question-opinions wanted

[jessica31876]

I am wondering something. I do not want to go into details online though so Im purposely trying to be kinda vague. It isnt about me personally but someone close to me and it has caused some problems for me so Im just wondering how other people feel about it. Here is the question if you were told someone in your family (meaning immediate or extended like in-laws) was unfaithful to their spouse would you say anything or keep it a secret? If I knew I would not say anything but somehow those kind of things have a way of getting out and then when they do and the person whos being cheated on finds out you knew they get mad at you or if you do say something and the person who is doing the cheating finds out you said something then that person gets mad at you so its really a lose/lose to me. I hate being put in that position to begin with honestly. I wish I could say what happened because its really bugging me but Im not sure if anyone I know would ever read it. Just suffice to say I was put in a really awkward position over 12 years ago and never said anything and it accidentally slipped out by someone else who also knew and now Im the one being blamed for the whole flipping mess

[ColleenSwerb]

The person being cheated on will feel awful no matter when or how they find out. I think that the person will eventually get over it and understand that you were put in an awful situation and didn't know what to do, so you did what you thought was best.

[jessica31876]

I hope so. I feel really bad about it. I really wish the person who told me had just kept it to themselves because I would rather NOT know. And really 12 years is a long time to keep something like that a secret dont you think?

[MelindaH]

Well, whoever it is, they are looking for someone to blame because they don't want to deal with the issue of the cheating/unfaithfulness itself. They are misdirecting their anger.

I would personally feel compelled to tell the people, I think ... but I haven't been in that situation, so I can't say for sure.

HUGS,
Melinda

[schock77]

I have a similar issue right now but with a friend. DH's friend is separated from his wife - after several years and 2 kids she said she's just not happy and wanted to move out. They've been separated a year and have worked out custody for the most part but neither has filed. We suspected something- DH sees her at work all of the time with a guy- anyway another friend we saw recently mentioned he saw her and this guy a few years ago and thought that they'd split.

DH's friend doesn't know why she's left- in fact said if she'd given him a real reason it'd help- and that she didn't want to try to work on it, gave no reason,etc.

DH is torn about what to do too...

No help here- I'd want to know if it was me, but what if you tell and they stay together? Would they resent you then too?

[heatherdumas]

Look, I am not going to say I am an expert on this, but I am. I have been on both sides of this situation. The first time was during my first marriage. They were our couple. We did everything together. Sometimes I would be with her, and my ex would be with him. Well, it turns out that they were both cheating on both of us and telling us stories about the other. Long story short, I was 20 and I blabbed. It cost me a very good friend. And in turn she blabbed about my ex. It was very painful.
So you think I would learn. But NOOOOO! My cousin got married, and 1 week later she started having an affair. And I figured it out. So i did learn not to blab. But, when confronted by her husband I told him he should talk to his wife. And he too my lack of defending her as admission. So for 8 years my cousin did not speak to me. Now we are good, but it was hard work.
When my husband cheated I wanted to know. And I can honestly say that I do not blame the person who told me, because I knew, I just had no proof. And I don't hate the person who gave it to me. But I asked. I say if someone has the idea that thier spouse is cheating and they have the courage to ask, they deserve the truth. But be prepared for the backlash, it always comes.
At least you can breathe easier knowing you were honest but not spiteful.

[wildblueeyez]

Wow... I don't know if I could say something or not. tough position to be put in, either way.