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#1
03-09-2009, 10:21 PM
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Potty Woes....help LOL!
Okay, so Curtis turned 3 last September, and we've really tried to get the potty thing going since then, but especially in the last month and a half. Seriously, this kid is SOOOOO stubborn!!! He will pee on the potty, only if we put him on there (he won't voluntarily go when he needs to....he is still in pull-ups) and he WILL NOT poop on the potty. OMG, this is so frustrating, we have tried everything, rewards, underwear, the whole "big boy" thing, potty charts....you name it. He just refuses. We had him on there for about 2 hours on the weekend, making a game out of the thing.....he wouldn't go (alhtough I knew he needed to because he had not in a while) and 1/2 after we gave up he went in his pull-ups. I just don't know what else to try, I'm soooo tired of changing pull-ups. Girls are so much easier, we trained Ashley in a day when she turned 3...no accidents, nothing.
Does anyone have some amazing tricks, advice, anything? I feel if we just let it go till he's ready....that might be when he is 5 LMAO. Help!!!
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#2
03-09-2009, 10:23 PM
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Take off the pullups! That's what we did for all of ours, and though it was messy for a day or two, it didn't take them long to figure it out!
If that doesn't work, maybe he's not ready yet, generally I think boys take longer than girls. Hang in there!
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#3
03-09-2009, 10:25 PM
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No advice, just hugs Cindy!
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#4
03-09-2009, 10:26 PM
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thanks for the advice though....maybe we just have to try that for longer..............
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#5
03-09-2009, 10:29 PM
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I don't have any great advice, but this is really, really common. My son was exactly the same way and my friend has a daughter -- same thing. ((Hugs)) It does pass (no pun intended
 .)
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#6
03-09-2009, 10:30 PM
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Cindy he sounds JUST LIKE DS right before he turned 3...finally I just decided he wasn't ready and kind of backed off for a bit..then one day, he came up to me and said he had to go potty and that was it..like it just clicked or something. But I know how frustrated you are b/c I was there too...I thought he'd never get it.
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#7
03-09-2009, 10:33 PM
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Syd did the same thing and what eventually worked was to let her run around nekkie - no diaper, pull up or underwear.
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#8
03-09-2009, 10:34 PM
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My youngest dd did the same thing! She refused to poop on the potty. She would hold it for days and practically gas us all out
 She's super stubborn too!The only thing that turned it around for us was my sister. She would take her to the potty, tell her that she could tell it was time for the poop to come out. Then she would hold on her legs (kinda holding her down). She basically told her to push the poopies out while she held her legs. She would tell her that she had to hold her legs for her so she could do the rest. We had to do that for her a few times, then eventually, she was fine on her own. Good luck, potty training can be tough with some.
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#9
03-09-2009, 10:36 PM
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My sympathies to you! I know it's frustrating...you can't really force them...and if you try, you run risk of it backfiring and becoming a control issue.
I've been going through the same thing with Rachel. She turned 3 last October and hasn't been wanting to use the potty either. She could walk around wet/dirty and not really care. However, yay, this morning she pulled out the Elmo potty DVD and watched it, then went and used her potty chair and wore her panties (w/rubber pants over) all day long. And then she went again on her own later...and was very indignant when I made her wear 'baby diaper' instead of panties to bed. I think we're going to stick with the panty/rubber pant combo during the day, and use the nighttime pullups until she's really in good control. Good luck...you're definitely not alone!!
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#10
03-09-2009, 10:37 PM
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My friend had the same thing happen with her 3 year old. So one weekend she just had him run around naked. No underwear, nothing. After a couple of puddles, he got it and he started asking to go.
Just a thought. Frustrating I know, especially when so many places "expect" a 3 year old to be potty trained. I will be here in about 6 months with my 2nd boy I'm sure, he's another stubborn one!
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#11
03-09-2009, 10:37 PM
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My DS was stubborn too. He had an "accident" in his underware while we were training (honestly he just didn't care if he went in his clothes, just stubborn!). I told him that I would have to wash his clothes and he could have them back later. He was trained within the day because he wanted his clothes back. This only worked because it was summer and he HATES to be naked. I know some kids LOVE it!
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#12
03-09-2009, 10:38 PM
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It sounds to me like he might not be ready...I had the same problem with both my kids (Mason was later than Natalie, though...but I handled it better with her, too). With Mason we forced it and eventually he was trained, but he still has accidents regularly, and he's 6. With Natalie, I backed off and one day she said she had to pee on the potty, we switched her to underwear and she didn't have a single accident for several weeks. She's only had a few since she decided to train, and she's nearly 5 now.
