[NSBR] SO frustraded!!

[Giseli Freitas]

*This is going to be long. I apologize in advance, but I need to vent. And I know there's a lot of pregnant ladies here, so I guess you'll be able to understand me better than anyone else.*
I'm so frustrated and disappointed I'm crying here since I came back from the OB's office. I'm completely lost.
I moved from Brazil to Canada 2 months ago. Today was the 1st time I went to see an obstetrician here, I was just seeing a family doctor b/c no OB wanted or could accept me so far in my pregnancy. Wonderful.
But the nurses in the hospital were very helpful and kind to me and they managed to make an appointment for me w/ the obstetrics chief of the hospital. He accepted me as a new patient.
To make a long story short: I left the OB's office today with a scheduled c-section. The reason? He doesn't know if the cut of my 1st c-section was made properly, so he is scared to let me try to have a vaginal birth. He doesn't even want me to go into labor!!
I was REALLY looking forward to have a VBAC. I don't get it. I am fine, the baby is great... To a person who found herself pregnant in the beginning of a process of moving overseas and starting a new life and who is going through a lot, I guess I'm doing great! He doesn't trust me (and that I can understand) when I say the cut usually made in Brazil is a low transverse cut, totally compatible w/ a trying a VBAC. I know a LOT of friends who made it in Brazil and even other countries. I know everyone is different, but... I feel like he's stealing my options. I wanna go into labor this time!
My 1st c-section was an emergency one b/c I was w/ a high blood pressure (160/100) since the beginning and at 37 weeks I passed out in the bathroom of my house. Things were just too complicated at that time.
But this time it's not like that. The ONLY reason he gave to me is he doesn't know how the cut was made. I can understand his position about it, b/c I know everything will be over his shoulders. But my mind can't accept that as a good reason for the scheduled c-section, since I know the cut is compatible. I'm feeling powerless to deal w/ all this. I fear that If I say "sorry, but I wanna try it anyway", he'll no longer want me as a patient, you know? Who will want to take me in the last weeks of my pregnancy AND let me try to have a VBAC? It's too much... I don't know what can I do and/or how to do it being in a new country, a totally new and different reality for me.
I'm very sad and frustrated. Lost...
If you're still here, thanks for reading me.
xoxo

[ZaCola3]

Aww-I'm so sorry! I had the same thing happen to me-A different doctor with my second baby and he didn't like the look of the scar and didn't want to risk something going wrong for me or the baby...so we opted for a 2nd C Section on his advice, one less stressor for me...
BIG HUGS!

[Giseli Freitas]

Listen to that: he said my scar is great and I'm a good healer, but he doesn't know how is the scar inside and a ultrasound cannot do much to show it...

[lovely1m]

Giseli, keep looking. Just try around to all the doctors in the area. You need to at least try for the birth you want to have. Keep calling and explaining. Hugs!

[Giseli Freitas]

Thanks, Mari. My1st thought was to make exaclty that; keep looking. Then I felt so overwhelmed by it all. Ugh!

[jessica31876]

I wanted to try for a vaginal birth after having an emergency c-section with my daughter. I was in labor for many hours and then had to have a c-section anyhow. I healed so much faster and was in a lot less pain with the second c-section and actually opted for a scheduled c-section with my third (but ended up with another emergency one because of blood pressure). Anyhow part of the reason I wanted to do the VBAC was I thought I had missed out on something by not giving birth naturally. It took me awhile to accept that I had to have a c-section with my son. I was disappointed in myself and my body. Anyhow I know how you are feeling. Just thought Id let you know my experience with a second (and third) c-section is that it is much much easier the second time around.

[SweetMelissa]

Honestly I wouldn't accept that as an answer. But I am a big believer in that no body knows your body like you. With my 3ird baby my doctor wanted to schedule a c-section because we were the lost hold outs. All the babies due in October & 3 due in November were already born (Lilly was due 10.30.10). I said no. Why rush her out? But mother nature had other plans & the cord got wrapped around her neck when I was in labor. I ended up with a c-section but I was okay with it because I tried to do it vaginally. I didn't want my labor to be scheduled because my doctor thought he knew the best day for her to be born.

