OT-Help learning to let go

[Nonna2Dreja]

So normally I do not tell too much of my "business" but I really need someone to talk to other than my hubby....Our daughter will be 28 yrs old soon and she is the single parent of two beautiful children....Since having both children they have all lived with us....Now our daughter and grandchildren are in the process of moving out so she will be able to take CNA training in another town and have help with childcare....Currently my husband and I both work weekdays and are unable to help with childcare as we have in the past........I am a wreck over it! Being quite honest I have thought about all the reasons why they should not move....I know this is wrong of me, but I have such a tough time....Our Grandson is going to be 6 and our Granddaughter will be 5....I guess I knew one day they would all move out and in some ways I am thrilled that I can finally be a Grandmother (or Nonna as they call me) but I'm not sure that I know how to let go....One thing that really concerns me is that my Grandson will have to change schools, busses and make new friends half way through the year....

My daughter finally told me today that I need to be supportive and encouraging instead of focusing on the negative things....She also told me that I have made her very indecisive on alot of things in the past because of this type of behavior....You know, I do know this....How do I learn to let go and give everyone some breathing room and just be a loving Mother/Grandmother?
Sheila

[Ginger_79]

You obviously love your daugther and you have raised her. So trust in your own ability to have raised someone who will be just fine on her own. And who will never forget her loving mother.

[jessica31876]

I went through this shortly after my daughter graduated (no grandkids just my daughter moving). It was not easy letting go and trusting she was able to do it alone. She still needs our help sometimes and we are there when she needs us but I can tell you seeing her do it on her own and knowing I am a big part of the reason she can be on her own and so independent is such a good feeling. Try to let go of the negative things and think of all the positive things your daughter will be having happen in her life as well as your grandkids. You will still be her mom and their grandmother and you will still see them all the time I am sure. It is hard for the first few weeks/months but eventually it gets easier.

[Nonna2Dreja]

Thank you so much Ginger and Jessica for your replies of support....I want to look forward to them coming over to visit and do fun things with them and know that everyone is happy and thriving in their new lives....Now to occupy my mind until then....LOL

[rach3975]

((Hugs)) I think any change like this is a big adjustment and will just take some time. It sounds like you don't truly doubt your DD's ability to handle things, but maybe you're like me and your natural reaction to change is to worry. If there was an easy way to stop worrying you would have found it already.

For now, I'd say try to do your worrying when your DD and grandkids aren't around to witness it, and fake it when you're with them. Maybe the faking it will help you focus on the positive even when you're not with them. As for the school switch, I'm sure your grandson will do fine. In the early elementary grades the children tend to be welcoming and want to be friends with new kids.

[jacinda]

Originally Posted by rach3975

For now, I'd say try to do your worrying when your DD and grandkids aren't around to witness it, and fake it when you're with them. Maybe the faking it will help you focus on the positive even when you're not with them. As for the school switch, I'm sure your grandson will do fine. In the early elementary grades the children tend to be welcoming and want to be friends with new kids.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Fake it. Be loving and supportive, and encouraging when you see her. All the time. Save your worrying and negativity for when she's not there. If you make her feel guilty, she will be less inclined to include you in her life once she's moved out. I know for sure if my mother or MIL made me feel like that, I wouldn't go out of my way to call her or visit her, or anything. Be the kind of parent and grandparent that they WANT to have around. No guilt trips. It won't be easy at first, but keep the big picture in mind and things WILL get easier.

[Paula]

I went through this last year when my son graduated and moved out of state to go to college. For 18 years, I helped him with whatever he needed help with, and now, he's on his own and making his own decisions. It is very hard for me at times, but I just keep reminding myself of the positive things. I remind myself that I raised him to be self-sufficient and he's on his own to start his life.

I won't say that it gets easier, but I will say that as I have stepped back and let him live his life, he and I have gotten even closer than we were when he lived here.

[Nonna2Dreja]

Thank you all so very, very much....I truly do appreciate each of your replies....I will learn to "fake it" and if I can stop worrying all together--even when they aren't here--I will be all set....Then hopefully I won't have to fake it and my happiness will be genuine....I want to be included in their lives and my daughter's so I need to be positive and upbeat....Thanks again!