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#13
03-09-2009, 11:06 PM
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Girl...I am here for you
My middle son Ledger JUST now figured out the whole potty trainging thing and he will be turning three in a few weeks. But I honeslty thought he was never going to get it. What we had to do...and what daycare recommended, was to just put him in underwear for a FEW days. Also if he peed to make him take them off (not the poopie ones though!) and he finally figured out that he did not enjoy being wet. Then one day he was standing in the hall and said "I need to go potty" and ran to the toilet and went ALL BY HIMSELF. I about fell over!!! Also to keep him on track we have a sticker chart (in every bathroom) and his big brother is just as excited as he is when he gets a sticker. Everyone makes a BIG celebration out of it. Just trust me, this took SEVERAL messy days but don't worry he will figure it out!! When HE is READY  HTH!
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#14
03-09-2009, 11:54 PM
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thanks for all of your help girls, it gives me some other ideas to try!!
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#15
03-10-2009, 12:14 AM
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Both my boys were the same way. The more I pushed the more they resisted. I finally got rid of the pull-ups though and put them in undies and dealt with the "mess" that caused for a few days. Once they knew the pull-ups were gone they eventually stopped doing it in their undies. I also took them to the store and bought them the underwear they picked out themselves and told them that so and so (whatever character they chose) did not like getting wet or yucky so they had to make sure they didnt "go" in the undies. That seemed to work with both of them. They still had occasional accident but they were both fully potty-trained within a few weeks.
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    Dreaming of creating for Cindy Schneider, Studio Flergs & Kristin Cronin-Barrow Last edited by jessica31876; 03-10-2009 at 12:17 AM.
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#16
03-10-2009, 12:27 AM
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Ladies, when did you start putting the kiddos in pull ups?? DS is almost 20 months. His potty chair is right next to the toilet in our guest bath and, during the day, when I go in there, he sits on his potty while I'm on the toilet. We haven't tried using it yet but, I'm curious!
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#17
03-10-2009, 12:29 AM
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No advice here, just hugs!! I hope he get it soon Cindy!!
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#18
03-10-2009, 05:53 AM
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Landen did this too, and we decided that the issue was he just wasn't ready. Landen was 3 years and 8 months old by the time he was ready and I kid you not, it took ONE day to totally potty train him. He threw a huge fit on day two to put the diaper on, but we didn't give in...and he has only had one single accident, and that was from not getting his pants pulled down quick enough.
Maybe Curtis just isn't quite ready. I remember being so frustrated by Landen's lack of "caring", but kept reminding myself that the chances of him graduation from HS or going out on his first date in a diaper were slim to none-and just let him set the pace, that is what is worked for us. Good Luck Cindy!
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#19
03-10-2009, 07:22 AM
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Take off the Pull-ups and don't give up! Kaylee didn't pee for 7 hours and finally she gave in. She was fully potty trained (pee, poop & night) within 4 days.
Kaylee turned 3 in September too Good luck!
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#20
03-10-2009, 07:47 AM
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I am having the same struggles with my son. He is pee trained but not poo trained. One major hurdle is that he has dealt with severe constipation since he was a baby and so it used to hurt to poo.. since he's been on Miralax (and other meds prior), the bowels are softer. I spoke to a clinical psychologist just yesterday about a few concerns (this being one of them) and he told me that children aren't usually ready until they are 36 months old. Pushing too fast can cause a problem. Punishments, raised voices, anger, obvious frustration with the potty training is also something he said to steer clear of. It's not something we were doing but the doc said getting upset and yelling about pooing in the undies/diaper makes the child shameful and then they continue to have accidents, but hide, etc. What gives me hope is knowing that most kids don't go to kinder in a diaper.. some kiddos just take longer to train than others.
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#22
03-10-2009, 09:40 AM
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My dd was the same way. I specifically took a week off work to potty train her and you know what happened. We tried two days, she hated it, and that was it. I knew she just wasn't ready yet. Then one day about 3 months later she decided she wanted to wear big girl underwear and that was it. She's had 2 accidents since then and one of them was on a long car ride. Maybe if you don't have to train him right now, you could wait a couple months and see how it goes? I really don't have any advice...just wanted to wish you lots of luck!
