and re-stated they are just friends and he digs her b/c she's nerdy and like one of the boys IDK how much I should read into that...

WWYD?

[lauren grier]

at 11 I'd assume they were indeed just friends-- if it was MY kid -- that said, he's told me some stories of some mega inappropriate behavior that some of his little friends have been participating in and it makes me weary of other children You know your kid best.. If you think he's being honest then I'd let her come over. Just set the ground rules and go from there.

[glumirk]

Not in that territory yet, but I'd say keep an open-conversation with him about her. I'm one of those nerdy-one-of-the-boys kind of girls myself, so because my mom was weird about that I was afraid to be friends with boys in high school, and discovered how great it is to have friends when I went to college. I never "got" most of the problems of high school girls, so I don't really have any lasting friendships from when I lived in my parents house.

I would talk to her parents about how you feel and come up with rules that will be established in both houses (because if she comes over he may want to go over there) so that you as parents have the same expectations. Then keep an open line of communication with your son so that he will be comfortable to tell you about his relationship with her. If you are uncomfortable with them dating, then let him know, but it's ok to be friends until then. And chances are, they are just friends.

[Darcy Baldwin]

I think having her over in the living room, supervised, is a great way to see it for yourself. My 13yo still has more girls that are friends than boys, so I wouldn't see it as unreasonable if it was supervised and remained 'nerdy'

[MommaTrish]

Zach still thinks girls are gross... and I am FINE with that.

[maryinaz]

As long as they are just friends, I wouldn't have a problem with it. And I would be HAPPY that he wants her to come to his house and not go over to her house. Keep them in the common living areas and check in often.

And I'd definitely check with her parents first.

[Stacey42]

My oldest son is 11 and one of his closest friends is a girl. I have no problem with her coming over and them playing video games or watching Minecraft vids on You Tube. They roam around the house, moving around depending on activity. Her house too. But they both have younger siblings and there is no such thing as privacy where younger siblings are concerned. Mostly they hang in the living room where the computer is, but the wii is in the spare room in the back. I just rearranged the room so where they sit is visible from the kitchen if I look down the hall.

But I know her and her family well and have for years so it's not a new thing for me to have her over. If he mentioned some other girl I'd still be ok with it on the same terms (remaining where I can see what you are doing, which applies to male friends visiting as well), assuming her parents are & they'd pretty much have to be for it to happen considering any child would require a ride from someone to get here (we're rural, the nearest child of the boys' age is 4 miles away).

I want him to hang out here with his friends. That way I know what he's up to.

[Jengerbread88]

Well, I'm not to that stage with Zach yet, but my brother is 13 and I think my parents have taken a healthy approach to it, both now and when I was younger (re: boys).

They're okay with having the opposite gender over to hang out. The rule has always been to stick to common areas of the house (office, sunroom, kitchen), NOT bedrooms. There are enough common areas of the house, and enough people who would be passing through the rooms, that the kids would be well-supervised.

I'm in the same boat as my parents in that I'd prefer to have them under MY roof, rather than at the park, at her house, etc, where there's no guarantee that our house rules are being followed... kwim?

To me, it's healthy to promote friendships with the opposite gender, but I was a girl that was mostly friends with guys, and my brother is a kid who mostly hangs out with girls.

Oh, and it isn't always just the girls coming over here. A few weeks ago, I got some free tickets to a haunted corn maze, so I went as chaperon and Jeffrey took two female friends with him. It was all quite appropriate fun, and all of them are more than willing to follow "the rules." The more Jeffrey has felt the support of nurturing these friendships and learning healthy interaction with his opposite-gender friends, the more he is trusted to continue pursuing those friendships even outside of the house.

[Sherri Tierney]

My daughter is 11. There is a boy that she is friends with. They call each other on the phone and talk about Minecraft. He thinks she is cool because she's a 'gamer girl' and she thinks he is cool because not only do they play the same games but they have a lot of the same interests. They have done a lot together through school the past 2 years. His mom has mentioned that they would like to have my daughter over to their house too. I'm fine with it. I know they would be supervised at either house. They both have younger siblings that want to be included in the video games too. I work with his mom and our families have a lot of the same values.

[rach3975]

My DS will be 10 this week, and one of his best friends is a girl. They go to each other's houses often, and so far they've been young and innocent enough that we don't have a problem with them being in each other's rooms. (They started hanging out at each other's houses when they were about 7, so the bedroom thing was a non-issue that young. We haven't seen any need to change the rule yet, but I'd feel differently if he were a year older, especially if he was inviting a particular girl over for the first time.) So yes, I'd say let him have the girl over but keep them in public areas of the house.

[marnel]

Lauren, I know my ds has told me some things about other kids his is age and I SMH and tell him how disappointed I would be if he were to do those things and he should always be respectful of anyone.
I am MEGA mind warped and always tell him the pros and cons of things b/c he is a boy so she will be staying in my living room the whole time.

Megan & Mary I so plan on talking to the mom and dad b/c about my expectations and theirs.

Darcy, that's why I was thrown for a loop b/c he has had boy friends this whole time and now curve ball

Stacy & Sherri they play minecraft and skype all the time in a group so we'll see how it plays out here. I want to make her comfortable.

As for the younger siblings they are here, they see and tell everything so I told him they will have to deal with it.

Thank you all for the input and advice. I think it will be happening this weekend