not doing well at all

[jessica31876]

I had a horrible day yesterday. I called the hospital in the morning hours to see how my husband was doing and they had some sort of computer glitch where they could not find my husband in the computer. So instead of just calling the floor my husband was on the receptionist decides instead it is more appropriate to argue with me telling me my husband is no longer there. Five days after my son passed away. They got it straightened out but not before making me believe he might have passed away too.

So when I get to the hospital and ask to be taken back to my husband the lady tells me I cant because two people are back there. I got angry and told her I do not care who is back there I am his wife and I need to be with him. While I am waiting my husbands nephew came over and started yelling at my daughter. I stepped in and told him it needed to stop. He told me I am a selfish b%&$^ and told us that his grandmother is about to have a nervous breakdown and how this whole thing is probably going to kill her. Honestly I had just had enough at that point because all I have heard for the last five days is about how my mother-in-law wont eat, cant sleep, had to get put on medication because she cannot deal. So I asked them all to just leave. Well I told them to. I told them I need to be with my daughter, son and my husband and I was not going to deal with me being attacked or talked about nor was I going to deal with my daughter being attacked. So they left.

I spent the rest of the day with my husband. When I got home I found messages from my niece (sister-in-laws child) to please call her. I call to find out my sister-in-law and the rest of them are calling the whole family talking about how I attacked them and told them they are not allowed to see Johnny which I never did say. And how I better watch my back and how Im going to get whats coming to me.

In the end if they would have just respected the fact that with all I am dealing with right now I simply needed to be with my husband ALONE. If I need to be with my husband I should not have to justify that to them or anyone. I should not have to tell them I will plan my sons funeral. I should not have to deal with all this extra added drama from his whole family. My husband did not talk to a good majority of his family because of how they treat/treated me. I realize that my son dying and my husband being hurt so badly is not going to change how his family acts though and I am just going to have to accept that.

To be honest I just dont think I have the strength right now to deal with what has happened let alone his family and how they are behaving.

[scrap2day]

Oh Jessica. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this drama too. I wish I knew something more to say.

[jessica31876]

And to top it all off everytime I go to sleep it is like I forget what has happened and when I wake up just before I am fully awake/alert it is like it all has been just a bad, bad dream until i realize oh wait no its not. It is real. I am never going to see my son alive again. I wont ever get to hug him or say I love him to his face. I wont ever get to bug him to let me take his picture again. I wont get to experience the pride in seeing him graduate high school. I wont get to see him go off to school or find his first job. I wont get to see him meet someone, fall in love, get married and have babies. I feel like I will be crushed sometimes by this enormous pain and the emptiness I feel with him gone.

[scrap2day]

Of course you are grieving. I am so sorry.

[Jengerbread88]

Oh, sweetheart... I just want to come and give you a big hug. I know it won't make it any easier or make it feel any better... but I just am hurting so badly for your hurt and pain.

I'm sorry his family is being so terrible, and I'm so heartbroken for you. I am keeping you in my prayers, keeping your husband in my prayers... I know this isn't an easy time for you at all, and it's not going to get easier for a very long time. We're all here for you, though, sweetie. I know it doesn't make it better, and it doesn't make the hurt go away... but we're on your side.

[Leontine78]

I understand his family is grieving too, but this reaction seems to be really unappropriate. Ofcourse you have the right to be with him alone with your other children!

[cardinalskate]

It breaks my heart that his family is being this way at such a hard time. You don't need all that added stress. I realize that you MIL is Johnny's mother, so of course she's scared of losing her son, but I would hope that that would be able to bring you two together and comfort one another, because that's exactly what you ARE going through right now. That the opposite is happening just makes me sick for you. Family drama is the worst, and it's the last thing you need right now.

Right now, in this moment, you have to do what's best for you and your family. You, your DH and your children. That's top priority and sounds like you're doing a great job. I can't imagine it's easy to stay strong; it breaks my heart to even think about you going through the pain and grief that you are. I'm continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I've been thinking about you so often and wish I could give you some strength, hugs, and anything else you needed.

[Amy Carey]

I wish we could all be there and just form a posse around you! I hate so bad that the situation was bad enough without the added stress of disrespectful family. Yes, her son is in the hospital. But she needs to remember what happened to YOUR son and they ALL need to give you some space without holding it against you. I am so very sorry you are having to go through all of this and will continue to pray for your family

[emmasmommy]

i wish i could hug you, jessica. your whole family has been in my prayers. i can't even imagine.

