not doing well at all

[Melissa Bennett]

Oh my gosh, you don't need to be dealing with all of that on top of everything else. I agree with what the other have suggested. I am so sorry you have to deal with their crap also. I hope you can get someone at the hospital to help you so you can focus on your family. (((HUGS)))

[Tracie Stroud]

Oh Jessica I am so very sorry hun. I am enraged at how they are behaving right now. I'm just heartbroken for you. Lots of prayers going up. I so wish there was something more I could do. HUGS

[JulieB146]

I hope your daughter is doing okay after her cousin started screaming at her. For that alone he *should* be banned. What a tool.

I agree with the others: enlist the help of the hospital social services. I really do wish a bunch of us could physically be there for you.

[xboxmom]

Jessica I can't even imagine the pain, frustration, rage, sorrow, loss and emptiness you must be feeling right now.

It is totally unacceptable for people who are supposed to be your family and be supportive to be treating you in such a manner!

I am so sorry for your loss and will be keeping you in my thoughts as you grieve and cope with such a horrible family drama on top of everything. I am wishing for your husbands speedy recovery so you can both help each other with the grieving process.

My heart goes out to you, Hugs to you.

[cbettua]

HUGS! I can somewhat relate as my husband was in ICU intubated for 14 days last year. It was horrible and I can't imagine having to deal with wondering if your husband will make and and loosing a son. I am so sorry his family is acting this way. You should be able to reach out to a social worker at the hospital. One came to me to ask if I needed any help with ANYTHING.

HUGS no mother should have to go through this and I am so sorry!

[Davita]

Sweetie, how terrible of your in-laws. I find myself getting furious just reading about this. I cannot imagine how you have dealt with them at all. I hope there is an advocate or social worker who can help you. I am sure they must be skilled at dealing with people like your in-laws.

I have been thinking about you and praying for you. I truly wish that I could help ease your pain. You were right to do what is best for you and your family. Sending you many hugs.

[kim21673]

Sending many, many postive thoughts and prayers to you!!

[Keely~B]

I'm so sorry Jessica. This sure isn't the kind of update I was hoping for. Don't be afraid to ask for help, there are people to advocate for you. Continued P&PT!!

[jessica31876]

It just keeps getting worse. My in-laws bought the life insurance on my son when he was a baby. My aunt works at a funeral home so she got us a really incredible deal there and it means there will be a pretty large amount of money left over (almost 6000 dollars). Well instead of using that for something useful like the headstone we will still have to pay for or the medical bills should we have any of those or just general expenses for traveling and everything while he is in the hospital because we live so far away (around 40-50 miles roundtrip) they are going to take that money to pay off their van and when challenged on that they said well we paid for the policy all these years and Matthew would have wanted it that way. That is hurting my heart so much that the money that is coming from the result of my son dying is going to used to pay off their van. I just cannot even explain just how much it all hurts.

[Libby Pritchett]

Jessica, i'm in tears for you. I don't even know what to say. I'm so so terribly sorry that you're dealing with such mean-spirited, selfish people.

As a side note, I know it's still early, but I would like to strongly encourage you to find a local chapter of The Compassionate Friends. My step-son was killed in an accident at the age of 13 back in 2000, and my ex-husband and I found much comfort in that group. It's a support group for bereaved parents, and they all know what you're going through. They have some great resources available, and they won't judge you at all. Like I said, I know it's early, but it was one of the best things for us when we were going through those horrific early days/weeks/months.

*HUGS*

[Angie4b1g]

I'm appalled they've even thought that far ahead about how much money they are going to "get" and how they are going to spend it. Despicable.

[knlchevys]

I cannot believe they think that is even okay. I'm assuming they must have put themselves as the beneficiaries?

[jessica31876]

the really sad part is how they do not even get that my husband/their son is going to wake up to this horrible horrible situation and instead of having a family who is going to support him and love him and be strong for him all he will have is all this hurt and anger. Not at all what I want for him. It just sucks.

[Teresa]

Shedding tears here for you. I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling. His family is hurting too...but being extremely selfish for not putting you first and understanding what it must be like in your shoes. I hope they will come to their senses...and I really hope you are able to talk to someone. I know I would need to ask for professional help, there is no way I could take all you're being made to go through alone. We're all here to listen and offer hugs and support from afar, but I hope you have someone in person who can bear some of the pain with you...or help you just take things one day at a time. I know I'd need it desperately! ((hugs)) and thinking of all of you!