I would go back and really talk to him. Tell him that you really want a vaginally birth. Compromise maybe? Tell him you want to go into labor on your own but if something happens and it looks like he was right then you'll have a c-section? I don't know how serious the results would be if he was correct and you went into labor on your own. Did he tell you? If not I would ask him. I'm also a big believer in 2nd opinions & knowledge is power. See another doctor & just ask them what they think. Like an consultant. You just want to know their opinion. See if they agree. If so then maybe there right.

Hugs!

[Libby Pritchett]

Oh honey! I don't have any words of wisdom, just a big HUG for you! I know how emotional and frustrating it all is right now. Heck, I'm bawling over silly stuff that is NOT important... major stuff likes this just sends me into hysterics. Hoping you can find someone who will do the birth you want! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

[liriel]

You can always ask him if he knows of other colleagues who could give you a second opinion. I am not sure how Canada does it but every VBAC around here is done in the OR with all readiness for a c-section in case things don't seem to be going well. SO maybe you can ask about that too.

[nun69]

so sorry to hear this, but as frustrating as it may be, you have to decide whether you would want to try to find another doctor right now, or have a doctor {OB} that specializes in babies Sending you big big {{{HUGS}}}
ETA: I also wonder if it is too late for you to request your birth records from Brazil? Maybe they could fax the information to your new OB in Canada

[mrshobbes]

I don't really know what to say, but I hate that you are so frustrated, I can feel it! I agree with getting a second opinion, especially as only you know your body best. I hope you find someone willing to help you with this

[isaacsmom]

(((hugs))) I know how frustrating it is to feel like you have no say in the matter. I really have no advice that hasn't already been given.

I had an emergency c-section with my first and my OB doc told me before that c-section that he would not ever let me attempt a VBAC. My little guy was over 10 pounds and he said my pelvis was not proven to be able to deliver babies through it, so he gave me no choice. For me, I was okay with it because I felt like it was the best choice for me and my children and would keep us the safest.

[Traci Reed]

I agree, can you get the records from Brazil? Hugs!!

[Giseli Freitas]

Thanks girls for the hugs and sharing your experience with me. I know that will help me to figure all this out.
The doctor asked me if I did some serious research about VBAC before and in fact, I did. He told the there's a risk of a rupture. I know that. I did my homework, kwim? But I also know about the benefits of a vaginal birth over the risks of a c-section. I'm not preaching against c-sections don't get me wrong. I totally get that sometimes c-sections are the difference between life and death for both baby and mom. I totally respect the right of the choice, even. But why I cannot even go into labor? I want to "feel" that my baby wants to come out of my belly. I know how my cut was made the 1st time - it's a low transverse incision and I know that at least a trial of labor can be offered under those conditions (of course both baby and me being fine at the time). That's why it's hard to accept what he told me.

I'm thinking about to ask my for my records to the doctor who made the c-section. There's a possibility, so I'll go for it. But in Brazil things are a bit different. I don't know if after 6 years the doctor will have my records and will want to send to me. Plus, the records will be written in Portuguese, I don't know if that can help me - have 5 months of pregnancy registered in Portuguese is being an issue in this pregnancy already.
*sigh* I need a huge bar of chocolate...
xoxo

[nanienamou]

He cannot force you to have a c-section if you don't want to. Having had a previous c-section is NOT a good reason to have another one. Plus, a c-section always has more risks than a vaginal birth. I know here in Quebec some doctors will actually measure the scar if you want a VBAC and had a c-section less than two years before. You daughter is much older than 2, so if your section was done transverse and not vertical, it has had time to heal and should not be an issue.

Sadly, at this point, you don't have much choice: get another OB, try to get a midwife for a homebirth or stick with the OB you have and tell him you won't go for an elective c-section.

