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#1
02-07-2010, 04:15 AM
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Dealing with bullies
Sorry this is so long!
The other day my boys and I met 2 of my friends at the park. We don't see them very often but have played together a few times. I've known these girls for over 10 years. Any way, we were at the park and my son (2 almost 3) was minding his own business playing on the slide. He slid down and was going around to the steps again when my friend's son (same age) came up and started punching Andrew in the face! I was just shocked! Andrew was pushing him away from him and went on with playing on the slide. My friend just laughed and said "boys will be boys." Huh?  So I was watching them and when Andrew went back down the slide the other little boy went at him and it looked like he was giving him a hug... WRONG. He grabbed Andrew and pulled him to the ground. I was like... OK that is enough and separated them all the while my friend was just laughing.  I really didn't think it was funny. Now my son doesnt know how to throw punches but the other little boy was throwing real punches... closed fist. I dont really know what I am supposed to do to teach Andrew about bullies. I never thought I would be worrying about this so early! I don't want to be an overprotective mom but I DO NOT want my son getting punched either! I think I am just not going to go on playdates with them anymore...
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    Last edited by Coila; 02-07-2010 at 04:24 AM. 
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#2
02-07-2010, 10:36 AM
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That is not boys will be boys! Seriously its one thing if both boys are wrestling together and having fun, but its completely another when one is beating up on the other. And as a mom you should always step up and say so. Seriously its not acceptable at school and its definitely not acceptable at a playdate. Sorry you had to be in that situation. We've avoided some "friends" now because their son (same age as mine) is always really rough-housing and DS who is 5 told me he didn't like him because of it. Your son is too young to say that and will learn BAD habits in my opinion.
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#3
02-07-2010, 11:12 AM
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I agree. That is not Boys will be Boys. That is Boy Might be a Bully. [I'm feeling for you because it really irks me when parents don't step up and deal with their children. Why should I look like the bad guy/overprotective because you are failing at your job to parent? OK. Stepping off my soap box now].
Honestly, I would avoid playdates with them. It might be one thing if the other mother had stopped her child and redirected his behavior. But to sit there and laugh [ and I'll even give her the benefit of laughing in embarrassment] but to not try to fix the behavior is no good. Your child might begin to wonder why you are bringing him into an unpleasant situation, plus he is going to learn that it is "acceptable" behavior to punch and bully. Good luck.
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#4
02-07-2010, 01:11 PM
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I didn't think it was "boys being boys" either. I don't want my son learning that kind of behavior so I don't think I will do playdates with them anymore. After that incident the little boy threw sand at our other friends little girl and got it in her eyes. I wish I could say my friend was laughing because she was embarrassed but its not the case. She is so concerned with being the "cool parent" and doesnt really have any boundaries for her son. I, on the other hand, would be embarrassed if Andrew did something like that. And I would certainly be the first one to break it up! I felt so bad for my son! He honestly was just minding his own business
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#5
02-07-2010, 01:34 PM
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I agree that that is not boys being boys! and would say not to have playdates with them anymore....but since I have 4 kids, mine are all a little rougher than normal with each other!!! but they don't treat other kids like that, just their siblings! but when somebody elses kids start swinging punches that is a NO NO!
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#6
02-07-2010, 01:37 PM
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Ok my background ... I have 3 sons ... 21, 15, and 14 ... and they have had multiple friends growing up ... we NEVER had one single incident of any boy punching another boy. My husband and I were both Cub Scout Den Leaders ... never a punch thrown in any of the 3 Dens. Ok does that give you a clear picture? That is not a "boys will be boys" normal acceptable behavior. It is NOT.
I wonder what those parents have DONE to that child to where he has learned to attack another child unprovoked...you know they are approving it...but how did that child learn this?? Sounds like you won't want him to visit that house...no telling what that child is learning from tv or video games ... or maybe even what his parent(s) are doing to him. This is not normal. I can understand being shocked about what was happening (catching you off guard) but you need to protect your son. Absolutely DO NOT allow another play date until you talk to that friend ... and let her know in no uncertain terms that you WILL NOT allow any "boys will be boys" contact ... and that if her son cannot keep his hands to himself, your son will not be having any contact with him. Tell her you asked advice from other moms of boys and that they told you this is NOT normal and not acceptable. If you attempt another play date ... walk up (after you had the initial talk) to her, greet her nice, and then tell her ... one punch or other aggressive behavior and we walk out and will not return. Then do it. Your son might be upset at first (or maybe not) ... but you have to set out a 'behavior modification' for the mother!! Think of it this way ... when the kids are teenagers what will this child do to others if he thinks this is a 'sociably acceptable behavior'? It makes me shudder at the thought.
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Thanks! Last edited by Sharon Kay; 02-07-2010 at 01:45 PM.
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#7
02-07-2010, 03:04 PM
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one of my friends sons loved to corner my youngest and try to bite him. They were both probably under two at the time...so they were really young. My son would usually scream loud enough just when her son was approaching, but my friend always ran in between them and dealt with her son every single time.
It's the mom that concerns me...I personally would not get together with them again.
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#9
02-07-2010, 05:46 PM
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Oh boy... I hope you guys are not getting the wrong impression. I did not just stand by and let another kid beat up my son! It was over before I could have done anything! He punched him and my son pushed him away and went on playing. When the boy pulled him off the slide I ran right over and separated them. We left probably 10 minutes later.
I dont feel comfortable bringing up the fact her parenting needs improvement. I am just the type to avoid it and move on. I am not planning on going on another play date. I am protective of my son and love him very much! I just never thought I would have to worry about bullies at 2 or 3 years old! I have no idea where the other little boy learns it other than his parents let him watch adult cartoons. I dont know what they are about but they must fight in them. What makes me sick is that my friend thinks this is normal. Then today she informed me seeing my little one (8 months old) makes her want another baby! Oh goodness.... Thank you for the input girls! Glad to know I am not the only who thought she was crazy for thinking that was boys being boys!
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#11
02-07-2010, 06:00 PM
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I don't blame you for wanting to avoid future play dates! I totally would too. I'd have a hard time being around someone who thinks it's funny if her kid hits another kid-especially if it was mine being hit.
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#13
02-07-2010, 06:29 PM
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Quote:
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