[jessica31876]

Oh and they have already thrown the "well we are paying for the funeral" crap out too. So I told them to keep the life insurance money that I do not need it. My husband and I will pay for our sons funeral. I knew that they would eventually say that when they did not like something I said or did I just did not think it would come so soon.

[Kara]

Ugh, I just hate this for you! I am so sorry - it's way too much for anyone to deal with.

[newfiemountiewife]

Oh Jessica, they are such terrible people! I'm shocked at their behaviour! I don't think you should have to justify a thing to them or anyone else. I am so, so sorry you're dealing with them right now. Like Amy, I wish we could all come down there and just be your defenders...they wouldn't mess with us. We'd keep you safe.

Still sending you lots of love. I think about you constantly. ((hugs))

[*Celeste*]

just sending you a big hug and hopes that the drama settles down now. i'm sorry that you have to deal with that right now. thinking about you all the time!

[Kenzi]

I'm so sorry! Words are just not adequate enough to express my sympathy for you. It's terrible enough that you have to go through this let alone the extra added drama. I cannot even imagine how you feel. Just know that we are all on your side and in your corner rooting for you! BIG ((((HUGS))))

[MommaTrish]

I am so sorry that his family is putting you through all of this right now Jessica. As if you need their petty little issues right now. ((hugs))

[scrapweaver]

oh, Jessica . . good on you for throwing them all out! I realise they are all worried but they seem very selfish as they are not acknowledging your feelings . . we didnt talk to my husbands family very much, but when he had a massive heart attack they all came out of the woodwork, and it was all 'omg, poor me, my brother almost died', not a thought for me or our kids or the three day old baby we had when it happened!! I dont know how you are managing to cope without completely losing the plot. Stay strong, and do whatever you want for your son's funeral, and do whatever you want with visitation at the hospital, WHATEVER IT TAKES. You dont need their crap on top of everything else. Huuuuge hugs, hang in there

[MamaBee]

Oh Jessica... I cry with you! {{hugs}} Please don't let the family get you down... cheap words that are easier said than done... your husband needs you and you need him. They only lost a grandson/nephew... you have a far larger hole in your heart to have to deal with and I pray that they will cut you slack and back off.

[Sharon Kay]

{{{hugs}}} we are all thinking of you ... here is hoping his family steps back and realizes what you are dealing with and that they will let you do things your way in regards to your son ... and your husband. I agree with what Rebecca said ...

[color of my heart]

Originally Posted by MizAmyLou

I wish we could all be there and just form a posse around you!

i agree! can we? i've got my car, i can do the drive to FL!

yes, everyone grieves in a different way. but his family is just... ugh. nobody deserves to be treated like they've been treating you.

[g8rbeckie]

I sooo wish we cold be there to be your "bouncers". seriously. Like some of the other girls have said, I think about you all the time. In the middle of my day, on my drive home, etc, I think about you and how you're dealing with the fact that you'll never see your son again and it breaks my heart.

I agree with the other girls, take care of your family first and foremost; your daughter just lost her brother and doesn't know if her father will make it. Screw the rest of 'em.

please know that we are all thinking of you, all the time, and that we're here any time you need support. (((hugs)))

[renysmom]

I am so sorry you are going through this. No one should have to deal with such trivial matters while suffering as you are. You and your family will be in my prayers.

[heathergw]

Oh Jessica... my heart is so broken for you... I wish I could come give you a big fat hug!!! You are always in my thoughts... I can't even begin to imagine!

Continuing to lift you up in my prayers!!!

[crecia27]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything! I'm still praying for your family Jessica!

[ZaCola3]

Oh Jessica...I'm so sorry that everything is going down the way it is for you...what awful people that can't respect what you are going through...Take comfort in the fact that they will eventually get what is coming to them...I do believe in Karma.
I concur with all the others who wish we could be there to protect you from their stupidity.
Sending you big hugs!

[joelsgirl]

I am enraged that they are making this even harder for you! This is any woman's worst nightmare, and I'm so sorry you're not surrounded by people who love you and support you. I hope you are strong and don't take to heart their selfish, awful words.