[Giseli Freitas]

See, Nanie, that's why I'm so sad to the point of crying my eyes out (that and the pregnancy hormones too LOL): because I know about everything you told me. And I remember the doctor who made Giulia's birth in Brazil told me how she made the incision. I just don't have the papers here to prove that to the doctor. And he didn't gave me any other reason...
I really fear that if I say I don't want to schedule a c-section and I want to at least try to have a VBAC, the doctor will let me down at this point.

[Leila]

I don't know how it works in Canada, but in the US a doctor cannot drop a pregnant woman as a patient unless other care is in place for her first. I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to be afraid to assert yourself. If worse comes to worst, just don't show on the day of the c-section. A hospital is unlikely to refuse a woman in labor.

[Jenn Barrette]

I know this must be so frustrating for you! But there is a good side to it. The Toronto area should have many other doctors that are accepting patients so you should be able to get a few other opinions on this before your due date. I hope you can find a doctor that you feel comfortable with, and can be more flexible about the VBAC or can make you feel better about the decision on going straight to C-section.

Also, I personally had an emergency C-section with my first child, and then a planned C-section with my second. The second C-section was a much better experience. I healed faster, and was even able to leave the hospital the next day!

[Giseli Freitas]

Leila, you said EXACTLY what my husband said to me! He said: "relax and just don't show on the day of the c-section. End of story. When you go into labor, then we go to the hospital." I don't know... I told my husband: "what I would say to the doctor after a no-show? 'oops, I forgot I had scheduled a c-section."?
The thing is I don't know how it works here. If that was in Brazil, the doctor could drop me and I would have to find another one by my own. It was already hard for me to find this one being at the 3rd trimester, coming from another country.

[Giseli Freitas]

Originally Posted by Jenn Barrette

I know this must be so frustrating for you! But there is a good side to it. The Toronto area should have many other doctors that are accepting patients so you should be able to get a few other opinions on this before your due date. I hope you can find a doctor that you feel comfortable with, and can be more flexible about the VBAC or can make you feel better about the decision on going straight to C-section.

Also, I personally had an emergency C-section with my first child, and then a planned C-section with my second. The second C-section was a much better experience. I healed faster, and was even able to leave the hospital the next day!

Jenn, I'm scared about looking for another OB b/c my family doctor said it was tough to get me one already.
I really have nothing against doing a c-section, planned or needed. I was just planning to at least go into labor this time and see if my body could handle a VBAC, since I am way healthier now than my previous pregnancy (so far). The doctor doesn't want me to go into labor! He's so scared... I really get that: I'm a new patient, coming from another country, in the 3rd trimester, w/ reports in another language... Ok. But he should not let that erase the studies and numbers and statistics. A trial of birth by VBAC, based in my condition right now, is totally acceptable.

[nun69]

Giseli, if you could get the records, do you think you could get a medical professionl translator to translate them? I don't know how hard that would be, but it wouldn't hurt to ask around

[Jenn Barrette]

Sorry it was hard to find a OBGYN, I thought Toronto as better for doctors. I life in an area of Canada that has a severe doctor shortage, and my family doctor is all I had for my pregnancies, he even performed my last C-section!

I will be thinking of you, and hope you can just talk again to this doctor and get him to understand!

[Lyd]

Giseli - I don't have much to add. I think the other girls are giving you good advice. But, I wanted to offer HUGS. I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. I hope you'll be able to get it sorted out and have the kind of birth that you want . . . with a healthy baby at the end of it. (((HUGS)))

[Giseli Freitas]

Thanks again, girls, for all the hugs, prayers, shared experiences, etc. It really means a lot to me.You can imagine how hard is being far from family and friends and about to have a baby.
Love you all. Bunches...

Jenn, we're living in GTA (Oakville). I guess it was hard to find a doctor here only b/c I'm in the 3rd trimester and coming from another country (totally understandable, btw). That's what my family doctor told me. I had a lot of help from him and the nurses from the hospital where I'm doing my ultrasounds.

Angie, I'll try to have my records and I'll ask my OB in Brazil if she can already send them in English (I guess she can). I don't know how much it would be to have it translated here. I know that our personal documents, like DD's birth certificate, etc. were very expensive to translate here (the company where DH works payed all the costs for us).

