Help, problems with 3 year old

[coopert]

I am at my wits end. My three year old, Elliot has been potty trained for more than 9 months, since just before he turned 3. But for the last month or so he has been wetting his pants on an almost daily basis, and it is usually right next to the toilet. Today it has happened twice, the second time being just before bettime, so we put him to bed without stories. I am pretty sure it is an attention thing at the moment, but I honestly don't know what to do about it. I make him clean it up, but he's only 3 so I still have to clean up to make sure it is sanitized. Tonight I told my husband I might make him go outside and sit in the wet pants for a timeout (not at night, of course). He is one of those kids who doesn't like to be dirty, so I'm sure he will be very uncomfortable. But I don't know if that is the right thing to do. Any ideas?

[BrattyMeg]

One of my girls regressed after being potty trained for a couple months. Didn't you have a baby recently? I summed ours up to attention since she had a new little sister in the house and just took away some big girl things she had earned until she was ready to be a big girl again :0/

Parenting is so dang hard

[coopert]

Yep, I'm sure the baby has to do with it. I just figured with being potty trained for so long and the fact that the baby is 6 months old, he would be beyond regression. But I'm sure your right. Great idea on taking the big kid things away. And yes, parenting sure is dang hard. And my mom keeps telling me it only gets harder.

Thank you.

[jovi_girl]

oh the joys i have to look forward to! Good luck with getting it under control. My 10mth old is the most stubborn child ive ever met, so im with you both on the parenting is hard thing!

[MamaBee]

geez... my very stubborn 3 year old (birthday in March) has absolutely no desire whatsoever to be potty trained... and running out of ideas on getting his interested...

I agree, parenting is challenging...

[Milmomma]

I have a daughter that turned 3 in March and is potty trained some days, and others not days. I swear it depends on her mood.

[Sarah8914]

Hmm, I'm having a similar problem. She also gets upset easily. I think it might be an attention thing too. She's the middle child. thanks for the tips.

[kristijoy]

I have a newly potty trained 3 year old. What I've noticed for him is that he has accidents if he gets busy/distracted. I have to make sure to build in regular potty breaks into our schedule rather than waiting for him to say "I have to go potty!". We have potty breaks at every transition (when we get somewhere, when we are about to leave, changing activities, eating, etc...).

Perhaps if there is a little bit of regressing you might need to regress a bit too, by making the potty breaks something you all do together.

[Sue Setiadji]

Most of our preschoolers who have accidents do so because they are too busy having fun to realise that they needed to go. Most - like your little one almost get to the toilet.
You could try some positive encouragement as another tactic - reinforce his big boy cleverness and let him know you count on him being the big boy you know he is. How its such a great thing that he can go all by himself and what a huge help that is for Mummy. Id also explain that having to clean up the mess is OK but it takes a lot of time and makes you feel sad knowing that if hed made it to the toilet you could have been doing something more fun together.
If he is nearly getting to the toilet then it seems that he has noticed the need but just not in time. It could be that he is busy with his play if he is becoming more absorbed with his sibling.
I know the mess is a pain to clean up - Id go with the reminders at intervals to be sure he hasnt "forgotten".

Woo - that was a waffle - good luck with it - one extra positive note - mine are 10 and 13 and for the most part it is a lot easier now than it was when they were little - the challenges still happen but not on a minuite by minute basis as they do when they are toddlers. You have intervals to breathe !

[scrap2day]

Originally Posted by kristijoy

I have a newly potty trained 3 year old. What I've noticed for him is that he has accidents if he gets busy/distracted. I have to make sure to build in regular potty breaks into our schedule rather than waiting for him to say "I have to go potty!". We have potty breaks at every transition (when we get somewhere, when we are about to leave, changing activities, eating, etc...).

Perhaps if there is a little bit of regressing you might need to regress a bit too, by making the potty breaks something you all do together.

What she said. If it is happening, especially near the toilet, he may just not be getting there in time.

For me, I would also downplay the whole thing. Give it NO undue attention. Clean him up. Move on.