[Laurarae13]

How totally horrible for your "family" to disregard your feelings and the pain you are suffering! Why would anybody attack you after what you have been through? How selfish and disgusting. It must be awful to have your husband struggling to recover instead of there to defend you and grieve with you over losing your son. I am so sorry, I can't fathom how you are still standing. I would be curled up on the floor somewhere. You must have more strength than you know. Hang in there and focus on your other children, they are what you need to survive this. I am praying that your husband will be back with you soon. (((Hugs)))

[tanyiadeskins]

Jessica, this is just awful. I can not believe how they are acting. Like you need one more thing on your plate right now? I think it is seriously selfish of them. I can not imagine, and good for you on standing up for yourself and having them leave. You deserve to have your time with your husband and daughter w/o all that drama!

[taracotta7]

Words just don't seem like enough. I wish there was something I could do to help this time be more peaceful for you and less drama. I am sorry you are getting all this added stress. My in laws are the same way so I can imagine that part of this horrible time. You are not doing anything wrong here. Just keep taking care of yourself and your family. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!!!!!

(((((((HUGS)))))))

[ColleenSwerb]

Words seem so trivial with all of this Jessica, I'm so very sorry. Sorry for what you're going through, sorry for the way the rest of the family is acting, sorry that you have to deal with all of this and feel like you have to stay strong for your other kids. My heart just aches for you, your kids, and your DH. You have been and will continue to be in my heartfelt thoughts and prayers.

[KristinCB]

I just can't believe admist everything else "family" is treating you the way they are. I'm just so sorry for everything jessica Just know that we will always be here for you.. so so sorry

Next time they say something to you about MIL and everything just scream.. WHAT ABOUT ME. Thats what I would do. It seems like they aren't even thinking about you at all

[hollyxann]

Oh Jessica. I honestly don't have the words to express how upset I am that you have to go through this. Like you said, it's hard enough to deal with the loss of your son, and the current condition of your husband that you don't need this crap! I can't believe they are acting like that. Some people just insist on making it all about them, and that's exactly what they are trying to do.
I am so sorry you have to go through all this. You and your family are in my prayers. Stay strong hun and if you need anything let me know. *hugs*

[Traci Reed]

Jessica, you want me to come down there and regulate? I'll cut a bi**h!!! Seriously though. Just ban them from the hospital until your husband is awake and alert enough to decide HE wants them there. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this crap.

[4noisyboys]

You have me in tears hear reading about all the drama you are having to deal with on top of everything you've already had happen.

Jessica...is there anyone at all at the hospital (they should have someone there) that can come along side with you and help you deal with the family members. They are being extremely evil and selfish right now, and you shouldn't have to deal with any of their garbage. You haven't even been allowed any grieving time for your son because of the worry for your husband.

Please don't listen to any of them. Lock them out...tell them to leave, whatever. You need to be with just your husband and kids right now. Don't worry about their words. I think if someone from the outside can come and talk to them and explain things, it might help them.

Sending you virtual hugs, lots of love and prayers and wishing I lived there to come and sit outside and deal with those family members for you.

[nanienamou]

I'm so sorry your husband's family is acting that way. Seriously, I would get them banned from the unit! Sending positive thoughts your way every day!

[newfiemountiewife]

Originally Posted by 4noisyboys

You have me in tears hear reading about all the drama you are having to deal with on top of everything you've already had happen.

Jessica...is there anyone at all at the hospital (they should have someone there) that can come along side with you and help you deal with the family members. They are being extremely evil and selfish right now, and you shouldn't have to deal with any of their garbage. You haven't even been allowed any grieving time for your son because of the worry for your husband.

Please don't listen to any of them. Lock them out...tell them to leave, whatever. You need to be with just your husband and kids right now. Don't worry about their words. I think if someone from the outside can come and talk to them and explain things, it might help them.

Sending you virtual hugs, lots of love and prayers and wishing I lived there to come and sit outside and deal with those family members for you.

Jessica, I can't stop thinking about this, and Debra is right. There should be something that someone there can do. YOU are his family. When you get married, that's how it works. YOU can dictate who can/can't come there. If they're causing a fuss in the ICU that can't be good for anyone that is there, other families, whatever! I know you probably don't have the energy or desire to deal with that, but I think if you talk to someone at the hospital and let them know what's happening, they can put the clamps on those ILs. They are being horrible.

Still thinking about you hon.