[Kat Stokes]

Maybe you could ask the nurses at the hospital what the procedure would be if you were to go into labor on your own and then show up at the hospital. One would think that there is an OB there that could and would deliver under any circumstance. Just another possible option.

FWIW, I had an emergency c with my first and a planned for my second, although I did tell my OB that if I went into labor on my own that I would try a VBAC (she encouraged them). Unfortunately both of my boys wanted to be late. I was 10 days late with DS#1 and DS#2 was born 1 day before his due date and would have probably been at least a week late had I not scheduled the c-sec. The second c-sec was MUCH easier to recover from.

[julia]

I'm so sorry Giseli! That seems unfair and I totally understand why you are upset. I would continue to look for other doctors, it might be difficult and you might not find any but it's worth a try? Google and call around, I found quite some names when I did a quick google search.

Hugs to you hon!

[Freckles]

I'm sorry, Giseli. I can imagine how emotional this must make you, certainly with all the other huge changes you have been going true the past months. You need a good night of sleep and then think it over. If you still are determined to have a vaginal birth (or at least try), then you should try all options that were given in this thread. Big hugs!

[mummytothree]

I don't have any advise since I've never had a c-section (only the possibility of one in my last pregnancy because of a late breech baby), but I would think that you would do all you can to change his mind before the big day or find a doctor who will at least discuss your concerns. If you stayed with him and he scheduled you for a c-section and you didn't show up then you later show up at the hospital in labor and heaven forbid something happen to you or the baby I'd hate to see you get in trouble.

Also I know that the first thing they do here in the USA when you go to the hospital is immediately pull up your records...well if it's in your records that you are (or were) scheduled for a c-section you are gonna end up with a c-section anyways. Then all you have done is cause your doctor to mis-trust you and that might cause problems for any future pregnancies.

I'm not saying you should resign the fight now.....yes the doctor is the medical professional but no doctor should ever discount his patients wishes or considerations. He needs to hear you out and if he still disagrees he needs to fully explain why. Then give you the choice to find another doctor.

I know this has to be frustrating for you, so super giant for you, but I think you should try your hardest to talk with him again or possibly start searching again for a new doctor.

What about the family doctor you were seeing....what where they going to do for your plans for labor and delivery? Was s/he willing to at least listen to you and take you wishes into consideration!?!?!

[Giseli Freitas]

I woke up this morning determined to find a second opinion. I already have some names here. I'll also try to make a deal with the doctor asking him to at least let me go into in labor 1st. Of course, if my pregnancy keeps going well like it is now, w/ no other issues.
I just can't stand to have a scheduled c-section just b/c the doctor is scared about my scar, without even asking for some test (he said the ultrasound can't do much in this case) to see the scar inside. He's doing nothing to try to figure how is my scar. If that''s the only thing, like he said, and a oh so huge issue, why he can't try to figure my scar out here??
Same time, I will contact the OB who made my c-section in Brazil 6 years ago and ask to see if she can give me my surgery report to give some peace of mind to the man... teehee

The worst thing I thought about doing, as a last option, if the I can't find someone else willing to at least let me go into labor 1st, is to schedule the c-section like the doctor wants me to do, then keep my pre-natal apps. and then a couple days before tell him something like "I'm sorry, I know this can put you in a very uncomfortable situation, but I'm feeling in my bones and heart that's wrong and I'll not have the c-section as planned." It will be just a few more days until mother nature starts her job with me. The hospital will not deny me if I go there in labor neither if things get complicated. I don't want to have to do this, tho.
Too much drama... *rolling eyes*
Thanks for "reading" and helping me.

P.S - sleeping and ice-cream also helped.

[Giseli Freitas]

Elizabeth, when I 1st talked with my family doctor about my wish to try a VBAC, he asked me about my 1st one. I told him everything about it and he said to me, yes, I could at least give it a try IF I have no other issues in my pregnancy, like a breech baby, high blood pressure, cord wrapped around the baby's neck, low volume of liquid, etc. I have an app. with him next week and I sure will talk to him about what happened in the OB's office.