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#23
03-10-2009, 09:55 AM
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Hugs, Jami 
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#24
03-10-2009, 10:46 AM
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I started with only underwear in Feb 2008 when L.J. was 2 because he had to be trained to go into preschool at 3....BIG MISTAKE!!!! Honestly, he's 3 now, will be 4 in June and just now really "got" the poop thing. The peeing took a while but it wasn't nearly as bad as the poop in the underwear EVERY DAY! He just didn't care if he walked around with it in there...UGH! If I hadn't been pushing because of preschool I would have just gone back to letting him wear pullups and given him time to figure it out on his own.
I definitely feel your pain. It's been over a year of cleaning up crap, but I think we finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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#25
03-10-2009, 11:05 AM
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I have had two sons that struggled with potty training and both were over 4 before the "got it." Let's just say that the frustration level in this house was intense!!! Mostly because our first was a breeze!!!
So basically we nixed the whole pull-up thing. It was a crutch and I got tired of spending the money. DS#2(child #3) was the hardest with going poo. Finally what worked was cold showers!! He had to NOT like getting cleaned up by mommy. When I lay him on the floor and use nice soft wipies and take the time to do it, he didn't have a problem. But if I put him in a cold shoer to get him clean it mad him mad. It too about 3 cold showers before he figured it out. I always kept my self calm (at least I tried), stood him in the shower and sprayer cold water on him bum then made him take the wash cloth and clean him self. He really didn't like that. So that is an idea. Above all consistency is the key. Potty training a stubborn child is VERY difficult and DH and I struggled to keep calm 90% of the time!!!! Mostly because we were dealing with two boys that struggled. It felt like we were potty training FOREVER!! It was on going for about 3yrs!! Now we are ok but we still have a wet night here or there but over all things are ok now. Hang in there!
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#26
04-19-2010, 04:29 PM
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So yeah...I'll take any new advise (and how you all from last year finally did it!) but mostly I just needed to vent, because I am so tired of it!!!!
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Last edited by sprauncey1; 04-19-2010 at 04:41 PM.
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#27
04-19-2010, 04:39 PM
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My Ian is going to be 4 in July and has absolutely NO interest in potty training. He is still in diapers. I just don't have the time or energy to worry much about it until he decides he cares. We ask him about it every now and then, but he just says (in a very matter-of-fact way), "Mom, I wear diapers." So, I figure he's just not ready. It's one of those things that they really do have more control over than you, and they aren't afraid to use it.
So, I'm just not going to worry about it. He does start preschool this fall, so I hope he'll decide he cares sometime this summer.
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#28
04-19-2010, 04:58 PM
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See I was that way for a long time (didn't want to mess with it right now, didn't care/he didn't care) but now it just bugs me. He is a big boy in so many other ways, just stubborn (he CAN do both in the potty) and will NEED to be out of diapers completely for preschool. But also this summer with swimming/going to the pool (there's not much else to do here in 110 degree heat) I'm always under the constant fear of him pooping in the pool (even with those stupid swim diapers that don't keep everything in....trust me...cleaning out our mini pool last summer).
My older son was a late trainer too (3&1/4) but once I set down a system of rewards/punishments/goal, he was done within two weeks day and night. I was really hoping this one would just "get it" one of these days, but he didn't. As my hubby says, "He's too much of a duck, everything just glides off his back after a minute". So if he doesn't get a reward, "oh well'. If he goes in his pants, "oh well" (and yes he doesn't even care if he sits in it since sometimes I don't find it until I get him from nap), on the floor "oh well", take away ANY toy "oh well". I just feel like one step forward, two steps back these days! And he's gone poop in his pants at the gym and at church, so its not like he just waits for home either! Sigh..."this too shall pass right?!!"
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#29
04-19-2010, 05:16 PM
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I'm from the "if it doesn't work, they're not ready" school of thought. With my oldest, we potty trained her in a day when she was 2 1/2 (she had to be dry before starting pre-school, it was when we lived in England). We just told her no more nappies, and that was it, no accidents. Last summer I was going to do the same with my youngest, we tried in June (she turned 3 the following September). 5 accidents in about 2 hours later, and I gave up that project. We waited until the end of July, tried again, and she was dry in a day. I honestly think she just wasn't ready the first time. A week later we had run out of pull-ups for bedtime, so I figured I'd try to let her go to bed without one (I was too tired to run to the store), and it was fine - no accidents.
Hang in there - I'm sure he'll figure it out. Some people say if you push too hard too soon it takes longer, although I have no idea if there's any truth in that. In DD's nursery there are a few boys who are coming up to 4 and not dry yet, but noone seems to think that's unusual.