[jessica31876]

I do Teresa. I am talking to my friends here at home and they are all extremely supportive but you know there is only so much someone can do for the pain. If it was just my sons death which I was having to deal with I might be able to manage and keep strong but all the other stuff is making it all magnified and then my daughter is hurting so much. I worry alot about her. His family will never see how awful they are being because they are to self-centered to think beyond their own needs. I am just going to really try hard to concentrate on my son and my husband and just not even worry about how they are acting or what they are saying and doing. It just redirects my focus when it should be centered on my family.

[xboxmom]

Jessica again I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this heart ache. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong and once your husband is well you and he will be able to lean on one another.

[LeeAndra]

I cannot even imagine. I am so so sorry, Jessica.

[Teresa]

I'm happy to hear you have friends to turn to there, it's just awful that family (who should be your #1 supporters) are adding to the hurt. You are absolutely right to focus only on what YOU and your immediate family need. I've been the friend on other side of losing a young loved one, but not gone through it myself. Let them know what you need. I'm sure they would do anything to help you get through the day. Know there are lots if extra prayers being sent up for all of you!

[scrapsandsass]

Our hearts are breaking for you, Jessica. I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I know that people sometimes react badly because they are suffering too, but it is no excuse to do the horrible things that they are doing.

You need someone on your side. I hope that you can get some help from the hospital staff. I can't imagine what you are dealing with on your own.

Hugs to you.

[brooke22]

I cannot believe how insensitive and selfish they are being. Im so sorry you are having to deal with this.

[Julie Billingsley]

I'm so disappointed that they are treating you this way. It's just sickening! They should be rallying around you and supporting you and being thoughtful. And they are doing none of that. I'm so so sorry you are dealing with them and they are stealing what little energy you have left. so many hugs Jessica.

[Gabbina]

Ugh. Jessica, I cannot believe how insensitive they are. My heart is breaking for you. Hang in there.

[HeatherB]

My heart aches for you as your story unfolds. I cannot understand how your in-laws are behaving. Do they not have normal empathy at all? These people are behaving horribly. And I agree with some of the previous posters - the hospital may be able to provide a chaplain or perhaps a social worker who can intervene on your behalf with them, so you can concentrate on your husband and your own grief for your son, rather than on their increasingly ludicrous behaviour.

My thoughts are with you and your immediate family.

Any chance you have a mom or dad who could come and help you and give you emotional support you so desperately need?

[jessica31876]

No Heather my dad passed away in the early 80's and my mom in 2007. I have my sisters and friends but they have to work so I am mostly on my own most of the time.

[marlathrall]

Hugs. I am continuing to pray for you. What they are doing is NOT right. I hope you can find support somewhere.

[Julie Billingsley]

We can't be there for you Jessica, but I sure hope you feel all the love and support from us here. ((hugs)) Has today been a better day for your husband?

[jessica31876]

Oh just wanted to add they seem to have gotten the message and are giving me space. Either that or they are angry at me and just staying away because of that. Either way it works. Because I am able to be with my husband and just hold his hand and talk with him quietly.

As for how he is doing now well there were a few new things today. He had a tracheostomy (sp?) put in and the tube that was going through the mouth into his trachea was removed. That is great. He seems so much more comfortable with it in. He had the tubes removed which were putting lidocain on his ribs as well. Then he is getting close to getting the drainage tubes out of his lungs. He was also much more alert today but did seem to be agitated when he was more alert so they had to keep getting more meds. I think that is all there is new. The fact that he does not have that other tube in though makes me really happy.

[rachaelsscraps]

I'm so sorry that they are acting this way, on top of everything else that you are dealing with. I was going to suggest getting a patient advocate to help you out, but I see that's already been mentioned. There are many people in the hospital that are there for these specific reasons, their job is to deal with these sorts of things.

I know if it were me, I'd probably tell the nurses to not let the certain people in that are causing the issues. As a wife, you are legally his next of kin- all the decisions are up to you and they have to honor that (the hospital workers)..