If you really think that it has something to do with the new baby then set aside "Big Brother" time. For instance, what I would do is when the baby is ready to go for a nap, say within hearing distance of the older one to the baby (you may feel like a fool but say it anyway because your older one is only 3) "Ok, [baby's name], you are little and it is time for your nap now (or time to sit in your swing -- whatever works to keep the baby safe so you can play with your older child). [Older child's name] and I are going to do Big boy things right now." Then do something with him (make cookies, even let him help you make a peanut butter sandwich) and talk to him. Every once in a while tell him that he is getting to do the activity with you because he is older and the baby is just too little.

I would not associate any negative attention to toileting. Usually it is really best not to say anything in this situation, but if I really needed to say something then I would say "Next time I know you are going to be dry because you're a big boy." And then take him more often.

Good luck.

[cheltzey]

Paul will have been "potty trained" for over a year now, and he's still having daily accidents. FOR OVER A YEAR. I have no idea why, and it's been driving me crazy. We've been to the ped twice about this, and he's got a clean bill of health. I think it's a combination of laziness and not reading the signals soon enough. So since we're trying to do the "natural consequences" thing, when he pees his pants, we give him a cold shower, rinse his pants and underwear out in soapy water, and then make him put back on the wet clothes. He gets one outfit a day, and if it stays dry, great! If not, then at least I'm not washing extra laundry. I think it's given him some incentive to try harder, and I'm not constantly yelling at him. I'm just very matter-of-fact about it. And he HATES the cold showers, so I feel like he is getting some sort of a punishment! Or maybe I'm just a mean mom...

[cheltzey]

I would not associate any negative attention to toileting. Usually it is really best not to say anything in this situation, but if I really needed to say something then I would say "Next time I know you are going to be dry because you're a big boy." And then take him more often.

I know this is generally accepted practice, but it just didn't work with Paul. He just wet his pants even more because he figured it wasn't a big deal. So I say to DEFINITELY try this, but know that it may not work with your kid's personality.

[coopert]

Thank you all so much for your advice and ideas. We are definitely all going through a rough patch at the moment, and I'm sure a lot of it has to do with attention. But I think it is like Chelsey says he's lazy and not reading the signs until it's too late. It would probably be best if I work on the reminders at intervals through out the day, because I only really make him go before we go anywhere and before bed. I was glad to hear that I am not the only one going through this and that there are others who believes in the tougher consequences. I like the idea (just have to mention that as I write this I can hear my son in telling his dad he had an accident on the bathroom floor, arrggghh) of one outfit a day. But I will work on the reminders and hope it helps.

[Buggie185]

Hugs to you. I have a three year old boy too!
Toileting and eating are battles young children choose because they are things they can control all by themselves. Give him lots of choice through out the day that don't involve the toilet like what he eats, wears, etc. Also spend some one on one time playing with him letting him choose the activity. If he is seeking attention then make sure to give him lots of it in other areas so he won't use peeing as an attention getting tactic.
Much luck! Parenting was so much easier before I had kids!!! lol.

[sprauncey1]

Ok I'm in a slightly different situation than you, but I think it comes down to the same thing...boy concentration & laziness.

I wrote several weeks ago about my 3.5 year old not going #2 in the potty and I tried it all but he just kept going in his pants. So then just over a week ago I started putting him on the potty in regular intervals (despite what he said he didn't need to do) for 20 minutes (or less if he went). He started going in the potty. I had to remind him for several days but on day 5 he asked to go himself. We are on day 10 and still doing good (but we are still in the gray window) but I will be reminding him still for a while. They just get to playing and don't want to stop what they are doing. They really do single focus task and will sit there playing until the absolute last minute!!!

I would set a schedule, especially around the times he seems to err the most. I would also depending on his maturity/personality take away the big boy stuffs if it does seem to be an attention grabber, but then allow him to earn them back and lavish praise. It will get better and he will get it especially since he's been potty trained already!

[Joana1n]

Originally Posted by cheltzey

Paul will have been "potty trained" for over a year now, and he's still having daily accidents. FOR OVER A YEAR. I have no idea why, and it's been driving me crazy. We've been to the ped twice about this, and he's got a clean bill of health.

He may have a "clean bill of health," but have you given any consideration to food allergies?

DD's fully potty-trained but if she's exposed to an allergen, she has accidents. Last week she had four accidents in a 2-hour time span. I traced it back to the smoothie I picked up for her as an afternoon snack.