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#30
04-19-2010, 05:33 PM
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Seriously, I wouldn't bother with pull-ups. We have only ever used them at night (and even then only for a couple weeks). It's just like a diaper and a waste of money! Just my opinion! Good luck cindy. With my dd, we told her when the box of diapers was gone, we weren't buying more (more for me than her)... and she was potty trained in a day or two. And she's stubborn... and was almost 3 1/2.... and sticker charts/rewards/etc didn't work.
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#31
04-19-2010, 05:51 PM
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LOL Cindy, this was a year ago. How's the potty training now?
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#32
04-19-2010, 05:55 PM
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I agree with Sarah. It doesn't take long before they figure out that pull-ups work just like diapers. I only used them at night and that was only after they were being successful at using the potty during the day. Cindy, I agree that you should try the underwear thing longer than a day. It ain't going be fun. If it doesn't work, than I wouldn't push it. Good luck! I am not looking forward to potty-training my last one, especially since he is a boy.
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Jenny  ![](http://www.scrappersguide.com/members/go.php?r=6616&i=b9"><img src="http://www.scrappersguide.com/blinkies/blinkie_learndigital.gif" border=0 alt="scrappersguide.com" width=150 height=50></a>")
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#33
04-19-2010, 05:57 PM
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For the most part I don't use pull ups, they are too expensive and kids don't perceive them as being different than a diaper the way grown ups do.
How I potty train: At whatever point toddler first shows interest in potty, I start offering to let them "try to go potty". Since I have so many kids it comes up - they see big brother #1 and #2 (and #3....LOL) going so they want to go. Once they reach the point where they are capable of starting/stopping peeing then I am ready to watch for them to be ready to potty train. If I offer or they ask to go on the potty - and they DO - I give them a couple skittles or a marshmallow. Nothing too fabulous but a little treat. I pretty much continue with this routine of helping them go when they ask and offering to help them go (and then the small reward if they do) for a while - it's good practice for them. Then we hit stage 2.  Stage 2 is where toddler spend the entire day in underwear. The idea being if they wet themselves, they feel it, if they poop themselves it's a mess for them, etc. And it gives me a checkpoint to see how close they are to really potty training. It's very very hard not to give in to diapers around 2pm LOL but we do the entire day just to see how it goes. If the toddler has accidents all day long and seems unaware that they wet their pants, and just doesn't seem to care - it's not time. The next day we go back to diapers and stage one. If they ask why no underwear, I say - oh yesterday didn't go that well, we're going back to diapers and we'll try again in a few weeks, but you tell me if you want to go potty and I will always help you, would you like to try right now? I pretty much repeat this "day of underwear" every 4-8 weeks and it always works out. One of those underwear days I see a shift in their thinking. They either start trying to stay dry by mid-day, or they don't have accidents at all, or it just seems to go smoother - and I realize they've turned the corner. On that day - we don't go back. We stay in underwear full time after that (which I think is key). I potty trained 3 of my 4 boys this way (my oldest was a nightmare and I did everything on earth and couldn't get him trained until he was 4 - it was a disaster) 2 of the boys trained this way at age 2 and one at age 3.ETA: LOL! I didn't realize this was such an old thread...Cindy probably doesn't need our advice anymore!
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 EmmyHomeschooling mama to 4 little monkeys and 2 little sweeties! Our crazy boys are 11, 9, 8, 5 and our sweet twin girls are 2! Last edited by Emmy; 04-19-2010 at 05:59 PM.
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#34
04-19-2010, 06:04 PM
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#35
04-19-2010, 06:05 PM
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#37
04-19-2010, 07:53 PM
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so tell us cindy - what eventually worked?? hehe!
Lucas just turned 2 and isn't near ready - and is frightened of the toilet so we are going to get him a little potty to get used to it at least. He hates when he is dirty though and knows when he poops so at least that is a good thing. Lily potty trained just before she was 3 - santa left her panties in her stocking and from then on thats all she wanted! LOL
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#38
04-19-2010, 07:56 PM
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Hey Emmy -- what did you do to get them to go that first time?
My oldest son's potty training looks almost identical to what you wrote! So I'm glad I'm on the right track, lol. I just remember this being an issue for my oldest -- he wouldn't go at all for the longest time. And then one day he just did (but I have no clue WHY he did). And now for my youngest (he's almost 27mo): we can't get him to go on the toilet at all. He's SO interested in going potty! He asks to go like 3 or 4 times a day. Sometimes he asks just to avoid nap and/or bed time - but other times I think he lets me know right after (or maybe even right as) he's gone potty. There's no pattern or hint that he has to go. But by the time I get him on the toilet - he just sits there and never does anything. Any advice to get that first pee going
Last edited by Jen22; 04-19-2010 at 07:58 PM.