Originally Posted by mummytothree

I don't have any advise since I've never had a c-section (only the possibility of one in my last pregnancy because of a late breech baby), but I would think that you would do all you can to change his mind before the big day or find a doctor who will at least discuss your concerns. If you stayed with him and he scheduled you for a c-section and you didn't show up then you later show up at the hospital in labor and heaven forbid something happen to you or the baby I'd hate to see you get in trouble.

Also I know that the first thing they do here in the USA when you go to the hospital is immediately pull up your records...well if it's in your records that you are (or were) scheduled for a c-section you are gonna end up with a c-section anyways. Then all you have done is cause your doctor to mis-trust you and that might cause problems for any future pregnancies.

I'm not saying you should resign the fight now.....yes the doctor is the medical professional but no doctor should ever discount his patients wishes or considerations. He needs to hear you out and if he still disagrees he needs to fully explain why. Then give you the choice to find another doctor.

I know this has to be frustrating for you, so super giant for you, but I think you should try your hardest to talk with him again or possibly start searching again for a new doctor.

What about the family doctor you were seeing....what where they going to do for your plans for labor and delivery? Was s/he willing to at least listen to you and take you wishes into consideration!?!?!

[HeatherB]

Hugs Giseli, what a hard decision.

Both my kids were planned C-Sections and the 2nd was a breeze compared to the first. The drugs they have now for recovery are really improved - doesn't leave you "drugged" but simply removes most of the swelling and pain.

By the way, Oakville Trafalgar Hospital is simply amazing. My first was born there on Boxing Day (Dec 26th). The staff and the doctors are second to none. I couldn't think of a better place to have a baby.

[Giseli Freitas]

Thanks Heather. I'm doing all of my ultrasounds there and I agree with you. They're being so kind to me. I just want the doctor to listen to my concerns and desires and at least try to check my scar before denying me a trial, if that's what is scaring him like he said.
xoxo

[SeattleSheri]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I will tell you that insurance premiums paid for medical malpractice are very high, especially in obstetrics. This is probably driving your doctor's reluctance to let you try VBAC, especially since your records aren't available for review and you have a history of high blood pressure. Doctors are just not willing to take risks and would rather go the safest route for the patient. I agree you should get a second opinion, but don't be surprised if you get a similar evaluation. Big hugs. I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you.

[mummytothree]

Originally Posted by Giseli Freitas

Elizabeth, when I 1st talked with my family doctor about my wish to try a VBAC, he asked me about my 1st one. I told him everything about it and he said to me, yes, I could at least give it a try IF I have no other issues in my pregnancy, like a breech baby, high blood pressure, cord wrapped around the baby's neck, low volume of liquid, etc. I have an app. with him next week and I sure will talk to him about what happened in the OB's office.

well if he makes you feel more confident by the fact that he is at least considering your opinions then I say stay with them!!!! Even if it means waiting to the very last possible moment to decide if you get to go into labor it has to feel better then the OB ignoring your opinions and making a decision 10 weeks before the birth *might* even happen!! Even if you do end up with a c-section you will at least know you and your opinions/wishes were respected and that will make a huge difference in the end!!!

[Giseli Freitas]

Originally Posted by mummytothree

well if he makes you feel more confident by the fact that he is at least considering your opinions then I say stay with them!!!! Even if it means waiting to the very last possible moment to decide if you get to go into labor it has to feel better then the OB ignoring your opinions and making a decision 10 weeks before the birth *might* even happen!! Even if you do end up with a c-section you will at least know you and your opinions/wishes were respected and that will make a huge difference in the end!!!

I agree with you!! I can totally do that!!
xoxo

[Kjersti]

My doctor really discouraged me from having a VBAC. I think it depends on the doctor....he was probably using your "records" as an excuse!!

I have to be honest here.....my 2nd c-section was scheduled....and it was a DREAM!!!!!