[Lyd]

I just want to add my love and hugs Jessica! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the family drama on top of your own grief and stress. It's just not right. I'm with the other girls in wishing we could all come down and help. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

[lovely1m]

I am sorry you are having to go through this. I agree, someone at the hospital should be able to help you. Hugs!

[adrianka]

I really don't know what to say. I would have thought that someone in your situation would be given peace so that you could come to terms with your situation. That family drama couldn't be timed worse. I can't offer any advice, I just hope that this will pass soon and you can have some time to actually grieve. And hopefully your hubby is better soon, too. *hugs*

[Paula]

My God Jessica, do you have the in-laws from hell? How insensitive for them to act like this and make it all about them. Matthew was YOUR son - you should plan his funeral. Johnny is YOUR husband and if you need time alone with him - you should NOT have to explain why. They should just shut the hell up and give you the time.

As for the threats, call the cops. I'd get a restraining order so that NONE of them could even set foot in the hospital. Between attacking your daughter and the threatening phone calls - that would be enough.

I wish I lived closer so I could just give you big hugs!!

[glumirk]

Wow! How horrible!

I'm not sure where your faith lies, but I know a lot of us are praying to a God who knows exactly what it's like to lose His Son, and He will be there to help you through this, even when no one else is. In fact, the very reason that you haven't gone completely mental with all of this drama is because He is helping you through it. Our prayers are out there for you, since from a distance that is all we can do. *hugs*

And I totally agree that sometimes removing the drama from your life is really the best way to deal with it. Especially when you are on emotional overload with a drastically broken heart. *hugs* I can't believe they aren't more sympathetic!

[AmyG]

Oh girlie, I feel awful for you. I'm with the others, someone at the hospital has to be able to advocate for you. They should have a patient/family advocacy program. Maybe they can deal with the family and work out some kind of time for them to be there when you can't so you don't cross paths or they HAVE to leave when you get there? They can still see him and that will be one less thing for them to complain about. I'm so sorry they are like this. I can't imagine the grief. You ARE strong-I'd be sedated and in bed I'm sure. Know I am praying for you and think of you often.

[Lauramarie]

Words cannot express how your pain must be for you and your family. I am not a fan of his family and although I am sure they have their own pain, they must be able to consider yours. I think all of you are on high stress levels and no one can deal so lashing out seems easier. In my book you get a pass for whatever you say, do or feel. You have lost in a big way and yet you also have to continue to be a mother to your other children. That cannot be easy and yet, it may help when you feel at your lowest.

I wish I could be there to help you, by just communicating to the other family for you so you do not have to deal with it. They can yell at me because I am a stranger and it has no affect on me. I would tell them where to stick it too!

[Giseli Freitas]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you're having to deal with all this. I wish I could be near you and help you with whatever you need. I'm sending my prayers and big hugs a to you and your family and I'll pray for your DH's family too, may they be more understanding and supportive.
(((HUGS)))

[lauren grier]

you're not expected to be doing ok.. I can not believe your family (or rather his). I know everyone processes stuff their own way.. but holy crap. I'm so sorry you're dealing with drama llamas on top of EVERYTHING ELSE. i wish they'd wake up and start respecting the fact that you are grieving :[

[lauren grier]

and debra is right.. there should be a social worker assigned to your husband/you in the hospital.. I had one when i was in and they will help with whatever

[origami]

Yes, ask for a patient advocate, social worker, chaplain, someone who can help you through this. If you have a church family, call your pastor or someone in the clergy that can help you through this. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone.

[kscwgirl]

Yes def try to get a patient advocate. I'll come down there and kick some ass if you need, this is ridiculous. His mother needs to get a grip. UGH. I am so sorry you're dealing with this mess. Hugs hon!!!

[terrab]

So sorry that you have to deal with all of this and hopefully someone can help you out soon. You're in my thoughts. Wish there was something more I could do.

[Shawna Clingerman]

Hugs Jessica, you are not doing anything wrong and you really do deserve some space to grieve and cope!

I couldn't agree more about needing an advocate to help you deal with these things, maybe just mention it to the nurse sometime? I hope that at least you can ask the staff to support you in not letting anyone but you and your children in to visit him at this time.

I think it is more than resonable for you to ask for your space at this time, and then just give yourself the permission to ignore that drama for now.

Hugs, love and prayers from everyone here - just hang in there and focus on yourself and your children.

[SweetMelissa]

Jessica I am so sorry! I would of yelled at them as well. I'm praying that things get easy for you.