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#1
05-03-2010, 02:45 AM
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So yesterday..
...I accidentally kidnapped a child. A girl that lives on our road (she's about 10) came and asked for Kaja at about 5.30 in the afternoon. The kids were both running around with the girl next door, playing in our garden and their garden, so I told her where the kids were, and she went to find them. I think they played on the trampoline for a while, and then they went inside next door. At about 7 I went next door and picked the kids up, and I saw that there was a police car outside the other girl's house. I asked if she knew if they'd had a break-in or something, and she didn't know. I took the kids home, and the neighbour took her kid and the other girl to the park, and to get there you have to walk past the other girl's house.
After a while the neighbour came around, and it turns out the police were called because the girl was missing (!) She hadn't told her parents she was going anywhere, and appearantly she has a medical condition that means she has to eat at certain times, or she will pass out. I didn't know about this (which is strange as she has been at our house playing a few times). It honestly didn't cross my mind that she wasn't allowed to go out - and I feel so bad. She has been playing with Kaja a few times, but she has some developmental issues which means she's not always able to know right from wrong, and she can get a bit violent, so they don't play that much together. I guess I'm going to have to go up there after work and appologise to her parents. I'm not sure what to say though. Most kids around here are allowed to go see their friends without the parents coming along, that's why I didn't think anything of it - my kids will be 8 and 4 this year, and they are both allowed to play outside without me. (I posted this somewhere else too, sorry if you read it twice  )
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#2
05-03-2010, 07:10 AM
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Oh my! I don't really think there is much to apologize for, you didn't know she wasn't allowed out!
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#4
05-03-2010, 08:34 AM
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You know, it's not your fault. I wouldn't apologize for doing it, I'd say, "I'm sorry this happened." If she has these issues, and they know she's played with your daughter in the past, it's their responsibility to let you know about any special needs she may have. By saying "sorry it happened" you're not saying you're wrong, you're just saying you regret the situation that allowed it to happen. They should actually be apologizing to you. They failed in their responsibility as a parent.
My youngest had friends over last summer. They've played outdoors many, many times, but it was so hot that I invited them to come in. The mom of one of the little girls came over and let me know that her daughter is highly allergic to peanuts. I appreciated that the mom came to tell me that. I probably wouldn't have given them a snack with peanuts, but you can be sure that I didn't knowing that she was allergic. To me, that's part of being a parent.
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#5
05-03-2010, 09:10 AM
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) It seems a little extreme to the cops though. Why wouldn't her parents call around or come knocking on doors to see if anyone had seen her first? ::shrugs::
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~Colleen~
Re-attempting a creative life after far too long!
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#6
05-03-2010, 10:08 AM
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#7
05-03-2010, 10:25 AM
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Oh man, that's scary! You did nothing wrong though. Honestly this is something I've thought about. I've just started allowing my DD to play outside without me, so often she and her friends are running back and forth from house to house. A few times they've picked up a new girl who just shows up at my house with them, and all I can do is hope she has permission to be there, ya know?
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#8
05-03-2010, 10:35 AM
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Our son also has a medical condition that makes him subject to hypoglycemia if he doesn't eat often - that being said, I wouldn't call the police, I'd go door to door looking for him first (if he were old enough to go off to play at other people's houses.)
At 10, she should have been aware that she needed to ask for permission before going to play at another house. I agree that I would say sorry that it happened. However, I don't think you should blame yourself (as a kid, it was always my responsibility to tell my mom where I was going and to be home at meal time.)
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#9
05-03-2010, 10:40 AM
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So, I'm curious. When I was a kid, we ran all over the neighborhood and played at all the houses. But, if our parents couldn't find us they had the phone numbers of everyone on the street (or at least the places we were playing) and would call over to see if we were there. Is that not common anymore? I mean, I had to go in and say "Mom, we're gonna go play at x/y/z's house", but at least it was easy to find us if we then went somewhere else.