I really hope you have all the support you need, if I were closer to where you live, I'd drive down to be with you if needed.. I keep praying and thinking of you and your children, that you can find some peace and comfort in all of this, and I am praying for your hubby that he recovers with no problems. HUGE HUGS!!!!

[DawnMarch]

Jessica, I am so glad to hear your husband seems to be improving, if slowly. I know it will be so hard for him too once he knows the full story, but at least you will have each other to lean on.

As for the in-laws, I was thinking their behavior was really selfish and inappropriate but perhaps could be explained (not excused) because of the strain they are under. Then, I read about the insurance/van thing. SERIOUSLY!? I find that utterly revolting and, honestly, it made me a little sick to my stomach.

I wish I could give you a big hug in person, Jessica. I can only imagine the grief you must feel and hope that at least you feel some small comfort that all of us are rooting for you and are willing to help in any way we can.

[nun69]

Jessica wanted to check in and see how your son's birthday was and if you were able to just spedn some time with him. SOunds like your husband is doing better and I am glad to see that his family got the message~keepign you in my prayers~

[Penny Springmann]

Jessica, How I wish I were still in Orlando so I could come and kick some sense into your husband's family. They have no right to put you through all of this.
It's good that they have backed off a bit.
It's great that your husband continues to improve. I keep thinking and praying for you and your family. My heart goes out to you all!

[meganmecrazy]

Geeze, that's the LAST thing you need right now is them acting like that! I'm in tears for you. Keeping you in my T&P.

[jessica31876]

yes Angie we did spend the day together. Well most of it. I did not stay for the movie only because it would not have given me enough time to get back for visitation. We had presents though and he loved what I got him (a bb gun which Ill be teaching him to shoot in the next couple weeks.) He always wanted to use Matt's but he did not know how to shoot and I never got him his own. His sister got him a new computer chair and a video game and my best friend got him a video game as well. His teacher from elementary school is sending him a card/lettter and a gift although Im not sure what yet.

[Sharon Kay]

Jessica ... glad you had something positive to report for today...both on your husband's condition and on the out-laws ... ;-)

I think you should follow the advice given here and talk to whomever would be in charge of visitation and tell them what has been going on ... giving them the "heads up" would at least make them aware of the situation ... in case the dragon rears it's ugly head again ... they can step in quickly and help you. ...they may have some recommendations as well ... and maybe they can set some ground rules for the family stating your dh's health is of utmost importance etc etc as a basis ... and not make you the bad guy ... hope that makes sense. {{{hugs}}}

[jessica31876]

yes sharon it does. I meant to update on that as well. I did talk to a counseler there, the chaplain and my husbands nurse. we made a list and listed only me, my kids, his parents and his siblings. Nobody else. I told them if someone else asked to see him to either call me or to let them know that right now only immediate family could visit. Hopefully we do not have that issue though. I just followed the nurses recomendations on visitation. They also limit the amount of time they can all be in there except me and my kids obviously.

[CA Dreamer]

(((hugs)))). The biggest of hugs. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and continuing to pray for you and your family.

[cardinalskate]

Jessica, I just wanted to let you know that you're still constantly in my thoughts. I hope you are given some peace now that the "family" won't be coming around as much. So glad to hear that your husband is improving. Slow and steady.

[BrattyMeg]

((Hugs)) So sorry Jessica for your loss and for how the family is behaving about your DH. I hope today is a better day for you <3

[DeepGirl]

(((HUGS))) Jessica, I am so sorry for all that happened to you, sending many many prayers from across the Atlantic!

[jocelinsmommy]

sending lots of hugs and prayers ur way---It's very sad and pathetic on they're parts for the way they're being so selfish and handling this situation--I've yet to read everyones comments but feel I'm sure ur husband will be overly disappointed and possibly disgusted at the way they've handled things and the way they've treated u in such a time--especially with the passing of what is YOUR SON--I would have made them leave myself as ur MIL def. reminds me of my MIL---she's the biggest drama queen I know--BY FAR! <3 <3 HUGS <3 <3

[marlathrall]

Praying for you again today. I hope your hubby continues to improve.

[newfiemountiewife]

Jessica, I'm glad you have some orders in place regarding visitation. I hope it helps. Still thinking of you constantly and wondering how your DH is doing today?