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#39
04-19-2010, 07:59 PM
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Does he go to preschool or anything like that? My Zakk did, and he was still in diapers at four. It was seriously frustrating. We tried EVERYTHING!! Finally, one day, his teacher and I were talking and she suggested that I tell him he can't come back to school until he goes potty in the potty and not his pants. That did the trick! He loved school and he loved her and didn't want to miss out because he was being stubborn about going potty.
I would also follow the advice of others - take the pull ups off. He is used to the feeling of the diapers and now the pull ups. He needs to know what it feels like to wear big boy underwear.
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#40
04-19-2010, 08:04 PM
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#41
04-19-2010, 08:57 PM
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Xander was soooooo stubborn. It took till he was 4 to finally realize mom and dad would not give up! We started potty training at 18 months. And this went on till a couple months after he was 4. We tried everything. Took away pull ups for a week! It didn't matter. Well we took away his sheets, clothes(he loves being naked), left him with a plastic wrapped mattress and underwear. And my husband would wake him up early and tell him go potty. He listened. Just listened. And we have never looked back since.
Now we are on to the girl. She just has no want to. She will stand and pee on her self. Then cry and cry. Everyone said girls would be easier, well not so.
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Brittney
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#43
04-20-2010, 08:13 AM
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I bumped this thread because I responded to it a year ago saying that we'd be in the same situation with my youngest and now we are. Plus I figured that the advise would basically be the same and didn't want too many repeats since this is a re-ocurring problem, situation, whatever.
Yes he goes to preschool, two days a week and I NEED those days to have appointments etc. So taking them away would be more punishment for me than him and we are approaching the end of the school year so pretty soon that won't be a "issue". He is in underwear now during the day. I just decided to go there and be done with the pull-ups/diapers during the day. He still has accidents with #1 but they bother him and he's doing better. Its the #2 that is driving me crazy because he doesn't care! Oh well I'm gonna keep it going for 21 days like Emmy said a year ago and see if we can break this "habbit"! So yes.....this is a year old thread and I'm sure that everyone that was having problems a year ago resolved them by now!!
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#44
04-20-2010, 11:03 AM
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I'm glad you pulled this thread up Kim! We are potty training right now (started last Thursday) and I love to read advice! DS has been running around 1/2 naked for the past week and he has done awesome with going pee. We haven't been able to get him to go poop in the potty though
 He usually goes while relaxing in bed before naptime. I've tried to delay nap and see if he goes in the potty but that hasn't worked. But I am putting him down for nap in a pull-up. Guess I should try without! Just not looking forward to cleaning up the mess!
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#45
04-20-2010, 01:06 PM
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We are still working on it... Though, not really actively. DS will be 3 in July and every now and then shows interest but, not much. It's just frustrating because he went pee in his little potty a few times, before he even turned 2!! I thik, once it warms up, we are going to try the naked thing, he's starting to enjoy running around after bath but, for the most part, hates not being dressed, to the point of a meltdown so, we shall see!
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#46
04-20-2010, 02:23 PM
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I don't have time to read all of the replies, so I apologize if this has already been suggested. I have the same exact problem. My son is 3 with an August birthday. So far the only thing that has worked is making HIM change his own clothes every time he has an accident. He's in daycare, so there is also the embarrassment factor for him. He could care less if he goes around wet, but the teachers insist that he can't so he has to change in front of everyone ... only one accident in the last 3 weeks
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#47
04-20-2010, 03:36 PM
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#48
04-20-2010, 07:50 PM
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I don't have much advice because my son just decided one day he was ready and then he trained himself. He does this with everything though. I just have to be patient and remember this whenever I am getting frustrated.
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#49
04-20-2010, 10:40 PM
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My son will be 3 in June and we are slowly working on it. I don't think the no clothes method will work here. He lasted until lunch and wouldn't eat without his clothes on. I think I'll give underwear a try. He did do both in the potty after starting somewhere else first. I guess cleaning up a pile of poo is expected.
My son has to be potty trained shortly after 3 for preschool. I've been very relaxed about it, but I'm getting nervous.
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#50
04-20-2010, 11:14 PM
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Sprauncy - yes my oldest didn't train until 4 and how we dealt with it, was a firm stance on it with no changes to how we were dealing with training or consequences for 21 days. It worked....but I thought I was going to die in the process. Go you - you can do it!
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EmmyHomeschooling mama to 4 little monkeys and 2 little sweeties! Our crazy boys are 11, 9, 8, 5 and our sweet twin girls are 2!
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