Right now, we don't know any of our neighbors. We're a quiet couple with no kids living in a development with a mix of older couples, and established familes with kids. We don't have much of a reason to interact with our neighbors, so I can understand the not really knowing the neighbors thing. But on the flip side, I would think that if I did have kids who were playing all over the place, I would be able to call a few families and see where my kids were. I kinda rambled there. I'm just surprised to see that it sounds like that's not the case anymore.
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~Colleen~
Re-attempting a creative life after far too long!
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#10
05-03-2010, 10:44 AM
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I have the phone numbers for all of my oldest son's friends'. He's only 5 so he can't go far, but he'll go to the people who live right next to my parents all the time when we are there. (there are no kids his age near our house). BUT he knows it's his responsibility to ask before he ever steps out of the yard.
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#11
05-03-2010, 10:48 AM
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I'm with everyone else too. If she's old enough to be able to play outside unsupervised with other children, I'd have assumed she'd popped into one of their houses and would have tried door knocking first too, way before thinking of calling the police!
Its so easy to panic when you're a parent, especially with the media feeding our paranoia, but 99.9% of the time the simple, easy explination really is the answer - that the kids have popped into each others gardens or houses for ice lollies or snacks, as it is the nice, friendly, normal thing to do. Its sad, but we tend to immediately assume the worst.
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#12
05-03-2010, 11:01 AM
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If they wanna go to their friends house they can call and go play inside, or outside with a parent watching them. All the parents know I'm very particular about it and welcome their kids over if they prefer. 
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Brittney
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#13
05-03-2010, 12:41 PM
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-It's pronounced Meeeegan... get it RIGHT! 
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#14
05-03-2010, 12:47 PM
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This is always such a scary situation!
My little brother was playing with a boy one day (we can see his house from ours) and while they were playing, Child Protective Services came and took his siblings away, literally dragging them out of the house because their mom was clutching to them. They weren't sure what to do (and this little boy ALWAYS runs around the neighborhood for awhile) so he just stayed at our house playing, and later his mom called to thank us... but that night, they came and got him, too. How traumatic.  I don't see why you need to apologize, as you had no idea she wasn't allowed out! YIKES!
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New Siggy Coming Soon
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#15
05-03-2010, 12:57 PM
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#16
05-03-2010, 12:58 PM
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Oh I can totally understand that Brittney. But you have put things in place to make you feel better about it. Your kids don't play unsupervised, and everyone knows it, and that's totally understandable. I just think that if you ARE going to let your kids play unsupervised, then you should have phone numbers and such and be able to call around.
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~Colleen~
Re-attempting a creative life after far too long!
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#17
05-03-2010, 01:09 PM
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I have spoken to her mum now, and she was really nice about it all. She did say she should have gone around the houses with kids to check, but she just paniced - which is understandable. So all is well now
As for kids running around, most kids do that around here (including mine), which is why I didn't think anything of it. My youngest (3 1/2) is only allowed next door and in our garden on her own, but my oldest (7 1/2) can pretty much go where she likes as long as I know where she is. The rule is she needs to tell me if she is going out of our road, and if she is going into someone's house when I don't know who she's playing with. I have the phone numbers of the parents of all the kids she plays with the most, and I also know where all the kids in the street live. We live in a really safe area in the countryside though - and one of the reasons I wanted to live here is so the kids can go out without me worrying about them all the time. I think it's great that I can just tell them to play outside if I need to get some housework done or if they are too whiny and fight a lot
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#18
05-03-2010, 02:16 PM
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I understand where you are coming from...It is hard to know whether a child is allowed to go. When my kids want to do something or have a friend come with us they know to call home and I tell the kid to call so I can speak to their parents to find out if its ok. See Ive been in that situation where one of my daughters friends took off with their kids and my daughter and we did not know where she was. I finally got ahold of her on her cell and was just on the verge of calling the police. That is when the rule was set that she would call before going out with somone
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    Dreaming of creating for Cindy Schneider, Studio Flergs & Kristin Cronin-Barrow
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